* * *
Everything about the rest of the evening felt awkward at best. Simone was grateful that most of the work Paul needed to do kept him out of the house and that most of the work she needed to do kept her focused on everything except her situation.
She was pregnant and having Paul’s baby. And wasn’t having Paul’s baby ultimately what she wanted more than anything else in the world? Wasn’t that part of her ten-year plan? She had already determined that Paul was her future, so having his children was a part of that plan, as well. Right? So why was she feeling like her whole world was coming to an end? And why was she feeling like Paul felt the same way but was desperately trying to put on a positive face to keep her from having a nervous breakdown? She knew she needed to talk to him, but she was afraid of saying the wrong thing and making a bad situation worse. Why couldn’t she find the words to say what she was feeling? And why wasn’t she happy? She suddenly had more questions than answers.
By the time the men finally made their way back into the home, Simone was in bed, pretending to be asleep. She didn’t want to face Oliver’s excitement or have Paul look at her with any reservation of his own. And she didn’t want to let her mood sour the evening. She was grateful that neither man tried to engage her. They let her be, understanding that she just really needed time alone.
It was hours later when Paul crawled into bed beside her, curling his body around hers, his hand pressing warmly against her stomach. He placed a damp kiss against the back of her neck and minutes later began to snore softly. In that moment, Simone knew only one thing with certainty: she wouldn’t be there when he awoke.
* * *
The next day, the sun outside was shining brightly. Paul woke slowly, reaching out an arm to pull Simone to him. He was only half-surprised to find the bed empty, his hands brushing against a sheet of paper instead. He lifted himself up enough to read the note she’d written. The words I’m sorry, I love you had been printed in dark ink against the stark white paper.
Paul crumpled the paper in his hand and rolled onto his back pulling both arms up and over his head. He didn’t need to check to know that Simone was gone. The last time he woke to a note on the pillow had been when Simone had broken off their relationship, only saying she was sorry. Those two words to apologize for not following him on his mission journey had been all she’d left him with. Two words to say she didn’t love him enough to want to stay in the fight. Two words that had haunted him for months. In that note she hadn’t even bothered to say she loved him. Now, once again, Simone was apologizing, and he didn’t know if it was for a pregnancy neither had expected or leaving him high and dry without the courtesy of a conversation.
He stared at the ceiling. He wanted to be angry, but he didn’t have the energy to invest in being mad. His heart hurt, a physical ache that made him want to yank the organ from his chest. He felt abandoned and hated that his adult self was even remotely considering that Simone might be gone for good. But he had more questions than answers and once again, she had left him hanging.
* * *
Oliver was sitting in the kitchen savoring his morning cup of coffee when Paul finally made his way there. The two men locked gazes before he rose from his seat and poured his brother a cup of brew. “I’d say good morning, but you don’t look like there’s anything good about it.”
Paul shrugged his shoulders. “Were you awake when she left?”
Oliver nodded. “I tried to get her to stay, but she said she really needed to go back to Chicago. She said she left you a note.”
“Well, you know Simone. She’s not one for a lot of conversation.”
“She said to tell you she’ll call once she’s home and settled and that she’ll see us in a few days when we get back. She also took all of the data with her.”
Paul shifted forward in his seat, his coffee mug locked tight between his palms. “What do you mean, she took all of the data?”
His anxiety level suddenly quadrupled. That data made Simone a target and he couldn’t begin to reason why she would put herself at risk, especially now that she was pregnant. Had she not even considered her own safety? Their child’s? He had no doubts that the men who’d been after him would go after her so he couldn’t begin to imagine what she had to have been thinking.
Distress flooded his eyes with tears, his gaze shifting frantically back and forth as he considered everything that could possibly go wrong. Trying to decide the best course of action to insure she was safe and well. Deciding if he should go after her and if he did, if she would want him there.
“She took everything she was working on as well as the test results that we had finished.”
“Did she say anything else?”
Oliver shook his head. “No, just that she needed to do this. And that everything would be okay.”
* * *
The drive back to Chicago took Simone three hours longer than the first trip to Windsor had. And only because Simone had taken her time debating whether or not she should turn around and go back. Because she had wanted to go back to Paul. Just like she hadn’t wanted to leave him, even though she knew it was for the best.
This pregnancy had thrown them off course, becoming a distraction from what they should have been focused on. She heard it in Paul’s voice. From the moment he confirmed her pregnancy, he’d become concerned only with protecting her. They’d lost a whole day and would have lost many more had she stayed. Days overthinking and overanalyzing their relationship and her condition. Days concentrating on everything but what they needed to focus on. It was way too much for her to handle and if she had stayed it would have been a battle of wills that neither would have won.
Her cell phone rang again for the umpteenth time, and again, Simone pushed the button to cancel the call. She wasn’t ready to speak to Paul yet. He’d be mad for a few days, she thought. But eventually, he’d get over it.
As she pulled into the assigned parking space, Mingus exited his car. Her brother was like clockwork, coming whenever she called. He opened the driver’s door and greeted her.
“Please don’t tell me you two had a fight?”
“No, nothing like that. And hello to you, too!”
“Your boyfriend has called me a half-dozen times wanting to know if you’d made it back. He said you’re not answering his calls.”
“I will. I just needed some time to think and I couldn’t focus.”
Her phone suddenly rang again. She and her brother both stared as she turned it over in the palm of her hand, looking at Paul’s reflection on the screen. Mingus snatched it from her and answered the call.
“Paul, hey... Yeah, she just pulled in... She’s fine... I know... I’ll tell her... Later...”
Mingus disconnected the call. “He said to tell you he loves you.”
Simone nodded. “Thanks.” She blew a soft sigh as she and Mingus exchanged a look.
The loud screech of car tires at the end of the road suddenly pulled at their attention and shifted the mood. A car was careening in their direction, seeming out of place for the evening hour. Simone could feel her brother tense as he suddenly drew his weapon and stepped gruffly in front of her. With a soft shove he pushed her back into the vehicle and as she fell back onto the seat, her own anxiety rose substantially.
The car sped past, the driver seemingly oblivious to the two of them standing there. As he lurched through the stop sign at the other end of the road, rounding the corner out of sight, Mingus secured his weapon, putting it back into the holster beneath his jacket.
It wasn’t until the vehicle was out of sight that Simone realized she’d been holding her breath. She took a swift inhale of air, her pulse racing, and then she cussed, profanity spewing out of her mouth.
“You okay?” Mingus asked as he extended his hand in her direction.
Simone nodded. “Only slightly bruised.”
“I didn’t
push you that hard.”
“Like when I was five and you didn’t give me a concussion?”
“That was not my fault.”
“Says you!” She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a tight hug.
“I’m not comfortable with you being out in the open like this. Let’s get you inside,” Mingus said, his gaze sweeping back and forth over the landscape.
Simone nodded, her own comfort level suddenly diminished. It had taken a split second to be reminded that home might not be safe and running from one problem had probably landed her squarely in the center of another.
She reached into the back seat of her car and passed a large box into her brother’s hands. “Can you get this for me?”
As he took the container, his gaze narrowed. “You okay? You seriously don’t look good. You actually look a little green!”
Simone shook her head. For a split second she thought about telling him the truth, but she wasn’t quite ready for that conversation. Of all her siblings she knew Mingus would understand and forgive her for a little white lie. “I think I might be coming down with something. It’s all good, though.”
“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on with you and Paul?”
She engaged the lock on her car and headed in the direction of her home. “No. I’m tired and I need to get some rest. I have an appointment tomorrow.”
“What kind of an appointment?”
“A job interview, of sorts. Two actually.”
Her brother’s brows lifted curiously. “You’re thinking about leaving the prosecutor’s office?”
She nodded as she pushed her key into the lock and opened the door of her home. It was a stunning property in the heart of Bronzeville, one of Chicago’s most sought-after neighborhoods. The luxury, two-story residence was nestled amid historic architecture. As she’d moved into the space, Simone was reminded why she loved the place as much as she did. The spacious rooms with distinctive, massive windows, ten-foot ceilings, and contemporary finishes epitomized the lifestyle she enjoyed. And she had really missed her stuff!
For just a second Simone suddenly imagined a baby crawling across those polished, hardwood floors and her breath caught in her chest. Imagining all she would have to do to baby proof the structure suddenly had her heart racing. Her eyes swept from the glass-topped tables to the bookshelves lined with books and knickknacks from her travels. It all felt very daunting. Her stomach flipped as she pressed her palm to her belly. Shaking the sensation that suddenly had her feeling ill at ease, she turned her attention back to her brother.
“What about Paul’s problem?” Mingus was asking, eyeing her curiously.
“It’s why I’m leaving the prosecutor’s office. Private practice will afford me a better opportunity to help him fight this.”
“Cool! Make yourself a target, why don’t you!”
“I can’t not do this, Mingus.”
“Have you even considered the danger you might be putting yourself in? Corporations like Lender, with deep political connections and ties to dirty money, don’t necessarily play nice when they feel attacked.”
“What do you know that you haven’t told me? What political connections and whose dirty money?”
“A couple of its board members don’t have stellar reputations. There’s a disgraced politician or two, that Bernie Madoff mentee who avoided prison by the skin of his teeth, and your father’s old buddy Alexander Balducci. Rumor has it he’s criminally connected to the mob and they’ve killed people for lesser offenses. But you already know those stories. You’ve prosecuted a few, if I recall.”
Simone shook her head. “And you have all that information for me, right?”
Mingus pointed to a file folder resting on her dining room table. “Every dirty detail I’ve discovered since you’ve been gone.” He suddenly broke out into song, riffing off his comment with the lyrics of the old Kelly Clarkson song “Since U Been Gone.”
“You are so stupid,” Simone laughed, the moment of levity a welcome reprieve.
Mingus shrugged, the smirk across his face endearing. “I’ve been called worse!”
“I appreciate your help,” she said as she turned on the lights in the living room. “I’m sure you have better things to do with the rest of your night.”
“You really don’t think I’m leaving you here alone tonight, do you?” Mingus double checked the lock on the front door.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, Mingus.”
“I know you will,” he replied. “Because I’m not leaving. You got anything to eat up in here or do I need to order us a pizza?”
She blew a soft sigh and Mingus stared, waiting for her to answer. When it became obvious that he had no intentions of leaving, or arguing with her, she asked, “Is Pizano’s still open?”
“For another hour, I think. You want deep-dish?”
“No, thin crust with pepperoni and sausage.”
As her brother dropped the box onto her dining room table and his large frame down onto her sofa, Simone disappeared into her bedroom. Closing the door, she sat against the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. Paul had said he loved her and for the moment, that was all she wanted to focus on because nothing else mattered.
* * *
Paul was still wide awake when his cell phone rang. Awake and angry. For a split second he thought about not answering the call, but he had a lot on his mind that he needed to say. When he answered, there was a lengthy pause before Simone finally spoke.
“I know you don’t understand, but I had to leave. I needed to think, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus if our attention was consumed by this pregnancy.”
“You ran, Simone. We promised each other that we would talk things out and instead you ran.”
“I didn’t run, Paul.”
“Did my saying I wanted our baby scare you?”
“You’re damn right it did! Most especially because I don’t know what I want, and I didn’t want to say that and have you think I’m this horrible person.”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“I didn’t trust me, Paul! No matter what has happened between us, you’ve always been this rock. Consistent, predictable, and sometimes stubborn. You, I trust. I knew when you said you wanted this baby that you meant it with every fiber of your being. Just like I trust you when you say you love me.”
“But you still ran.” The annoyance in his tone was thick. “You took off like you always do when things get hard. This isn’t how we fix our relationship, Simone. I need to be able to trust you when things get difficult. Most especially now!”
“But I’m not as confident as you are. Because all of this scares the hell out of me. Because you want to move to Morocco, and you can see this incredible life where our loving each other is enough to make it work. I was just getting comfortable with that idea, even knowing that there were things we still needed to work on. That I needed to work on for myself. Now suddenly, there’s this whole other little person who’ll be dependent on me to get it right and I’m petrified that I will fail you both. I’m not prepared to fail, Paul!”
Simone was sobbing and it was gut-wrenching. Paul wanted to reach through the telephone line to take her into his arms and hold her. But Simone didn’t want to be held. She didn’t want to be seen as vulnerable, or weak. She had known he would want to make everything better and she had done what she needed to do to stand on her own. To fix what she needed to fix to be an even better version of herself. She had left, hoping he would understand, despite knowing it would infuriate him.
Paul blew the softest sigh, a weight lifting from his spirit as his anger began to dissipate. Despite his frustrations he understood her. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. And he knew she had something to prove. Maybe even more so now that she was pregnant. But it still grated against his last good nerve that she was s
till quick to act impulsively, still quick to make assumptions, and always challenging the status quo when she didn’t need to. But she was also the light of his life and the grasp she had on his heart was insurmountable. “I love you, Simone and whatever you want, I’ll support your decision,” he said begrudgingly. “If you’re not ready to have this baby, I’ll understand.”
“I would never make a decision like that without you, Paul. Because I love you, too, and no matter what happens, it has to be what’s best for us both. I just needed time to myself to figure it all out.”
Silence filled the space between the phone lines. Both needed a moment to sit in the other’s truth. Taking it all in was both cathartic and repressive, a wealth of emotion flowing between them.
“You should get some rest,” Paul said. “You’ve had a long day.”
“Mingus ordered pizza.”
“Thin crust from Pizano’s?”
“With pepperoni and sausage.”
Paul chuckled and Simone felt herself smile.
“You need to come home,” she said. “I have a plan.”
“Do I even want to ask?”
“No. It will only start another fight.”
“It’ll probably take us another two, maybe three days to finish testing the rest of the samples we have here. My box from Ghana arrived today.”
“That’s fine. It’ll be more ammunition for us to work with and I still need to put some things here in place. Just come when you can, please. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, baby. I’ll see you soon.”
Chapter 13
When Simone exited the offices of Thurman, Brown and Taylor, she was ready to be done and finished for the remainder of the day. The prestigious law firm had made her a substantial offer weeks earlier and initially she’d been excited to accept, the prospect intriguing. Unfortunately, she had to respectfully turn them down. She had hoped to offer them the case, but at the last minute had chosen not to mention it. So now she needed a plan B and another law firm that was capable and interested in supporting the litigation she hoped to bring against Lender. But she was exhausted and in need of a serious nap and she had to wonder if this was going to last her entire pregnancy.
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