by Kat Addams
“Now that my children are grown, I feel like I can be me again. It’s been an issue this last year or so. Hell, it’s probably menopause. But your dad and I have been wanting to tell you and your brother this for a while. When we learned that sweet girl Nikki was working the same job I’d had, well, we figured it was a good time. We just didn’t know how. So, here we are. Any questions?” Ma crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in the swing.
“Why? Why did you need to strip? Was there anything wrong?”
“No. Why does there need to be something wrong? I liked dancing, and the money was good. That’s all. I would still be doing it now if it wasn’t for these here damn legs! I’m telling you!” She leaned forward and tapped both of her calves.
“Thank you for telling me, Ma. You’ve always been the best mother anyone could ask for. I don’t yet know if I am happy that you spilled your secret life to me or if I’d rather not have known. But I am glad you feel comfortable enough with me to share. It just makes me rethink my childhood.”
“Was it a bad childhood?” Dad asked.
“No,” I answered quickly.
“Then, what does it matter?” Ma tilted her head and studied my face.
“I guess it doesn’t.”
“Good. Now, I have to explain things to my soon-to-be daughter-in-law, and this will all blow over. We can get back to it. Get your name on the papers, and then you can start supplying me grandbabies.”
“Ma, we broke up. She didn’t think she was good enough for me—or you. She felt bad and didn’t want to ruin the Banks name. Said I deserve better. Also, she doesn’t want kids. She has her hands full at the cottage with the disadvantaged youth. She loves those children as her own.” I walked back over to my seat and sat down, rubbing my hands over my eyes.
“No kids? I thought y’all said you were interested?” Ma clutched her chest.
“She wanted to impress you. She wanted you to like her. Nikki is amazing, Ma. But she doesn’t want kids, and she is a stripper. She’s also pretty damn outspoken, she comes from a hard knock life, and she lights sage sticks on fire. Calls it smudging. It’s supposed to get rid of bad energy or whatever,” I said.
“The grandchildren talk can come later. Boy, get your ass back up to that Juicy Clam or whatever the hell it’s called and get your woman. I’m telling you from experience, if she can work the pole, she can work the pole. She’s a catch you don’t want to get rid of!” Dad wagged his finger at me.
“Oh, gross, Dad! I thought sex before marriage was forbidden! Ma made sure Nikki and I had separate bedrooms! Just what kind of brothel are we running here these days?” I cried, getting back up and heading toward my car.
“I didn’t say anything about sex, son. There are other ways, ya know. Damn, are you that dense?” Dad shook his head.
“Stop! Just stop!” I put both of my hands in the air. “Point taken. I’m out. I’ll talk to Nikki or figure out something. Maybe get her back here for y’all both to explain yourselves. Just no more talk of this dirty stuff, please.”
“Deal. If you hear from Wes, please don’t tell him. We are going to speak to him privately too. Let me know something about Nikki soon, or I’ll go get her back for you!” Ma shouted as I ran down the steps and squealed out of my parents’ sex farm as fast as I could.
ELEVEN
Nikki
Over the next week, I went through the motions while working at the taco truck and the strip club. I smudged myself to get rid of any negative energy, but my guilt and sorrow still clung to me like a wet blanket. I did what I had to do for money. And just as Weston had said, he did send my check in the mail. But I didn’t have the heart to cash it. I didn’t want to cash it. That money had been built on lies and hurt a sweet, old lady and a gentle, big-hearted giant. Only bad things could come from cashing that check.
“What do you mean, you’re not cashing it?” Betty cried during food prep. “You mean to tell me, you’ve been moping around all damn week after that man and his family got you all in your damn emotions, and you don’t think you deserve some type of pay from it? Look at you! You ain’t Nikki this week! You’re a zombie. I can tell something is eating you up, and it’s that Jolly Green Giant and his best friend, Dan!”
I looked to Rox for help.
“She’s right. Just cash it. Then, do some enchantment or some shit on it. Whatever you have to do. But you said that money would just about pay the rest of your debts off. I think you should do it. If it bothers you, you can find some way to make it up to Weston and his ma. But just cash the damn check and move on.” Rox stopped chopping and stared at me, waiting on me to respond.
“You of all people! Like Betty told you, that is your one! Look at you! You’re in looooove. You can’t even focus! Gosh, that’s so cute. Now, you’d better go give him and his ma a grand gesture and make up and live happily ever after!” Layla bounced on her feet, clapping.
“I’m not in love! That shit takes time. And I didn’t say I couldn’t focus!” I snapped.
“You didn’t have to say it. It’s written all over your face,” Betty sighed.
I touched my face all over as if wiping away my feelings, so the whole world wouldn’t know that tough-ass Nikki Vinco from the trailer park felt terrible about doing a little dirty work for money. I never felt bad about stripping. Doing some dirty work for money had always been a part of my life. But the lie I had gone along with for Weston and hurting his ma like I had made me feel like the worst human being imaginable.
“I’ll cash it. And then I’ll do something nice for the Banks family with it. Weston included. I did have a good time with him.” I smiled as I thought about our sneaky sex session in the guest room upstairs.
“Oh, I know you did. I was with an uncut man before, and they are thick! I guess it’s all that extra skin!” Layla sucked her bottom lip between her teeth with a smack.
Rox shook her head. “Or maybe he is just that divine intervention you’ve been looking for. Maybe it has nothing to do with his dick.”
“It might have a little bit of something to do with his dick,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Of course it did,” Betty muttered. “Go get your man. Don’t make me drag him back here. Get him and his overbearing ma down here now and explain yourself. The worst-case scenario is, they won’t come, or he tells you to fuck off. Then, you’ll know you at least tried. And then you can cash that check, guilt-free, job done. But I’ll tell you now, Weston is yours. He might not be your usual type, but that’s the man you’ll end up with and be happier for it. The look in his eyes when he saw you that day back here at the taco truck? He’s got it good for you. You’ll go far in life with a man like that. Not to mention, the moola.” Betty rubbed her fingers together and wiggled her eyebrows.
“Did he really look at me like he liked me?” I asked, grinning. I knew he liked me. I just wanted to reassure myself that everyone else saw what I saw.
I can’t believe that man and his beard have grown on me.
“Yes!” DTF answered in unison.
“Okay, okay. I’ll cash it, call them, set something up, and get this dark cloud of guilt off of me. Crossing my fingers and saying an incantation.” I made the sign of the cross, kissed the crystal that hung around my neck, and whispered, “Hallelujah!”
“Praise the Lawd!” Layla shouted, throwing her hands in the air. “The fake Nikki Banks is gonna be banking!”
I twirled a dishrag in the air and slapped her in the butt before getting back to work.
The rest of my workday had been as busy as ever. Crowds gathered around our truck just as quickly as they had left. I tweeted the famous Shizzle Sauce daily specials at lunchtime, and within two hours, we sold out. Our other taco truck that worked the opposite side of town had also sold out during lunch. With business continually picking up, we had a hard time keeping up with the demand. Just this week alone, we’d made an extra nine batches of Shizzle Sauce for Scarlett Herb and fifteen batches for our other t
aco truck.
By the time I left to volunteer at the cottage, I was too exhausted to do much. Not to mention, my dancing career was tanking because I wasn’t able to focus. I missed my bearded giant in the back corner, watching me. Before the fake engagement, he had been a constant fan who I could count on being there even if I had no clue who he was and had thought he was a creeper at first. Now, when I looked out while I was onstage, I only saw dull, dead eyes looking back at me.
The excitement had left my life despite my smudge sticks, despite my crystals, despite my dancing naked under the full moon the other night. I’d had an entire bottle of wine and let loose in the only way I knew how. I’d almost—almost—made a booty call to one of my many friends with benefits, but the thought of some halfhearted lay after Weston Banks had screwed me sideways until my eye twitched … well, that thought had bummed me out. Hence the wine and the drunken, naked moon dancing.
I sat down in front of the teens who had decided to show up today, and I taught them—and myself—how to make beaded jewelry. Two of the young girls were from my old trailer park, and one of them was pregnant. As I explained to everyone the different beads and gemstones and their meanings, they shifted the subject to me and my personal life—a favorite topic of choice with them.
“Who broke your heart?” Trish, the pregnant one, asked.
“Huh? No one. Why would you ask that?” I continued stringing beads on a bracelet I was making for Layla. She hadn’t been feeling well lately, and I wanted to give her as much healing vibes as possible.
“Because you are talking monotone, not smiling, and you look like you were punched in the gut.” Trish rubbed her belly.
“My boring adult life has nothing to do with jewelry-making,” I answered too quickly.
“Who is he?” another teen, Rachel, spoke up.
“Ms. Vinco, tell us, so we can cut him,” Trish said, narrowing her eyes and slowly tapping a bead on the desk.
“Why do you kids always want to know about my personal life?” I sighed.
“Because we care. And because you’re the only adult who talks to us like an adult and is real with us. Don’t you think it’s good we learn how the real world is? You were like us once. We want to know how you grew up, how you got where you are today, how you handle things.” Rachel sat back in her chair, tossing the bracelet she’d made in front of her.
I rubbed my temples. These kids were smarter than I had been at their age. Maybe the time and efforts I’d put in were beginning to work. I racked my brain on how to turn this into a lesson before letting myself become vulnerable.
“I broke my heart. It was me. I’d made a mistake and hurt some people.”
“Ms. Vinco is loving ’em and leaving ’em! I knew it! Didn’t I tell you she was one of those player ladies?” Trish bounced in her seat, nodding toward Rachel.
“No. I am not a player lady—because I’m no lady.” I winked.
Rachel stuck her knuckles in her mouth. “Damn!”
“Listen, in all seriousness, I did mess up big time. And it’s because I lied. I told a big lie and hid myself. In retrospect, I would rather not lie about who I really am, no matter what. I just need to be myself. It took me a very long time to accept myself and my situation and my past. I fell back into the trap of hiding it.”
“But why? You hid yourself from this man?” Trish circled her palm along her belly.
“No. Not really. I’m not going to get into specifics. I lied for money. It was a job I took where I had to be someone I wasn’t. I would do a lot for money, but that was going too far. I’d never hurt anyone for money, and that is exactly what happened. Learn a lesson, kiddos. Don’t lie, accept who you are, try to be the best person you can be, and above all else, don’t let some douche bag get you into debt, so you have to work your ass off to climb out of it.”
“Happened to my mama too. Her ex stole my and my sister’s lunch money in the morning to buy drugs. Not sure what the hell he could get with four dollars, but if he could have a sniff of something to alter his world, he’d gladly pay for it. He’s gone now. She’s single. Just like me.” Trish’s voice became low.
“You got this,” I said, reaching across the desk to squeeze her hand. “You and that baby are going to be fine. I won’t sugarcoat it. Your life will be incredibly tough, but I believe in you. Trish, you’re going to be an amazing mom, and that baby of yours might be president one day after she sees how strong her mama is. That will give her the faith to keep going.”
The other kids nodded in agreement. I’d never seen a group of children get along and be so supportive of one another in my entire life. They had attached themselves to each other, making their own family in the absence of a family back at their homes.
We sat there for another hour, discussing life, men, debt, and babies. I let the kids carry the conversations and only talked when they asked me a question. Their problems took my mind off my problems, and once again, it showed me perspective.
I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I needed to talk to Weston and thank him for the check, double-checking that it was all right to cash it before I went to the bank. I also wanted to hear his voice and see how much damage I’d done to his mom, whom I was sure he had spoken with since. If I could pry her phone number out of him, I’d explain my actions to her. I needed a clear conscience. The smudging had only gotten me so far.
I debated on avoiding an awkward conversation by texting, but I took a deep breath and made my mind up that this conversation was one that needed to be done by voice. I stepped out of the room, scrolled to Weston’s name on my phone, and pushed the button to call. He picked up on the second ring.
“Nikki!” Weston was breathing hard, sounding like he had run a marathon.
“Are you okay? It sounds like you’re working out or something. Is this a bad time?” I paced the floor in front of the door, fully aware that the girls were probably listening to my conversation.
“No. Not at all. I heard my phone vibrate across the kitchen and had to sprint to get it.”
“How big is your kitchen? You sound out of breath.”
“It’s not very big. I’m lying. I was yanking my crank.” He sighed.
“Oh my gosh, Weston! You didn’t have to tell me that. Sorry for the interruption!” I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes for a split second, thinking of Weston sitting back in a chair and playing with himself while I rode his face. I quickly shook the thought out of my head.
“You have a sixth sense or something? Did your crystals tell you I was thinking of you just now?”
“You were thinking of me? What was I doing?” My heart plummeted into my stomach, and a warm flush took over my body. I needed to get laid, and no one was doing it for me in my mind, except this giant lump of beard.
“I was thinking of the way your ass had looked when I slammed myself into you, how you’d stared back at me with those bedroom eyes. The expression on your face sent me over the edge. A woman as beautiful as I’d seen in my entire life, looking at me like I was the only thing she wanted. That was what I was just thinking about.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and walked toward the end of the hall. “That move you did—hopping to your feet behind me, shoving me forward, and diving in deep and rough—sent me over the edge. I’m a rough fuck girl, and most men are too soft with me. They worry they’ll hurt me. But you … surprised the hell out of me. You gave it to me exactly how I wanted. We never really talked about that night, but you are a force to be reckoned with in bed. I had no idea.”
“To be honest with you, I’ve never done anything like that before. I’m still not sure what took over me and made me a wild man. I just wanted you so bad. I had wanted you so bad for a while. And I … I wanted you as mine.” His voice trailed off into a sigh.
“Never felt claimed before, but I guess that would be a good word for it. And … I liked it. Kudos to you.”
An awkward
silence fell over our conversation. I cleared my throat, waiting on him to speak.
“I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough. I am truly, truly sorry. And I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll not lie again. I thought I was acting in the best interest of everyone because if I inherited Westworld, I could make it amazing. I know I can. I’m good at that, and I believe in myself enough to do that. I just should have let my parents know that instead of tricking them into what I thought they wanted.”
“You thought they wanted? Have you spoken to them? How is Ma?”
“Oh, yes, I have. Ma is okay. More than okay. I need to talk to you about something.”
I gritted my teeth. Those last words were always a death sentence. Needing to talk about something was usually a path down a negative road. I braced myself.
“Go on. You can tell me anything.” I gripped my crystal necklace in my hand.
“I’d rather talk in person. And it’s not just an excuse to see you and apologize to your face again. But that is the icing on the cake—or the cream on your pie, I guess I could say.”
“Sounds serious. Are you sure Ma is okay? Did you get written out of everything?” My shoulders slumped as my feet carried me back down the hall and toward the crafts room. My body and mind wanted this conversation to end. Something felt off.
“Everything is fine. Do you dance this week at the club? I can come there and talk, if you don’t mind.”
“I do. The day after tomorrow. I’ll be there at the usual time.” I swallowed hard. A serious conversation at the strip club. That should do wonders for my performance.
“Sounds like a plan. Oh, and did you cash your check yet?”
“No. I was going to confirm with you again. I feel like it’s dirty money. My conscience would be clearer if I knew everyone was all right and things were good before I cashed it. That’s actually why I called. Not because I have some mental voodoo on you jerking off to your fantasy of me.”
“If I have to take you to the bank and deposit it myself, you’ll clear that check. You worked for it, and everything is okay for you to enjoy it. We are all fine. It’s over. Stupid shenanigans.”