Tessa nodded, even though she suspected that with her Amish attire and Mercy’s babbling, which sounded especially loud in the high-ceilinged room, they were too conspicuous to be overlooked. She chose a seat affording a view out the glass door so she could watch Turner speaking to the bus driver beneath a bright overhead light. Even from a distance she could tell how tense he was by the way he massaged the back of his neck.
A few minutes later he reported the bus had just arrived from Peaksville and it was being cleaned before continuing on to Philly. No one was allowed to board until seven twenty. He said passengers could reach the bus by coming through the depot or by walking right up to it from outside. He decided to stand outdoors while Tessa and Mercy waited inside to be sure they wouldn’t miss Jacqueline at either location.
Tessa watched as passengers trickled through the door. Some bought tickets at the booth; others took seats or milled about the room. She saw a businessman, an older couple and a family of five, as well as three women who appeared to be college age. When a dark-haired woman who appeared to be in her fifties and was wearing a prayer kapp entered the building, Tessa’s heart skipped a beat. She and Turner had been so focused on finding Jacqueline, they hadn’t considered what they’d say or do if they bumped into someone else from their district. Fortunately, Tessa didn’t recognize the Amish passenger as being from Willow Creek. From then on, she kept her head lowered and her gaze focused on Mercy, except to furtively scan the area whenever the door opened and another person entered.
As small as the depot was, the attendant made his announcements over a loudspeaker. “Now boarding, Highland Springs to Philadelphia,” he said and then repeated himself.
Tessa’s heart raced. Please, Lord, let Jacqueline show up. Please, please, please, she pleaded silently as she wiped the drool from Mercy’s chin. Tessa had put a cloth in her tote for soothing the baby’s gums, but she didn’t want to go wet it with cold water for fear Jacqueline would arrive while they were in the restroom.
“Now boarding, Highland Springs to Philadelphia,” the attendant announced again, even though everyone except Tessa and Mercy had already filed outside. The loudspeaker crackled with static and Mercy began to whimper.
Please, Lord, I don’t think Turner can take the despondency of being disappointed again, Tessa prayed. Then she got up to pace, gently joggling the baby as she circled the room. She avoided looking through the glass door—if Turner was in view, she didn’t want to see the expression on his face.
“Final call for all passengers traveling from Highland Springs to Philadelphia,” the man in the booth said twice and Tessa winced at the words.
A few minutes later she felt the rumble of the bus pulling away from its bay, and shortly after that a burst of cold air swept through the room when Turner opened the door. His hat was angled so Tessa couldn’t see his face, but she didn’t have to see it in order to know how he felt.
“Let’s go,” he said, his voice so low at first she wasn’t sure he’d said anything at all.
Tessa stayed planted where she was. “Are you sure? Maybe she’s running late. Maybe she’ll show up in a minute, hoping she didn’t miss the bus.”
“Neh, she won’t.” Turner picked up the tote and walked to the door, holding it open for Tessa to pass through.
“I’m sorry, Turner,” she said once they were on the main thoroughfare.
“Me, too.”
There was nothing more either of them could say, but Mercy cried for the next ten minutes, as if to speak for them both.
“Why are we stopping here?” Tessa asked when they pulled up in front of an Englisch store that sold groceries, home goods and clothing.
“For the teething ring, remember? I’ll calm Mercy if you’ll go in. And if you see pajamas in the next size, please get a couple of pairs of those, too. There’s no sense postponing it. She’s growing fast.” Turner handed Tessa a couple of bills.
Tessa heard the forced nonchalance in his tone, but she understood his need to focus on practical matters and deny his despair because she had tried to do the same thing that morning after reading her mother’s letter. His pain would come out sooner or later and Tessa hoped she’d be there to listen to him express it, just as he’d been there to listen to her.
“I’ll be right back,” she said as she disembarked the buggy.
She’d hardly taken four steps through the automatic doors when she heard someone from behind calling, “Tessa! Wait up!” It was Rhoda, Patrick’s wife.
“Hello, Rhoda. How are you? Chilly evening, isn’t it?” Tessa spoke rapidly, hoping to distract Rhoda from asking any questions in return.
“It’s not so bad because we turned the heater on,” Rhoda replied. “That’s one of the really gut things about being married to someone who knows everything there is to know about buggies. Patrick modifies ours for as much comfort as the Ordnung allows. Does Turner have a heater in his buggy, too?”
“Turner?” Tessa played dumb.
“Jah, didn’t I see you getting out of his buggy just now? Patrick will want to say hello to him before we leave.”
“Neh!” Tessa responded sharply. “That’s not a gut idea right now. He’s...he’s...” She was at a complete loss for an explanation.
“Sorry for the wait,” Patrick said to Rhoda as he breezed through the doors. “Oh, hello, Tessa.”
“Hello, Patrick,” Tessa replied. “Don’t let me keep the two of you. I think the store closes at nine.”
If Tessa waited until the couple walked farther into the store, she could run back to the buggy to warn Turner. That way they could leave before Patrick and Rhoda came out to talk to him. They’d find out about Mercy soon enough, but tonight of all nights, Turner was in no shape to tell them about the baby and Tessa was going to do her best to help protect his secret for as long as she could.
“Neh, doesn’t close until ten,” Rhoda corrected Tessa. To Patrick she said, “Tessa and I are having a little chat, so you go ahead in and look for those work gloves you need. I’ll meet you near the checkout counter.”
Tessa sensed Rhoda wasn’t going to let her question about Turner go ignored, so she confessed, “You’re right, that was Turner’s buggy you saw me get out of. He was so kind as to transport me here, since there’s something I urgently need to buy and this is the only store that carries it.”
Rhoda raised her eyebrows, leaned forward and touched Tessa’s arm. “It’s okay, Tessa, I won’t tell anyone, not even Patrick. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Tell them what?” Tessa asked, doubting there was much of anything Rhoda wouldn’t tell.
“You know.” Rhoda winked. “I won’t tell them Turner is courting you.”
“Pah!” Tessa sputtered, the air knocked out of her.
“Don’t look so nervous,” Rhoda giggled. “I mean it when I say I won’t tell. After the last time you and I spoke at church, I had a very unpleasant experience because someone implied something about me that wasn’t true. I believe the Lord used the situation to show me how harmful my own nattering could be. I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever repeated that I shouldn’t have, and I’m committed to not sharing other people’s information in the future. Even if it’s something wunderbaar, like the news you and Turner are walking out. Trust me, you’ll see. With Gott’s help, I’m keeping my lips sealed.”
Tessa uttered the only words she could manage, “Denki, Rhoda,” before hightailing it away from her.
* * *
Even though he had directed the horse to the farthest corner of the parking lot, Turner sat in the back of the buggy where he could cradle Mercy without being seen by any passersby. He was glad to have a few minutes to gather his wits; he’d been close to either punching something or crying back at the depot. The act of pacifying Mercy was calming to him, too.
“I know you’re upset,” he sympathized with the baby in a low voice.
“We both are.”
Upset didn’t begin to cover the range of emotions he felt right then. He was also angry, grieved and downcast because they hadn’t found Jacqueline—doubly so because of Tessa’s news. He didn’t know what else he could do to search for his sister and he hadn’t any clue about how to help Tessa stay in Willow Creek, either. He felt so powerless he couldn’t even muster the will to pray.
“Giddyap,” he said to Mercy, bouncing her on his knee. “This is how you ride a horse, Mercy, up and down, just like this. Giddyap.”
By the time Tessa returned, the baby was squealing with delight. Turner felt a small measure of satisfaction knowing he could at least make his niece happy, even if he couldn’t solve the other problems he faced.
“Quick,” Tessa urged, taking Mercy from him. “We have to leave right away, before Patrick kummes out of the store.”
Turner scrambled to take his seat again. In his haste, he momentarily forgot about his disappointment; he just wanted to flee before his brother finished shopping. When they’d put a good distance between themselves and the store, Turner eased up on his horse.
“That was close,” Tessa said. “Here’s your change. And an oversize heart-shaped cookie cutter.”
“An oversize heart-shaped cookie cutter? Why would you buy me such a thing?”
In his peripheral vision, Turner saw Tessa dabbing drool from Mercy’s chin with a cloth. “I crossed paths with Rhoda. She saw me getting out of your buggy, so I told her you brought me here to help me find a special item. Which you did, right?”
“Technically, I suppose I did. But what has that got to do with the cookie cutter?”
“I couldn’t very well purchase a teething ring and baby pajamas with Rhoda and Patrick in the store because they might have seen me. But they also might have seen me leave without buying a specialty item. So, I purchased the first thing I saw that I knew the mercantile doesn’t carry. I’ll pay for it and keep it myself if you don’t want it.”
“Don’t be silly,” Turner chuckled. “Of course I want it. What man doesn’t want a heart-shaped cookie cutter?”
Tessa laughed, too. “Mind you, it’s not just any heart-shaped cookie cutter—it’s an oversize heart-shaped cookie cutter!”
“I’m sure this will kumme in very handy when I host my annual Valentine’s Day party,” Turner joked.
“Your annual Valentine’s Day party? Why haven’t I ever been invited to that?” Tessa crossed her arms as if she was pretending to feel slighted.
“Because this is the first year I’m having it,” Turner replied without missing a beat. Then it was as if all of the tension he’d held pent up inside him came rushing out in the form of laughter. He cracked up so long and hard he thought he might need to bring the horse to a halt.
“Don’t tell me—Mercy and I will be your only guests,” Tessa jibed.
“Neh, just you. Unless Mercy’s tooth cuts through by Monday, she won’t be able to eat the oversize heart-shaped cookies I plan to bake.”
Tessa giggled and wiped the corner of her eye with her free hand. “There’s something else I have to confess about my discussion with Rhoda. I hope it doesn’t offend you.”
Turner was curious. “What’s that?”
“First off, let me assure you she absolutely promised not to tell anyone and I think she’ll honor her word.”
Now Turner was worried. “She couldn’t have found out about Jac—”
“Neh, neh, she doesn’t know anything about Jacqueline,” Tessa said. “But because I told her you’d given me a ride to the store, she made the assumption you were courting me.”
“That’s all?” Turner asked. “Why would that offend me?”
“Because I didn’t deny it. I allowed her to think you wanted to keep our courtship a secret, otherwise she would have brought Patrick over to the buggy to greet you.”
“While I’m sorry my circumstances put you in that position, I understand. But as long as you’re not upset about Rhoda making that assumption, then neither am I.”
“I’m not upset,” Tessa confirmed, repositioning Mercy on her lap.
Why? Because it isn’t true so it doesn’t matter what Rhoda thinks, or because you’d accept me as a suitor? Turner wondered. Merely discussing a courtship between them caused warmth to course through every fiber of his body. Turner was too flustered to say anything else until they’d almost arrived home.
“In spite of not finding my sister tonight, it felt so gut to laugh. Denki, Tessa, for helping me through such a difficult time.” Turner wanted to say more, so much more, but what words could express the depth of his feelings?
“I’m not gone yet and we haven’t found Jacqueline yet, so I’m not done helping you,” she reminded him. “I intend to accompany you to the depot Friday evening, too.”
“I’m glad,” he said, but the knot in his throat at the mention of her leaving Willow Creek was so large his sentiment was barely audible.
As he brought the buggy to a stop in front of Tessa’s place, she offered to keep Mercy overnight again. But Turner knew what a blow it had been for Tessa to receive her mother’s letter that morning and he figured she needed a good night’s rest. When he said as much, she didn’t argue. So the baby wouldn’t get too cold, he dropped Mercy and Tessa off at the daadi haus while he stabled the horse.
When he walked into the parlor, Tessa had just finished changing Mercy’s diaper. He looked down at the baby, who was batting her arms and kicking her legs as if trying to get their attention.
“You’re a happy maedel, aren’t you? Is that because your mamm is coming home soon?” Tessa asked and Turner was heartened by her positivity. Tessa grinned a wide grin at Mercy and ran her fingers up her tummy, repeating, “Jah, you’re a happy maedel, aren’t you?”
Just then Mercy made a giggling noise. Turner and Tessa both looked at each other, raising their eyebrows. “Did she just laugh?” he asked.
Right on cue, Mercy undeniably gave them the sweetest laugh he’d ever heard.
“She did! She laughed!” Tessa said and she and Turner spontaneously threw their arms around each other.
Turner wished the moment—and the embrace—would never end. Right then he wanted to kiss her more than he ever wanted anything—even more than he wanted to find Jacqueline. Yet the very thought of his sister reminded him why he couldn’t entertain any more notions of romance, so he dropped his arms and in a single motion lifted Mercy from where she lay.
“Say bye-bye to Tessa,” he instructed Mercy, but he felt as if he could have been speaking to himself.
Chapter Nine
Tessa squirmed beneath her quilt, trying to find a position that would facilitate sleep. So much had happened that day she didn’t know how to make sense of it all.
Instead of focusing on the upsetting events she couldn’t control and problems she couldn’t solve, she tried to reflect only on the good parts of the day. Such as the moment when Mercy laughed, and especially the moment after that, when she and Turner embraced. As if those two occurrences weren’t splendid enough, there was a third happening in the sequence—the moment when Turner’s face was so close to hers, and his eyes were filled with such yearning, Tessa had been certain he was about to kiss her. The mere thought of his lips on hers made her catch her breath; if he had actually kissed her, she probably would have fainted from bliss.
Of course, he hadn’t actually kissed her. They hadn’t actually found Jacqueline. And she was nowhere near coming up with a reason strong enough to convince her parents she ought to stay in Willow Creek.
As her thoughts looped back to the dilemmas she and Turner were facing, Tessa allowed herself to consider the possibility it might be a long time before he found his sister; worse, he might never locate her. Either way, Turner eventually would have to tell his family and the community about the baby. Rhoda or Ruby might care for Mercy o
n occasion, but who was better suited to be her full-time nanny than Tessa? She didn’t have to divide her attentions between other familial responsibilities like they did. Surely her parents would allow her to remain in Willow Creek to care for a baby who was essentially orphaned, wouldn’t they? Just as she drifted into sleep, Tessa envisioned another possibility: Turner would ask to marry her and the two of them would raise Mercy together as their own...
But in the bright sunlight of a new day, Tessa realized how preposterous her wish was. When Turner knocked on her door, his forehead was ridged with worry lines and Tessa suspected romance was the last thing on his mind, much less marriage.
“Is it okay if I’m a little late collecting Mercy tonight?” he asked.
“Absolutely. I’d also be happy to keep her overnight again if that would be more helpful.”
“Denki, but that’s not necessary. I only need you to watch her so I can stop by the convenience store. I want to give Artie a note for Jacqueline in case she shows up there for some reason.”
While Tessa was glad Turner was demonstrating renewed determination to find his sister, she was dubious about his plan. Since Charlotte and Skylar indicated Jacqueline was wrestling with other types of shame, Tessa imagined the girl would also be too embarrassed to return to the store after being fired. Besides, Artie said payday was one day and one day only. So what reason would Jacqueline have to go back there? But Tessa supposed anything was possible; besides, Turner needed as much encouragement as he could get, so she held her tongue.
Turner seemed to know what she was thinking. “Don’t worry about me getting my hopes up,” he said. “I don’t believe she’s going to visit the store, either, but I’ll feel better if I do something instead of just waiting until it’s time to go to the bus depot again.”
Minding the Amish Baby Page 14