I’d give anything to go back thirty minutes ago in the shower and have her in my arms.
“That’s not it!” she screams, flying back in. “You were a better man when you came back for Grandpa’s funeral. You fought wars, saved lives, lived through secret missions. Why’d you leave me then?”
“Because I’d committed to two more years. I had a plan at that point and knew what it required of me.”
“You were deployed two more times! Do you know what that did to me? How I died each time I knew you weren’t on US soil?”
“Harley, come here.” I hold out my arms, and she pierces me with a look so savage my throat burns.
“No! I’m coming near you because I want to slap you until you understand what you’ve done. I was a fucking mess! The rest of high school, my years in college, through my first job… all of it, I tried to move on. I felt pathetic! I thought you didn’t care about me!”
“You’re the only goddamned thing I’ve ever cared about!” I roar back, feeling the helplessness taking over. “I knew the risks and pushed myself to the fucking limits to be a man you could be proud of. You were not and never will be pathetic. I was the pathetic one. The drunk’s son who was destined to end up in jail. I refused to take you to the depths of hell with me.”
I know I’ve hit a nerve when her body deflates and quakes. She’s in my arms in less than a second, and I’m carrying her to the sofa, tucking her to me. A sob escapes, followed by another until she is trembling so hard, I’m scared she’s crying herself into hysteria. Every one of her tears sears into my skin, and self-hatred boils in my blood.
She rambles on, shaking her head against my chest and making no sense. I catch a few words and realize she’s not fighting to escape. Instead, she’s wrapping herself around me tightly as if she wants to fuse directly into my body.
I should have been better prepared for this, knowing she would eventually know the truth. Rich warned me on Monday to be ready because Harley wasn’t likely to let the past go. She’s lived with too many unanswered questions for far too long. The only thing I think to do is keep talking.
“I knew the risk of you moving on, finding a nice guy with a fine pedigree and good family. You’d make the perfect wife and give him beautiful children. I lived with that weighing on my mind every damn day of my life. Then when I came home for the funeral, I was done. The one gift I ever gave myself was kissing you. Then I knew I was fucked. I walked away because it took all my focus to set my plan in action. Coming home to you was my endgame.”
“Years!” she wails, another round of tears soaking my chest. “You left me again for years! Then you moved here for the academy and still shut me out. The last six months have been… I don’t know what was worse. You being active in the Marines with all the possibilities, or knowing you were in the same town and didn’t seem to want me.”
Harley’s not a crier. She can show emotions without tears. Knowing she’s torn up over me is a mark on my soul.
“I may have left you, but you were always in my line of sight. The academy was a necessity to forge the path of my future. Get a job, start a career, be solid so I could offer stability. And fuck me for saying this, but plans for the polished husband and perfect life were never in your cards. Because even if you were involved with someone, I was coming for you.”
“I’m thinking an accountant with sensibility and logic sounds good right about now.”
I smile into her hair at her remark, because there was no way that was happening.
“There’s more, gorgeous, because in order to get what I wanted, I made a deal for the Reserves. I also made a new plan. We left just shy of ten years because of the academy training schedule. We are obligated to the Reserves for two more years. It’s a special arrangement, unconventional, and I’m not at liberty to discuss, but it works for the four of us.”
“What exactly does that mean?” she utters into my neck.
“A lot of boring bullshit, but we are a team. One weekend a month, two to three weeks a summer, the usual routine. We will most likely never see a desert or special ops again.”
“Most likely?”
I cup the back of her head and massage the base of her neck. “That’s the least of my worries at this point.”
“It should be because I may hold a grudge for the next ten years.”
She’s full of shit.
“And tomorrow, I’m scouting the local CPA firms for a solid-looking bean counter.”
Full of shit again.
“Not a good idea to tell me about your tactics. Gives me more of a reason to monitor you.”
She bolts up, giving me the briefest glimpse of her face before trying to scramble away. I catch her under the armpits, throwing us sideways and pinning her to the sofa with my body. She twists inward, hiding her face in my neck, her hands trapped between us.
“Do you understand now, Harley?”
She hiccups, and the tears stain my skin again. “I don’t want to. I want to be furious with you, make you leave and never talk to you again.”
“But you’re not.” What I don’t say is that she can try to make me leave, but I’m not going anywhere.
“Don’t sound so self-righteous. ”
“Leaving here and having you not speak to me isn’t an option.”
She remains quiet for a while. I wonder if she’s fallen asleep until her hand flattens over my heart.
“I’m confused,” she admits softly.
“Tell me why and I can help.”
“I’ve spent so long feeling rejected, accepting that you didn’t see me as more than a friend. It had to be enough to have you in my life. When you walked away three years ago and avoided me, it was like losing you all over again. Then there was Saturday… Sunday… Monday and now today. I’m on an emotional rollercoaster.”
“You have never been, nor will you ever be, just a friend to me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Harley. I left you, but my heart was always yours. Everything I’ve done is for you. For us.”
Her breath hitches again, and I brace for more tears. Instead, she sucks in a deep breath and drops her neck back, bringing us face to face. Every inch of her skin is splotchy from her forehead to her chin, and her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. It takes all I have to not collapse on top of her.
“Is this real now? Are we done playing around? I’m not sure I can deal with the uncertainties and whiplash again.”
“For me, this is as real as it gets.”
The tears clear from her eyes, and she studies me closely, bringing her hand to my jaw. “Is there anything else I need to know? Any more soul-racking confessions?”
“All my cards are on the table. If you need time, I’ll be patient.”
She looks to the ceiling and rolls her bottom lip between her teeth as she considers what I’ve said. Her eyes fall back to mine, shining bright. The sadness and hurt from earlier are gone. “I don’t need time.”
10
Harley
“Spill it, I’ve waited long enough.” Jewls rushes behind the bar, dropping her bag in the usual spot. “I can’t believe you didn’t call me at work today!”
“Keep your voice down.” I glance around to make sure the few customers we have are taken care of and tug her out of earshot. Quickly, I give her a run-down of my last two days. When I’m done, she’s staring at me in disbelief.
“Say something.” I wave my hand in front of her face. There are very few times Jewls is at a loss for words. She’s known for her quick wit and snark. I wasn’t sure how’d she react, but stunned silence wasn’t in my mind.
“Wow,” is her only response.
“Wow? My universe took a seismic shift and you say wow?”
“Give me a second, I’m processing.”
“Well, process quickly because he’ll be here soon.”
“I thought he had to work tonight.”
“He does, but since he insisted on taking me and picking me up from work, one of the guys is going with him to
get my car and bring it here.”
“One week, Harley. He walked into this bar one week ago.”
“I know it’s fast.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“Do you think it’s too fast?”
“For anyone else, I’d say hell yes. I’d even say you’re straight-jacket crazy. But with a history like you and Ace, I’ll say it’s about time and I am damn happy for you.”
“Thanks.” I jump forward and hug her tight.
“I also want to throw out there that you better not turn into one of those lovesick guppies that makes me want to cut you.”
“Never,” I promise.
“What the hell is going on now? I pay you two to sling drinks. Please don’t tell me we have another lover’s spat,” Tom complains from behind.
“No spat. Things are great,” I assure him, looking over my shoulder.
“Good, because the crowd is coming, and Sylvia’s out sick. Get ready.” He roams off.
“Holy mother of sweet Jesus,” Jewls breathes out.
I twist, my hand automatically going to the edge of the bar. Talon, Ford, and Major are coming our way with Achilles leading the pack. His eyes aimed at me as his lips curl into his signature grin. My heart skips a beat and I forget to breathe, clutching the bar for a lifeline.
The others stop at their usual spot, but Achilles continues walking, coming around the side entry and directly to me. He links his arms around my waist, lifts, and kisses me gently. I’m too shocked to move, and when he places me back to my feet, my knees give out and I sway back to him.
“Is it bad that I’m picturing him naked, pinning you against the shower?” Jewls butts in, and I whip my head to her.
“Shut up!”
“Just sayin’.” She shrugs nonchalantly and goes to help two men and a woman that are openly gawking at Achilles.
When I peer up to him, his eyebrows are arched and his lips tipped in a side grin.
“I may have over shared.”
“Good to know.”
“Although, I didn’t share about your… you know… piercing.”
That earns me a smile. “Sure you will.”
“Unless you’re on my payroll, I don’t have insurance on your ass back here,” Tom booms, hustling by with a tray of empty glasses.
“I have insurance,” Ace replies.
“Let me rephrase. Unless you’re wearing one of my shirts and busting your ass, then get out from behind my bar.”
“You better go sit down before he has a hemorrhage. We’re short a server tonight.”
“You’re parked under the light by the back entrance.” He twists my hand and drops my keys in them.
“Thank you.” I brush my lips across his one more time and then give an effortless shove to get him moving. “Who’s drinking?” I look at the guys.
“Major and me,” Ford answers.
“Since it doesn’t take all four of you to bring my car, what’s the occasion?” I set down their beer and get water for Ace and Talon.
“Major and I came to watch the game,” Ford explains.
“You have an eighty-inch television and two refrigerators full of beer at the Club.”
“We came for the company,” Major speaks up.
I roll my eyes and toss my gaze to Achilles. “What you mean is you two are on Jay duty tonight since my boyfriend doesn’t like me working nights.”
Talon chokes out a cough, and Ace doesn’t flinch.
“Could be something like that, too.” Ford’s answer is laced with enjoyment.
“I assume you all are eating?” I hand them menus without waiting for a response.
“Hey, Talon, Ford, Major…” Jewls greets them, stopping in front of Ace. “…Usain Bolt.”
“Usain Bolt?” His eyebrows go up.
“Yes, you know, the world’s fastest man?”
“I know who he is, Jewls. I don’t get the connection.”
“Since you broke the land speed record for fastest moving relationship, I thought it was a fitting comparison.”
“Julianna!” I swat at her arm, scolding with her full name.
“Ten years is hardly time travel.”
“Ten long…” Talon starts.
“… Loooonnnggg…” Ford accentuates.
“… Excruciatingly drawn-out years,” they all add in unison.
“I will say hearing Jay refer to Ace as her ‘boyfriend’ almost makes the torture of living with this guy worth it.” Talon winks my way.
Ace slices his eyes to him sharply, and I wonder briefly if Talon will make it through the night alive. The others catch it, too, and a roar of laughter erupts from everyone but Ace and me.
“Fucking jackasses.”
“Well now, he’s more of a speed king than the shuffling tortoise,” Jewls jabbers.
I catch Tom signaling from across the room for assistance. “Be back, Tom needs some help.”
He points to a large group waiting by the door, and then to the cluster of high tops in the corner. I do a quick headcount of twenty, pulling tables together and hauling the stacked chairs away from the wall. In a flash, the four men are at my side, taking over until I have no choice but to instruct them what to do.
Sylvia’s absence means I work both the floor and the bar. For the next two hours, I run like a maniac, trying to manage the normal bar rush and keep up with the table. When things die down and I get back to the men, I find my mom sitting in the seat formally occupied by Achilles.
“Mom! What are you doing here?”
She shoots me a saucy grin and lifts her highball glass. “Having a cocktail with the guys. Your dad and I popped in to say hi.”
“Popped in? You don’t like sports bars.”
“I do tonight. Look at my company. Can you blame me?” She gestures to the men, which now include my dad and a few of his friends from the force. Hal Hanks has joined the group. When Achilles told me about the conversation Sunday night, I hoped Hal would be his field training officer for all of his shifts. But seeing Hal drink a beer tells me he’s not working tonight.
Looking through the crowd, Achilles seems to be the only one missing. I check my watch and know he has at least an hour before he heads to the station.
“He’s talking to Tom, sweetie. Stop worrying.” Mom pats my hand.
“I wasn’t worried, but things got busy, and there hasn’t been a lot of time to talk to him.”
“Speaking of talking, seems things have changed since our last conversation.”
It’s then I remember that I’m mildly pissed at my parents for keeping so much from me for all these years. “Achilles told me everything, Mom, including the fact that Dad practically marched him into the recruiter’s office to get him away from me.” I snatch my hand back and cross my arms to glare at her.
The happiness on her face fades and she leans in closer. “He called us today and explained that he finally told you the truth.”
“It’s not cool to ambush me at work. I have a few things to say to you both.”
“I fully prepared your father for the tongue-lashing. When we have the time and the privacy to sit down and talk, you will hopefully see where your dad was coming from and the guilt he’s felt.”
“What about you? Do you feel any guilt?”
“Guilt, anger, helplessness… and many more emotions. You do not know the pain a mother feels watching her daughter travel through the stages of heartbreak. But if Achilles told you everything, you know that what your father did had very little to do with you and everything to do with helping a struggling young man find his way in the world. Pete and Sandy Kingston were well on the path to destroying their son’s life. It pained me to see you hurting, but I agreed with your father that Achilles needed to find his way and discover who he is.”
“He could have found his way with me by his side!” I argue.
“You were by his side, as his friend. Which is exactly what he needed. Things are different now, and we couldn’t be prouder o
f him. Knowing you are finally together makes me a happy woman.”
Her words sink in, and I decide to let this go for a time when I’m not standing behind a bar working. “You need a refill?” I point to her drink, and her smile returns as she slides the glass toward me.
“One more thing.”
“Maybe your one more thing should wait until tomorrow.” I pour the vodka and soda, slip a lime on the rim, and hand it to her.
“Weirdly enough, when I hung up with Ace today, I received another call. This one from Sandy.”
My ears perk up at the mention of Achilles’ mom. To my knowledge, she’s called my parents occasionally throughout the years, and I’ve run into her in random places, but I’ve never attempted to keep in touch. According to Achilles, their contact is also limited.
“She misses her son fiercely.”
“She should have thought of that when she was sending him on errands to pull Pete out of seedy bars and get beat up.” I can’t help the hatred that spews out. Knowing what she did cut me deep, and knowing she was involved with him leaving hurts even more.
“Pete’s been sober since Ace left for boot camp, and Sandy is a new woman. She left teaching and is now in administration with the school system. She works closely with children in troubled homes.”
“That’s fucking irony at its finest,” I snarl.
Mom doesn’t blink at my foul language and continues on. “You love him and you’re protective, I understand that. But she is his mother and I’m sympathetic.”
“Are you asking me to orchestrate a reunion?”
“No, I’m telling you this because you know the truth now. Obviously, you forged past and forgave Ace. You’ll eventually forgive your dad and me for keeping things from you. Since the forgiveness is flowing, maybe you could nudge him to call his—”
“Stop right there. Forgiveness isn’t like magical fairy dust that is sprinkled from the sky. It’s his choice what to do about his parents.”
She nods, taking a sip of her drink and sitting back on her stool. “I’ve said my piece. And you have customers trying to get your attention.”
Speed King (Men of Action) Page 10