by E. L. Todd
I already respected people in the military, but now I respected this man even more. His coldness was excused, and his silent hostility seemed natural. After spending ten years in that line of work, it was expected for him to be closed off. “Now you can be close to family, so that’s nice.”
“Yeah,” Colton said in agreement. “I’ve only seen you a few times in the past few years. Almost didn’t recognize you on the doorstep. Mom and Dad will be really happy to spend more time with you—me too.”
“About that…” He set his glass back on the coaster. “They don’t know I’m here yet. They think I’ll be here in a few weeks. Keep that to yourself.”
Colton cocked an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Just want some time to decompress. My house is still in escrow, but once that’s finished, I’ll be able to move in.” He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his palms together. He had short brown hair, a color much darker than Colton’s.
“Whatever you want, man,” Colton said.
“Where’s your place?” I asked.
“Over on Escala,” Finn answered. “Close to the water.”
That was close to where Jax lived. It was a swanky neighborhood with prime real estate. His salary from the army must have been pretty competitive if he had the down payment for a place like that. “That’s a nice area.”
“Super nice,” Colton said. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“Me neither,” I added.
Finn watched the game again, seeing the next three-pointer made by the Rockets. He turned back to us a moment later. “How are things with you two?”
Colton and I were both silent. We were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, not looking like a married couple at all. Colton had agreed to tell his brother the truth, and now seemed like the best moment.
Colton looked at me, as if he needed some encouragement.
I knew I had to give him a shove. “Actually, we have some news…”
Finn watched us with that stern expression, his jaw chiseled and his cheekbones prominent. His hands rested together, and he kept his gaze locked on to mine, patiently waiting for whatever revelation I was about to make. Other people would give some kind of reaction, visibly tensing in preparation for good news. But Finn was fearless, remaining calm regardless of what would come next.
Colton was quiet for a long time before he finally shared the truth. “Pepper and I split up six months ago.”
Finn looked at his brother for a few seconds, but his eyes shifted back to me.
“We haven’t told anyone in the family yet,” I said. “We’ve been dragging our feet for a bit.”
Most people would have asked a million questions about what went wrong, but Finn didn’t do that. Colton’s mother would be in tears, and his father would be in shock. Finn didn’t have a visible response, which wasn’t too surprising because he’d just met me for the first time. “Are you separated? Or divorced?”
“Divorced,” Colton said.
Finn didn’t ask why. He shifted his gaze back to his brother, his thick body in the same relaxed position as before. “It seems like you’re on good terms.”
“We are.” Colton patted my hand as it rested on my thigh. “We’re still best friends. We’re still in each other’s lives. And of course, we still love each other.”
I gave my ex a soft smile, returning his affection.
Finn sat back against the couch, his knees apart and his large chest taking up the entire half of the couch. He glanced back and forth between us, trying to connect the dots but unable to make a picture. “What am I missing?”
Divorced couples didn’t sit on a couch together and say they loved each other unless they were talking to their kids. I wanted to take the lead and relieve the pressure from Colton, but this was something he needed to do on his own.
“There’s no easy way to say this…” Colton looked at the table as he fidgeted with his hands. His movements became faster the longer he built up to the dreadful moment.
Finn was still like a statue.
Colton finally let the words break free from his chest. “I’m gay.” He still couldn’t look at his brother, as if he was too ashamed to make eye contact. “When I couldn’t deny it anymore, I told Pepper the truth. She’s been so supportive this entire time and made it so easy on me. Now we’re just friends…best friends.”
I watched Finn’s expression, waiting to see the critical judgment creep into his gaze. He didn’t blink as he stared at his brother, but his thoughts were blank. He was impossible to read because he was so still and silent.
When Finn didn’t speak, Colton looked up to meet his gaze. “So…that’s it.”
Still, nothing.
I knew Colton was looking for a more concrete response, needing to know if his brother was disgusted by the truth. He feared the worst and prepared for it by gripping his hands together. “Finn?”
“Yes?” He continued to stare at his brother.
“You haven’t said anything…” Colton clearly didn’t know how to interact with his brother because they’d drifted apart. Only seeing each other once every three years had practically made them strangers. But I couldn’t blame Colton for not knowing how to read a statue.
“What am I supposed to say?” Finn countered.
“You just don’t seem to have much of a reaction.” Even I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or pleased by the news.
“What kind of reaction should I have?” He grabbed his scotch and took a drink. “The two of you seem to be in a good place. You both seem happy. There’s not really much to say.”
“Finn,” Colton said. “Your brother just told you he was gay. Does that upset you?”
It was the first time Finn raised an eyebrow. “Why would it? You basically just told me you liked apples yesterday and now you like oranges. Why should I care what you like? It makes no difference to me. Love who you want to love. Be who you are. It doesn’t change anything.”
Now I finally understood his reaction. He was indifferent because there was no reason to have a reaction. Gay or straight, it didn’t make a difference to him. He didn’t just have an open mind, he was extremely progressive, not judgmental or critical of someone who was different from him. “I told you, Colton.”
Finn watched his brother. “What did you think I was going to say?”
“I don’t know,” Colton said with a shrug. “You’re a military man. I wasn’t entirely sure…”
Finn finished his glass before he set it on the table. “I’ve spent the last ten years of my life in the service of my country. I fight for the rights of all Americans, regardless of your religion or sexual orientation. Next time you think of me as a military man, think of that.”
My eyes softened for this hard man, a man who was clearly selfless and compassionate. His exterior wasn’t warm like an open fire in the midst of winter, but it was obvious he had a warm heart under all those muscles.
“Thanks, Finn,” Colton said. “That means a lot to me.”
“I don’t care for the way you’ve treated Pepper, though.” He turned his gaze back to me. “You should have had the courage to be honest about who you are instead of wasting her time. That’s five years she can’t get back, Colton.”
Colton bowed his head in shame.
“I loved being married to Colton, so I don’t consider it to be a waste of time.” I defended Colton even though Finn had a valid point. “I’m still young, and I’ll find the man I’m supposed to be with. If anything, being with Colton has taught me exactly what I want in a husband.”
“You don’t have to defend me,” Colton whispered. “He’s right.”
“You’re loyal.” Finn spoke the words while looking into my eyes, the comment jarring and unexpected. “That’s a rare trait. It’s like a diamond in the rough. You can keep digging and never find it. But when you spot it, it shines so brightly, there’s no mistaking it.” He’d barely said a few words the entire night, but once the subject of loyalty had been broache
d, he practically recited a poem. “You’re a very lucky man, Colton. To have a woman who has your back like that.”
7
Colton
My alarm went off then I got ready for work. I showered, put on my collared shirt and tie, and then walked into the kitchen to have my morning coffee and bagel.
Finn was already there, in the middle of the kitchen, doing push-ups in his sweatpants. His breathing was even and slightly labored, and with perfect form, he lowered himself to the floor then pushed up again. His back and chest were covered with tattoos as well.
I wondered if Mom knew about this canvas.
I filled a mug with coffee and watched him continue his workout. Just watching him exert himself was a workout for me. “You’re up early.” He didn’t start his job today and he wasn’t used to the new time zone yet, but that didn’t stop him from rising at seven in the morning.
He ignored me and finished his set before he stood up, sweat making the muscles of his chest glisten. His body showed his fatigue, but he still didn’t breathe deep and hard like he had done a serious workout in the middle of the kitchen. He wiped his forehead with the back of his forearm. “I slept in, actually.” He got up and poured his own cup of coffee.
I grabbed a bagel slice and placed it in the toaster. “Want one?”
“No thanks.” He carried his mug to the kitchen table and sat down. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and seemed to go through his emails.
I sat across from him and opened the newspaper.
His eyes were downcast as he scrolled through his phone, his large torso covering the entire back of the chair. He was built like a brick house and looked dangerous, like a criminal in a dark alleyway.
We looked nothing alike.
Our facial features were similar and we had the same blue eyes, but other than that, we were starkly different. My body was toned and in shape because I worked out often, but my physique was nothing compared to his. “What are you doing today?”
“Hitting the gym in a little bit.”
I stopped reading the newspaper and gave him an incredulous look. “Didn’t you just work out?”
“Warm-up.” He typed a message on his phone before he set it on the table. “Mom and Dad know?”
I knew he was referring to the news I shared with him last night. “No.”
He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing a smidge. “You told me first?”
“Yeah…I thought it would be easier.”
“So they won’t gang up on you?”
I nodded. “They’re going to be disappointed. I know they are.”
“They will,” he said without sugarcoating it. “But I think their disappointment will be over Pepper, not your sexuality. Mom never has anything bad to say about her. Whenever she mentions her, she talks about Pepper like she’s a queen.”
“Because she is.”
The corner of his mouth rose in a slight smile. “Letting her go must have been difficult.”
“Extremely.”
“You’re lucky she stands by you.”
“She loves me…” I didn’t know what I did to earn her loyalty and devotion, but I would gladly accept it.
“I can tell you love her too.”
“With all my heart.”
He grabbed his mug and took a drink, the perspiration on his chest slowly evaporating.
“Are you happy to be back in Seattle?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure how I feel about it. Every morning when I wake up, I try to remember where I am. I’m used to moving around so much that staying still feels odd to me.” He didn’t talk about his service very often, and I knew he would never give me any details. “I haven’t kept in contact with anyone around here, so I’ll have to make some friends.”
“Well, you already have me and Pepper.”
He took another drink of his coffee, cold to my comment. “It’s a start.”
“What made you leave the military?” He’d seemed to be completely invested in his career, and pulling out when he was so young was confusing.
He held his mug by the handle, the steam slowly rising to the ceiling. “It was time.” He dismissed the conversation by taking a drink of his black coffee. He’d never been open with me before, and it was unlikely he would start now. “Are you still at the same firm?”
“Yes.” Unfortunately.
“Do I detect resentment?”
“No. Just indifference.”
“You don’t have a mortgage or a family. May as well take a risk and leave—if you don’t like it.” Finn had never been tied down to anything. As far as I knew, he’d never had a girlfriend or aspired to have a family. Mom stopped asking him about it because she knew Finn wouldn’t change his attitude.
That made telling her I was gay so much harder. “Pepper told me to leave too.”
“Then do it.”
“I’m thinking about it…”
“You could always start your own firm.”
“That’s a lot of work.” I would be working nonstop because all the load would fall to my shoulders. I would also have to handle the business side of things. If the business went belly-up, so did I.
“The best things in life are hard to seize.”
The door opened, and Pepper walked inside. She was dressed for work, wearing black skinny jeans and a purple blouse. Her hair was curled and stretched down her chest, and she wore a gold necklace my mother had given her for her birthday. Black pumps were on her feet, and they made a tapping noise throughout the apartment. Pepper was naturally beautiful, not requiring much maintenance. The second she woke up in the morning, she was ready to go.
Finn turned in her direction the second he heard the door open. His eyes took her in, starting from her long hair down to the black shoes on her feet. He didn’t seem to care if I noticed or not because he continued to stare at her.
“What’s for breakfast?” she asked. “I smell something good.”
“Coffee and bagels,” I answered, taking my eyes off my brother and looking at Pepper.
She stuck out her tongue and made a disappointed face. “No pancakes? Bacon?”
“Not unless you’re making it,” I countered.
“You know I can’t cook,” she said. “Why do you think I come over here every morning?”
Finn held his mug in his hand but didn’t take another drink. Now all he did was examine Pepper with an unreadable expression. He was tense like usual, his eyes two dark shadows. “Do you live nearby?”
She joined us at the table, and just before she sat down, her eyes flicked to his bare chest. She stilled for two seconds, caught off guard by his near-nakedness. She tried to hide her hesitance by sitting down and looking into her coffee. “I live across the hall.”
“So, when you moved out, you moved ten feet across the hall?” If Finn noticed the way she looked at him, he acted as if he didn’t. He was probably used to women staring at his physical perfection. The dog tags hanging around his throat and the tattoos only made him more interesting.
“Not on purpose.” She crossed her legs and sat upright, showing her elegance through her posture. “At the time, I just needed somewhere to live, and that apartment was available. Finding a decent place in this city is harder than it seems.”
“I’m not judging you.” He stared at her just as intently as he did last night, abruptly stern.
“I wouldn’t care if you were.” She blew her breath across the surface of her coffee before she took a drink.
Finn’s mouth softened into a faint smile.
“Colton, I have a package coming today. Would you mind picking it up?” Pepper turned back to me, her elbows resting on the table.
“Why can’t you pick it up?” I countered, even though I didn’t mind doing something for her.
“I’m working late tonight. And then I have a date…” She turned her gaze away quickly, like she didn’t want to look me in the eye as she said it.
“A date?” I asked. “Are you talk
ing about Jax?”
Finn watched our interaction and ignored his phone every time it lit up with a message.
“We went to Mega Shake the other day and had a good time,” Pepper explained. “He’s not the kind of guy I thought he was. His parents passed away when he was young, and he had to take care of his sister. He’s actually very sweet.”
Pepper had told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but maybe now that she put herself out there, she realized she was wrong. Once she got her feet wet, she waded further and further into the depths until she was completely submerged. “That’s great. You’ll have to bring him out with us sometime.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she said. “I don’t know. We’ll see. I keep trying to keep it physical, but he keeps wanting something more.”
“That doesn’t surprise me at all.” It didn’t matter how gay I was, I knew Pepper was stunning. On top of that, she was the most compassionate and badass woman I’d ever known. “I’ll pick up your package for you.”
“Thanks.” She finished the rest of her coffee before she left the mug on the table. “I’ll see you later.”
“You aren’t going to clean up after yourself?” I demanded, eyeing her dirty dish on the kitchen table between Finn and me.
“Nope. You were a pig when we lived together. This is payback.” She walked to the front door. “Bye.”
Now Finn grinned wider. “I like her.”
I called to her as she walked out the door. “Bye, babe.”
She shut the door behind her.
“Listening to her talk about her love life doesn’t bother you?” Finn asked the second she was gone.
“Not at all. She kinda set me up with this guy, actually.”
“So you guys really have moved on from each other.” He didn’t phrase it like a question, more of an observation.
“The first months were hard. We stayed away from each other so we both had space. But after about three months, we started to be friends again. Here we are now…”