by L.H. Cosway
“It was.”
“And?”
“And what Neil and I discuss is our business.”
I groaned. “Fine, keep your secrets.” I grabbed hold of a bar that stuck horizontally out of a signpost and swung my body up. I hung out of it like a petulant monkey while Cal sighed and came to stand in front of me.
“You’re a moody little thing,” he murmured.
I swung back and forth, pretending not to hear him. “Can you move? I’m trying to test my upper body strength.”
Instead of moving out of the way, Cal came to stand directly in front of me. “You want to play? Let’s play.”
I squealed in surprise when he grabbed me by the hips, stopping me mid-swing. His arms came around my waist where the hoodie had ridden up and the shock of his roughened skin sent a spark of awareness through me. Cal made a gruff sound in the back of his throat and our eyes locked. His thumb lightly grazed my hip and I tightened my grip on the bar. If I let myself drop even a centimetre, my crotch would be flush with his.
“Neil asked me if there’s still something between us,” he revealed.
My heart pounded loudly in my ears, both from the topic and how Cal was holding me. “What did you say?”
“I told him that was up to you.” His voice was soft, his eyes questioning, and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Oh.” A pause as I gathered my thoughts. “I guess—"
“Callum! Leanne! We need you over here,” Barry shouted, interrupting the moment.
Cal let go of me and I instantly missed the heat of him. I dropped to the ground and followed him over to join the others.
Barry was about to call action when I stepped close to Cal. Put it down to how warm and fuzzy I was feeling for him, but I had the sudden urge to pay him a compliment. “You look hot today.”
He blinked, glancing at me in surprise, and then the cameras were rolling. Cal studied me like he wondered what I was up to. “Not that I’m complaining, but what’s gotten into you?”
I gave an elusive smile, like I knew a secret, which I did. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
Then I turned and ran. The adrenaline rush pulsed in my veins as I made it to the roof of one building then leapt through the air and landed on the next. I barely even felt the impact of my landing because I was riding a wave. Cal chased me, and the thrill of his pursuit made every nerve ending in my body tingle in anticipation.
Unlike when I’d run from him in the past, this time I wanted to be caught.
When I reached the edge of the building, I paused to catch my breath, and just like that he was on me, his voice in my ear, “Don’t toy with me, Leanne. Not unless you want to get fucked.”
A shiver tickled at the back of my neck. I turned so that my mouth was close to his. “If you remember, I already offered you that and you said no.”
Evidently, he didn’t have a response. I grinned and ran away. He chased. He always did.
It was a few hours before we got back to the house. I sat next to Cal at the dining table for dinner. The caterers had set out some freshly baked bread. It was so delicious it practically melted in my mouth. Sensing Cal’s attention, I tore off another piece and held it out to him.
“You need to taste this. It’s amazing.”
His curious expression told me he still hadn’t got used to my sudden flirtatiousness. Then, his gaze heated as he lowered his mouth and bit the bread right out of my hand. My breath caught when his lower lip brushed my finger and I forgot all the other people sitting at the table. I was entranced by Cal. Then I felt eyes on me. Neil watched us uncomfortably from across the table. A lump formed in my throat and guilt ate at me. I needed to talk to him because stringing him along like this was wrong.
Shifting away from Cal, I pulled my phone from my pocket to send Neil a text.
Leanne: Can we talk?
I watched him take out his phone to read the message and then his eyes met mine. He nodded and stood from the table. I stood too and followed him outside. The noise of crickets and insects filled my ears when I approached Neil. He stood by the pool, eyes on the water.
“I’m sorry,” I said, remorseful. “I’ve been a bitch.”
Neil gave me a look that said he agreed, but he was too nice to ever say it aloud. Instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets and asked, “What did you want to talk about?”
My stomach twisted. “I shouldn’t have led you on.”
Neil frowned. “You didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. I told you we’d talk when we got back to London, but obviously I’m still wrapped up in Cal and—”
“It’s not your fault if you love someone, Leanne,” Neil said sadly, and the starkness of his statement shocked me out of whatever I’d been about to say next.
“I…I don’t,” I protested weakly, but deep down I knew it was a lie. Loving Cal was such a scary prospect that I had a hard time accepting it was true, even if it was as clear as the stars shining above our heads.
Neil gave a joyless laugh. “Do you honestly believe that?”
My entire body slumped. I sat down on a sun lounger and let out a tired sigh. Neil filled the space next to me, his voice solid, reassuring. “It’s okay to love him, you know. I feel like you try to ignore it. Hell, I try to ignore it because I like you so much, but I’m starting to realise that nobody’s ever going to come close to how you feel about him.”
“But we’ve always been such a disaster.”
“You forget I’ve known you both from the beginning. You were young and figuring out your relationship. One minute you were two normal people and the next you were famous. Then the worst thing happened and whatever might’ve been, well…” Neil trailed off.
“It was lost,” I finished for him.
“Yeah,” Neil agreed. He sounded tired.
“I’ve always thought of Cal and me as toxic,” I said. “We fight so much.”
“You fight because your feelings are strong. People who are indifferent don’t fight.”
“That’s not true. Lots of people who love each other don’t fight. We fight because we don’t know how else to be. We fight because we’re a pair of stubborn pricks who don’t know how to compromise or back down.”
“Then maybe you need to learn,” Neil suggested.
I couldn’t believe how selfless he was being, sitting here giving me advice when all I’d given him was false hope. Maybe it was just a selfish instinct to alleviate my guilt, but I really wanted him to be happy, to find someone. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Neil. He was one of the kindest, hardest-working, most selfless people I knew.
And he was right about Cal and me. We had passion figured out, but harmony was something we never really had a chance to work on.
I was broken from my train of thought when Neil stood. “You have a lot to think about. I’ll leave you.”
I glanced up at him. “Are we still friends?”
His smile was soft as he reached out to briefly squeeze my shoulder. “Always.”
I watched him walk back to the house.
It’s not your fault if you love someone, Leanne.
Neil’s statement was stuck in my head. It seemed so obvious. I thought about Cal all the time, I was trying to be a better person, someone he deserved.
Of course you love him. There’s never been anyone else but him.
I sat there for a long time, so long most of the lights in the house gradually went off. We flew home to London in the morning, and the idea of not seeing Cal every day gave me a pang in my chest.
I was going to miss him. We lived in the same city, sure, but it wasn’t the same as living in each other’s pockets. It was ironic that I’d started this trip counting down the days until it was over. Now I didn’t want to go home.
My phone buzzed with a message from Trev. It appeared to be a group text.
Trev: Meet me in the dining room. Wear dark clothes.
Well, that didn’t sound ominous at all. Wondering what all the
cloak and dagger was about, I made my way inside. I already wore dark pants and Cal’s hoodie, so I didn’t need to get changed. When I entered the dining room, Trev, Cal, Paul, James, and Isaac were waiting.
I glanced between the five of them. “What’s going on?”
Trev grinned impishly. “We’re breaking into the Carlton.”
“The abandoned hotel?” I questioned. “But Barry said we couldn’t get a permit.”
“Fuck Barry and his permits. We need something exciting to finish off this season.”
I chewed my lip, considering it. If we got caught, we’d be in so much trouble. But if we managed to get in and out undetected, it could make for an amazing episode. I looked to Cal for guidance and he seemed to be thinking the same thing. My decision made, I turned back to Trev. “Okay, I’m in. Let’s do this.”
“Hell yeah,” he exclaimed, high-fiving me.
James grabbed the keys to one of the minivans and we snuck out of the house without alerting any suspicions. Most of the crew were asleep in their rooms, so the place was quiet.
We drove into the city and the dark, fifty-floor hotel loomed forebodingly above us as we parked across the street. I spotted two security guards sitting outside and my chest deflated.
“How are we going to get past them?”
“Easy,” Trev replied and pulled an envelope filled with cash from his pocket. Paul filmed us as we headed across the street as a group. Isaac spoke to the security guards and there was a short back and forth before some joke was exchanged and then they took the bribe. They let us by and just like that, we were in.
“What did you say to them?” I asked and Isaac looked a little sheepish, a grin tugging at his lips.
“I might’ve insinuated you were dumb European tourists looking for a thrill.”
I laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. “You did not!”
He lifted his hands. “Hey, I got us in, didn’t I?”
I looked around while James held up a flashlight, illuminating the crumbling, dated interior, and a spooky chill trickled down my spine. This building was a place trapped in time, and there was something incredibly eerie about it. The reception area was like something from a seventies horror flick; someone checks in unaware that they’re the only guest and all the workers are ghosts.
I also tried not to think of the creepy crawlies that were probably scurrying by our feet in the dark. The air was stale, an unpleasant mixture of mould, damp, and stagnant dust.
“Did you know there was a murder here once?” Isaac said, and I shivered, glancing at him.
“Really?”
He nodded. “Yes, in the late nineties. The rumour goes that two workers were caught drinking on duty by their manager, so they killed him.”
My eyes widened. “That’s extreme.”
“This city has always been an extreme place,” Isaac said solemnly. “Guess that’s why my mum left.”
“And your dad, where is he?” I asked. Isaac never really spoke about him.
“He died when me and my sisters were young,” he replied, but I didn’t probe further. I got the sense it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss.
“This place is definitely haunted,” Paul said.
James turned to him. “Don’t tell me you believe in ghosts.”
“It’s one of many theories,” Paul answered. “Some of us go to heaven, some of us go to hell, but some of us are unlucky enough to get stuck in limbo, and that’s where ghosts come in.”
“I thought you believed in reincarnation,” I said.
“Reincarnation is my preferred philosophy, but there’s always a chance I’m wrong.”
“It kind of goes without saying we’ll see a ghost tonight. I mean, look at this place,” Trev interjected, appearing in front of us as he held his phone under his chin, torchlight on, illuminating himself in a spectre-like fashion.
I swiped at him. “Quit that.”
He chuckled and moved out of the way.
“Don’t worry,” Cal murmured, suddenly beside me. His hand came to rest at the base of my spine. “I’ll keep you safe from ghosts.”
His warmth trickled into me, and strangely, his promise did make me feel safer. I flushed and noticed Paul had the camera trained on us. It was on night mode, so I knew he could see where Cal’s hand rested. Just like last night when Cal gave me his hoodie, he looked concerned. Paul was my best friend and I knew he was only worried for me, but I couldn’t deny my heart any longer. I loved Cal, and I wasn’t going to let some TV executives dictate our relationship. If they wanted us off the show, then I’d just have to accept it.
I was still only twenty-five. Definitely young enough to start over in my career if it came to that. A part in a reality TV show wasn’t worth giving up the love of my life for.
The thought was shocking, but I couldn’t deny it was the truth.
With a new and heightened awareness of the man beside me, I walked up a creaky staircase covered in dirty, dusty carpet. On instinct, I slid my fingers through Cal’s to hold his hand. He paused and I could barely make him out, but I sensed his surprise.
“Is this okay?” I whispered.
“Yeah, it’s okay,” he answered, voice gruff. Little electric shocks went through me at the feel of his rough palm on mine. No one could see us in the dark and it gave me a thrill.
Hand in hand, we continued our exploration. I honestly didn’t expect this place to have such an unnerving vibe. It felt both creepy and mysterious. Lots of good and bad people had come and gone through the hotel’s doors, all with their own lives and stories to tell. I imagined the building rising and falling many times before eventually dwelling in its current abandoned state.
Cal must’ve noticed me shiver when he asked, “You okay?”
“This place has bad juju. I can feel it.”
“Maybe we should’ve come in the day time,” James said.
“It’s definitely a lot creepier at night,” Paul agreed.
“We’ll be fine,” Trev reassured. “We just need to figure out a way to the roof.”
We explored a little then discovered a large ballroom. There was a weird scratching sound and I held tighter onto Cal’s hand, goose bumps rising on my skin.
“What the hell is that?” James whispered.
“It’s probably just an animal. A fox or something,” Trev said.
“Let’s get out of here. I don’t want to find out,” Isaac replied.
We left the ballroom and started the climb to the top. We were all in excellent shape but climbing fifty floors was no joke. Paul filmed the entire time, counting each floor for the audience and narrating what we saw. We were only a couple of floors from the top when I had to stop to take a break. I needed to sit down, but I was afraid if I sat on the floor there might be cockroaches, or worse, rats.
Why the hell had I agreed to this idea again?
Oh, right. For the show. Had to keep our audience entertained.
I knew Barry would be pissed when he found out, but if the footage was good, he’d forgive us. Eventually.
“C’mere,” Cal said as he lowered his shoulder. “I’ll carry you the rest of the way.”
I shook my head. “You’re tired too. It’s fine. I can handle it.”
“It’s just a few floors, Leanne. Come on,” he said and pulled me onto his back. I was reluctant at first, but when I draped my arms around his neck and he took my weight, it was a relief. I inhaled deeply, loving his smell, the warmth of his skin, his strong arms as they held me.
“Hold on,” he said and then we were on the move again.
Feeling safe in the dark, I nuzzled his neck, soliciting a sharp inhale. His hand flexed at the back of my knee. He let me down when we made it to the roof and James put his torch on the ground, facing up to illuminate the space. On the opposite end of the roof, we discovered what used to be a swimming pool and lounge area. It was down a level, sort of sunken, and surrounded by high walls.
“I bet you’d get one hell of
a suntan up here,” Trev said, looking around.
“This must’ve been for the VIPs,” Paul added. “I wonder if any famous people ever sunbathed up here.”
“Mick Jagger visited once. Oh, and Margaret Thatcher,” Isaac said.
“Okay, now I’m imagining Thatcher in a bikini. Thanks for that,” James chuckled.
“I thought you loved those strict, authoritarian types,” Trev teased. “You should thank him for the masturbation material.”
“Nah, James has a secret liking for the shy ones,” Cal countered and I elbowed him in the stomach. He was referring to Michaela, clearly, but I’d already warned him not to say anything.
Paul looked puzzled. “Eh, Diana is anything but shy.”
“Can we all quit discussing my private life?” James asked, casting Cal an irritable glance.
“I just want to know if you’re jerking it as much as I am,” Trev replied, his grin relentless.
I scrunched up my face. “Ugh, please.”
“What? It’s completely natural,” he went on. “I’ve been going at it hell for leather over here, twice if not three times a day.”
“Hey! We share a bedroom,” Paul complained.
“Don’t worry,” Trev winked. “I always wait until you’re sound asleep.”
Paul put his hand to his chest, feigning outrage. “I feel defiled.”
Cal gave a low chuckle. “Okay, I think we need to get this show on the road.” He moved by me and precision jumped at least twelve feet down to the swimming pool level. Trev, James, and Isaac followed, and I stood next to Paul while he filmed.
We were quiet a moment, watching the others take turns running and jumping back up the surrounding walls.
“So, you and Cal?” Paul said, casting me a curious glance.
I shifted from foot to foot, antsy. “What?”
“Don’t play dumb. I saw you two holding hands.”
So much for no one being able to see us in the dark. I sucked in a deep breath for courage. “Don’t faint or anything, but…I think I’m in love with him.”
“Wow, she finally admits it,” he said, not at all surprised. What the hell? It was disconcerting to think both Paul and Neil could see I loved Cal when I didn’t even know it myself. “Have you told him yet?”