by Olivia Arndt
“Yeah, what about it?” He leaned back on his elbows.
“That is the North Star, also known as Polaris.” I smiled. “It’s the one star that never seems to move, one that you can always see, it brings people home. No matter how lost you are, it will always guide you home.” Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him looking at me with a small smile on his face. The sound of his deep breaths coming so close to me was very distracting and I found myself stumbling over words. “It sits directly over the North Pole.” I stammered, trying to refocus on my mother’s words. “It’s kind of nice to think about…having something that will always bring you back, something to always fall back on.”
“Someone always waiting for you.” He muttered, biting his lip. I looked over at him, surprised to find how close he was to me.
“Someone who understands the memories.” I smiled, remembering our conversation earlier.
“You seem so happy,” I whispered, my gaze flickering to the dark cloud above him. “So why do you seem so lost?” I looked back into his eyes, for the first time seeing the person behind the colors.
He let out a deep breath, and I felt the warm air blow against a soft patch on my neck. Gently taking my hand in his as if he was scared that he would somehow break me, he spoke quietly, “Because I don’t have a North Star to guide me.”
“I could be your North Star.” I murmured softly, leaning in closer to him. “I could bring you home no matter how lost you get.” I found myself looking at his lips, and I could tell he was doing the same.
His eyes fluttered shut. “I’d like that,” he breathed, closing the distance between us.
I had imagined a thousand first kisses in my life, but none of them compared to this. He had one hand cupping my cheek, delicately holding me to him, and the other clutching my own. There was something beautiful about the tentativeness of it as if he thought he might somehow shatter the moment. His lips were freezing, but that somehow made it all the more magical. Too soon, he pulled away, leaving me slightly gasping for air.
I smiled, noticing a delicate treble clef forming under his left ear. The symbol for Standards, I wondered if mine was anywhere close to as beautiful as his was.
I looked into his eyes, noticing that they looked brighter somehow, then I noticed his cloud. It was a deep red, the shade found in bright sunsets.
In that one touch, in those small words we had exchanged in these past weeks. I realized I wanted to be the person he fell back onto when he was weak, I wanted to be his guide, his home. Tears filled my eyes as I took in the bright green of his. I had sworn never to feel them again, but I liked these tears.
His eyes were radiant in the moonlight; I had failed to notice it before because I couldn’t see past his cloud. But now as I saw him through not the light of his cloud, but through the light of the person behind those colors; I realized I wanted to be his Tess, not because of the society and our songs. Not because of anyone, or anything, but because of the person behind the songs, the person behind the colors. I smiled as that feeling flooded through me so clearly, overwhelmed by joy. I wanted to tell him, but I was scared. If I put those words out there, I could never take them back, and it would hurt a million times more if he left. I was terrified, but I was done missing so many opportunities out of fear.
“Asher,” I paused, wondering if I’d regret these words tomorrow. “I…” I looked into his eyes, searching for some sign of doubt, some sign of regret. But all I saw was the same fear I was feeling, to put ourselves that far out there.
“Don’t,” his eyes flickered to my cheek for some reason. He looked me straight into my eyes. “Don’t say it please,” he whispered as a bleak expression flickered across his face, but it was gone as fast as it had come. Taken aback, I blinked, feeling offended. What did he mean?
“There’s something you need to know, Tess.” I took his hand, squeezing it; he was as scared as I was. “I’m-“ he was cut off by Mary’s voice.
“Oh dear, come inside! You’re going to catch a cold,” she scolded, with no real anger in her tone.
I smiled at Asher giving him a playful shrug. He gave me a weak smile in return looking like he was going to be sick.
Chapter Fifteen
The next day, I went home despite how much I wanted to stay. I had found a family in Asher and Mary. They seemed to have so little, yet still managed to see the good in everything. As I walked the streets I had gotten so used to seeing, a pang of sadness hit me. How long would this place last? With all of these rules would these streets ever be walked again?
I turned the corner and arrived back on the streets of my neighborhood. I was surprised at how much I was going to miss seeing Asher and his mother every day. Even if the town was run down, and the air conditions were horrible, that place felt more like a home than anywhere else I had lived after my dad left.
I unlocked my apartment’s door and stepped inside the halls that seemed so stranger to me now. Mary wasn’t in the living room or kitchen waiting for me, and Asher. Oh, Asher! I raced into the bathroom, excitement coursing through me. I wondered what the symbol under my ear looked like, was it different for lower-ranked Standards? Maybe he even took the symbol of Opulent from his mother! I pushed my hair out of the way and blinked in shock. A symbol I had never seen before in black ink like his was marked underneath my left ear. It was a jagged X, which I assumed meant he was a lower-ranked Standard because the symbol for Opulent was a wine glass. It was a little scary looking, I suppose X’s just gave off that effect. All the same, I smiled. Everything felt so right when I was with Asher, giving me more faith in Lieu’s system than ever. They never make mistakes, therefore I needed to watch out for the Insiders.
I sat on my couch, and just as I was in the middle of doing my homework, a broadcast appeared on my TV. I immediately perked up, eager to hear what they were announcing.
“Greetings citizens of Lieu,” the Official began, looking rather grim. “I have very unfortunate news that may concern your safety, but I can assure you that we are doing all that we can to stop this newfound threat. It is with great sorrow that we must inform you of a horrible accident. It seems that a Fugitive has somehow gotten past the brand and the war. How this scoundrel has survived is beyond our knowledge. If you see anyone acting suspicious or giving you any reason to doubt their word, please bring them in for questioning immediately. The Fugitive that has somehow survived, was found guilty for the murder of his father at eight, and served five years of jail time, with three in the war. He escaped at sixteen and was thought to be dead until now. These suspicions come from a picture a Sentinel got of him walking around a Standard neighborhood. His name is Griffin James Chainbreaker and is extremely dangerous, we have reason to believe that he is aiding the Insiders in their rebellion.” My heart froze at those words; that was the writing that had appeared in my book that night. He kept talking about better security and ways to protect yourself from him, but I had stopped listening. I felt sick to my stomach, was I somehow a target? Finally, these words recaught my attention. “Here is the most recent picture of him we have, he is currently twenty-one, and this is him at nineteen.” A picture flashed on the screen, and my heart stopped. Staring back at me was a boy that looked identical to Asher. So many emotions played through my head, making me feel dizzy. Everything began to make sense at once. Why he didn’t know what having a song meant, how his mother had sung to him, illegally. Why his cloud was jet-black. All those times he flinched; so much frustration flooded through me I didn’t even notice the broadcast ending. But as everything finally sunk in, deepening my fury, I lost it when I realized what that ridiculous X on my cheek meant. I was in danger, I had just been branded by a Fugitive! He lied to me! I couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going to happen to me. Asher- no Griffin, was a liar, and he had carelessly put my entire world in danger. I was so furious that I left my apartment and trudged to his house. I wasn’t even scared to see him again, I had questions and I was getting answers. It didn’t mat
ter if he killed me, I was already a dead man walking.
...
I knocked on the door, and when no one answered, I threw it open; it didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. He was sitting at the table, looking terrified, which I found funny considering it was my life that had been ruined.
“So, Griffin Chainbreaker, is it?” I screamed, throwing my hands in the air surging towards him. “Funny, that’s not what I was told!” I was so frustrated that I pushed him out of his chair, onto the wooden floor. “I gave you everything, Griffin! I–I trusted you, I let you in!” I shook my head, unable to believe what was happening. “Do you know how hard that was for me to do? Do you know how many people have hurt me? I suppose that doesn’t matter to you, does it? I’m a person behind this target! Do you even notice that anymore?” I hoped hearing his own words thrown back at him would hurt him as much as they had once hurt me.
“I– look, I can explain…” He stumbled over his words, backing away from me.
I was done believing a single word he said, “No! I don’t need an explanation, Griffin.” Suddenly, I remembered my book. “Why? Why did you write those things in my book, Chainbreaker?”
“I–I…I wanted you to understand.” He pleaded, trying to appear less scared than he was. “I wanted someone to understand before I left.”
I paused at those words. “Left?” My voice broke, as my violent urges gave way beneath me.
He gulped, giving a small nod. “Tethys, you can see my cloud. You can see the colors. I…I wasn’t going to stay for long…but I couldn’t leave you…with nothing.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “It would have been better than what you did leave me with.” I furiously gestured to the mark on my cheek. “What does it look like?”
“What?” He blinked, looking genuinely confused this time, but still scared.
“The brand,” I barked. “Show me.” He timidly turned around and paused fiddling with the fabric of his shirt. “What have you got to lose, Fugitive?” He flinched and lifted it. I yanked it up, and my breath caught in my chest.
Catching a glimpse of the torn puckered skin, I squeezed my eyes shut. It was unsettling and at first, I forced myself to focus on the small black crescent moon printed on his shoulder, and the three crows running down the back of his neck; I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to see what we had been taught to fear our whole lives. Gulping, I finally looked down.
Stretched across his entire back, layered over years’ worth of scars, were rough and jagged brands of all the symbols forming the broken silhouette of a star. The wine glass for Opulent, treble clef for Standards, chains for Outsiders, an eye that could only be for the Insiders, and an X for the Fugitives. The same X that I wore on my cheek. Over the symbols were two huge cuts stretching from each shoulder to each of his sides, forming a much rougher X that the others. But what was the most horrifying were the sharp letters, dripping blood spelling the word: TRAITOR.
I let his shirt fall back down, too terrified to speak. It was smart of them to put it on someone’s back, it was almost sure to paralyze them just long enough to get them killed off in the war.
“I…” I couldn’t think of what to say. I was still beyond furious, but I was as stuck as he was. “Why?” He looked down, refusing to meet my gaze. “Why would you go as far as to kill your own father.”
“My father was a horrible man, right from the start he hated me.” He scoffed. “He beat and hurt me. He trapped me in so many ways, but he went too far when he started hurting her.” He paused, a foul expression playing a cross his face. He seemed too disgusted at the words leaving his mouth to continue. “He was nothing but a monster, and he had no right to hurt her.”
“Who?” My anger was replaced with fear, as his voice shook. “Who did he hurt?”
He looked up at me, a fire burning in his emerald green eyes. “My mother. She gave him everything, and he threw it all away.”
I froze, too scared to speak, too scared to move. “But I thought they were in love…they were soulmates.”
“Of course they were, that’s why she left the Opulents for him.” He mumbled, anger flaring in his bright eyes. “But that’s what Outsiders do; they move on. They take whatever is thrown at them. She continued on after his death, living life in the ruins of the Outsider towns. She found my youngest sister, a baby lost among the memories. I only ever saw her once.”
“Do you miss her?” I whispered, still keeping my distance.
“Every day,” his eyes were blank, the look he always seemed to get when he spoke about his family. “I can only assume she’s dead and move on. Just like all of my other siblings.”
I remained silent, too bitter to feel pity for him. But too remorseful to push him away completely.
He sighed and ran his hands through his curly black hair in frustration. “I tried to push away from you, Tethys. I didn’t want any of this to happen.” He looked up at me at last.
I narrowed my eyes, “Well, it did, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it now.” I crossed my arms. “So what are you going to do, Griffin?”
He flinched as if hearing his real name made him realize just how real all of this was. “I…I don’t know.”
I looked around the makeshift house, anger surging through me once more. “Is that all there is left then? You’re just going to give up?”
“What else is there for me? I’ve been on the run since I was sixteen, Tethys! I have lived five agonizing years in constant fear.” His eyes darted to the door as the wind tussled with the leaves. Then quieter, “I just want it to be over, Tethys…I don’t want to fight them anymore.”
I blinked, seeing the genuine exhaustion in his eyes. He looked so worn out, so torn.
“My mother has already left, I made sure of it.” He said firmly.
“So that’s it, you’re just going to wait here until you get caught and they kill you?” I had hoped that Griffin would have at least some idea of how to get us out of this.
In a movement so little that I almost didn’t even notice it, he slid his black gun to me. “Please.” He choked out, his voice was strangled and desperate, nothing like the smooth tone he normally had. “If you do it, you will be regarded as a hero. They’d take you back.”
“I–” Shock overcame me as I took in the pleading etched in his eyes. What could drive someone to want something so horrible? Flashbacks of my brother’s broken body flashed through my mind, the blood on the wood, his glossy eyes. “I can’t…Griff, there has to be another way.” I pushed the gun back towards him. He remained silent staring at me. The look in his eyes was stone cold, harsher than they had ever been.
“Don’t call me that,” he whispered, barely audible. His breathing picked up, as if he was remembering something horrible, the pain in his eyes clearer than the morning sky. “Please, don’t call me that.”
“I’m sorry...it just slipped out,” I stumbled, at how distressed he looked. “I didn’t know…”
“Now you do...” He murmured; his stare lost in another time. He narrowed his bright eyes, gazing at a spot on the floor.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered, meaning so many things in that apology.
“We’re both as good as dead anyway.”
“Surely there’s something–”
“There’s nothing we can do.” He breathed, forcing the gun back into his pocket. “We can only hope they make it quick.” I watched as his cloud, with the little that it had lightened, turned inky black right before my eyes.
I let my gaze fall to the ground, feeling so helpless it was almost unbearable. I was about to agree to do it when he began quietly singing a song. Our song. It was so quiet that I could just barely make out the lyrics. His voice was choked up, but that somehow made it even more beautiful.
I tentatively began to sing along, hearing the words that used to mean something so different to me yet made so much more sense now. When we finished, I took his hand gently in mine.
“We can’
t just do nothing, Griffin. We can’t just sit around and now, after everything, give up.”
“And what do you suggest we do then?” He whispered, looking even more hopeless than before
“I don’t know, but I’m sure the other Outsiders aren’t going to appreciate you dragging them all into this.” I nudged him, hoping to make him smile.
He remained silent for a bit, biting his lip in concentration. “Outsiders…” He mumbled quietly, furrowing his eyebrows.
“What about them?” I blinked, confused.
“Wait a minute…Outsiders!” He jumped up to his feet, pulling me up with him. “That’s it! That’s the answer! The Outsiders!”
“I’m not following…” I raised an eyebrow, looking at him in concern. Now, he was acting insane. Great.
“They’ve been saying it for years, haven’t they?” He asked eagerly. “Come on, no time to explain!”
“Oh! Griffin–” He cut me off by grabbing my arm and racing out the front door.
Chapter Sixteen
His plan was crazy at best and there was a slim chance we would survive, but if we did, generations to come would prosper thanks to our sacrifice. The plan was simple really: rally up the ranks and storm the Opulent city. No big deal. Not a horrible plan that will most likely get us killed.
We decided that the Outsiders would be easiest so we started there first. This was Griffin’s territory.
“Ok, I’ll go first.” He looked over, giving me a reassuring smile. “If things get dicey, you’ll run before they find you, right?”
I gulped and nodded, feeling a bit sick.
“Hey,” he took my hand, and gave it a small squeeze. “This will most likely end horribly, but if it does, look on the bright side. You won’t have to go back to school.”