Mike and Psmith

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Mike and Psmith Page 24

by P. G. Wodehouse


  24

  THE ADAIR METHOD

  It was during the interval that day that Stone and Robinson, discussingthe subject of cricket over a bun and ginger beer at the school shop,came to a momentous decision, to wit, that they were fed up with theAdair administration and meant to strike. The immediate cause of revoltwas early-morning fielding practice, that searching test of cricketkeenness. Mike himself, to whom cricket was the great and seriousinterest in life, had shirked early-morning fielding practice in hisfirst term at Wrykyn. And Stone and Robinson had but a lukewarmattachment to the game, compared with Mike's.

  As a rule, Adair had contented himself with practice in the afternoonafter school, which nobody objects to; and no strain, consequently, hadbeen put upon Stone's and Robinson's allegiance. In view of the M.C.C.match on the Wednesday, however, he had now added to this an extra doseto be taken before breakfast. Stone and Robinson had left theircomfortable beds that day at six o'clock, yawning and heavy-eyed, andhad caught catches and fielded drives which, in the cool morning air,had stung like adders and bitten like serpents. Until the sun has reallygot to work, it is no joke taking a high catch. Stone's dislike of theexperiment was only equaled by Robinson's. They were neither of them ofthe type which likes to undergo hardships for the common good. Theyplayed well enough when on the field, but neither cared greatly whetherthe school had a good season or not. They played the games entirely fortheir own sakes.

  The result was that they went back to the house for breakfast with anever-again feeling, and at the earliest possible moment met to debateas to what was to be done about it. At all costs another experience liketoday's must be avoided.

  "It's all rot," said Stone. "What on earth's the good of sweating aboutbefore breakfast? It only makes you tired."

  "I shouldn't wonder," said Robinson, "if it wasn't bad for the heart.Rushing about on an empty stomach, I mean, and all that sort of thing."

  "Personally," said Stone, gnawing his bun, "I don't intend to stick it."

  "Nor do I."

  "I mean, it's such absolute rot. If we aren't good enough to play forthe team without having to get up overnight to catch catches, he'dbetter find somebody else."

  "Yes."

  At this moment Adair came into the shop.

  "Fielding practice again tomorrow," he said briskly, "at six."

  "Before breakfast?" said Robinson.

  "Rather. You two must buck up, you know. You were rotten today." And hepassed on, leaving the two malcontents speechless.

  Stone was the first to recover.

  "I'm hanged if I turn out tomorrow," he said, as they left the shop. "Hecan do what he likes about it. Besides, what can he do, after all? Onlykick us out of the team. And I don't mind that."

  "Nor do I."

  "I don't think he will kick us out, either. He can't play the M.C.C.with a scratch team. If he does, we'll go and play for that villageJackson plays for. We'll get Jackson to shove us into the team."

  "All right," said Robinson. "Let's."

  Their position was a strong one. A cricket captain may seem to be anautocrat of tremendous power, but in reality he has only one weapon, thekeenness of those under him. With the majority, of course, the fear ofbeing excluded or ejected from a team is a spur that drives. Themajority, consequently, are easily handled. But when a cricket captainruns up against a boy who does not much care whether he plays for theteam or not, then he finds himself in a difficult position, and, unlesshe is a man of action, practically helpless.

  Stone and Robinson felt secure. Taking it all around, they felt thatthey would just as soon play for Lower Borlock as for the school. Thebowling of the opposition would be weaker in the former case, and thechance of making runs greater. To a certain type of cricketer runs areruns, wherever and however made.

  The result of all this was that Adair, turning out with the team nextmorning for fielding practice, found himself two short. Barnes was amongthose present, but of the other two representatives of Outwood's housethere were no signs.

  Barnes, questioned on the subject, had no information to give, beyondthe fact that he had not seen them about anywhere. Which was not a greathelp. Adair proceeded with the fielding practice without further delay.

  At breakfast that morning he was silent and apparently rapt in thought.Mr. Downing, who sat at the top of the table with Adair on his right,was accustomed at the morning meal to blend nourishment of the body withthat of the mind. As a rule he had ten minutes with the daily paperbefore the bell rang, and it was his practice to hand on the results ofhis reading to Adair and the other house prefects, who, not having seenthe paper, usually formed an interested and appreciative audience.Today, however, though the house prefects expressed varying degrees ofexcitement at the news that Sheppard had made a century againstGloucestershire, and that a butter famine was expected in the UnitedStates, these world-shaking news items seemed to leave Adair cold. Hechamped his bread and marmalade with an abstracted air.

  He was wondering what to do in the matter of Stone and Robinson.

  Many captains might have passed the thing over. To take it for grantedthat the missing pair had overslept themselves would have been a safeand convenient way out of the difficulty. But Adair was not the sort ofperson who seeks for safe and convenient ways out of difficulties. Henever shirked anything, physical or moral.

  He resolved to interview the absentees.

  It was not until after school that an opportunity offered itself. Hewent across to Outwood's and found the two nonstarters in the senior dayroom, engaged in the intellectual pursuit of kicking the wall andmarking the height of each kick with chalk. Adair's entrance coincidedwith a record effort by Stone, which caused the kicker to overbalanceand stagger backward against the captain.

  "Sorry," said Stone. "Hello, Adair!"

  "Don't mention it. Why weren't you two at fielding practice thismorning?"

  Robinson, who left the lead to Stone in all matters, said nothing. Stonespoke.

  "We didn't turn up," he said.

  "I know you didn't. Why not?"

  Stone had rehearsed this scene in his mind, and he spoke with thecoolness which comes from rehearsal.

  "We decided not to."

  "Oh?"

  "Yes. We came to the conclusion that we hadn't any use for early-morningfielding."

  Adair's manner became ominously calm.

  "You were rather fed up, I suppose?"

  "That's just the word."

  "Sorry it bored you."

  "It didn't. We didn't give it the chance to."

  Robinson laughed appreciatively.

  "What's the joke, Robinson?" asked Adair.

  "There's no joke," said Robinson, with some haste. "I was only thinkingof something."

  "I'll give you something else to think about soon."

  Stone intervened.

  "It's no good making a row about it, Adair. You must see that you can'tdo anything. Of course, you can kick us out of the team, if you like,but we don't care if you do. Jackson will get us a game any Wednesday orSaturday for the village he plays for. So we're all right. And theschool team aren't such a lot of flyers that you can afford to gochucking people out of it whenever you want to. See what I mean?"

  "You and Jackson seem to have fixed it all up between you."

  "What are you going to do? Kick us out?"

  "No."

  "Good. I thought you'd see it was no good making a beastly row. We'llplay for the school all right. There's no earthly need for us to turnout for fielding practice before breakfast."

  "You don't think there is? You may be right. All the same, you're goingto tomorrow morning."

  "What!"

  "Six sharp. Don't be late."

  "Don't be an ass, Adair. We've told you we aren't going to."

  "That's only your opinion. I think you are. I'll give you till five pastsix, as you seem to like lying in bed."

  "You can turn out if you feel like it. You won't find me there."

  "That'll be a d
isappointment. Nor Robinson?"

  "No," said the junior partner in the firm; but he said it without anydeep conviction. The atmosphere was growing a great deal too tense forhis comfort.

  "You've quite made up your minds?"

  "Yes," said Stone.

  "Right," said Adair quietly, and knocked him down.

  He was up again in a moment. Adair had pushed the table back, and wasstanding in the middle of the open space.

  "You cad," said Stone. "I wasn't ready."

  "Well, you are now. Shall we go on?"

  Stone dashed in without a word, and for a few moments the two might haveseemed evenly matched to a not too intelligent spectator. But sciencetells, even in a confined space. Adair was smaller and lighter thanStone, but he was cooler and quicker, and he knew more about the game.His blow was always home a fraction of a second sooner than hisopponent's. At the end of a minute Stone was on the floor again.

  He got up slowly and stood leaning with one hand on the table.

  "Suppose we say ten past six!" said Adair. "I'm not particular to aminute or two."

  Stone made no reply.

  "Will ten past six suit you for fielding practice tomorrow?" said Adair.

  "All right," said Stone.

  "Thanks. How about you, Robinson?"

  Robinson had been a petrified spectator of the Captain-Kettle-likemaneuvers of the cricket captain, and it did not take him long to makeup his mind. He was not altogether a coward. In different circumstanceshe might have put up a respectable show. But it takes a more thanordinarily courageous person to embark on a fight which he knows mustend in his destruction. Robinson knew that he was nothing like a matcheven for Stone, and Adair had disposed of Stone in a little over oneminute. It seemed to Robinson that neither pleasure nor profit waslikely to come from an encounter with Adair.

  "All right," he said hastily, "I'll turn up."

  "Good," said Adair. "I wonder if either of you chaps could tell me whichis Jackson's study."

  Stone was dabbing at his mouth with a handkerchief, a task whichprecluded anything in the shape of conversation; so Robinson repliedthat Mike's study was the first you came to on the right of the corridorat the top of the stairs.

  "Thanks," said Adair. "You don't happen to know if he's in, I suppose?"

  "He went up with Smith a quarter of an hour ago. I don't know if he'sstill there."

  "I'll go and see," said Adair. "I should like a word with him if heisn't busy."

 

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