by S. T. Joshi
[Genially] Maybe something struck her suddenly—conscience, or gall-stones, or something.
CAIUS
Oh, no. I’ve known that little one for years—sound as a gladiator. Maybe—[He wink s] I’d better go and—and—
[He rises wobblingly]
HELIOGABALUS
[Cutting in] And fetch her?
CAIUS
That’s it—and fetch her.
[He winks elaborately again and wobbles off, stumbling once or twice over his toga]
HELIOGABALUS
[Rising in his best imperial manner. As he gets to his legs the musicians repeat the massive chord of C major] Gentlemen, my apologies for my tardiness. The fact is, I didn’t know until the last minute if my health would permit me to join you. I was brought here on a litter, attended by two physicians. They are out in the ante-chamber at this moment, mixing pills. [With the sudden malignancy of the dyspeptic] I shall take, say, 5,000 more pills. Then we’ll see how far a doctor’s neck can stretch—a curious scientific experiment—vivisection, so to speak. [Recovering his former manner] But this is no talk for a banquet. If I told you my symptoms you would fall into faints, with screams of horror. [One of the guests struggles to his feet and makes as if to speak] Yes, Senator, I have tried that Armenian lithia water. I don’t doubt it cured your ringing in the ears, but it has only made my stomach-ache worse. No more water! I have got down enough water of late to float Caius’ whole fleet. To the sewers with water! What have we here? [He lifts up a goblet and sniffs at it] Aha! Good red Terentum!11 Gentlemen, I pledge you!
[The whole assemblage rises, goblets in hand. Slaves elbow in with fresh jars of wine, placing them upon the table]
VARIOUS GUEST S
Vivat Imperator! Vivat Elegabalus!
HELIOGABALUS
Gentlemen, let us all drink to Rome, the one perfect and immortal Empire—the model and despair of other states—the mother of justice—the guardian of civilization! Rome cannot die! Rome forever!
GUEST S
Rome forever!
[They drink stupendous drafts, some of them coming up quite out of breath
[HELIOGABALUS sits down, and offers a sip from his goblet to DACIA. As the others tumble into their places, there is a turmoil to the left, and CAIUS’ voice is heard]
CAIUS
[In a hoarse voice, without] Oh, come on, dearie! Don’t be afraid!
[The guests snicker]
HELIOGABALUS
[Rising so that he can see] Bring her in, Caius.
[CAIUS comes in with an almost naked dancing-girl. She is coal-black and very much abashed. The guests whoop and roar as they see her]
CAIUS
This is a different one, Majesty. I couldn’t find the other one. I hunted high and low. [Again he winks elaborately] This one is an Egyptian—her name is Irene. I take a fatherly interest in this one.
A GUEST
Dear old papa!
ANOTHER GUEST
[Mimicking a baby] Da-da! Da-da!
HELIOGABALUS
She seems bashful.
CAIUS
Just a little. Ain’t used to dancing before ladies. [An elaborate and idiotic bow to DACIA] She has her instructions: no rough stuff. Perhaps her Majesty—
HELIOGABALUS
Let her display her art. This is a different “Her Majesty.”
CAIUS
[Very drunk] Profound apologies. My error. No offence, Majesty, I assure you. My eyes—astigmatism—
HELIOGABALUS
Now then!
[The music starts with a crash, and the dancer leaps into a wild dance. At first the guests regard her stolidly, but in a few seconds some of them begin to rise to see her better]
CAIUS
[Rising] This is nothing, Majesty. This is just the start.
HELIOGABALUS
Very interesting. Has the dance any significance? Is it symbolical?
CAIUS
I should say it is. If you understand it, it brings tears to your eyes. Very affecting, indeed. I’ll explain it. You observe that sort of flop-flop of the arms? Well, that signifies—[The music drowns him out. To the musicians, over his shoulder] Not so loud, profesor. Where do you think you are?
[The music grows soft. The dancing girl now launches into a series of amazing wriggles, occasionally leaping into the air. CAIUS, very solemnly and unsteadily, explains as she goes on. HELIOGABALUS, while this is in progress, sips his wine, and gradually grows very mellow in humour. Now and then he laughs and claps his hands]
CAIUS
Her dark complexion, gentlemen, signifies death. Wash them, and they are almost white. People think Egyptians are niggers—all a mistake. I knew a girl in Memphis—her name was Saidee—almost as white as anybody. [The girl begins to shed veils] There it is, plain enough. The man is dying. Casting off this mortal coil. Dying by inches. First his feet, then his arms, then his stomach, then his lungs, then his—and so on. [The girl squats, and wriggles about] Death struggles. Poor fellow doesn’t want to go. Thinks he is too young. [She leaps into the air] Last gasp. You can almost hear it. [She begins to whirl] Getting dizzy. Scared. Sends for the priest. [The music slackens a bit] Prayers. [Louder and faster again] Too late. It’s all up. [A wild leaping about] Throw out the reverend and send for the embalmers. [She leaps into the fountain] The soul takes flight. [She is now almost naked. The water plays upon her] Nothing left but the body. Hardly a stitch on. Have to strip ’em, of course, to pickle ’em. Very interesting process. They keep for ever. [The girl now launches into her final cavortings] This shows the soul in the Egyptian heaven. Very subtle symbolism. Every wriggle means something. I remember—
[During this last speech, LUCIA has quietly slipped into the fore-scene, from the door to the right. RUFINIUS, of course, observes her at once, and is visibly startled and alarmed. But those in the banquet-hall, at first, do not see her. HELIOGABALUS and DACIA are watching the dancer, and chuck ling over CAIUS’ exposition. The guests, with veil after veil coming off, see nothing else. It is CAIUS whose eyes first take her in. He halts, glances swiftly at HELIOGABALUS, and then at LUCIA again. But before his eyes are followed by HELIOGABALUS, LUCIA has spoken]
LUCIA
[In round, resonant tones] For shame!
[HELIOGABALUS has been lolling with his arm around DACIA. The words electrify him. He leaps to his feet, and stands there for a second as if thun-derstruck and speechless]
LUCIA
[Her arms folded, standing firmly, as if defying the universe to move her] For shame!
[The music stops and the dancer collapses. CAIUS grasps the table unsteadily. A dozen other guests leap to their feet. There is a dead silence]
HELIOGABALUS
[Taking a step forward] Hell!
LUCIA
You may well say hell. There is nothing in hell itself—
HELIOGABALUS
[Conciliatingly, coming down the steps] Now, now, my dear. Really, you must—
LUCIA
Don’t touch me, Beelzebub!
HELIOGABALUS
Oh, I say, darling! [He is patently nonplussed. He turns ’round to his guests] Gentlemen—[A deprecating, apologetic gesture] You will pardon me. My stomach, unluckily—
[He comes down to the corridor floor, and the two centurions swiftly and discreetly draw the hangings. In doing so they accidentally uncover a corner of SIMON, but it is only for an instant, and they don’t notice it. Neither does RUFINIUS, who has retired to the right. DACIA has come out with HELIOGABALUS, but she slips quietly to the left and stands against the wall, silent during the ensuing scene]
LUCIA
[Oratorically] For less than this the flames consumed Sodom and Gomorrah! That woman was naked!
HELIOGABALUS
[Weakly] But she was a coloured woman, my dear. Didn’t you notice?
LUCIA
This infamy must end! A scarlet woman naked before you—and a scarlet woman in your arms!
HELIOGABALUS
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br /> [A sudden change of manner] A what in my arms?
LUCIA
A scarlet woman!
[It takes a moment for the charge to soak in, but when it does HELIOGABALUS is completely changed. No more conciliation. He is furiously angry and shows it]
HELIOGABALUS
A scarlet woman? That “scarlet woman” is my wife!
LUCIA
[Still resolutely, but somewhat alarmed by his rage] I am your wife. Your one wife.
HELIOGABALUS
Are you? Well, that is something to be remedied. That is a curable disease. A “scarlet woman”! Think of it!
LUCIA
[Now beginning to realize that she has gone too far] You would put me away?
HELIOGABALUS
Either you put that crazy Christian balderdash away, or I put you away. Once and for all time, I have got enough of it. I am Emperor here, and I must live like an Emperor, not like a slave. This praying shakes my nerves; water has given me a terrible stomach-ache; I have chills at night.
LUCIA
[Rather weakly] The Word—
HELIOGABALUS
Maybe, but not for me! Damn water! Damn the Christian style of kissing! Damn going to bed at ten o’clock! Damn—
LUCIA
[Her hands over her ears] Get thee behind me, Satan!12
HELIOGABALUS
Satan! So Dacia is a scarlet woman, and I am Satan! And I thought I was Emperor of Rome! [Wildly, showing that there was wine in his goblet] For less than this, I have—
[His fists clenched, he pauses]
LUCIA
You can’t harm me. The Lord is with me.
HELIOGABALUS
[This last defiance determines him] Oh, is he? Then we’ll see what he’ll do for you when the alligators begin to sniff you. Guards!
[As the centurions spring forward, LUCIA screams]
LUCIA
[In great terror] Would you kill me?
[But before the centurions can reach her or HELIOGABALUS can reply, SIMON leaps from behind the hangings, his dagger drawn]
SIMON
Stop, tyrant!
[HELIOGABALUS steps back, startled, and for an instant the centurions hesitate in alarm]
LUCIA
Help me, Simon!
SIMON
Lay a hand on this maiden and I’ll—
[He flourishes the dagger and makes at HELIOGABALUS, but by this time the centurions have recovered their heads, and are immediately upon him. RUFINIUS, from the right, also leaps to the rescue, and in two seconds SIMON is pinned from behind and his dagger is on the floor. DACIA, during all this, has screamed once or twice, but has not moved from her place. Sounds of music come from behind the hangings, and shouts of laughter—loud enough to show that the banqueters are very drunk, and do not hear the commotion in front]
HELIOGABALUS
[To SIMON] So there you are!
SIMON
[Almost incoherently] Murderer! You would send your lawful wife to the lions! Pagan! Heathen! [Rolling his eyes upward] O Lord, watch over Thy servant! O Lord, send Thy lightnings to blast this heretic!
HELIOGABALUS
Bosh! Save all that O Lord business until you need it more. It won’t be long. [To RUFINIUS] Take this man to the circus, and have him chained—arm, leg and neck. There will be orders about him tomorrow morning. I’ll want the iron stake and a couple of barrels of whale-oil.
[LUCIA screams and rushes toward HELIOGABALUS supplicatingly, but SIMON drops on his knees in ecstasy. It gradually appears that he welcomes death—that he craves martyrdom]
SIMON
[His eyes rolling] O Lord, I thank Thee! To die in Thy name! Lord, I thank Thee for this boon!
HELIOGABALUS
[Astonished] What!
LUCIA
I am to blame, not he. Let me—
SIMON
[Still happy] O Lord, I thank Thee for this boon—this martyrdom! I thank Thee!
HELIOGABALUS
Silence! What is the idiot doing?
LUCIA
He is happy that he may die for the Faith.
HELIOGABALUS
The Faith? What has the Faith to do with it? He is to die for an attempt at assault and battery.
LUCIA
It is all one.
HELIOGABALUS
Do you mean to say that murder is a part of Chris tianity?
LUCIA
No, but martyrdom is.
SIMON
[To the centurions and RUFINIUS] Brothers, let us pray. Let me pray for you.
HELIOGABALUS
Never in the world! I have heard enough praying to last me for ever. [To LUCIA, still not quite able to comprehend it] So he actually wants to be burned?
LUCIA
[Preachily] He thirsts for paradise.
HELIOGABALUS
[Humorously] Solomon’s, I guess! Well, I’m surely not going to accommodate him. [To SIMON] Get up. [To RUFINIUS and the centurions] Let him go. [To SIMON] You are reprieved.
SIMON
[Blubbering] Cæsar, I—
HELIOGABALUS
Silence! I say you are reprieved. You are not going to get to paradise if I can help it. [To the centurions] Take him out, give him a good cowhiding, and run him out of town. [To SIMON] If you ever come back, off goes your Adam’s apple. And I’ll slice your nose flat with your face. Bear that in mind.
LUCIA
[Heroically] If he goes, then I go too.
HELIOGABALUS
[Overjoyed by the news, he is momentarily speechless; then—] Oh, surely not! You don’t mean to say that you—
LUCIA
Then I go too!
HELIOGABALUS
But that’s really too much! [Bracing up perceptibly] It’s really more than I deserve, fair gooseberry!
LUCIA
[Rising to eloquence] I turn my back on Nineveh. Out there in the West—[her arms flung wide toward the audience]—there is my work. There I shall preach the Word. Far from these Roman cities and the sins of men. There lies the future harvest of the Lord.
HELIOGABALUS
[Appraising the audience. Somewhat doubtfully] Um—well—I wish you luck. [Eagerly] But could you get ready in time? You see, Simon is leaving at once.
LUCIA
I go with him.
HELIOGABALUS
But your clothes? It will take you some time to pack.
LUCIA
The Lord’s work is not done in fine raiment. As I am, so shall I preach the Word.
HELIOGABALUS
[Very eager to get her off] Nobly spoken. If you need any money—
LUCIA
I want no money. I shall pray for you.
HELIOGABALUS
[In alarm] But surely not here. This is no place for prayer. [Indicating the banquet-room] It’s really rather too—er—riotous, isn’t it? Pray for me after you get started. Pray for me out there—[pointing in the direction of the audience]—in the West.
LUCIA
I shall pray for you every day and every night.
HELIOGABALUS
Yes, yes—every night—out there—[again pointing]—in the West. And now I must get back to my guests. The centurions will see you off. I surely wish you every sort of luck. Let me hear from you now and then. Let me hear how your enterprise comes on. I’ll send word that you are to be protected. A happy journey.
LUCIA
Fare you well! May the Lord keep you!
HELIOGABALUS
Thanks. Are you sure you don’t need more clothes?
LUCIA
I need no worldly goods. My Faith, the Lord, are enough!
HELIOGABALUS
So you said. Well, then, good-bye and good luck! If you ever get into difficulties, don’t hesitate to write to me. Simply “The Emperor, Rome,” will reach me.
LUCIA
[Going] The Lord be with you.
HELIOGABALUS
Thank you.
LUCIA
The Lord f
orgive you!
HELIOGABALUS
Thank you.
LUCIA
The Lord bless you!
HELIOGABALUS
Thank you!
[She goes out slowly, and RUFINIUS and the centurions follow with SIMON]
SIMON
[At the door] I suffer for the Faith. I—
HELIOGABALUS
[To RUFINIUS] Omit the cowhiding.
[As they go out, HELIOGABALUS turns back alone. DACIA has been concealed by the opened door at the left. HELIOGABALUS, observing SIMON’S dagger on the floor, picks it up and looks at it reflectively. He runs his hands along the blade. He applies the point to his breast. He tries the effect of the cold steel on his throat. Loud music from within, and a great crash. Laughter and applause]
DACIA
[Stepping forward, somewhat alarmed by his toying with the knife] Be careful!
HELIOGABALUS
[He gives a start and turns quickly] There you are! And I was wondering what had become of you!
DACIA
I was here all the while.
HELIOGABALUS
Here?
DACIA
Over in the corner. [Snuggling close to him] I was awfully scared.
HELIOGABALUS
[Now grandly brave] Don’t let it worry you, tender baby. It’s the trade risk. If this stomach-ache of mine fetches me, or those quacks poison me with their pills, I’ll be the first Roman Emperor to die in bed for two hundred years. [Amorously] But we don’t want to think of such things, do we? It was worth risking my life to get rid of that theologian.
DACIA
[Coyly] I thought you—liked her.
HELIOGABALUS
Bah! I work so hard that sometimes my mind wanders. Then there is my stomach-ache. I thought she could cure it with that Christian magic of hers—that praying, and O Lording, and so on. But it didn’t work.
DACIA
Poor dear! And now you have to go back to the awful banquet. [Yells from within]
HELIOGABALUS
[Tenderly] Do you want me to go back?
DACIA
I? What have I to do with it?
HELIOGABALUS
You have everything to do with it. Do you want me to?
DACIA
[Half a whisper] No.
[There ensues a long kiss. The arm of coincidence provides a dreamy tune from the band behind the hangings]
HELIOGABALUS
Let us cut the banquet! To hell with the banquet! What do you say?
DACIA
[Like a naughty child] To hell with the banquet!
HELIOGABALUS