First-Time Cuckold

by Vivi King

  “You don’t love me anymore?” I asked, feeling the blood drain from my wretched face and chest.

  “I do love you Penny but I’m not sure I trust you. I need some space.”

  “Space for what?”

  “Space to... to work a few things out.”

  “You want us to split up?”

  “No! At least not yet,” he replied cruelly.

  There was a long pause. I could think of nothing to say that wouldn’t make things worse.

  “How long do you mean?” I stammered, reality forcing its presence on me hard.

  “I don’t know. Maybe days, maybe longer but I need to put a bit of distance between us.”

  “Pete please...”

  “I think we both have big decisions to make, don’t you?” Pete continued. “As I see it you have three choices. Do you want to give up your lover and our new lifestyle up and become a bitter, sexually frustrated wife for the rest of your life?

  “Or, do you want to leave me, run off with him and end up an angry divorcee who can’t see her children?

  “Or, do you want to do what we agreed you would do? Keep on being Penny the Hotwife, getting fucked by other men but coming home to me afterwards?”

  At that moment I could see only those three options too. But Pete hadn’t finished.

  “But remember I get a say in this decision too. While you’re deciding which Penny you want to be, I’ll be deciding if I can continue to be married to any of them.”

  Oh my God! He was really contemplating leaving me!

  “Now I have to go to work. Don’t bother calling me. I’ll be very busy!”

  With that, Pete left the room. I moment later I heard the front door closing and the roar of his Porsche in the driveway.

  I felt more alone than at any time in my life.

  12

  I stood at the window, still wearing my over-tight gym clothes, watching my husband Pete’s Porsche pass out of the driveway, turn right and disappear towards the hospital where he worked. The large wooden gates swung slowly but firmly closed behind him; a menacing metaphor for the way my future looked right then.

  Insisting that we needed time apart to consider our relationship, my husband of over twenty years had just walked out, leaving me to my guilty thoughts, alone.

  The nightmare had begun, and it was all my fault.

  Not content with a single ‘fuck-date’ each week with my lover Tony as my husband had agreed, I had deceived him by arranging even more secret, illicit liaisons with the same man behind his back. This deceit had included two wonderfully romantic overnight stays in a country house hotel which were very much not permitted.

  I had lied to my husband on both occasions, telling him I was at conferences in London.

  Even the day all this was discovered and the nightmare began, I had deceived my husband, leaving the house wearing my gym clothes to cover that morning’s secret liaison at Tony’s apartment. I had told myself it wasn’t a real lie; I hadn’t actually told Pete I was going to the gym. All I had done was get changed; if he chose to think that was where I was going, that was his decision.

  I feel ashamed writing this even now.

  Of course my betrayal couldn’t have been discovered in the usual way, through careless credit card bills or even being found in bed with my lover. No, poor Penny had forgotten to brush her teeth after giving Tony one of her rare blowjobs and reluctantly swallowing the mouthful of semen that had

  resulted.

  It was a stupid rookie error but then I was a stupid rookie over-involved in her first extra-marital affair.

  When I returned home afterwards, my husband had smelled my lover’s cum on my breath and tasted it in my mouth as he kissed me, leaving me no alternative but to confess all. This confession had included the terrible truth that, not content with just fucking, Tony and I had apparently fallen in love. Indeed, our relationship had got as far as Tony asking me to leave Pete and move in with him in his flat. The fact that I hadn’t immediately rejected the idea shows just how out of control I had become.

  And now it was too late.

  Once my husband’s car was out of sight, I turned away from the window, my heart thumping. It’s hard to believe but even though I was badly shaken, at that point I still hadn’t grasped the seriousness of the situation. Dazed and confused by the suddenness with which everything had happened, I still naively believed that we could just talk it all through later, that everything would still be alright and that we could go on with our love triangle as before.

  After Pete had gone, my first instinct was to call Tony, to tell him what had happened and warn him of possible consequences. But something inside me told me to wait; Pete had gone to work, his anger had been contained. I didn’t really think he would go round to Tony’s for a fight. It was far better to see how my husband was when he came home later that evening.

  This meant I had hours to kill and the weight of a guilty conscience to live with.

  Going from room to room, I tidied what little mess there was in the house, emptied the dishwasher and wondered how to fill the hours before my husband’s return. With no more housework to take my mind of my predicament, the answer was obvious; go to the gym for real. I was already in my gym clothes after all. Five minutes later I had phoned the Sports Club, booked myself into the next Bodypump class and set off in my SUV.

  On the way I drove past Tony’s apartment. There was no sign of his car. He must really be busy, I thought. That must be why he couldn’t see me. If he loved me as much as he had said, the frustration must be as terrible for him as it was for me.

  There was no sign of his car ninety minutes later as I drive myself home, my fifty-one year old body aching pleasantly from exertion.

  The class had been tough but I had wanted it to be; only something hard and physical could take my

  mind away from all that had just happened at home. I added kilograms to my hand weights and tried even harder to keep pace with the trainer. It hurt but the pain had focussed my mind on the exercise and away from my precarious marriage.

  Since my affair had started and my naked body was being seen by a man who wasn’t my husband, I had felt driven to make myself look and feel more attractive – dressed and undressed. As a result, my gym visits had become desired rather than a necessary evil, my cardio sessions had become enjoyable as well as endurable and my body had changed for the better.

  The change in my body had brought a change in my clothing too; hemlines had become shorter and sexier without conscious thought and the reduction in dress size I had sought for decades had happened almost without trying.

  After so many years of failed diets and missed classes, all I had needed to obtain the figure I desired was to open my mind, spread my legs and let another man into my body. I had done that with the same energy I now brought to my exercise, but the consequences were be very different for me and the two men in my life.

  On the one hand was my handsome, caring husband of over twenty years; the father of my three children; the man who loved me and had trusted me enough to let me sleep with other men, believing I would return to him a happier, more satisfied wife.

  The man whose trust I had shamelessly betrayed.

  On the other was my tall, equally handsome lover; the man who had been my first seducer, who had fucked me more times than I could remember, opening my eyes and my thighs to the unsuspected revelation of what a really good sex could be like.

  The man with whom I was supposed to have had a purely physical relationship but who had now told me that he loved me; wanted me to leave my husband and live with him; perhaps even marry him. Torn between these two men was me; not knowing what I wanted or what to do, still believing the choice was mine!

  For an hour the sweat and pain of the gym had kept this from my mind but as soon as the physical pain stopped, the emotional pain began. When I arrived home I sent Tony a text message saying blandly that Pete had found out about us and that he and I must talk urgently.
r />   He didn’t reply.

  ***

  Alone in the empty house, I changed out of my tight-fitting top and tights, showered then put on tight- fitting jeans and a top. It was dinner time but I was far too upset to eat anything more than a cheese sandwich. I started on the dry white wine much earlier than I should too as I paced the empty rooms trying to think of a way forward which would allow our unusual lifestyle to continue.

  The idea of bringing my affair to an end barely featured.

  The ground floor fully explored, I went upstairs and into each of the kids’ rooms in turn, wondering what normal they were doing as their parents’ lives became very abnormal indeed.

  Josh, my oldest would be with his girlfriend Samantha in London, probably having a late afternoon drink in a city pub with their friends; relaxing before the working week began. The two had lived together for over a year and looked set to stay together long term; perhaps even get married. In my emotional state, this wasn’t something I felt able to deal with right then so I left his tidy, unlived-in room quickly and looked next door into the room which my son Tim still called his.

  Hard-working, serious Tim would be studying for the University exams he had to take the following week. Then he would probably have a pint with his friends before bedtime. With rounded feature quite unlike those of Pete or any of the men in my family, my good-looking second son was something of a mystery. There was no question who his genetic father was – Tim had been conceived long before thoughts of infidelity had entered my mind – but for most of his life we had joked that he had been a foundling, brought by the fairies as a trick.

  Though tidy to the point of obsession, his room still had the ‘lived-in’ feel that his brother’s lacked and made me feel more reassured; more secure in the love of my family whatever I had done. Tim was currently single having broken up with his latest girlfriend a few weeks before. She had slept with one of her lecturers just as his exams were beginning.

  How could a girl be so selfish and cruel?

  Moving on, Izzy’s room was, as usual highly disorganised but at least I had made sure it was clean. Though very different in temperament, Izzy and Tim were so close together in age and so close emotionally that they behaved almost as twins.

  I sat on my daughter’s bed and looked around at the posters, pictures and toys that still adorned the room. The sight transported me back decades. Izzy had been a challenging girl in many respects – and indeed still was but she and I had been very close all her life. Now aged twenty, with a justly-

  earned reputation for cheating on her boyfriend and a nickname based on her behaviour in bed afterwards, the resemblance to her unfaithful mother was even more apparent.

  Far from cheering me up, the bedroom tour had been an emotional agony; I went back downstairs feeling even more melancholy than before and in search of anything to keep my mind occupied.

  The hours passed painfully slowly. It was nearly eight o’clock when I finally heard the boom of Porsche in the driveway and the clunk of the front door being opened and closed.

  “Pete?” I called.

  I was in the kitchen, ironing shirts for the coming week as if by behaving as if nothing had changed I could make things be as if nothing had changed. But life isn’t like that. A few moments later my handsome husband slowly entered the room. The look on his face was not reassuring but I still tried to keep things as normal as I could.

  “How was the list?” I asked, referring to the patients he presumably had just dealt with.

  “How was your lover?” he replied bitterly. “Or have you managed to go five hours without a cock in your cunt?”

  I was literally taken aback. Pete’s unexpectedly aggressive words were brutal, crude and completely against my husband’s sweet nature but they told me only too clearly how badly hurt he was.

  “Pete I’m so sorry,” I told him honestly, putting down the iron and moving towards him. “I’m really sorry. I won’t see Tony again without your agreement again. I promise.”

  “It’s not as easy as that,” he began, backing away as if revolted by my presence.

  “I promise, Pete,” I said as reassuringly as I could. “Please! Can’t we just forget it all happened? Can’t we go back to where we were before?”

  “Before you first let that man into your knickers?” he asked sarcastically. “Or before you started getting fucked senseless three times a week behind my back?”

  Oh my God! He really was bitter; suddenly the risk of my marriage collapsing for real began to dawn on me.

  “I’ll give it up! I’ll stop being a Hotwife altogether,” I insisted. “Please Pete; I will!”

  My offer was genuine if reluctantly made; I wasn’t at all sure I could simply go back to being a normal wife. Too much had happened for the old Penny just to reappear. But Pete was having none of this anyway.

  “I don’t want that. I don’t want you on those terms,” he said firmly.

  “What do you mean? We agreed we’d stop if it ever became a threat to our marriage and that’s what it’s become. I’ll tell Tony I can only see him with your agreement.”

  Incredibly I still hadn’t grasped the true extent of the danger.

  “You think that’s all it takes?” Pete raised his voice.

  It wasn’t a shout but it took me enough by surprise to shake me into a more serious proposal that I really did not want.

  “I’ll give him up altogether! If I stopped seeing him; we could go back to being a normal couple again. Is that what you want? Please Pete, tell me!”

  It’s almost unbelievable but even I was thinking that after a while, when things had calmed down I could arrange secret meetings with Tony again. But Pete dashed that idea from my mind.

  “I’m afraid that’s not an option any more. It’s gone too far. We’re not a normal couple anymore, Penny,” Pete echoed my thoughts. “I don’t think we can ever be a normal couple again.”

  “But Pete...”

  “I can’t live the rest of my life with you always looking over your shoulder, Penny.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely puzzled.

  He took a deep breath before continuing in a calmer, colder voice.

  “I mean that if you dump him and give it all up now, I’ll never know the truth. I’ll never know whether you’re doing it out of fear, or loyalty, or obligation, because of the kids or because it’s what you truly want.”

  “It is what I want,” I lied.

  “You say that but I don’t believe you. There’ve been too many lies already. If you end it now I’ll never know if you really wanted to go off with him but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You could turn into a bitter woman and our marriage would be over anyway. It would be an issue between us forever.”

  “So what do you want? Are you saying we should split up now?” I asked horrified.

  “No! Well, not necessarily. I mean that whatever decision you make, I need to know it’s been made freely and honestly and that this time you’ll stick to it.”

  I looked at him, stunned.

  “How can I convince you?” I asked.

  Pete took a deep breath.

  “We had a cancellation at work today so I went to see Doug.”

  Doug was one of Pete’s colleagues; a Senior Consultant with a remarkable reputation but who hadn’t been well recently.

  “He’s having an operation then he’s going on leave for a few weeks. I’m going to cover his lists while he’s off.”

  I knew this; we had already talked about it. It would mean Pete working longer hours and sleeping over in Hospital Accommodation a few nights. To my shame I had looked forward to spending as many of his extra working hours as I could in bed with Tony.

  “That’s right,” I said. “We talked about this.”

  “Today I said I’d cover all of his lists, Penny; all of his shifts, starting now. I’m moving into the Duty Consultant’s apartment tonight. I’ll be staying there all week.”

  “You can’t bea
r to live here with me?”

  “I need a bit of space, I told you. This is the best way I can think of.”

  “Pete please, I...”

  “It’s not about you this time, Penny. It’s about me for a change.”

  That shut me up! But he hadn’t finished.

  “I’ve agreed to go to take his place at the conference in Geneva too.”

  “What?” I gasped.

  The week-long Geneva Conference was the most important European gathering for my husband’s specialism. It was to start the following weekend, bringing together over two hundred experts in Pete’s field from all over the world in a five star Swiss hotel. As one of the most senior practitioners in the country, Doug would have attended on behalf of the Midlands Association.

  I had been there with my husband once but had found it very unrewarding. The hotel and the city were wonderful but Pete had never been free for us to do anything together. The work was always hard, the hours very long and in true ‘work-hard-and-play-hard’ style, the after-hours shenanigans that took place in the bedrooms after dinner every night were the stuff of hospital legend. I myself had heard stockinged-feet padding up and down the carpeted corridors between bedrooms throughout the night as ‘Conference Wives’ and ‘Conference Husbands’ got together as well the many One Night Stands that inevitably took place.

  At the time I had been shocked and hadn’t attended again.

  An unaccompanied man as charming and good looking as my husband and with his professional reputation could have a choice of medics and students as fuck-buddies. I had always been pleased that Pete only rarely attended. The mere fact that he had volunteered to go there now was unsettling. But that apparently wasn’t his point.

  “Now you’ve got at least two weeks of freedom,” Pete told me. “If you’re so keen to live with Lover Boy, go ahead and do it! Move in with him for the whole time I’m away,” he said calmly and coldly. “Start tonight if you want! Live with him, sleep with him, go to bed with him and wake up next to him the next morning if that’s what you need to do. Go to work and come home to his flat as if you were his wife, not mine. See how it feels to be together properly, not just for a few hours of fucking.”