by David Parker
When I was a habitual procrastinator, although I wanted more out of life, I suffered from ever-declining reserves of energy. Not only did I feel incapable of handling the simplest of tasks, I also felt incapable of living any other way of life. I began to see myself as locked into a lifestyle that I did not want, much like a drug addict who sadly realizes that his habit has turned the tables on him. Not only did I now feel helpless, but hopeless as well; feeling even less like the adult I should have been. Like many people in this situation, although I was acutely aware of my depression, I didn’t see the role that procrastination was contributing to my low moods.
In London, upon continued reviews of my journal, I kept noticing how those reminders affected my moods and emotions. The longer that those reminders had been put off, the greater the effect that they had upon my feelings. It became clear to me that I was on to something: there was a definite relationship between my problem with procrastination and the depression that I suffered from. Oddly enough, while procrastination is usually seen as a symptom of depression, I observed that procrastination was causing my depression. As I began thinking about this relationship, I realized that I needed to look a bit more closely at procrastination itself.
Procrastination—A Most Unusual Word
“Procrastination” is a somewhat deceiving word because it starts with the prefix “pro,” which we naturally associate with concepts we favor. For example, Jerry says: “When it comes to auto safety legislation, you can always count on me to be on the “pro” side. Whether it’s seat belts, air bags, or some new technology, if it makes driving a safer experience then I’m all for it!” We can also find “pro” within words that represent positive benefits, like “promotion,” “protection,” and “provide.” So then, why would such an annoying and debilitating condition like procrastination begin with such a positive-sounding prefix? Wouldn’t a better way to describe delayed doing be “anticrastination”? Well, on second thought, perhaps not!
In actuality, the troublesome area of the word “procrastination” is found in its second half, that “crastination” part. It comes from the Latin “crastinus,” which means, “to put off.” When the parts are combined, “procrastination” takes the meaning of “In favor of putting off.” For the average person, this straightforward answer makes perfect sense. However, for habitual procrastinators, it’s a partial definition, because their concepts of tasks, time, personal responsibility, and how they interact are quite different from most persons’.
How is a Habitual Procrastinator Different from Other Persons?
For most of us, procrastination can be defined as: not getting things done, even when we know that we should do them, whether or not we’ve considered the consequences of continuing to put those tasks off.
In fact, for many, procrastination is a casual and passive practice. If you live in the United States, you’re probably aware that April 15th is called “Tax Day,” because it’s the day by which income tax returns must be postmarked. In New York City, last-minute tax-filers race up the stairs of the General Post Office while an actor dressed as a giant aspirin bottle prances comically in front of the building. Television crews interview the late filers, who give statements like, “I made it!” or, “I’m never going to put myself through this nonsense again, never!” This is an example of casual procrastination, which everybody does at one point or another. It’s no big deal.
While anyone can casually procrastinate, there are other persons who procrastinate to a much higher degree. These people are habitual procrastinators. Habitual procrastinators put off many different tasks that encompass a wide variety of tasks, chores, obligations, and responsibilities. A habitual procrastinator may say that he has “a thousand and one things that he needs to attend to”; however, he not only continues to let them go, he’s also constantly aware that these unattended-to duties are causing him great anguish. In comparison to casual procrastination, we could call this active procrastination, which might seem like a contradiction of terms—after all, can anyone “actively not-‘do’”? Habitual procrastination becomes active when it becomes extremely pervasive in a person’s life. For example, there are some habitual procrastinators who can easily come up with a list of twenty important tasks they’re currently aware of, which they need to get to. There are also other habitual procrastinators who could say, “You’ve got only twenty things you need to get around to doing? That’s nothing!” Let’s look at two gentlemen, Stan and Charlie, and see how they handle similar events.
Stan is a casual procrastinator, as much as just about anyone else is. One day, he notices that he must be developing a cavity because he feels a sensation of acute pain in his upper jaw. He doesn’t particularly like the thought of going to the dentist, so he puts up with the pain for a few days while summoning up the courage to make an appointment. When the pain worsens two days later, Stan calls the dentist’s office, schedules a prompt appointment, and has the cavity taken care of. Upon leaving the dentist’s office, Stan says to himself, “What a relief.”
Then there’s Charlie, who is a habitual procrastinator. Like Stan, Charlie feels the same sort of toothache and, also like Stan, he dislikes the thought of visiting the dentist. However, unlike Stan, Charlie puts a good amount of effort into not seeing his dentist by going to a drugstore to buy a pain reliever. Although this buys Charlie a few weeks away from the dentist’s chair, eventually the pain becomes so bad that he’s forced to make an emergency dental appointment. At the dentist’s office, he discovers that he now has an abscess that requires extra work. The dentist comments, “You must have been in pain for a while—why didn’t you come in sooner?” When Charlie leaves the dentist’s office, he says to himself, “Why did I put that off for so long? I’m such an idiot!”
If we look further into this comparison, we can see that while Stan temporarily allows himself to delay his visit to the dentist in order to buy a little time, his own tolerance for this delay is actually quite low. We can almost imagine Stan saying to himself, “It’s time to get this taken care of before it gets worse, because you can’t fix it yourself.”
Now let’s take a closer look at how Charlie handled the same situation. Over-the-counter pain relievers play a role in almost everyone’s life at some point, but when Charlie went to the drugstore it wasn’t so much to obtain a bottle of tablets, as it was to avoid the need of visiting his dentist. He then continued using the pain reliever for as long as he possibly could to keep from seeing the dentist. While Stan believed that he couldn’t imagine dealing with a cavity on his own, Charlie’s decision was quite the opposite. Then, after unbearable pain indicated that Charlie’s coping-mechanism had failed, he was then faced with the news that he had an even worse problem, an abscess, which required extra work. Then, for seemingly the millionth time in his life, he heard, “Why didn’t you have this taken care of sooner?” Here we see another aspect of habitual procrastination: a refusal to learn from past mistakes. In fact, if there’s just one thing Charlie’s heard more often, it’s “Well, I just hope that you’ve learned a lesson from all of this.” Charlie just hates it whenever somebody says that to him.
One more difference between the casual and the habitual procrastinator can be found in the areas of self-hate and anger. Remember, after leaving the dentist’s office, Stan thinks, “What a relief,” while Charlie berates himself with, “Why did I put that off for so long? I’m such an idiot!”
Indeed, while Stan is relatively proud of himself for handling an uncomfortable situation as best as he could, Charlie leaves the dentist’s office not only angry at himself, but angry at the dentist as well for his comment. Of course, the dentist didn’t mean to embarrass him, but, like many of us, Charlie doesn’t like facing the consequences of his inaction. Another reason behind Charlie’s anger is that with so many uncompleted tasks in his life, Charlie didn’t have time to visit the dentist. Not that Charlie ever gets around to those tasks—he doesn’t; however, that never stops him from using his burde
n of undone tasks as an excuse for not having the time to get around to dealing with any of them.
While casual procrastinators usually visit the same dentists on a relatively regular basis, many habitual procrastinators may believe it’s been so long since they’ve seen one that they feel as if they no longer have a regular dentist. Other procrastinators grow concerned after a long absence from any dentist’s office that their teeth will either look so bad, or require so much work, that they might face the same sort of comment that Charlie received. To counter this, some habitual procrastinators resort to making emergency appointments with dentists they’ve never been to before. In a habitual procrastinator’s way of thinking, if the dentist were to make such a detrimental comment, it won’t matter as much because chances are, he’ll never see that dentist again.
One last difference between casual and habitual procrastinators is that casual procrastinators are often more apt to express remorse when they’ve inconvenienced someone than a habitual procrastinator would. This is because habitual procrastinators actively abdicate their adulthood, and so display little regard for orderliness, timeliness, consequences, or for the feelings of others. When they’re forced to deal with matters, they’re often angry with whomever or whatever is requiring them to respond responsibly. Although they are very angry with themselves, they often internalize that anger—if they feel embarrassed, pressured, or put upon, they may occasionally hurl an insult to save face. Let’s take a look at some additional aspects of habitual procrastinators.
The Act of “Getting Over”
Simply put, habitual procrastination is not taking care of one’s needs on an ongoing basis, except when forced to by external circumstances; however, this malady also has a political meaning. By “political,” we are not referring to government, taxes, or to voting on Election Day, but to the relationships that we have with others.
Many habitual procrastinators have remarked that they began noticing what they could get away with from an early age. This practice is commonly called getting over on others, and many procrastinators have mentioned to me that they engaged in this behavior, and that it may indeed relate to their current procrastination. For example, when I was a boy, I wanted to get over on my mother because I did not like being ordered by her to brush my teeth. I rebelled against that responsibility by pretending to brush my teeth—recreating the sound by swirling my toothbrush inside a plastic cup filled with water, emptying out the cup, and repeating this several times while the water faucet was going full-blast. In reality, much like our friend Charlie’s attempt to avoid the dentist, I put more energy into the act of not doing, than if I had simply brushed my teeth in the first place.
As time passes, if we continue the act of getting over on others, it can become difficult to put an end to this sort of practice. After all, who wants to give up a skill that they’ve worked hard at developing over a lifetime? Earlier in this chapter, I described how I gave that warehouse clever excuses for my delay in paying their storage bill. Now if that wasn’t an act of “getting over” as it relates to procrastination, what is?
Habitual procrastinators are often latecomers too, and this is yet another way that we engage in getting over. Besides not taking the responsibility to show up on time, we often deny responsibility for our lateness by blaming things like late trains or heavy traffic. While concentrating on coming up with excuses, the habitual procrastinator doesn’t take into account the other person’s feelings because he’s keen on getting across to that person that it’s he, the procrastinator, who’s been inconvenienced.
The Art of “Getting By”
Some procrastinators silently wish that their needs could be taken care of for them. For these people, procrastination represents a reluctance to stand on their own two feet as independent adults. Their procrastination may lead them to leave the competitive world, choosing instead the to try just “getting by” with as few hassles as possible. Procrastinating in this way might best be called, “resistance to progression in life.”
As a result of this lifestyle choice, over time I slowly unlearned personal responsibility by living a life of minimal responsibility, which included getting to the very real point of irresponsibility on a few occasions.
Reasons For or Behind Our Procrastination
Having lived the life of a habitual procrastinator for quite a spell, I have long pondered the question, “How did I end up this way?” While communicating with other procrastinators via e-mail, I asked for their thoughts on this question. Here are just a few of their reasons for engaging in this debilitating habit:
Wanting to avoid the dull sort of life that “responsible persons” have.
By refusing to deal with a task, they feel more “in control” than when dealing with real situations, real people, and real consequences.
Having a desire to rebel against bosses, parents, teachers, government agencies, or other authority figures.
A lack of discipline growing up.
Initiating action without prior preparation or plans, which often leads to frustration from unexpected problems, and to poor outcomes.
Not having back-up plans, which can lead them to the belief that they are doomed to a life consisting only of “no-win situations.”
A difficulty in managing frustration. When this is the case, procrastination often feels like pressure-relief.
Not having been taught coping or problem solving skills from an early age.
Not having an internal rewards system in place to promote staying on-track. Without rewards, we have less incentive to forge ahead.
Stress and Procrastination
Sometimes life can be complicated and demanding. Many people who do not habitually procrastinate have a personal mental reserve of positive experiences that has been built-up from times when their coping abilities were challenged, yet they persevered until completion of the task. These personal reserves serve to make them stronger and better prepared for future tasks.
Many habitual procrastinators don’t have the same sort of personal reserve because they usually have had fewer positive experiences that they can draw back upon. Often, just thinking about a task can create a feeling of almost paralyzing anxiety. This explains why so many procrastinators have a difficult time just trying to sit down to think over how they might deal with a task—for them, facing it is usually more than half the battle.
To counter this anxiety, the procrastinator may try rushing into action. However, he does so without a plan—and when we act without planning, we usually get off to a bad start and have even less chance of a successful outcome. In addition, feeling stymied from the start can often become a habit unto itself.
In the workplace, procrastinators often find tasks more emotionally draining than their non-procrastinating colleagues. For example, there were times when I came home emotionally exhausted from a difficult day at work and crept under the bedcovers to take a nap, only to wind up sleeping the entire night away. Although some might say, “You probably needed the rest.” to me, it was not a restful slumber because I had lost that evening’s free time, only to awaken and find myself facing another workday.
There were also many weekends that I lost by sleeping away a Saturday or Sunday afternoon on the living room couch, despite household chores that required my attention. Before nodding off, I would tell myself that I was taking a time-out break, and there were even times when, not caring if I slept the day away, I would lightheartedly call it “taking a snooze cruise.” It was a bit like taking a little escape away from the world and one’s responsibilities, except, as a procrastinator, in my case it was deliberately engaging in oversleeping as a method of handling stress. It’s not necessarily one of the best ways to handle stress, because it’s really just another form of procrastination.
Using Procrastination as a Coping Mechanism
The act of procrastination can be likened to how a cigarette smoker takes a smoke break because he “needs a time out.” Just as cigarette smoking is a false op
tion against stress, so is procrastination. In fact, the comparisons between the two are striking.
After all, why do people smoke cigarettes? Well, first of all, it’s a habit, just as procrastination is. Second, it provides people with the illusion of reducing stress, while at the same time, creating a dependency on cigarettes, which, as almost any cigarette smoker will say, causes stress. Similarly, the procrastinator seeks relief from his burden of stress by delaying work on his tasks. Later, with his task still hanging over his head, he not only feels regret over his decision to delay, but, more importantly, he perceives himself as a weak and ineffective person. Does the procrastinator then change course and tackle the awaiting project? Of course not! Without a track record of successful endeavors, he once again avoids confronting his feelings. So, the procrastinator develops a dependency on procrastination. Just as a smoker may require a cigarette after undergoing stress, when a procrastinator feels stress he tends to shut down; however, this itself is procrastination, which leads to even greater levels of stress.
Over time, a person who possesses poor coping skills may adopt procrastination as his default method of stress reduction. Procrastination can become habitual when a person’s initial response to a task is to shy away from it because he feels overcome or flooded by anxiety. This automatic response may provide temporary relief from anxiety; however, the more he avoids uncomfortable situations, the more uncomfortable he then becomes with anxiety. As a result, not “do”-ing becomes an automatic response to anything that causes distress. Instead of will power, “won’t power” becomes the rule.
Sometimes a procrastinator will engage in a pursuit that has no real value just for the sake of having a substitute activity (such as aimless channel surfing or oversleeping) in order to calm down from the anxiety he feels. He can also distract himself from a task simply by thinking of other things, like by daydreaming. Here are some typical reactions to internal anxiety that habitual procrastinators often tell themselves: