by Angera Allen
Firecracker
Angera Allen
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
About the Author
Also by Angera Allen
COMING SOON
FOLLOW AND CONNECT
Acknowledgments
Copyright © 2017 by Angera Allen
No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic
or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the
author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews
and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of
1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted
in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval
system, without the prior express, written consent of the author. This book
is intended for mature adults only.
For questions or comments about this book, please contact the author at
[email protected].
Printed in the United States of America
Angera Allen
www.authorangeraallen.com
Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public
names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to
actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions,
or locales is completely coincidental.
Editor Ellie McLove at My Brother’s Editor
Formatted by Jessica Hildreth
Cover Design by Clarise Tan at CT Cover Creations
Cover Photo Shutterstock Licensed Photo
Proofreaders:
Petra with Love N. Books
Jennifer Guibor
Kim Holtz
Tanya Farrell
Marlena Salinas
Firecracker / Angera Allen. -- 1st ed.
978-0-9986829-4-5 Ebook
978-0-9986829-5-2 Paperback
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my daughter!
My daughter’s the light of my life. There is nothing that doesn’t start or end with her. She’s the reason I follow my dreams and live my life to the fullest. She is my everything.
My Little Sunshine,
Thank you for being the best daughter and best friend I could have ever asked for. Mama is so proud of you and the amazing girl you are. Dream big little girl you are a rising star!
Love Always,
Your Loving Mama
Chapter One
“It’s fine.”
You piece of shit.
“Ruby?” I cringe, hearing my soon-to-be-ex-husband dragging out my name probably hoping I’ll fall for his shit and submit to him like a good little obedient wifey.
I try not to sound like a bitch but fail when I reply, “It’s fine, Brody.” Fucking asshole.
“Don’t give me attitude, Ruby. It was your decision to move out while I was-”
I cut him off before he can start spewing his lines of bullshit.
“For fuck’s sake, Brody. I’m not giving you shit. You do need to see your daughter. I agree. As I said, it’s fine.”
God, one day. One day I will tell him how I really feel. One of these days when I’m mentally stronger I’ll unleash fury on him, but right now I need my anger inside to keep me going and not go back to him.
Hell no, not this time!
“Hello… Ruby? Are you even fucking listening to me?” Brody raises his voice sounding irritated.
“Yes. You will be home a week earlier than planned and you want Isabella to be with you for the time you’re home before you leave again. I got it,” I say snidely.
The voices in the background are my queue to get off the phone. Probably one of the groupies. I was so fucking stupid to believe he was different. Different than all the men my mother brought home or even married. I thought he truly loved me but what he wanted was an obedient wife who does what he says with no questions asked.
“Ruby, when I get back we’re having a talk. This little tantrum you’re having needs to end.”
I laugh. “I’m having a tantrum? You sharing your wife with your groupie and band mate or should I say, best friend, is not a fucking tantrum. You cheating on your wife is not a tantrum.”
“Ruby. Lower your voice. You’re overreacting. We will discuss this when I get home and not over the phone. I miss you and want my wife back. You’re not ending this marriage. I’ll see you soon.” The fuck you will…
He continues like nothing is wrong. “Kiss Bella for me and tell her that Daddy loves her.”
I answer annoyed, “Sure,” before hanging up.
I put my phone down on the counter, gripping the kitchen countertop with both hands breathing in deeply trying to calm down.
“It’s okay. I’m fine. I’m okay. Every thing’s going to be fine. I got this!” I say, giving myself a pep talk but failing horribly.
Fuck no, it’s not fine and hell fucking no I’m not okay.
“For fuck’s sake. Get it together,” I say looking up at the ceiling.
I try to say positive shit to myself throughout the day. It helps to keep me going, moving forward in life even though my life sucks donkey balls right now.
I’m a twenty-six-year-old, newly separated single mom. Well actually most of Bella’s life Brody has been gone either on tour, in the studio recording an album or he has just been too exhausted to deal with us, so I pretty much have been a single mom since the beginning.
Life isn’t all peaches and cream. It has its ups and downs, but most of the time it’s just draining. I’m so inside my head, beating myself up with all the bullshit Brody has told me throughout the years and of course all my own self-doubts. I try not to think about it, but every day I have that little voice questioning myself… Am I a good mom? Am I doing everything I can to make her life good? Did I do the right thing? Blah Blah Blah…
“Mama!” my three-year-old daughter’s voice bellows through the house, coming from her bedroom. When I don’t answer fast enough, she screams again but louder. “Mommy!”
I pinch the bridge of my nose trying to keep my shit together but fail when another scream echoes throughout my auntie’s condo.
“Isabella Malone! Stop yelling. What?” I yell back from the kitchen.
“Where are you?” she answers in a whiny voice.
For the love of God, help me stay calm.
Taking a deep breath, I reply back in a calm but loud voice, “I’m in the kitchen where you left me just a couple minutes ago. If you want to talk to me, come here and stop yelling, please.”
We’ve been living with my aunt Giselle, for the last few months. I grew up here, and it was the only place I knew I could come to and feel safe. I’ve been over this marriage for a couple years now but never had an out. Brody isn’t going to let me leave him so easily and he sure as shit isn’t going to be happy when he’s served divorce papers.
“Mama, what’s wrong?” I look up to see my beautiful baby girl looking at
me with concern while holding her Princess Aurora doll.
“Mommy was on the phone with work stuff. Nothing to worry your little head about.” I put on a fake smile.
“K, Mama.”
“What did you need?” I ask.
“Mama, can you come help me?” she asks, moving her doll from one arm to the other.
When I see she’s still not smiling, I bend down in front of her and ask, “What’s wrong, bug?”
I reach both hands out to her tiny little waist while looking into her sky blue eyes and I smile. One thing Brody did give me is this beautiful baby girl. My Isabella, who was named after my best friend and her Godmother.
When she extends one hand up to my cheek, she smiles back. “Come play with me.” Moments like this makes everything worth it. Her touch. Her smile. Priceless.
“Bella baby, I can’t right this minute, but once I get dinner started, I’ll come play with you, I promise.”
“Promise?” she whines.
Smiling back at her, I reply, “Yes, my little bug, I promise.”
I lean in to kiss her forehead before giving her a big hug and squeeze that makes her giggle.
“Ok, Mama.”
Once I know Bella is out of ear’s reach, I dial the only person I can count on no matter what.
When I hear my best friend scream, “Ruby Rube!” I let out a deep breath and smile. God, I love this woman. No matter how much time has passed between us, we’re always linked like soul sisters.
“Ruby? Are you okay?” Concern is etched in her voice.
I try not to cry, but my voice comes out shaky. “Iz, I need you.”
I hear shuffling of the phone. “Fuck! Are you okay? Oh, my God, is Bella okay? Where are you? What happened?”
I let out a sniffle and take a deep breath. “I... umm. I-”
Izzy cuts me off sounding upset. “Rube, you’re freaking me out. Let me cancel-”
“NO!” I shout out.
I’m not one to ask for help. Shit, she doesn’t even know I moved out or that I’m serving Brody with divorce papers. Izzy is a big-time DJ in New York, and lately, she has been dealing with so much of her own life drama that I didn’t want to bother her. She is over dramatic and would have flown home, but I needed to do this on my own. Until now.
Izzy yells at someone, “It’s my best friend, Ruby from back home. Give me a minute.”
I stand up straight, push my shoulders back and with confidence say, “I left Brody, and I’m asking for a divorce. He’s coming home in a couple weeks and will be served divorce papers. He only has a week or two before heading out again to meet the band in Texas. He will want to see Bella, but I need to be gone. I need to…” My voice cracks in anguish.
“I’ll book your flight tonight. Just tell me when and you can come here. I got you, girl. Holy shit! You finally did it! I am so proud of you,” Izzy says calmly.
Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach, unleashing the dam of tears. I should have told her sooner. It might have made things easier.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t call or tell you. I just didn’t want to bother you. You were on your Europe tour and then all the stuff that has been happing to you. I just thought I would be bothering you,” I ramble.
Izzy’s voice raises, “Rube, soul sisters for life, remember. No matter where I am in life, I will always be here for you. I love you and fuck yes, I’m mad at you, but I’m even more proud of you. I knew you would come around. We can talk about the details when we see each other but just know I’m here for you.”
It’s been close to five years that I’ve been pushing her away, or I should say Brody has alienated me from my friends and family. Keeping me to himself while breaking me down.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so much,” I squeak out through tears.
“Mama! You’re crying.”
I whirl around to see my girl standing there looking stressed.
“No, baby, Auntie Izzy has me laughing so hard, that I’m crying,” I say with a fake laugh.
Just mentioning Izzy’s name her face lights up with joy. “An-tee Iz! I want to talk to An-tee!”
“Okay, Bug. Hold on let me put you on speaker but it has to be quick, Auntie is working, and Mama needs to finish talking to her, okay?”
She starts jumping up and down. “Ok, Mama. Yay, An-tee!”
Izzy’s laughing. “Bella bug! How is my little snuggle bug?”
I let them chat while getting myself together, putting that fake wall back up.
It’s fine…I’m okay…
After Bella runs back down the hall yelling for her babies, I put the phone back to my ear. “Sorry about that, I know you’re probably working.”
With the upbeat auntie voice gone she says seriously, “Rube, stop. Don’t close back up. Text me the dates, and I’ll handle everything. If you don’t text me the dates within the next twelve hours, I will be knocking on your aunt's door. Seriously, you need to get away, and I’ll handle everything.”
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. I want to cry again. She has always understood me. I reply, “Thank you. I love you. I really need you.”
“Did he hurt you? I need to know if he physically hurt you. Is that why you finally left him?” Izzy’s voice is so low that it catches me off guard.
“No, nothing like that. It’s a lot of things and a very long story that will need a lot of alcohol and no baby girl to interrupt us.” I end with a laugh thinking of my little spitfire down the hall, who’s still yelling at her babies.
“Okay, I’m a call away. I can’t wait to see you! It will be like old times.”
I giggle just thinking of all the crazy shit we’ve been through.
“I hope so. I miss you too and thank you,” I reply.
After we hang up, I finish dinner. And like I promised to, I play babies with my little bug.
Chapter Two
Over the last couple of weeks, I filled my time with lots of preparing, moving schedules around and overall planning. Izzy has called every day checking to make sure I wasn’t going to back out, and with my aunt’s help, we made it happen. I leave today, and I’m so nervous, feeling on edge about everything that I feel sick to my stomach. I pray Brody doesn’t flip out or lose it in front of Isabella while I’m gone. I know my daughter is in good hands with my aunt and his folks, but it scares me what Brody will do once he sees the papers.
Brody is scheduled to fly home tomorrow, but I don’t know what time. My plan is to be in New York before he even lands in Los Angeles. As always, he never tells me when he is actually flying in. Before it was always to surprise me, but as of late, I think it is to catch me off guard. I’m clear headed and determined to end this with him. I just need him to understand that it is truly over. Once he does, we can start the process of the divorce.
“Mama?” Bella says in a whisper.
I reply, “Yes, baby girl,” while turning to face her sitting next to my suitcase. Once I see she is upset, I drop my toiletries and move toward her saying, “Bella bug, what’s wrong?”
I know what’s wrong, but I still have to ask. Trying to hold it together myself, I pick her up hugging her tight against my chest. I’m just as upset about leaving her as she is of me leaving but I need to stay strong. This isn’t my first time leaving her for a long weekend. But under these circumstances, we are both freaking out, and it’s breaking my heart, because it’s different, and she knows it.
“Bug, I’ll be back in a few days. You’re going to have so much fun with Daddy while I’m gone that you won’t even miss me. I promise. Mama just needs to see Auntie and have some adult time.” Still holding her, I sit down on the bed and lean back to look at her face.
She isn’t crying which is a good sign, but the sad look on her face guts me.
“Mama, Daddy is going to miss you too.”
I smile. “I know, little bug, but Daddy needs his Bella time. He has been gone for a long time and wants to spend time with you.” I grab her small han
ds that are clasped around my neck and bring them in front of my face to kiss them.
“Plus, I’ll be home in a couple days, and we’ll have time to see each other before Daddy takes off again.”
I know my daughter is smart and somewhat gets what is going on but hopefully, Brody doesn’t make things worse this weekend. I haven’t talked ill of him or said anything bad about him to anyone.
“Bu-but I want to go see An-tee Iz too. Why can’t I go?”
I touch her nose. “We’ve talked about this. Mama needs some adult time, and with Daddy home, I can go have some. Daddy’s home from work and he really wants his time with you.”
And, just like that her face changes, lighting up with a smile. “I can’t wait to see Daddy.”
I hug her so she doesn’t see the hurt and sadness in my face. “See you won’t even miss me.”
I leave Bella with my aunt and hitch a cab to the airport. I’ve made it through security and I’m now in a bathroom stall crying. Anxiety is a bitch, and she’s choking the shit out of me. Crying like a fucking baby, I fight with myself, ‘should I go or should I stay’ constantly second guessing my decisions.
When I hear my phone, I scream, “Answer the phone!” I know it’s Izzy calling.
I try to clear my throat before answering and before I can say anything I hear Izzy singing, “Ruby Rue, where are you?” using the theme song from Scooby Doo. It always makes me laugh.
My laugh sounds somewhat normal. Hoping to mask how I’m feeling.
“Girl, are you at the airport? How are you doing? You better not be crying in the fucking bathroom.”