by David Parker
I know how habitual procrastination caused me to behave and to feel. I seemed capable of doing anything I put my mind to, so long as it was in the pursuit of avoiding my tasks. In order to avoid reality, I would “do” practically anything—except deal with whatever task really needed my attention. So, the things I wound up “do”-ing were the things that didn’t matter in the long-term—like watching television or oversleeping. Meanwhile, the fewer tasks I dealt with, the larger my “to-do” list grew.
As that list grew larger and larger, I began feeling as though I bore the weight of the world on my shoulders. Avoidance and anxiety ruled the roost, and while my “to-do” list might have contained only a few complicated tasks, the majority of it was comprised of less important tasks. In my haste to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the tasks that I wanted to avoid, I wound up avoiding the entire list—so nothing that needed “do”-ing ever got done. My “to-do” list seemed almost larger than life, and every time I reminded myself that I should deal with something on it, all I could think about were all the times I’d turned away from it. It seemed that for every time I had accomplished something on my “to-do” list, there had been a hundred times when I had picked it up, looked it over, put it down again, and walked away from it. As that list came to control my life, in turn, it left me feeling less and less capable.
As time passed, my “to-do” list became a “things I hadn’t done” list. That list didn’t exist exclusively on paper, because I constantly carried it around in my mind, which made me feel bogged down. Every time I thought of it, it reminded me of just how ineffective I was, which caused me to think poorly about myself. Sometimes in frustration, I would tear up an old list and start a new one, but this only provided temporary relief. In short, I was fit to be tied, frustrated, down on myself, and felt unable to tackle just about anything.
Even other people’s encouragement didn’t help. I once had a girlfriend who had a favorite expression. In a true Brooklyn accent, she would say, “Hey, don’t sweat the small stuff!” I can only guess that she kept saying this to me because I was in the midst of a depression and this was her way of trying to help. One day I was talking with her about all of the things I needed to do when again she remarked, “Hey, don’t sweat the small stuff!” I then thought about all of the things I’d been putting off that made me feel overwhelmed. I needed to buy stamps, I needed to buy milk, I needed to mop my apartment’s floors, I needed to deposit my paycheck, and I needed to watch two television programs that I had recorded. I needed …, I needed …, I needed all of it to go away. I turned to her and said, “It’s all small stuff! Everything I need to do is small stuff—and I can’t do it!”
Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten how to take care of my needs. I had lost my motivation and habitual procrastination had become a way of life. Simple tasks were tremendous burdens, complicated tasks seemed impossible to deal with, and I only dealt with tasks when I faced the threat of severe penalties, or because other people or institutions required me to act. There seemed to be little true pleasure in my life: only obligations and the avoidance of them. So, which came first—procrastination, or depression? Did my procrastination cause me to become depressed, or did depression cause me to procrastinate? I believe that both fed each other—so no matter which came first, it was quite easy to tell what would come next.
The High Cost of Free Time
Looking back, it is any wonder that I spent much of my free time watching television or sleeping a day away? These scenarios occurred more times than I can count—here’s how they usually played themselves out:
After watching television on my couch, I would start dozing off. Eventually, I would position myself to where I was lying across the couch, however, with my head uncomfortably propped against the couch’s armrest. After twenty or thirty minutes asleep, I’d begin to feel an annoying pain in my neck; but having lost the plot of whatever I’d been watching, I would tell myself: “If you’re going to sleep—then sleep!” and I’d stumble off to the bedroom, awakening some ninety minutes later. By then, the afternoon sky had turned dark and I would think, “What’s wrong with me? I had time to get stuff done, and I’ve wasted it! How could I be so dumb?”
Still, did I ever react to one of these all too frequent emotional downturns by springing into action to make up for lost time? No. Instead, I wallowed in my depression. Quite sick of myself, yet not knowing a different way of responding, I did the only thing I was really good at—I continued avoiding my tasks while now attempting to avoid the bad feelings that had come about from having fallen asleep on my couch. How I continued that avoidance depended on what I was up for.
On some nights I would pig out on Chinese food with a fat-laden dish practically guaranteed to fill me up and put me straight to bed, like sesame chicken on a bed of pork fried rice. On other evenings, I’d draw my window shades, shut the room lights, turn my TV on while keeping the sound off, and smoke marijuana while playing a favorite CD, enjoying my own multimedia experience. It was my own little world, a home away from home—at home. All because I needed to escape the feelings that plagued me, the feelings that led me into depression.
Could the Symptoms of Depression Be A Sign of Something Else?
Let’s say that a person who was feeling poorly visited his physician and complained of having a lack of energy and an inability to finish projects, as well as feeling reluctant about taking on new tasks. What do you think the doctor might surmise as the cause of this patient’s condition? Although the physician would probably take the patient’s complete medical history and order blood tests in order to rule out any biological causes for the patient’s lethargy, the physician might also suspect mental depression. This would be no surprise because loss of interest in normal everyday activities is a common symptom of depression. However, from first-hand experience, it is my belief that procrastination isn’t merely a symptom of depression, but that in some individuals, procrastination can actually cause depression.
Depression is diagnosed based on symptoms the patient presents to the doctor, just as a heart attack might be diagnosed based on symptoms of a crushing sensation atop the chest and an acute pain shooting down the left arm. The symptoms, along with the doctor’s training, dictate the course of treatment. In the case of depression, the diagnosis is almost always followed with a prescription for a medication, along with a referral for psychotherapy. This is the usual treatment for the average person who finds himself in this situation. From this, we can picture in our minds, a coin that represents the two sides of treatment, one being the “medication side,” and the other being the “psychotherapy side.”
During one particular point during the many years in which I was severely depressed, a therapist suggested that I try taking the medicinal route to better mental health. I steadfastly refused such treatment, because I wanted to “beat it on my own.” However, having reached the point where I was so beaten down by depression that I felt unable to cope any further on my own; I took her advice and saw a psychiatrist. This was at a time when a new antidepressant had just come out, along with a major advertising campaign that featured as its focal point, a sad and lonely blue-colored little teardrop. Then, supposedly after taking this miracle drug, the teardrop was no longer blue; nor was he sad and lonely, as now he found himself surrounded by other little teardrops. Ironically, they were still teardrops. I guess they were supposed to have been happy little teardrops.
I began a course of treatment that involved moving from one antidepressant to another, with no positive results. One antidepressant made my eyes dilate to such an extent that my vision became blurred. I was then put on another that caused such terrible stomach upset, that I’ll trust you’d rather not know the details. Another medication, one that was supposedly tailor-made for anxiety, produced the side effect of the feeling of electrical currents running up and down my arms. With prescription after prescription, the only thing I consistently noticed was that half of the medications had not been helpful, whi
le the other half made me feel worse than I’d felt before taking them, with side effects that made me feel physically ill, mentally confused, or nervously unsettled.
How Do I Deal With My Underlying Condition If My Doctor Won’t?
As a person who has suffered extensively from both procrastination and depression, I have seen my fair share of psychiatrists, therapists, and other mental heath workers, in settings that have ranged from hospital emergency rooms to clinics and private offices. During one particularly difficult period, before I had begun to understand the connection between procrastination and depression, I visited a psychiatrist on a weekly basis for depression, as well as for the horrific anxiety, panic attacks, and heart palpitations that also plagued me.
“See if this helps and I’ll see you again in one week,” the doctor said as he handed me a prescription. “That should help with your anxiety, but just so you know, it won’t do anything for your underlying condition.” I looked at the doctor with a bit of disbelief, and replied, “Help me with my underlying condition!” Unfortunately, he offered nothing in return.
It must be mentioned that while I experienced great difficulty with these medications, it’s worth noting that some persons who suffer from depression do benefit from them. Remember, if you are taking prescribed medications as a treatment for depression, anxiety, or for any other condition; DO NOT STOP TAKING ANY MEDICATION UNLESS IT IS UNDER THE ADVICE OF, AND WITH THE CONSENT OF, YOUR PHYSICIAN.
Besides the prescriptive armament of SSRIs, SNRIs, tricyclics, anxiolytics, mood stabilizers, tranquilizers, and sedatives I tried, I also explored several non-medicinal remedies such as Chamomile tea, Skullcap tea, relaxation exercises, breathing exercises, positive imagery, and yoga, but none of them seemed to improve either my motivation, or my depression. It might be helpful to point out that while antidepressants are prescribed for depression, they are not called “anti-procrastinates,” and for good reason, because they were not invented to treat procrastination.
“Payoff? What ‘Payoff’?”
Many people seek the assistance of a trained therapist when they’re in need of help with a difficult issue. However, can psychotherapy help a person who is suffering with habitual procrastination to overcome it?
During the initial evaluation process, one question many therapists pose to new clients is: “What do you expect to gain from coming here?” While the patient may be suffering from depression, he could be unaware that procrastination is causing his misery.
Because procrastination can be more of a “hidden problem” in contrast to many of the more typical problems that a therapist usually encounters, the therapist may not see the connection between the patient’s depression and the procrastination which may be causing their depression. In addition, many therapists are trained to not make suggestions, supposedly so as not to interfere with a patient’s progress. They are trained to try to bring insight to the patient, as if in understanding the cause of his distress, the patient and therapist can then work on eliminating the cause. Unfortunately, if the patient is mired in procrastination, he may not know what to suggest, and so, there is the potential that no substantial progress in the patient’s fight against depression may be made.
As I mentioned in Chapter Two, it was while suffering with a terrible bout of depression that I began keeping a feelings journal, and eventually I discovered that habitual procrastination seemed to be at the heart of my poor feelings. I then tried talking with doctors and therapists, telling them that I was certain my depressive condition was coming from my habit of procrastinating, but that I didn’t know how to go about acting differently. I recall one psychiatrist responded by saying, “Mr. Parker, you have great insight.” He then added, “It’s unusual to have a patient who possesses such a clear picture of his problem.” To which I replied, “Doctor, if I have such a great picture of what’s wrong with me, then why am I feeling so bad?” Perhaps if that professional had been trained differently, I might have improved more swiftly; however, that’s an outcome that I’ll never know for sure.
There are also times when, although the therapist can see his patient has a genuine problem, the therapist cannot determine its cause, and in an attempt to discover it, the patient then may be asked, “I’m wondering what your payoff is?” As mentioned earlier in this book, while most of us procrastinate because we seek temporary relief from our tasks and responsibilities, that so-called “payoff” is not what keeps us stuck in the muck of habitual procrastination. What keeps us immobilized is that we have been procrastinating for so long, that for the most part, we have forgotten how to live any other way. That said, the only “payoffs” for habitual procrastination are feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, poor self-esteem, and depression.
One reason that we habitually procrastinate today is because long ago we chose procrastination as a coping measure against stress, and then, as it became our way of reacting to that stress, it grew into a deeply ingrained habit. Like most habits, or almost anything that we do on a regular basis, the longer we “do” them, the better we get at them. We could say, “habitual procrastinators are experienced procrastinators.” That’s not to say that procrastination is a talent worth keeping: it isn’t. However, we must admit that we’ve worked very hard to get where we’re at, even if that’s not a place we particularly like. That said, it’s through the process of willingly doing differently that a habitual procrastinator will learn new ways, which, if practiced over a period of time, will result in new, positive lifestyle habits that will replace their old negative ones.
You can search high and low for causes to this puzzling behavior, and with the help of a psychotherapist along with a good insurance plan to help pay for it, many causes for this condition can be found: perhaps even a few practical solutions for it if you’re lucky. However, unable to tolerate the side effects of the medications that I had been prescribed, and not having had great success from therapy or the other treatments I had tried, I began spiraling down into longer and deeper bouts of depression and anxiety. At times I even felt inadequate as a patient, for what I worried was another inability: that of being unable to be helped.
Which Can You Control—Your Depression or Your Procrastination?
Let’s focus our attention on the word “control” for a few moments. Do you feel “in control” of your life? Most procrastinators would respond to that question with a firm “no,” because they tend not to take control of their circumstances, except when they’ve been forced to.
Now ask yourself this: “Can you procrastinate after you’ve taken control of a task?” The answer to that is, while anyone can delay taking action after they’ve decided to act, if someone has truly decided to go through with an action, there’s little chance they’ll procrastinate, because delay would only cause an unnecessary diversion from their goal. On those occasions when you’ve taken control of a task, you were probably on the lookout for anything that might have had the potential to slow you down, and you probably felt in control, not only of the task, but of your own life as well.
If habitual procrastination causes low feelings in some people, then the answer may not necessarily lie in medication, but in learning how to overcome this poor habit that interferes with their lives, and makes so many people feel uncomfortable in their own skin. Just as we’ve taught ourselves how to avoid the tasks that provoke our anxieties, we need to learn better coping mechanisms in order to bravely face our tasks without becoming unduly upset—like human ostriches.
When You Become Willing to Control Your Procrastination—You Will Begin Taking Control of Your Depression
When asked about changing away from their negative behaviors, many habitual procrastinators have exclaimed, “But, I don’t know any other way of life!” Although this may be true, still, you need to begin somewhere. When I began changing from the lifestyle of a procrastinator and into a person who takes action, I noticed that my overall depression began to fade. Instead of having to “fight depression” I saw that by wor
king on my tasks, the sadness and gloom that always followed me, began to dissipate like dark chimney smoke that first turns gray and eventually disappears.
However, my potential to fall back into depression will always be there. I know that if I allow myself to fall back into procrastination, I will feel its depressive effects. That said, it bears stating that no self-help book alone can solve a person’s problems or teach anything without the reading possessing the key ingredient of willingness. All that anyone really needs to begin changing from a habitual procrastinator is the willingness to be open to the material that follows, and to be willing to try new ways of acting and reacting to situations that may have caused you to become paralyzed in the past. You do not need to change overnight, nor would I even want you to try to rush through the material, because it would almost certainly lead to failure. As you’ll discover in the chapters that lie ahead, patience is the enemy of procrastination.
If your floor has yesterday’s underwear and socks strewn about it, your sink is stacked high with dirty dishes, or unpaid bills stare back at you from your kitchen table, it may seem to you like your situation is beyond hope, even “hopeless beyond a shadow of a doubt.” However, it stands to reason that if you actually were hopeless, then you would not be reading this book, because if you truly were hopeless, there would be no point in even trying to change things. Just the fact that you are reading this book is a positive indication that you may be ready to move forward, and begin conquering the theft of time that is procrastination.