Alterations

by Lucretia Stanhope

  As she approached the building where the watchers lived, she saw Mikhail standing outside.

  Kelly probably didn't even see him.

  Gwen smiled, she knew Kelly would have held him up for hours.

  “I can't say I am glad to see you, Mikhail,” she said when she neared. “I would like to be alone with the watchers, please.”

  “You are not supposed to be alone. I see by your lack of company you are choosing to annoy Timofei.”

  “I just left Kelly.”

  Mikhail sighed. “Gwen, please. Remember he is not your husband in the sense you know. He will not be patient if you outwardly disobey him.”

  Gwen kicked the toe of her sneaker in the grass. “I know, I am just a glorified slave. When in doubt, I can always count on you to remind me of my place.”

  “I never meant…” Mikhail took her hand as they walked away from the building. “You are not yourself. Leave the watchers a minute. What happened?”

  She told him about her conversation with Kenneth, unable to keep her tears at bay while she talked.

  Mikhail hugged her tight. “I'm sorry, boss. Humans can be so cruel to one another.”

  “I thought I made the right choices. I really did. All I have done is get cozy with him for the last twenty years. I've accomplished nothing.”

  Mikhail held her out so he could look at her. “Listen to me. You have accomplished more than any human I know. I've been around a long damn time. You are the bravest, strongest, most fascinating human I have ever shared space with.”

  “She's also above of your station, lickspittle,” Matvei said. He cocked his eyebrows, his eyes ricocheting between the two.

  Gwen pushed away from Mikhail. “You are always the highlight of my nights, Matvei.” She walked away. She heard muffled voices as she walked. The presence of Matvei neared and filled her space with cold air that caused her anger to spike again. “What? I am busy.”

  “Busy with Mikhail? Really, Gwen, you can do better. Did you find the witch I need to eat yet?”

  “No, no I did not. I have been hampered by a million things as usual.”

  “Busy, busy, witch. Where are we going?”

  “I am going.” She stopped walking. “I have no idea.”

  He cut his eyes at her. The silence blanketed the area between them. “Something aside from demons has your hackles up. Sadly, it isn't me this time.” He put a hand on her face.

  She felt him enter her mind, look around and then pull back.

  He sucked his lips and rubbed his fingers together. “I'll see you back to the watchers. Then we will go home.”

  “You are not calling the plays. I want to go to my office.”

  A smirk crept up one side of his lips. “Sure, back to the office.”

  She turned and headed back to the office. They were met at the door by someone she didn't know. “Move,” she said.

  Kenneth walked up. “Gwen, please, it's not pleasant to watch.”

  “Don't you dare pretend you care about me. Move your goon or Matvei will.” She stepped a little closer to Matvei.

  “Let her in,” Kenneth said to the man. “Gwen, consider what you might see.”

  “Nothing as gruesome as the true feelings of my friends.” She rushed past the man who stepped out of her way.

  Matvei moved to block the door and Kenneth. “Let me know when you are done.” He never took his eyes off Kenneth. “It takes a special kind of vicious to break a heart without touching it. You should go now, before I show you what a real monster does with hearts.” Matvei raised his lip in a fanged snarl.

  Gwen waited until she felt she was alone with Matvei. “Close the door, please. I need to be alone to do this.”

  When the door closed, she took a closer look at the office. She opened her drawers, taking a fast inventory. Nothing looked out of place. The empty top of her desk reminded her that most everything had been covered in gore. The clues from surfaces had been taken.

  She sat on the floor where the torso had been and ran her fingers over the carpet. She allowed her mind to drift and opened herself to the images. She was not transported back.

  Images flashed across her mind.

  A hand opening the door. David's.

  “It worked.”

  A dark shadow, red eyes, a snarling mouth.

  “Vanquish it.”

  Screams. Blood.

  Gwen opened her eyes and thought about the images. 'It worked,' and 'vanquish it,' implied that David knew a demon would be there. Testing the ability to summon it in her office? A test gone bad?

  “Matvei,” she said, and got to her feet.

  He opened the door and walked in. “You get what you need?”

  She nodded. “I saw what there was to see. He deserved it.”

  Matvei pulled his head back. “Nice to see your fire still burns. Why?”

  “I can't say exactly, but it looked to me like he was helping to aim the summoning spell. At me. He was part of the witches that want me gone.”

  “In that case, the demon saved you some work. Perhaps the sloppy mage will kill herself next.” He reached a hand to Gwen. “Did you need to do anything else here? Watchers?”

  “Why are you being so agreeable?” She took his hand, closed the door behind them, and they started toward the exit.

  “You're not fun right now. Maybe when we get home.”

  She released a huff. “That sounds more like you.”

  They walked in silence. She thought about the day on the whole. The colony wanted her. They wanted her so much, she could barely take two steps without someone stopping her. Council did not want her. Thinking about the colony, she wondered about what Kenneth said. Did the vampires siphon the last hope away from this realm? Did she make them slaves? Alone on a strange realm, just to feed vampires? Could she fix it?

  “No, Gwen, you didn't do anything, and you can't undo anything,” Matvei said. “It is intriguing that you always think of everyone. I did offer to help you get away. Sure, I'll give chase, but I would arm you and give you a head start.”

  “Not now. While your offer is dangerously tempting, I have a million things to do.”

  “I'll help. What's on the list, sweetheart?”

  “I'll do it myself, thank you.”

  “You do make it hard to be kind.”

  “Kind? You can only fawn kind for seconds at a time.”

  He shrugged. “Suit yourself. My offer, offers stand. Whenever you feel brave, my queen.”

  “I'm chasing demons, Matvei. How brave do I have to be for you?”

  “Go, get answers, so you can put this silliness aside and start asking the right questions.”

  She looked from him to the doorway. Her eyes narrowed at him before she started to turn.

  He reached out and took her hand, kissing her wrist.

  She pulled back at the pinch and looked to see nothing, as she expected. She hated that he always made her feel it. She knew he could do it the same way Timofei did, but he chose not to. It never amounted to anything she considered painful, it pinched, an annoyance, just like him.

  She heard him chuckle as she walked in the building. As she expected, Sara greeted her as soon as she crossed the threshold.

  “Haven't you caused my family enough pain, warlock?” Sara’s sharp blue eyes looked down at Gwen as she stood in her space, towering over her.

  “I'm here to offer condolences to Laura.”

  “She's been drilled by Kenneth already. Get your tidbits from him, monster.” Sara took a step after each word, backing Gwen toward the door.

  “Why do you imagine her lover was in my office, trying to target a summoning?” Gwen asked while she made her own aura as big and hot as she could.

  “I'm sure she wouldn't know. Maybe you should ask the demon, since you are the monster whisperer.” Sara reached around Gwen, opened the door, and gave Gwen's shoulder a push.

  Gwen knew the amazon could easily beat her in a contest of strength, but her fire burned deep
inside, and reason slipped aside. She allowed anger to take front stage. Gwen reached up and took Sara's hand. She watched her look of disbelief as Gwen twisted it and brought her to her knees.

  “Don't touch me. You have been unkind since the day I arrived. I don't know what I did to you, or your family, but if you make one more snide remark, I will shove it back down your nasty mouth.”

  Gwen felt a strong hand on her shoulder. She looked at Sara on her knees and felt ashamed. She let them get under her skin. Now she was acting like the monster they accused her of being. She let Sara go.

  “I'm sorry. Give Laura my condolences, and let me know if you remember anything unusual about last night.”

  When the door slammed behind her, she looked at her monster escort and rubbed her hand over her mouth. “I need to go home.”

  Chapter Five

  G wen sat in her old altar room at Lizzy's house. She wrapped the shawl she stored there, around herself and closed her eyes. It no longer connected her with Sebastian, but she found it comforting.

  She wanted his advice, but he was off realm for an undetermined time, so she sat wrapped in his scent and tried to imagine what he would say.

  The thought of leaving this realm behind brought tears to her eyes. They could never have each other, but this place guaranteed they always had their memories. Did she really want to give up the last pieces of her connection to this realm? Did that mean she gave up on them? She needed to. Needed to break all ties, so that she could concentrate on the future, the colony, and undoing their enslavement while she still could.

  “Your sadness is making it rain,” Matvei said.

  “Go away.” She tugged the shawl tight before she stood. “I thought I gave you the shake.”

  “You'll have to try better than that, dear. Why are you here?”

  She looked around the mostly empty room. “Thinking.”

  “Do something. Stop pondering and at least start plotting.” He took a few steps into the room. His footsteps echoed with his words.

  She stepped toward him. Her words matched his timbre. “I do plenty. I'm making a difference for two entire realms full of people.”

  A few more steps and they were face to face, both projected willful auras.

  “Is that what you tell yourself? Does that make you feel better when you lay your head down at night?” He put a hand on the side of her neck, cupping her jaw.

  “You don't know what I am feeling.” She pulled his hand away. “You know nothing about me.”

  “Don't I? You are crying about what you lost. Holding that smelly shawl and thinking about your lost love. Do you really still love him? I see that question dance on your eyes. Can you love anyone after all you have seen? That worries you. But more-so, will a tender creature like Sebastian ever be enough? That is one of the questions you are afraid to ask.”

  She sent a hate filled pulse out. “Stay out of my thoughts, damn it.”

  He grinned at the minor attack. “I don't need to be in your thoughts. I can see it in your eyes. I hear it in your words. Do you wonder if you could love him the same, now that his curse is lifted? Maybe you need a monster. Do you crave darkness? Is Timofei too gentle with you?”

  She flung a hand, slapping his face with a wave of magic. “I had no choice. It was come as a treasure, or come as a slave.”

  He rubbed his jaw and licked his lips. “You are his treasured slave. You live in his prison. In some illusion of love, and meanwhile you are dying inside.”

  She started to walk past him but he put an arm out, stopping her.

  “I'm going home now.” She tried to move his arm, with no effect. She felt her anger drawing up the fire she tried to ignore. Timofei would never understand or forgive her burning Matvei to a crisp.

  “Why is it the only time you feel that spark it's with me?”

  “A spark does not always make a flame.” She pushed against him, again focusing her strength and magic into her hands, and was able to gain a small step.

  “You are getting stronger. Let me take you to such dark places your light will grow into an inferno. It is absurd for something so powerful to sit on a shelf and look pretty.”

  “It's been the worst day ever. Can we please just go back to the fortress? You win.” Gwen walked back into the room, away from the confrontation.

  She took the shawl off, folded it, and put it back in the chest, while he watched. She walked back to him and tried to ignore the way he pushed his cold presence at her.

  “I can feel you bristle every time we get close. Is it because you hate me, or because you grow bored with his crystal palace? Do you want something real?”

  Gwen backed up a few steps. “You take inappropriate to whole new levels. Something real? What is real?”

  “I'm real. It's what you are missing. It is why your heartbeat ratchets up when you feel me near. You know that I wouldn't protect you from the very thing you want most. I would make you feel. Lust, pain, the real things that monsters feel.”

  “Real? I love your father. Do you even realize what he would do to you if he heard half of the things you say, suggest, imply? You have no idea what I want. Excuse me, Matvei, I need to go, do…” she said, and started to step past him.

  He moved to the center of the door. “Love? Do you now? Or do you just pretend so that you can tolerate his adoration?” As he spoke he stepped forward, and pressed himself into her. He grabbed her arms and spun her against the wall. He leaned down and ran his nose along her neck. “Sumptuous. I'm hungry. Do you want to feel something tonight?”

  She felt her breath hitch in her throat. “Matvei, don't.”

  His teeth scraped across the surface of her neck. “You'll beg me for it when the tedium of the nights strangle your soul. I'll be here. Looking forward to hearing you scream out in a delicious blend of pain and pleasure.”

  She shoved him, making a few inches of space between them. “You keep pushing more, and you will leave me no choice but to talk to Timofei.”

  His deep laughter filled the room. “Tell him, that will end your choices. Who will show you what you need to know to be free then?”

  “If you are serious, why do you keep tormenting me? How am I ever supposed to trust you?”

  “We are going to have to trust each other. I will never stop tormenting you. We both like it far too much.”

  She sighed. “You've got me so upset. He's going to see this.”

  “Ask me, Gwen.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head.

  “Ask me and things will get easier.” He stepped closer, breathing her in. “Work or play. What will it be?”

  “We will never play.”

  “Work, then?”

  She ran her fingers through her hair. “What do you want in return?”

  “I'll call in my demand when the time is right.”

  “No, I can’t agree to something I don't even know. Not with you.”

  He blinked his eyes a few times. “You want more good faith acts? Didn't I already help tidy your messy mind? I'm offering you the ability to do that yourself.”

  “At what cost? That matters.”

  “I don't see why it should. I'm getting bored. Yes, or no?” He put his arm on the wall, leaning over her.

  “Each and every thing you teach me will have a cost?”

  “Of course. We really should do this soon. Each talk we have increases the chances of your exposing yourself.”

  She knew he was right about that. She let her thoughts wonder so much that if Timofei had not been distracted, he would have heard them. She couldn't help herself, much less anyone else, if she couldn't have private thoughts. “Teach me.”

  He made a purring growl and ran his fingers through her hair. “I'm going to deposit it as I would with one of my children.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Will it hurt?”

  “Yes, to shove in data is uncomfortable, even to us. It will ensure everything you need to know is there. No need to drone on endlessly about how t
o do things.” He looked down at her worried expression. “I won't make it deliberately painful. Not this part.”

  “That is kind of your thing, hurting and pain.” The attempt at humor didn't make her feel any better.

  She felt his rough thumb rubbing against her temple. The room went black, red, and then white as pain stabbed her in a way that felt like a migraine.

  When she opened her eyes again, they were still in the altar room.

  He was sat on the floor, his legs stretched out, her head in his lap.

  “There you are. Move easy. Your head might hurt a bit,” Matvei said.

  She felt the throb grow before she even tried to move. She gave a little groan. “Will I just know now?”

  “Of course. When you feel up to it, we can give it a test.” There was a relaxed tone and vibration from him.

  “You fed on me? While I was passed out?” She closed her eyes, already knowing the answer.

  He twirled a piece of her hair. “I was restless. In fairness to me, you were out for quite a long amount of time.”

  She sat up and allowed her eyes to focus. “I do hate you.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you going to challenge Timofei? I won't hurt him for you.” She watched his smile take on a menacing quality.

  “I won't be asking you to do that, though I should point out, it is a little late for terms. I've given you a valuable gift. When I see you can be trusted, we can negotiate the next step.”

  “Step?”

  “You did want to learn more, no?” He leaned his head back against the wall. “I expect you might hurt me a bit, but go on and try to see my memories.”

  She licked her lips, thought a second and the skill was there, or at least she thought she knew how.

  He opened his eyes wide, letting her make a start.

  She startled herself when she slipped in his mind. His memories were dark and filled with killing at every turn. She saw something with him talking to a tall, thin man and tried to focus, but felt him push back. She pushed harder, and he shoved her out entirely.

  “Not bad.” He wiped some dark blood from his nose.

  “You knew what I was seeing?” She looked down and back to him. “I'm sorry I hurt you.”

  “Sweet, Gwen. Pain is nothing to be sorry for. You will need a lot of practice, before you have any finesse. You should concentrate on your own thoughts. Cordon off a place to think, and store the more unsavory things.” He stood and reached out a hand to help her to her feet.