by Liwen Y. Ho
“Of course. It’s the truth.”
“Then … why did you leave? You knew everything I went through with my dad and what it did to me. How could you do the same thing?”
He glanced over at her, his expression sad. Heavy beats of rain pouring on the roof of the jeep echoed in the silence. “I think we’re here. Let me park and we can talk.” He craned his neck as they passed a bright yellow sign, then pulled into a dirt area across from it. He turned the engine off and faced her. “Olive, the one thing I’ve regretted the most in my life was leaving you and Micah. I never wanted to do what your dad did to you.”
“But you did. Why? How could you leave, too?”
“I … I thought you wanted me to.” He released a long breath before continuing. “I felt like I was getting in the way. You had your plans and your dreams and they didn’t seem to include me. You’d been pushing me away for years—”
“I pushed you away? How can you put the blame on me?”
“You didn’t want me around. You never had time for me. You made it seem like you didn’t need me anymore.”
Her face heated upon hearing Matt’s accusation. “That’s because I got used to doing things by myself. I had to because you were never home. You were so caught up in your job—”
“I was trying to do my part to support our family.”
“Stop using work as an excuse. You always chose your job over us. No one forced you to. You made the choice. Just like you made the choice to break your promise.”
He threw his hands up in frustration. “This again? Are you going to keep blaming me for the car accident?”
“What are you talking about? I never blamed you for that. It was my fault; I was the one driving. What I do blame you for is breaking our marriage vows. You left us. You left me.”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice. Whenever I tried to talk to you or even touch you, you turned me down. What was I supposed to do? A guy can only take so much rejection.”
The fear and grief Olivia had locked away for far too long surged to the surface. She tried to hold back her tears; the last thing she wanted was for Matt to see her cry. “You felt rejected? You told me for better or for worse. You made a promise and I trusted you. How could you say you loved me—” she choked back a sob “—and still leave me? Am I that unlovable?” As soon as the first tear slid down her cheek, she knew she was losing control. She opened the car door and ran out into the storm.
She ran as far away as she could from the one person who had hurt her the most. Her feet took her toward the sound of the ocean, past a blue “Public Beach Access” sign and down a narrow path shaded by large, fan-shaped palm leaves. She heard a male voice calling out to her, but soon lost track of it when she stepped off the path onto wet sand. The roar of the waves was her only companion as she turned left to run down the beach, her tennis shoes leaving temporary prints along the way.
She kept running, not caring that she was dangerously close to the rising tide. A tall wall of water rose, its crest peaking in a flash of white before pounding onto the shore. The loud crash caused her steps to falter and she fell, her bare knees scraping against the sand. She collapsed on the ground and gave in to her tears.
So many emotions poured out of her, raw and unfiltered. With each heart-wrenching sob, the wall around her heart shattered like glass. Her defenses fell and she finally allowed herself to feel. Anger. Abandonment. Sadness. And … remorse? The first few emotions made sense to Olivia, but the last one she didn’t expect. But something Matt said had touched a nerve or maybe her heart. Had she pushed him away?
All her training taught her that both spouses played a part in a relationship’s demise, but her pride didn’t want to admit her fault. Between the two of them, she was supposed to be the expert on marriage. She should’ve spotted the red flags and used the right interventions. Most of all, she should’ve realized when she hurt Matt, the only man who had truly loved her … and still did.
She needed to get back to him.
She struggled to her feet, but with her vision blurred from the falling rain, she didn't notice an oncoming wave. It approached faster and faster, closer and closer until it crashed and pulled her in. She scrambled to anchor herself by digging her fingers into the sand, but her fists were no match against the ocean’s power. She took a breath of air as the water subsided for a moment and prayed for God’s mercy.
In the next instant, Olivia felt a hand grip hers, pulling her out of the water. Gasping for air, she held on with every last ounce of strength and hope within her. Strong arms lifted her up and held her close, providing a safe haven for her trembling, soaked body.
“I’ve got you, Olive. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” Matt whispered in her ear as he carried her to the shore.
“Matt, I’m sorry! You’re right. I did push you away—”
“Shh, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t scare me like that again.” He lowered her to the sand and knelt in front of her. “I almost lost you, really lost you.”
Olivia ran her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away the rain and also the tears she knew were there from the rasp in his voice. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
“You won’t, I promise. I’m sorry, Olive, for leaving you and Micah. Can you forgive me?”
For a moment, she felt like a child again, too trusting and vulnerable for her own good. Also, too hopeful and forgiving. All those months she had stared out her bedroom window, waiting to see if the headlights of a familiar car would turn into the driveway, only to be disappointed day after day. If her father had come back for her—to apologize and ask for forgiveness—she knew her eight-year-old self would’ve welcomed him home with open arms. He never did though.
But here was Matt saying and doing the very things she longed for. How could she not forgive him? How could she not extend the same mercy and grace to him that God had given her? She nodded, finally able to release that part of her heart. “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t need you. I do need you, so much that it scares me.”
“You don’t have to be scared. I will never leave you and Micah again.” He took her hands from his face and held them to his lips, sealing his promise with a kiss.
She nodded, though her heart was not fully at peace. “But …”
“But what? What is it?”
“It’s not just the leaving,” she slowly admitted. “Even when you are around, your attention is always somewhere else. When you got that phone call the other night, you were gone for so long, you didn’t even notice we left.”
His eyes lit up in understanding. “Olive, I can explain—”
“Matt, it’s okay. I get it, it’s who you are. I know you’re driven and there’s a lot you want to accomplish with your writing. That’s what made me fall for you in the first place. I don’t expect you to change.”
“Hey, let me talk, will you? Aren’t therapists supposed to be good at listening?”
Her chest warmed at the sight of his playful smile. “Yes, but I’m your wife and you’re not paying me by the hour.”
“I’m sure we could work something out,” he chuckled before his expression grew serious. “The thing is, when we were apart, the reality of not having you and Micah in my life made me rethink my priorities. I knew I needed to make changes. That night when I was on the phone, it was with the editor of The Daily Chronicle.”
“That’s one of the biggest papers in the country!”
He nodded with his brows arched in amazement. “I know, it’s incredible how God opened the doors for me. I’ve been freelancing with them this past year. I pitched them an idea and they took it. I’m going to have my own column and I get to work from home.”
“Matt, that’s great!” She threw her arms around his neck, but then pulled back. “But is that what you want to do? What about becoming an editor? I don’t want you to give up your dreams—”
“Olive, I am not giving up anything. I get more time with you and Micah and that
means more to me than any job. You guys are worth it.” He tilted her chin up to meet his gaze, his eyes reflecting the truth of his words. “You know you’re lovable, don’t you?”
The tenderness of his touch erased her greatest fear. “I knew it before in my head, but I’m starting to believe it now in my heart. I’m done living in the past. I don’t want it to hold me back anymore. It’s time I forgave my dad, too.”
“I’m happy to hear that. I think this is a new beginning for all of us, for our family.” He leaned close and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, Olive.”
“I love you, too.” Olivia bridged the gap between them, savoring the salty sweetness of his lips. She held onto him as he deepened the kiss and they tumbled onto the firm, wet sand in a beautiful tangle of arms and legs, recollection and connection.
When they parted, Olivia opened her eyes to see Matt lying beside her, pointing up at the sky. She followed his finger and gazed up, surprised to see a spot of sunlight shining through the dark clouds. “It stopped raining! Matt, we have to go. I promised Micah we’d go to the beach.” She scrambled to her feet and reached for his hand. “Come on!”
“Okay, okay.” He got up and pulled her close, kissing her one more time. “Let’s get this vacation started.”
They ran up the path, hand in hand, back to the car and toward their future.
Hope
Eight months later
Micah
The app was wrong!
That’s what Mom said when she and Ba came back to Uncle Brian and Aunt Lani’s house to pick me up. The app on her phone said it was supposed to rain all weekend, but it stopped raining that day. Uncle Brian said the eye of the storm–that’s the strongest part—just missed the island. The rest of our time in Hawaii was warm and sunny, like I prayed it would be.
I also prayed that Ba could come on our trip and he did! Mom was so happy to see him; she was smiling so much her cheeks probably hurt. I told Ba she missed him. Sometimes at night when she thought I was sleeping, I would sneak into the living room and find her crying on the couch. I thought maybe she was watching a sad show, but the people on TV looked like they were on a beach, and who doesn’t have fun at the beach?
I knew she missed Ba, but I didn’t understand why he couldn’t come home. Miss Nancy tried to explain it to me. She said grown-ups are like kids and sometimes they need a time-out to think about what they did and that’s what Mom and Ba were doing. I don’t know why theirs took so long, but I’m glad it’s over and they made up. They’re happy now, and when they’re happy, they kiss—a lot. I don’t mind, but it’s kind of embarrassing when my friends come over.
Mom and Ba even got married again. Well, Mom called it a vow renewal, but Ba said it was like a real wedding because they never had one. The day before we left Hawaii, we went to the beach that Ba took Mom to and Uncle Brian married them. Mom wore a pretty dress she borrowed from Aunt Lani and Ba wore his favorite T-shirt, the one that says UCB (Mom let him wear it even though it has holes!).
I got to be in the wedding, too. I was the ring bear—that’s the person who carries the wedding rings, not the animal. Uncle Brian said my job was really important because the rings let everybody know that Mom and Ba promise to love each other every day and the promise never stops, just like how the rings go around in a circle and never stop. I hope Mom and Ba heard that part of his sermon ’cause it was pretty cool.
There’s one more thing I prayed for that God answered super fast. I’m not sure how He did it, but I know God can do anything.
The week after we came home, Mom started getting sick, really sick. It was like the time I had the stomach flu, but even grosser. She threw up a lot and her skin turned green like the Hulk. I started getting scared when she didn’t get better after a few days, but Ba told me not to worry. He had seen it happen before. He took Mom to the doctor and they came back with a funny black and white picture to show me. It looked like a big slice of pizza with a black jelly bean in the middle. And in the middle of the jelly bean was a small white jelly bean. Mom said that jelly bean was a baby! Weird, huh?
That’s why Ba and me went to the hospital today, to pick up Mom and my baby sister and bring them home. I finally got to meet Hope. I can’t wait to teach her all kinds of things.
First, I want to show her how to throw a ball. Mom says not to brag, but I have the best arm on my softball team. Coach even let me pitch every game this year. So I’m going to teach Hope how to throw … as soon as her hands are big enough to hold a ball. Right now, they’re super small, like the size of my Lego Minifigures, but I can tell she’s strong. She’s been holding my finger the whole time we’ve been in the car and hasn’t let go, not even once.
I’m also going to show her all the cool places to hide in our house. There’s the treehouse in the backyard and the closet under the stairs—oh, and the basket in the laundry room. That used to be my favorite spot, but I’m too big for it now. I used to hide a lot when I was sad or scared, but I think me and Hope will use those places to play hide-and-seek. I don’t get sad or scared like I used to and if Hope ever does, I’ll help her like Miss Nancy helped me.
“Hey, bud, how’re you doing back there?”
I see Ba looking at me in the mirror and even though he didn’t sleep last night, he’s so happy. His hair’s sticking up in the back like mine does when I don’t comb it and his eyes look like a raccoon’s, but he can’t stop smiling. Or holding Mom’s hand.
Mom’s happy, too. She just turned around and the sides of her eyes are all crinkly and she’s talking in a high voice about how cute me and Hope are. Now she’s taking a gazillion pictures of us.
“You okay, Micah?”
My face is tired from smiling, so I quickly nod and tell Ba, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I try to sound happy because I am, but also ’cause I think Ba’s worried about me. Both he and Mom were surprised when I told them they could put Hope’s car seat in the middle and I would sit by the window. I haven’t sat by the window in a long time, you know, since the accident. It’s a little strange sitting here, but I’m okay. I’m a big brother now and I’m not afraid anymore. Mom says when you love someone, you try to think about them more than you think about yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do with Hope. I’m going to take care of her like how Mom and Ba take care of each other and how they take care of me.
“You’re doing great, sweetie. We’re so proud of you.” Mom’s voice is shaky and her eyes are watery, but she’s giving me a thumbs-up.
I want to tell them I’m proud of them, too, that they’re getting help from a counselor every week so they won’t have to take another time-out. But I’m just a kid and kids don’t say stuff like that to their parents. Maybe when I’m older I’ll tell them. Right now, I’m just happy to have my family back.
And I can’t wait to get home ’cause I’m starving. Being a big brother is hard work.
“Can I have ice cream when we get home?”
Mom laughs. “It’s ten in the morning!”
“Come on, Olive. There’s no bad time for ice cream.” Ba winks at me in the mirror. “We need to introduce Hope to our family tradition.”
“All right, fine—oh wait, I ate the last bag of taro chips when I was in labor.”
“Don’t worry, Mom.” I pull out a black bag of chips from a paper bag on the floor. “We bought some more.”
“We got two bags in case you want your own,” Ba jokes to Mom and kisses her hand.
“You’re a smart man, Matt.”
“I married you, didn’t I?”
This time Mom reaches over and kisses Ba’s scruffy cheek. She leans her head on his shoulder and he kisses the top of her head.
See, I told you there’s a lot of kissing going on. It doesn’t bother me though. It shows me they’re happy.
That makes me happy, too.
Afterword
This story was definitely a joy (and a bit of a challenge) to write. Like Olivia, I’m a fan of
Lost, and I loved how the TV writers used flashbacks and flash-forwards to reveal each character’s back story and growth on the show. I decided to try my hand at this technique as well. It took some effort to keep track of all the scenes and somehow tie them together, but I think doing so gave the story more depth. It was important for me to reveal how Matt and Olivia’s relationship evolved over the years and to show where things may have gone wrong along the way. I strongly believe marriages need daily care to maintain—and not just to maintain, but to nurture and develop. My aim in writing this story was to show the importance of making marriage a priority, as well as keeping God at the center of it all.
I’d love to hear what you thought of this story, so please leave a review. Also, if you enjoyed reading about Micah as much as I enjoyed writing about him, you’ll want to check out Tropical Kiss and Tell. I made his world collide with another one of my characters, Lucy Choi from Taking a Chance on the Enemy, so he could find his own happily-ever-after.
Falling in love with the girl next door was never part of his plan ... until she fell for someone else.
Micah Chan has loved Lucy Choi ever since they were kids, but life—and some regretful decisions—stopped him from pursuing her. Now he has a choice to make: Let her marry another man or break up her engagement to make this Christmas the most memorable one of their lives?
Grab your copy of Tropical Kiss and Tell on Amazon today!
Acknowledgments
This book is a gazillion times more complete because of these lovely people in my life: Michele Chung and her brainstorming help; my lil sis, Liane Reed, for her hawk eyes while proofreading; my awesome beta readers, Janine Acevedo, Erica Laurie, Christy Chu Klein, Audrey Rich, and Jenn Faulk, for providing me with invaluable feedback on what worked and what didn’t work; and my hubby, David (for whom there aren’t enough words to express how much his love means to me). Thank you all for blessing me with your time and unwavering support.