by Anna Blakely
But her favorite evenings were the ones where they stayed in. He’d grill some burgers and they’d veg out and watch old movies together.
Through it all, Charlie was able to just...be. Derek had no idea what a precious gift he’d given to her.
Then this morning, she’d actually woken up with a spark of hope. She remembered what he’d said to her that first night on the beach and started to think, maybe he was right.
Maybe she really could be the person she once was. Or even someone better.
Excitement stirred as she remembered all the dreams she used to have and accepted the possibility that they weren’t out of her reach, after all. The best one involving the goofy, loving man waiting for her right now.
There was only one problem. I’m still married.
Deciding to tackle that issue later, Charlie got busy trying on the swimsuit.
As she did, she thought of how Derek had woken her up this morning. He’d wafted fresh coffee under her nose, promptly informing her of today’s plans.
Even though they were only going for a ride on his parents’ sailboat—the gulf water was always too chilly for her to enjoy swimming in it this time of year—she’d still wanted to wear a suit to help with her tan.
When she’d told him she didn’t have one, Derek had simply shrugged and said, “Guess we’d better go shoppin’ first.”
What was intended to be a quick in and out had turned into more of a full-blown shopping spree. The very first store they’d gone into was having a huge sale, and Charlie hadn’t exactly packed clothes meant for a stay at the beach.
Soon, she had a cart full of shorts and capris, a pair of tennis shoes and some cheap flip flops, and a few t-shirts and other tops that would never have been allowed had she been shopping with Caleb.
It was silly, but buying these things and dressing the way she wanted, rather than how he dictated, felt a little like flipping him the bird and telling him to go to hell.
“Charlie? You still in there?”
Man, she would never get tired of hearing that voice. “Yeah. I’m getting dressed, now.”
“Okay. If you want that one, hand it to me. I went ahead and started checking the rest of the stuff out to save time.”
Doing as he’d asked, Charlie flung the suit over the top of the tiny room’s door.
“Thanks. I’ll be right up there.”
“No hurry. Pretty sure it’s gonna take a while.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. Charlie had no doubt Derek had just rolled his eyes, even though she knew he was secretly happy with the choices she’d made.
They were much more her style than anything she’d ever worn with Caleb.
A trickle of fear made its way deep into her gut. He’d beat her senseless if he ever got to her again, but Derek had assured her they were safe here.
Refusing to let Caleb ruin her day, Charlie pushed those dark thoughts aside and went in search of her tall, blond friend.
She found him just as the girl behind the counter was handing him a receipt.
“What are you doing?” she asked a bit louder than intended.
He looked confused. “Uh...payin’ for the stuff?”
“You didn’t have to do that.” Her eyes slid to the cashier and then back to him. “I could’ve paid for it.”
Rather than address her statement right then, Derek smiled at the young girl, thanked her again, and used one hand to hold the many bags of clothes.
With the other, he gently used Charlie’s elbow to guide her out of the store.
Speaking low so only she could hear, he said, “I didn’t want your credit card being used in case Caleb’s trackin’ it.”
“Oh.” The fear was back. “I-I didn’t think about that.”
She should have. The last thing Derek did before leaving his house was to disable her phone so Caleb wouldn’t know where she’d be.
A familiar feeling of self-loathing rushed over her. She could hear Caleb calling her an idiot and berating her for not having thought of that.
Don’t let him in. You’re stronger than he is.
“No big deal.” Derek winked, putting her more at ease.
“I’ll pay you back,” she told him as they stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“We’ll worry about it later. The important thing is you got the stuff you wanted.”
Walking to his car, Charlie studied him from the corner of her eye. He genuinely didn’t seem worried about the amount of money he’d just shoveled out for her.
Granted, it was nothing compared to what she usually spent on Fifth Avenue. Still, she didn’t like the idea of him paying for everything.
As if reading her mind, he teased her by saying, “You act like I just took you on a shoppin’ spree at one of those fancy New York stores.”
She rolled her eyes. “I hate those places.”
“You do?”
Charlie nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, the clothes in them are amazing, and the people working there are always nice to me. Their styles just aren’t....”
“You?”
She looked up at him and nodded.
“Then, I consider it an honor to have bought these things for you. Look at it as my contribution to Operation Bring Back Charlie.”
Charlie couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m pretty sure you’ve already contributed to that more than you needed to. Besides...” The corners of her lips fell a little. “I’m not some charity case.”
“Never said you were, darlin’. Trust me, I’m doin’ this as much for me as for you. And I’m just gettin’ started.” He nudged her shoulder playfully and winked.
She didn’t really understand what he meant by that, but Charlie just smiled and moved on. No, she wasn’t looking for a handout, but it was nice having someone care for her the way Derek had been. Even if it was just as a friend.
Too bad he doesn’t want to be more.
Fearing that ship had already sailed, Charlie ignored the thought and got into his car.
It dipped as Derek sat behind the wheel. “You ready for this?” he asked with a grin.
More than you’ll ever know.
“Sure.”
Forty-five minutes later, they were aboard Marcia’s Dream, the cruising sailboat Derek’s father had bought and restored many years before.
It was forty-feet in length and had a small cabin equipped with a bed, bathroom, and a small kitchen-type area below.
Charlie had been on the boat several times as a young girl. On those rare occasions where her dad was either too drunk or too uninterested to care, he’d given her permission to come along with the Wests for a day out at sea.
Protective of his family—and her—Mr. West never traveled too far out, but Charlie remembered sitting on the bow watching the swimmers at the beach shrink smaller and smaller. Eventually, they’d be as small as tiny little ants.
“Having fun?” Derek’s deep voice broke through the pleasant memories.
Lying on her stomach across the bow, Charlie lifted her head and smiled. “Definitely. This is great, Derek. Just what I needed.” The beach towel she was on kept her from sticking to the boat’s slick surface.
“Good.” He beamed at her from behind the boat’s large steering wheel. “I figure we can hang out here for a while and then go back into town for dinner later.”
“Sounds perfect.”
Charlie closed her eyes and rested her head against her forearms. The warmth from the sun mixed with the fall breeze and the steady rhythm of the small waves nearly put her in a trance.
“I could do this forever,” she uttered lazily.
“Me, too. I love the water.”
She opened her eyes and looked back at him again. “You always did.”
Looking at the water surrounding them, he sounded almost in awe when he said, “There’s just somethin’ about it that always puts me at ease. Doesn’t seem to matter how stressed I am or what’s goin’ on in my life. I come out here, and it’s
like it all gets washed away. At least for a little while.”
Charlie stared at him from behind her dark sunglasses. The man was seriously amazing to look at.
He wasn’t handsome in the classical sense. The hair on the top of his head was a bit long and always looked kind of messy, but somehow it worked on him.
His nose was slightly crooked from when he’d broken it back in high school, and Derek’s eyes were two narrow for what Hollywood would call gorgeous.
To Charlie, however, there was nothing better in the world to look at than those baby blues.
She lowered her gaze. Okay, almost nothing.
Even larger than they’d been when he’d left for BUD/s way back in the day, the muscles in his arms and chest moved in the most delectable way as he worked the large, metal ring.
Even his forearms were sexy as hell. All taut and sinewy. And his hands...she could only imagine the kind of pleasure they could bring if they were—”
“So, what do you think?”
Charlie jerked her eyes up to his. “Um...about what?” Oh, God. Had he noticed her staring?
“About the water being cathartic.”
“Oh.” She breathed out nervously. “Yeah. Absolutely. The water’s great for clearing your head.” Liar.
The tiny voice was right. Her head was overflowing with all sorts of inappropriate thoughts.
“What do you say we anchor here for a while?”
“Sounds good to me.” She pushed herself up. “You need any help with anything?”
“Nope.”
He moved over to where the anchor was. Quickly and efficiently, Derek placed it in the water, careful not to let it just drop.
Slightly bent at the waist, he held on to the thick rope and eased the weight into the water, guiding it safely to the bottom.
Derek’s position allowed her to study the lower part of his body. Beneath the khaki cargo shorts he had on, she could tell his legs were every bit as toned as his arms. And the way his butt looked in those shorts...
“Charlie!”
The way he said her name made her think he’d been trying to get her attention.
She jerked her head up. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I asked if you were hungry. We’ve got the stuff I brought to make sandwiches in the fridge downstairs. I can go get that and the chips and bring it up if you want.”
Now that he’d mentioned it, she was starting to get hungry. “I could eat. Here, I’ll help you.” She started to get up.
“Stay put. I’ve got it.”
A bit of frustration began to brew, but she squelched it quickly. Derek was being sweet by giving her time to just sit and relax.
Still, it would be nice if he let her do something once in a while. She hated feeling like she was a burden to him.
Before long, he was coming back up the cabin stairs, both arms loaded with everything needed for their lunch.
“Here.” She chuckled as she went to him. “Why do men always think they have to kill themselves by carrying everything in one trip?”
He bent down so she could get the loaf of bread and bag of chips from the top of the pile.
“No sense making all those extra trips if you can get it in one.”
Shaking her head, Charlie carried the items back over to where she’d been laying. Once they had it all spread out, she and Derek went to work, each making their own ham sandwiches with all the fixings.
“Your mom really went all out,” she spoke over the bite she hadn’t quite swallowed. Realizing how rude she’d just been, Charlie’s hand flew to cover her mouth until she was done chewing. “Sorry.” She lowered her eyes.
“Seriously?” Derek laughed, his own mouth still half-full.
“I shouldn’t have talked with my mouth full. It’s rude.”
“You do remember I grew up with Eric as a brother, right?”
Charlie giggled. “I’d completely forgotten about that.”
When they were younger, Derek’s mom had the hardest time getting Eric not to talk with food in his mouth.
“Remember the contest?” she asked, still smiling.
“You mean the one that almost killed him?”
Charlie laughed a little harder then. “Yes. I thought your mother was going to kill you both.”
“Right? Of course, you just sat over there like little miss innocent and let us take all the blame.”
“Excuse me? I was innocent. You two were the idiots who wanted to see who could cram the most chocolate chip cookies into your mouths.”
Derek’s raised a smug brow. “And I won, thank you very much.”
“Only because Eric choked, and I had to run and get your dad so he could perform the Heimlich.”
“Then”—Derek snickered some more— “when Dad got it to break loose, cookie crumbs shot out all over the kitchen.”
“Your mom was so mad!”
Charlie laughed so hard, then, her shoulders shook, and tears started running down her face. She was still pressing a hand against her burning abs when she finally caught her breath again.
“Oh, wow.” She wiped the tears away. “I haven’t laughed that hard in...” Her smile began to dim. “A really long time.”
“That’s a damn shame.” Derek looked at her sincerely. “You have a beautiful laugh.”
Their gazes remained locked, and Charlie found herself thinking of another time. Another life. One where she thought this man would become her future.
Clearing her throat, she stood from the bow and began focusing on the mess in front of them.
“Are you done? I’ll take this stuff back downstairs since you brought it up.”
When she reached for his now-empty plate, Derek eased his hand around her wrist. With a gentle tone said, “Sit back down.”
She flinched slightly, but not as bad as she normally would have. This was Derek, and Charlie knew he would never, ever hurt her that way.
“Why?” she whispered.
“We need to talk.”
She swallowed nervously. “About what?”
Using his free hand, Derek lifted her chin so she’d look him in the eye. “You. Caleb.” He paused before adding, “Us.”
“I don’t want to talk about Caleb.” She pulled her arm free and went back to tidying up the mess.
“I know you don’t. But, darlin’, we need to. Like it or not, he’s still your husband. It’s not like you can just hide out here and pretend like he doesn’t exist.”
She gave him an incredulous look. “We just got here.”
Derek looked away, his forehead creasing with unease. “Charlie, these last few days have been some of the best I’ve ever had.” His eyes met hers again. “But we’ve both been avoiding the giant-ass elephant in the room for days, and I can’t do that anymore. We need to clear the air and then make a game plan for what happens after we leave here.”
Charlie set their empty paper plates back down on the boat and crossed her arms in front of her. Damn it, things had been going so well. Why would he want to ruin that?
You’re just pissed because you know he’s right.
“I’ll figure something out.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” she grumbled, hating how just the idea of talking about the past and her screwed-up life with Caleb had destroyed her blissful mood. “I’ll think of something.”
Losing a little bit of his calm demeanor, Derek shot back with, “Like what? You gonna run off again?”
“What do you really want from me, Derek?”
Years’ worth of pain filled his beautiful, sad eyes. “I want you to tell me what happened eleven years ago.”
Her heart nearly stopped. She did not want to go back to that night. To when her life was thrown into a downward spiral she hadn’t been able to climb out of.
“I-I don’t...I don’t know what you mean.”
Derek stood. “Come on, Charlie. You and I, we were...close. I thought we were about to become even closer. But then you
practically vanished. One minute, we had plans to spend the holidays together. The next, you won’t answer my calls or texts. You avoided me like I had the goddamn plague until I got activated and had to go back to my Team. By the time I had leave again, I came home to learn you’d run off to New York with Porter. So, what happened?”
Before she could stop herself, Charlie spouted back, “Your girlfriend. That’s what happened.”
“Girlfriend?” He looked genuinely confused.
“Yes, your girlfriend. You know, the one you brought home with you that fall?”
She could see Derek’s wheels spinning. “Kim? Darlin’, she wasn’t my girlfriend.”
Charlie winced. Even after all this time, she still didn’t want to talk about the other woman. She sure as hell didn’t want to know her name.
“You don’t have to do that, Derek. I saw the two of you together.”
“Where?”
“In your living room!”
He let that sink in. “Wait a minute. You came to the house that night? I thought you had to run some errand for your dad or something.”
May as well lay it all out there. Won’t make a difference now. “I lied.”
Derek looked back at her as if that truly hurt him. “Why?”
“When I pulled up in front of your parents’ house that night, I saw the two of you through the big window. You put your arm around her and pulled her close. You kissed her on the head and then the two of you started laughing at something. It was obvious you two were really close.”
Derek ran a hand through his unkempt hair. “Charlie, Kim wasn’t my girlfriend.”
“Derek, don’t—”
“I swear.” He put his hands palms-up. “She was just a friend I met at boot camp.”
No. That couldn’t be right. “You said you were bringing home a friend. You didn’t say it was a girl. Plus, the way you two looked together...”
“Ah, hell.” Derek pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sweetheart, Kim was a lesbian. Still is, far as I know. Her partner, who is now her wife, was deployed overseas that fall. She and I ran into each other on base and got to talkin’. I didn’t want her to have to spend the holidays alone, so I invited her home with me.”
Oh, God. Was it possible?