by E. L. Todd
“I understand.” I felt like I’d betrayed him too.
“So maybe we should keep this to ourselves and move on.”
Now the situation had been resolved, but it seemed like so much was left unsaid. “Yeah…” There was still this combustible energy in the air between us. Even now, I could feel the magnetic pull in his direction. That kiss we shared was phenomenal. Were all his kisses like that? The second his mouth was on mine, all logic went out the window. I wasn’t myself anymore, just some woman who only had one thing on her mind.
He continued to stare at me, like the conversation wasn’t over.
It didn’t feel over to me. “What is this, exactly?” I pointed back and forth between us, wishing my fingers could graze his chest once again. He was so hard, it was like feeling up a wall. “Are we just attracted to each other?” Because I’d felt something deeper from the moment we’d met. I’d experienced lust before. It was exactly how I felt for Jax when I first saw him. But that emotion was superficial and one-dimensional. What I felt for Finn seemed deeper.
“I have no idea, Pepper. And I don’t think it really matters.”
It mattered to me. “Did you just want to sleep with me and forget about it? A one-night stand like all the others?” If that was how he felt, I wouldn’t be offended. I’d understand that was how he was, how most men were.
“I’m not sure.”
“Then what are you sure about?” I should just let this conversation die because nothing could ever happen between us again. One heated embrace had almost been discovered by Colton because we were stupid enough to make out on the couch in his apartment. Clearly, neither one of us could think straight when we were in the same room together.
He slowly dropped his arms to his sides then released a quiet sigh. He didn’t seem annoyed, just uncertain. “I can’t explain it. The second I laid eyes on you…I felt something. Was it lust or attraction? Maybe. I’m not sure because I’ve never had an experience like that. As time passed, I didn’t just find you just beautiful, but also interesting and strong. What my brother did to you was wrong, but you refused to let it define you. You carried on with grace. Not many women could do that. It’s very difficult to earn my respect, but you’ve definitely earned mine—a million times over.”
My eyes softened at the compliment. “That’s nice of you to say.”
“I’ve never been close with a woman before. Any time I interact with them, sex is usually involved. Even when I was in the military, that was the kind of relationship I had with the other female officers. But since I couldn’t sleep with you, I was forced to have a friendship with you…and that just made my feelings more complicated.”
Now my feelings for him were more complicated, after hearing all of that.
“What about you?” he asked, his voice deep.
“They’re just as complicated as yours. I’ll leave it at that.”
His eyes remained glued to my face, hardly blinking. “None of this matters because Colton would never be okay with it, and I don’t blame him. There’re millions of women out there, and I decide to fool around with his ex-wife…not cool.”
“It wasn’t just you, Finn. I never should have said what I said.”
“No, I’m glad you did. There’s always been this heat between us. Now that we’ve talked about it, maybe it’ll die down and we can be real friends. We’ve seen the end before the beginning…and it doesn’t end well.”
“No…it doesn’t.” Colton would be livid if I started fooling around with his brother. He’d encouraged me to keep seeing Jax and he wanted me to be happy, but Finn was one person he wouldn’t want me to be happy with. Zach would be the next worst person.
He moved his hands into his pockets and released a long sigh. “So…friends?” He extended his right hand to me.
Shaking his hand felt anticlimactic. If we really were friends, we should start acting like it, not like strangers. I ignored his extended hand and moved into his chest. My arms wrapped around his muscular torso, and I rested my face right in the opening of his shirt. I could smell him even better now, and the warmth his body emitted was so comfortable.
He tensed before he reciprocated the affection. His arms locked around my waist, and he rested his chin on my head. He squeezed me a little tighter, bringing me hard into his chest so there was no opening between our bodies. One large hand moved up the center of my back until his fingers stopped above my bra. He lightly played with my hair as his chest slowly expanded against me with every breath he took.
The second I was in his arms, I didn’t want to leave. It was inherently comfortable, like walking into my home after a long day at work. It was my safe place, where I could drop everything and find peace. With my face pressed against his chest, my lips felt his warm skin. It tasted like his mouth—like a man.
“I’ve never hugged a woman like this.” He rested his lips against my forehead.
“And I’ve never been hugged like this.” Colton and I had a happy marriage, but now that I felt this level of affection, I realized it’d been missing in our relationship. We didn’t have this kind of innate heat. It was all friendship—and nothing more.
He slowly pulled his hands away, dragging them down my back until the moment he had to let go. He’d procrastinated as long as he could, but once he ran out of space, it was over. He stepped back, his eyes filled with disappointment and longing. “Not a good way to start off our friendship.”
I chuckled, but it was forced and fake. “Yeah…”
He placed an extra step between us, like anything closer than that was a betrayal to his brother. “Jax is a good guy.”
The surprise stretched across my face because I hadn’t anticipated that statement coming from him.
“I know I was an ass to him. That was only because…you know.”
I crossed my arms over my chest again.
“He’s successful, good-looking, and not arrogant. But more importantly, he adores you.”
I couldn’t believe I was getting love advice from someone like him.
“There’s a lot of jerks out there. A lot of assholes like me. He’s not one of them.”
“You aren’t an asshole, Finn.” He was rugged and cold sometimes, but definitely not an asshole.
“Not to you. But ask most of the women I’ve slept with, and they’ll tell you otherwise.” He grabbed his bag and moved to the door so he could leave.
“I don’t believe that a man who’s served our country for ten years could be an asshole. I don’t believe a man who saves lives every day at work could be an asshole. And I don’t believe a man so supportive and loyal to his gay brother could be an asshole.”
Finn stopped before he crossed the threshold. He didn’t turn around, and his shoulders stiffened in reaction to my words. He stalled for nearly thirty seconds, as if he might turn around and acknowledge what I said. When he made up his mind, he walked out without turning around, leaving the door wide open.
15
Colton
I stepped inside Mr. Robinson’s office with the folder tucked under my arm. In his late fifties, but looking more like he was in his late sixties, he was the top partner at the firm, the one who called all the shots. My original boss who had hired me left eighteen months ago, so I’d been stuck with this conservative jerk ever since. “Mr. Robinson?”
He glanced up from his paperwork with a look of loathing. He didn’t try to be professional. His judgments of my lifestyle were written all over his face. Once I divorced Pepper and the truth of my orientation came out, everything changed. We were never close to begin with, but the environment hadn’t been hostile either. “Yes?” he said, his voice full of impatience.
“I wanted to talk to you about the Hamilton case.” I’d been taking on the smallest projects possible because that was all I’d been assigned, but working on the same thing every day had started to make my job so boring I fell asleep at my desk. “With my background, I think I would be a really good candidate—”
“Yes, but I’m from New Jersey,” I insisted. “I have a better understanding—”
“Look, the jury decides everything.” He threw his papers down on the desk. “And if they take one look at you, it could sway them in one direction or another.”
“Look at me?” I asked, my anger brimming. “Because I’m going to walk in there dressed like a woman and act all flamboyant.” This man signed my checks every two weeks, so mouthing off to him might be stupid, but I didn’t care. Ever since this asshole took over, I’d been completely defined by my orientation. I was a damn good lawyer and graduated at the top of my class. I was far more qualified than anyone else in the office.
Mr. Robinson never answered my question. “Get out of my office if you want to keep your job.”
The hatred built to a new level, and I stopped caring about my rent, my health insurance, and my career. Nothing else seemed important besides my pride. I deserved better than this, and I wouldn’t put up with it anymore. If that meant I had to move in with Pepper or Finn, so be it. “I don’t want to keep my job.”
Mr. Robinson looked up again, unable to hide his look of surprise.
I tossed my folder in the air, and the papers scattered everywhere, like flakes of snow that filled his office. I turned on my heel and walked out, letting the asshole worry about the mess. As I marched down the hallway past my peers, I felt my heart pound hard in my chest. The adrenaline was so strong, I thought I could tear down the building with my own hands.
I made it to my office to grab my things. I left the rest behind, making it someone else’s problem.
Then I marched out of there with my head held high.
When I stepped inside the apartment, Finn was sitting on the couch. He usually worked the night shift at the hospital, so he lounged around the apartment all day while I was at work. It was a good system for us because it allowed us both to enjoy our space while the other was gone.
I slammed the door behind me and tossed my keys on the counter.
Finn turned around to get a look at me. “Stop by for lunch?”
“No.” I tossed my bag on the kitchen table and ripped off my jacket. I tossed it over the back of the chair then yanked my tie loose, not caring about keeping it unwrinkled.
When Finn realized something was wrong, he rose to his feet and walked toward me. “Everything alright, man?”
“No. It’s not alright. Nothing is alright.” I gripped the back of the chair because I was so livid. I wanted to pick it up and throw it out the window.
Finn watched me closely, his pretty eyes shifting back and forth as they looked into mine. “Is this about Pepper?” He brought his hands together and slowly massaged his left knuckle. “Because it was just—”
“No, Pepper had nothing to do with this.” I should have listened to her and quit my job a while ago. I shouldn’t have waited until the straw broke the camel’s back. My temple was thudding because I was reliving my mistreatment. For a place that practiced law, it was laughable how they broke the law every day by mistreating me. “I quit my job. I told Mr. Robinson to fuck off before I stormed out.”
Instead of reacting like most people would, Finn remained calm. His eyes continued to take me in without judgment or prejudice. “What happened?” Finn and I had little experience interacting with each other, but in the short time he’d been here, our relationship had changed so much. It didn’t matter how masculine or macho he was, he never made me feel bad for being on the softer side.
“My boss and the entire office have ostracized me since I came out. I’ve always been given the shitty cases because my boss didn’t want me to see court. When I offered to take on a higher profile case because of my background, he shot me down…because the jury wouldn’t like me.”
Finn didn’t visibly change, but his eyes took on a darker look. They burned with rage that slowly filled the entire room. Like heat from a fire, it made the room feel like a furnace. He could be hostile without saying a single word, could be ferocious without raising a hand.
“I got fed up with it and—”
“You should have left a long time ago.”
“Yeah…Pepper said the same thing.”
“She knew about this?” he hissed.
“She knew I didn’t like my job. But she didn’t know why.”
He stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest, his visage full of fury. “You could sue them for that, Colton.”
“I know. But I don’t have the resources the firm does. Plus, I don’t have any money saved. I can’t even pay my rent now.”
“You can live with me, Colton. My place will be ready any day.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised by his generosity.
He cocked an eyebrow, like he couldn’t believe my surprise. “You think I’m gonna let you live on the street?”
I shrugged. “I thought you might suggest I live with Pepper.”
“No. I’m your family.”
“She’s my family too.” Even when she changed her last name, she would still be family.
“But I’m your brother.” His hand moved to my shoulder, and he gave me a gentle squeeze. “That house is too big for one person, so it’s perfect.”
“Then why did you buy it?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to get a dog.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise. “You don’t seem like a dog person.”
“I am a dog person. We had canines in the field with us all the time. It’ll be nice to have a partner around.”
“I wouldn’t be your partner?” I asked.
“No. Just my brother.”
“Well, I’ll take it.” All the frustration from the afternoon seemed to fade away once Finn comforted me. We’d missed the last ten years, but now we were reconnecting in a way I never expected.
“You want a drink? I think a scotch is in order.”
“I don’t drink scotch—”
“Come on.” He retrieved the bottle from the kitchen along with two shot glasses. “Don’t be a pussy.”
“I’m not a pussy. It’s just not even noon yet.”
He poured the two glasses and handed me one. “In the military, we always commemorated every single event. Whether it was a victory, a fallen soldier, or a saved soldier.” He clinked his glass against mine. “Because you don’t know how many more chances you’re going to get. So let’s celebrate this moment.”
“Celebrate?” I asked.
“Yes. Because you’re moving on to greater things.” He tilted his head back and downed the scotch in a single gulp. “Drink with me.”
I held my breath before I brought the glass to my lips. I downed it in one gulp so I could ignore the fire as it burned down my throat. It moved all the way into my belly, burning throughout the entire journey. “Geez, that’s strong. You drink this every day?”
He chuckled and clapped me on the arm. “Like water.”
Around dinnertime, Pepper stopped by. She knocked this time, getting used to the fact that Finn was also a resident in the apartment.
“It’s open.” I rose from the couch and ignored the show on the TV.
Finn was in the kitchen, finishing up dinner.
Pepper walked inside, dressed in black boots, black tights, and a long-sleeved green dress. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her earrings dangled as she moved. A small freckle was in the corner of her mouth, an area I used to kiss almost every single day. “Just here for my mail.” She found the pile by the door and flipped through it. “Junk. Junk. More Junk.”
“All spam?” I asked in surprise.
“No. Just bills.” She picked up what she needed and tucked it under her arm.
“And you call that junk?”
“Pretty much.”
Finn carried the serving dish to the kitchen table. “Hey, Pepper. Would you like to join us for dinner?”
She sniff
ed the air and slowly came over. When she spotted the platter of freshly made lasagna, she made up her mind quickly. “Hell yeah. That looks delicious.” She fanned the smell toward her nose. “That’s the best thing I’ve smelled all day.”
“And you sell panties,” Finn said. “So that’s a compliment.” He winked at her before he set the plates on the table.
I was relieved Finn and Pepper got along so well. My brother usually screwed any pretty woman he came across, but obviously, my ex-wife was off-limits, and we didn’t even need to have a conversation about it. But they’d clearly developed a friendship, and that was nice to see. I needed the two most important people in life getting along—that way, all three of us could be one group.
She rolled her eyes before she grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down. “They’re new panties…so they don’t smell like anything.”
“Not true.” Finn handed out the silverware before he sat down—with his glass of scotch. “They smell like women’s perfume. And that’s pretty sexy.”
I sat between both of them at the round table and scooped a piece of lasagna onto my plate. “How was work today, Pepper?”
“Uneventful. I had a few customers, but most of the time, I just read my book.” She sliced her fork into the pile of pasta and cheese and placed a small bite in her mouth, careful not to ruin her lipstick.
“What are you reading?” Finn asked.
“A new Jodi Picoult book,” she said. “Small Great Things. Do you read much?”
“I read a lot of James Patterson,” Finn said. “He releases so many books a year, I always have something to look forward to.”
“I didn’t know you read,” Pepper said, even though she didn’t know him well enough to guess what his hobbies were.
“I didn’t know that either,” I blurted. “You just don’t seem like a reader.”
“I have a degree in medicine,” Finn said sarcastically. “It’s not that crazy.”
“You know what I mean.” I ate my dinner as my muscles started to relax. I was surrounded by my two favorite people in the world, and the horrible day I’d had seemed to vanish. Losing my job didn’t seem to matter, not when I had this waiting at home for me.