by Nelson, Kip
With that settled, Ana, with Penelope’s help, was left to guard Jeff. Morelle and Jessica were off with Greg and Anthony, respectfully, which Tillman couldn't begrudge them after having been through such an ordeal.
The council and Khan moved into the living room. It was strange to see Khan standing in this house, a welcome guest, a hero, even, after saving Morelle and Jessica, just a short time after he had been standing in the kitchen threatening them. Things could change quickly in this world. Alliances shifted like the sands of the desert. It even was hard for Tillman to remember who he was sometimes, especially when he was tested and pushed beyond his limits. What kind of man was he? Would he stay true to his convictions, or would he crumble and throw them all away whenever it suited him?
Now that the anger had faded he thought back to what he had done with Jeff. Surprisingly, however, he did not feel ashamed because of it, nor did he regret his actions. Given the circumstances, he thought he was justified in his actions, and that scared him. He remembered having the wrench in his hand, telling himself that he only was going to scare Jeff. Yet, when he was lifting the wrench over Jeff's head, ready to strike, he hadn't been sure if he was going to stop. Jeff had tried destroying everything Tillman had worked for. Not only that, but he had threatened his family too. Tillman may well have brought the wrench crashing down on Jeff's skull, leaving him dead. More than that, he thought that if he did, he could live with himself, and that thought scared him. He looked over at Khan and wondered to himself how far he was from becoming Khan. How much difference was there, really, between a man such as Khan and a man like him? It seemed as though every day the lines became a little more blurred, and Tillman didn't even know if he should feel guilty any longer.
There was more to focus on than his inner turmoil, though. Tillman forced his mind to focus on the present moment. There were things to be done, and Khan had news of a threat. But not everyone was as ready to listen to him, as Tillman was.
“What are we doing here? Why are we listening to anything this man has to say?” Simon asked.
“You're going to want to hear this,” Khan said.
“Khan isn't the enemy, Simon. He came to us with information. We have to listen to him,” Tillman said. Simon grumbled, but made no further protests.
“Khan, please continue,” Tillman said. Khan seemed to revel in this reversal of fortune.
“You know, Tillman, I never had the chance to admire your home the last time I was here. It's really a special place. I can see now why you were so adamant to defend it. Perhaps we should have a dinner party. I can come to yours, then next time you can come to mine. Wouldn't that be nice?”
“Let's put a pin in it,” Tillman said. “What have you got for us?”
Khan chuckled to himself, then the smile faded.
“I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to get my fun in before the fun is taken away forever. I know we've had our differences, but we're quite alike. We all just want to live our lives in our own way. We don't want to accept rule from other people, but that's going to change,” Khan said.
“What do you mean?” Fernando asked.
“I mean that while you lot have been messing around here building all your water systems and electing councils and whatever the hell else you've been doing, some of us have been doing something useful. I suppose none of you have bothered to go into town recently, have you?” he asked, looking at each of them in turn.
“We've been pretty busy here,” Tillman said, an edge to his voice because secretly he was ashamed that he hadn't been back. He'd wanted to return to tell the people there of the community he had founded and welcome them into the fold, but there was so much going on he hadn't had the chance yet. Still, he thought he should have made the time somehow, for something so important.
“Yes, well, if you had made the effort, then you'd know that there's a military presence in town and from what I understand they're trying to exert control,” Khan said.
“Well, that's a good thing, surely?” Annabelle asked. “Isn't that what we've been waiting for all this time? For someone to come and tell us what's going on?”
“They're here to exert control upon the rampant, rioting population. I don't think they care whether it's people like me or people like you. We've all made plans for the future. They don't see what we're doing as living, all they see is chaos. You think they'll give a damn about your council when they come in?” Khan said.
There was a moment of silence as all of them processed Khan’s words. The thought of the military coming to rescue them should have been a cause for celebration, but Tillman knew Khan had a point. There shouldn't have been anything to fear, but in these days, nothing was certain.
“Jack, what do you think?” Tillman asked, turning to the man who would know the military better than anyone else in the neighborhood.
The former Marine licked his lips and then shrugged.
“It makes sense. There's a military base not too far from here. They'd see it as their duty to try settling the population. I imagine they're working their way toward the city, which is probably a war zone. They might assume that other places are the same. They'll try to lock things down, enforce order. We might be lucky and they'll move on to the city, or they might want to stick around and make sure we're not going to cause any trouble.”
“Either way, big old guns and grenades aren't going to give us any peace,” Khan said. “You can throw them a parade if you like, but I don't trust them one bit.”
Tillman couldn't say that he could either. There wasn't even any guarantee they still were working for the government. His mind was filled with worry, and he had no idea how to prepare for a military presence. If they were going to cause trouble, there simply was no way he could stop them.
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Chapter Eleven
Tillman rolled his shirt up to his elbows and crouched down over a piece of wood. A toolbox was beside him, with various hand tools and wrenches around. He had a hammer in his hand, and he switched between that and a saw. He hadn't had any sleep, but he was too furious to be tired. This needed to be done, and he was the one to do it.
He worked so hard that his shirt clung to his skin, and more than a few people had come over to him while he was working, asking him what he was building. The answer to all of them was the same.
“You'll see.”
But in his mind, Tillman knew.
Ben was dead. Jeff was being held in his mother's kitchen, and the rest of the council still were mulling over Khan's words. The threat of a new group coming to take what they had built unnerved Tillman. While he was working he asked himself if he should be reacting that way. Surely the military coming in to claim control was a good thing. They had their orders. They had strength, and yet Tillman didn't have faith that it was necessarily a good thing for them to be running through the country, moving from place to place, barking out their orders to the civilian population, especially not in a place like this, where the people were governing themselves.
Khan had seemed more troubled than most by the army’s appearance. Tillman assumed this was because he couldn't indulge his darker impulses. A man like that couldn't live under army rule, but then Tillman didn't know if he could either. After all, he was a man of great passion and principles. In his experience there often were times when military personnel seemed to think their uniforms gave them the right to assume control no matter what, but Tillman liked what the neighborhood had done so far. He saw potential in them and would resist any interference.
But did that make him any different than Khan?
After what had happened with Jeff, Tillman couldn't help but see the similarities between himself and Khan. The two of them both were resisting the military’s arrival. Tillman had released the darkness that resided within the depths of his soul, and he wondered if he ever would be able to put it back. A lifetime of control had enabled hi
m to be proud of himself. But in this world, he had killed, he had stood on the brink of sanity, and the gaping abyss called to him with a siren’s song. It would be so easy to fall into war, to keep fighting until the skin had torn from his knuckles and only blood remained.
But how could he fight the military? He'd already avoided one war with Khan for fear of innocent people losing their lives. Taking on an army was a whole other proposition. They would have guns, equipment, and skills that far outstripped their own. If they wanted to subdue the neighborhood, they would have little trouble in doing so.
Behind him, he heard footsteps. Tillman didn't look up, so focused was he on his thoughts and the task at hand.
“Are you going to take a break any time soon?” Fernando asked.
“I need to do this,” Tillman said.
“Okay, Son. I brought you some water, and your mom insisted you have something to eat, even though I have a feeling this sandwich just is going to sit here,” Fernando said, placing a tray down beside Tillman. Now that food was beside him, Tillman noticed how parched he was, and his stomach rumbled.
“Are you going to come in any time soon? We could use your help about what Khan told us,” Fernando said.
“I need to be out here for the time being,” Tillman said.
“Okay, Son. I'd still like to know what you think.”
“I don't know what I think. Just when I think I've got a handle on this world, it throws up something else that surprises me. I mean, what kind of world are we living in where we're afraid of the military?”
“Well, maybe we shouldn't be. Maybe we should welcome them with open arms. Maybe things haven't been as bad as we feared, and the government is going to establish some kind of control.”
“I wish I could believe that, Dad. I've been trying to believe that, believe me. I'd love to just let go of all this trouble in my heart and hope that everything is going to work out for the best, but I can't. I have this deep feeling inside my gut that this is a bad omen. Did you ever read The Rain Seed?”
Fernando shook his head.
“It was a book about an alien invasion,” Tillman continued, “but it wasn't your typical action-packed book, with armies of soldiers beaming down to Earth with huge spaceships in the sky waiting to bomb the planet. It all started with rain, just drops of rain falling to the Earth. At first nobody suspected anything, but the rain continued for days, then weeks, then months. All kinds of experts were called in to figure out what was happening. At one point they figured out that the rain was changing the composition of the soil itself, and after more tests they concluded it was actually a bio-weapon sent from an unseen force.”
“A bio-weapon?”
“Yeah, its purpose was to change the planet's atmosphere so that it would be suitable for them to inhabit the planet and claim it as their own. Anyway, that part of it isn't very important. But what I remember from the book is the main character looking up at the sky, feeling the rain upon his skin, knowing that something was up there, lurking, waiting to strike, and there was nothing he could do to fight back against it. It was this pressure coming down on him relentlessly, and there was nothing he could do to escape. That's the way I feel right now. Whenever we deal with one problem, another one comes along. There's some other group threatening us, or somebody in the neighborhood is unhappy, then we still have to figure out the rules we're going to live by. Sometimes it all just seems too much, and I don't know how we're going to cope...how I'm going to cope.”
Tillman hung his head and took a break from sawing through the wood. He exhaled deeply and reached over to pick up the water, taking a few long gulps. Fernando grunted with laughter.
“You don't need an alien invasion to make you think of that. I felt the same way when we found out Ana was pregnant with you.”
“You did? I thought you always wanted a kid?”
“Oh, I did, but that didn't make it any less confusing and scary when I got the news. It's one thing planning for something, quite another when it actually happens. There's so much to take care of. Everyone is offering their advice. There are so many doctor’s appointments and classes and books to read. Someone tells you that you shouldn't do one thing, then you read a book and it says that you have to do that same thing, no matter what. Then you have to try thinking of the right name, and all the while hormones are raging through your mother's body, so her moods are swinging like a pendulum. Then you're thinking about what it actually means to be a father and you're plagued with this feeling that you're being thrown into the deep end, that you shouldn't be given the responsibility of raising another life, that you're only going to mess it up.
I remember feeling so much pressure, which is stupid, really. People give birth all the time. Almost everyone goes through the same feelings, but somehow it's different when it happens to you.”
“I hope it got better once I was born,” Tillman said dryly.
“Actually, it got worse. Once you could run around and get yourself into trouble there wasn't a moment when your mother and I didn't worry about you, but that's just the job of a parent. You become scared of everything then, and you start realizing how dangerous the world is, but you do it anyway. Just like we have to do now. There's always going to be someone threatening this place, and things always are going to be changing. But we can't stop living based on that. And don't forget that you're around people who are feeling the exact same thing. It gets easier over time. When Morelle was born, I still felt the same thing, but I was able to handle it better. We have the council now, and we have our family. We can figure out a way to meet any challenge that comes at us.”
“I hope you're right,” Tillman said, unconvinced. A moment of silence lingered between the two men. Fernando was about to leave when Tillman took a bite of the sandwich and asked him a question. “How did you ever get over what you did to Javier?”
Fernando had confessed his darkest secret to Tillman after Tillman had returned home, how Fernando had hunted and killed Morelle's husband after he had abused her physically and emotionally. Tillman had wanted to as well, but his father had taken the law into his own hands after Javier had disappeared. As far as Tillman knew, he and his father were the only ones to share the secret, although Tillman wouldn't have been surprised if Ana suspected something.
Fernando sat down beside Tillman and spoke in a low voice after he made sure nobody else was around to listen in on their conversation.
“Sometimes the memory haunts me. It was the expression on his face more than anything. He seemed so...surprised that anyone would do that to him. I suppose none of us believe we're going to die, even when it's happening. I never said anything to him, and it happened so quickly that he didn't have the chance to say anything to me. Afterward, I thought about what would have happened if I had gone to the police. I knew I had broken the law, but I also knew that if we had turned Javier in, it would only make the pain worse for Morelle. She'd never be able to move on from it, and I didn't want her to have to recount in a courtroom what he'd done to her.”
“You know that I would have done it if you hadn't? I was ready to look for him, but he couldn't be found. I didn't know at the time that it was because you had taken care of him already.”
“It was my burden to bear. I'm Morelle's father. I would have paid the price as well, if the police ever had found out.”
“I thought about killing Jeff for what he did,” Tillman admitted.
“I can't blame you. Both those men were despicable. They've gone against everything we've been trying to build here.”
“I hated myself for it, though. I don't know if I was angrier that they had threatened the community, or Morelle and Jessica. Either way, I wanted to make Jeff pay. I guess Ben did, with his life.”
“I never thought I'd be thanking Khan for anything,” Fernando said. “Do you think he's actually being honest with this information? What if he's just trying to get us all worked up?”
“You're starting to sound like Simon. People are to
o ready to blame Khan for everything. I know he was a threat to this community, but not everything is about him.”
“I'm not saying it is,” Fernando said defensively, “but we have to think about what he's done. Maybe this is a mind game, meant to throw us off balance?”
“I just don't see what he gets out of it. I think he realizes that working together is the best way and, given how we were so ready to defend ourselves against him, he probably thinks if anyone is going to stand up to the army, it's going to be us. I just wish we had more information.”
“You're thinking about your friends, aren't you?”
“Yeah. They were good people. I always meant to go back for them, but like I said, there are too many things to do. And I can't go back there now, not if the army is swarming all over the place. I guess the only thing to do is wait for them to come to us and we'll see what their intentions are. We'll have to tell everyone what's happened, though, and why Khan is here. They deserve to know now about Jeff and Ben.”
Fernando nodded. “And you're going to stay here?”
“For the time being, yes. I have to be here,” Tillman said. Fernando took the empty tray back, leaving Tillman to his project.
Tillman still had a lot of work to do, and the day passed quickly. People came and went, but they were a blur to him as he hammered the pieces of wood together. Foreboding thoughts churned through his mind, but he pushed them all back, focusing on the task at hand until it was done.
Then he stood proudly before what he had built, the first jail cell. While everyone else had been working hard on the water distribution system, Tillman had been working on something else the neighborhood needed. Execution seemed too drastic a punishment, and exile meant that people would be allowed to roam free. A jail cell seemed to be the only solution for the time being. Jeff couldn't go on being held by his mother for much longer, and here he would be on display for his crimes.