“Hello, Kennedy.” I’ve practiced the voice in front of the mirror so many times, it comes out naturally, devoid of any emotion. It’s held flat in the air. I don’t make eye contact; it’s better for me this way. I keep my head bowed down to the future Luna of the pack in a show of respect that is expected of me.
“Hello, Rya.” Her voice cannot hold her emotions in. It’s slightly shaky, like the way my body feels at the moment. She smells just like him. Bile wants to rise up. I force it down.
Standing, I bow slightly to the both of them.
“Thank you, Luna Catherine; I should be going.” Taking the envelope from the table, I walk out, not breathing in until I’m outside.
The alpha is leaning on the driver’s side door, waiting for me. I don’t focus on what’s in front of me; the sensation of being watched has the hair on the back of my neck raising. Heat, hot burning sensual fire from the spot that holds his attention, my back blazing with warmth…his sight moving down my back, over my ass, caressing my legs, back up my body…until I feel it no more. It reminds me of having a suntan, my skin keeping all the warmth I felt from his eyes.
“Rya, it’s good to see you.”
“Thank you, Alpha. It’s good to be home.” Monotone. That’s how I keep it. No need to show inflection. I can be who they want me to be. I can be nothing but a ghost floating on the outskirts of the pack. This is not the life I pictured for myself so long ago, while still a small pup being rocked to sleep by my mom.
“We won’t have any trouble, right, Rya?” He waits for my reply. He doesn’t have to wait long. I reply instantly without a second thought.
“No, Alpha, no trouble. I’ve learned my lesson. I respect his choice.” I keep my head bowed, tail tucked under.
It’s as if I’m the mistress, hell-bent on destroying their made-up bond. The only consolation is that they can’t breed; only true mates are blessed with the moon’s gift of pups.
“Rya, I’m sorry about all this. I don’t understand his choice, but it’s his to make, no matter how wrong it is. Maybe one day—”
“It’s all right. I really don’t want to talk about it. What is done is done. I’ve moved on.” Still not meeting the Alpha’s eyes, I open my door, getting in before more can be said.
I know exactly where I’m going as I pull away from the pack house to the little cottage on the curve of the lake. Not far away from the hustle and bustle of the pack house, but far enough to give me the privacy I crave.
The key to the house is a perfect fit, small and unassuming. I turn the knob, and it’s as if I stepped back one hundred years in time. Exposed wooden beams with a sloping ceiling…very charming, except it smells of an old female wolf.
I open a window, and the warm wind blows in the scent of deep summer, the breeze moving my long hair, tickling my skin. The walls must be thick to keep the temperature cool. The door opens up to the living room. Flagstone for flooring is cool underneath my feet once my sandals are kicked off.
I feel like an explorer would, taking in all the nooks and crannies of the place, my place now. Empty jars line the open cupboards of the kitchen; she must have loved to can things. Recipe books litter the bookcase, along with her own handwritten books that midwives keep.
The place is clean and tidy. I notice there is no television, only books that probably took up the majority of her nighttime entertainment. The furniture is not overcrowding. A comfy couch, an end table, and a La-Z-Boy chair. It’s the kitchen table that catches my eye. Long and slick, cut from the trunk of a tree that has been sanded and stained. It takes up most of the room, so thick probably many male wolves were used to move it in here. Running my hand along the entire surface, it’s smooth against my fingertips. I can picture the late night parties I could hold here if things were different.
Starting to work, opening up all the windows, I air it out so it will start to smell of me. Like I belong here now. An old stove sits in the corner of the room, galvanized steel, made a century ago that needs to be fed with wood to cook on. I welcome the challenge; my mentor taught me on her own stove, so this shouldn’t be much of a problem.
Is this what it’s like to be a spinster wolf at twenty-two? All I need are the cats to come around and make my home theirs. I open up the fridge. Nothing is in there. Opening up the cupboards, I find they are barren. I have to do a giant grocery trip to stock everything I need.
The bed is in a tiny room, and the mattress has the plastic still on it, never been used, which I am thankful for. Linens line the closet, which I put in the washer that’s in the bathroom. Cleaning supplies are in the hall closet, along with washing detergent.
I’m wiping my hands on my shorts when I hear the knock. I open the door. His back faces me while he looks at the lake.
“Dad?” He turns to face me at the sound of his name.
“Your mother sent me with some food. She knew you didn’t have anything here to eat.” He’s holding the bags out in front of him, as if to show me this is why he actually came.
Stepping inside, he sets the bag on the table and takes a seat, looking around.
I’m not sure what to say to him. I think he feels the same way. My chest hurts from the tightness built up inside, and I let out a forceful breath through barely parted lips.
“Rya, I’m sorry that I couldn’t have taken those lashes for you. I’ve failed you as a father, as your protector.” In this moment, my father looks so much older than he is. His head hangs down in his own guilt. All these years, I thought it was my shame that caused him so much hurt. It was his own shame of how he could not protect me better that caused the divide between us.
His hands go to his face, and he cries softly into them. His shoulders are shaking slightly—this is the first time I have ever seen him cry. My throat squeezes shut, burning tight with how utterly weak my father looks at this moment. My strong father that used to carry me around on his shoulders now looks like a broken old male. I feel as if it’s my turn to carry him on my strong shoulders. Not only did this rejection affect me, it has affected my whole family. We have all been poisoned.
“Dad.” My hand goes to his back, rubbing softly.
“I’m okay, Dad,” I lie. It’s the best lie I have ever told…ever.
Chapter 3
Valentine
The lake is like glass: tranquil, motionless, with steam rising up like fingered tendrils. Mother Nature gives me a picture of her stunning grace. Lazy clouds hang suspended in the sky, big and puffy, the early day hints at the warmth the sun will bring. Fish splashing above the water trying to catch the buzzing insects that hover just above the surface cause tiny ripples in the water. I need to get a hammock out front underneath the porch. I can picture it already: book in hand, one leg out swinging slowly while nature sings her song around me.
I will never get enough of this view. I try to make myself a promise to never let this be something I take for granted. I’m lucky; all I have to do is open the door and look outside…nature’s healing sight.
A prickle of nerve endings, so powerfully pleasing, makes me still instantly. He is not an imposter; he is my moon’s gift. I know exactly where to look.
Standing solitary on the opposite side of the lake, his wolf’s eyes absorb me solely…entranced. It’s hauntingly beautiful, his Wild surrounded by vapor, an apparition that appeals to my senses. With one blink of my eyes, he retreats back into the trees, into the shadows, until I’m alone again.
My heartbeat sounds like a drum, pounding against the inside of my chest. I can’t do anything but stand and stare at the spot where he’d stood. Maybe I just imagined this, the steam causing a mirage.
If I don’t move now, I’ll be late for my first day at the clinic, and I don’t think old Doc Peters would be thrilled with that. He’s a stickler, very old school
It’s about a fifteen-minute walk to the clinic. I don’t mind walking; it calms my nerves for the big day, my skills on display for the doc to see. I have faith in everything I have learne
d. I’m clinically competent. With that thought, I stand a little taller. I’m confident in that, at least.
I knock on the door, and the healer greets me with a hug of welcome.
“Rya.” A giant smile spreads on Aurora’s face. The sixty-plus-year-old wolf’s face dances in happiness. Her eyes are the color of sugar snap peas that reminds me of spring—fresh, new, alive.
“Look at you. Look how absolutely beautiful you turned out to be! I knew you would grow out of that gangly, all knees and elbows body.” That is something I have never heard before. I’m not sure whether to be offended on how I used to look as a young juvenile or proud that I have finally grown into my mature form.
“Thank you.” I’m unsure of how to respond to that.
“You smell very…healthy, Rya.” Her hands squeeze my shoulders, and a sad smile turns down her face as her eyes reach mine, searching me.
“How are you?” She’s not looking away after she says it. She really wants to know.
“I’m good.” I give her the voice I have practiced for hours with.
The palm of her hand goes to my cheek, cupping it. Eyes that can see things others can’t look softly into mine. All I can think is: don’t cry, don’t cry. Not on my first day, not within the first few minutes of my first real job. Don’t cry, I can do this, I can breathe…just one breath in, one breath out…
The door to the clinic starts to open. Removing her hand, she stays close to me.
The male entering, eyes to the floor, has a shaved head. He looks up, and our eyes meet; always the same, an intake of breath as he takes in mine. Completely open mouthed, he stares before he slightly shakes his head and whispers an apology.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to stare. They are unusual.” He looks away with a slight pink to his cheeks.
“Dr. Valentine, this is the new midwife, Rya.” Now it’s my turn to be confused.
“Rya, nice to meet you.” He sticks his hand out to welcome me the human way.
“Dr. Valentine, nice to meet you.” Clasping his hand, I give it a quick shake before pulling away. I’m not in the habit of touching male wolves.
“Please, Rya, call me Dallas. We aren’t very formal here.” He looks at Aurora with a smile.
“Can I just ask, where is Dr. Peters?”
“Once I came and settled in, he decided it was time for him to retire. He’s been gone maybe a year. Is that a problem?”
His voice is quiet, but I can hear him well. A day’s growth on his face makes me think he might have had a late night, not wanting to shave this morning.
“No, I just wasn’t told that we had a new doctor in the pack.” It’s a little uncomfortable between us; I’m not sure why.
His eyes avoid mine, looking anywhere but my face. Putting on his white lab coat, he looks the doctor part except he’s young, only a few years older than me.
“Well, let’s get you started. I’ll show you to your office, to the birthing rooms.” He shows me around this small clinic. Yet everything in here is top of the line, the best money can buy. Everything is available that one might need to keep the wolves alive.
Opening the door to the birthing rooms, I’m left speechless. Everything shiny and new, a big giant tub in the corner of each of the three rooms, bouncy balls, beds that turn into birthing chairs.
“This is amazing.” I can’t hide my excitement.
“The Alpha and Luna are very good with money, and they put a lot back into the pack.” He seems to be impressed with those two wolves.
The office has a little weight scale for the pups and a stand-up scale for the mothers. A strong dark wooden desk, all new furniture. An examining table…
“The Luna had all the old crone’s things moved out of here, replaced with all new stuff just for you.”
“That was nice of her.” His brow arches up, but he doesn’t say anything else. My tone of voice could have been much nicer, hidden.
“Well, this is how it’s going to work. I need to follow you with your assessments for a little while until the pack feels that I watched you enough. I really don’t want to stare at pregnant females all day long. I have an aversion for those hormonal wolves, but a bigger aversion to their highly aggressive mates.” I understand what he’s saying: the males have to be restrained sometimes for a male doctor to help deliver the pup.
“Rya, there are two females due any day now; they will be coming in this morning. Usually, you’ll work in the morning and have the afternoons off. The midwife did help me on occasion if I needed help and if the healer was busy. Are you okay with that?”
“Yes, where I was trained, that’s exactly how it was done.”
“Good. There are only about six pregnant females in the pack to date. They will all be in this week to see you. I’m sure you have lots of things you will need to organize the way you like it. If you need anything, any equipment that’s not here, just tell me. I’ll get it for you. If you have any difficulty or questions, please come to me.”
“Thank you, Dr. Valent—”
Putting a hand up, he stops my next words. “Rya, just call me Dallas. Remember, we are not formal here.”
“Okay, Dallas. Thank you.”
Leaving me, he closes the door softly. Stacks of files sit on the desk, waiting for me to look through. Sitting behind the desk in my office, I take a big breath in, then out. I smile to myself because this feels right. I’m where I’m supposed to be.
The first heavily pregnant female arrives, the same female who told me there was no room at their table for me to sit on my first day back after my punishment. High school memories, the suffocating silence I endured as a juvenile, come crashing in. I have a choice: I can hold onto those years in bitterness or I can just let it go, start new, fresh…but always in my mind understand that I could never really be friends with those types of wolves.
Giving her a very soft, easy smile, I usher her into my examining room.
“Hello, Cora, how are you?” She looks nervous, rubbing her stomach.
“I’m good, Rya. How are you doing?” Her look is one of pity. Is this the look I’m going to have to get used to from the pack…eyes of pity?
“I’m good, Cora. Thank you for asking. Come inside. Doctor Valentine will be watching as I examine you. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes, it’s fine.” I put a hand up to her mate not to follow us in.
“I need to examine her properly, and so does the doctor.” Her mate gives a low warning growl but sits in the seat outside the room in silent, behaved, fury.
“Please take off your shoes, and get undressed from the waist down. We’ll be in soon.” Closing the door, I try to act as professional as possible with her.
“I’d like to get your weight, check it from the previous one.” I glance at her face and ankles, making sure she isn’t retaining too much fluid.
Having her lay down on the examination table, I measure her abdomen. “Right on track. Excellent.” Palpating her pup, I can feel the bum, head, and shoulders.
“She’s already head down, won’t be too long. I have to check you out down there. Is that okay?”
She giggles, and her face flushes nervously.
“I’m kind of embarrassed.” She says it out loud as her legs spread underneath the cloth drape.
“Cora, don’t be embarrassed. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. You see one, you’ve seen them all.” I give her a wink and a smile. Putting on a glove, I push her legs apart. I squeeze out some lubricant on my fingers, then feel inside her to see how ripe she is. Very good, already dilating and softening up.
Turning to Dallas, I say, “If you don’t mind checking my assessment?” He does this as quickly as possible.
“Correct.” He throws the glove in the garbage, washes his hands, then walks out the room.
As I help her into a sitting position, her hand goes on my shoulder.
“Rya, I just want to say—”
“It’s okay, Cora. I’m okay, I have moved on with my life.” I
t’s my rehearsed line that I will use on everyone who asks me how I am. It’s generic for everyone, but it will get what I want across…that I am okay.
“Good, I’m glad.” Her smile is of someone who believes in lies.
Opening the door, I wave in her mate, who puts an arm around Cora. His lips brush the base of her marked neck before pulling way, smiling. A small curl of jealousy licks at my mind before I shove that thought away.
“So it should be very soon. Have you thought where you want to deliver, home or here?”
“Here. I think I would be more comfortable here,” she says, her mate holding her hand in support.
“Perfect, I’ll have everything ready for you. Just think, within the next few days, you will be holding your female.” This time my smile reaches my eyes. There’s nothing better than ushering new life into the world. I love what I do.
Her hands go to her belly again, rubbing it.
This is a new transition for the pack females, having a new midwife taking over. The first thing I need to build is trust…with all the females.
“I’m excited for you, Cora. This is going to be so wonderful. Trust me to help you through this.” Helping her off the table, I give her a hug, putting my cheek against hers. I swallow down all those painful memories to give new, better memories a chance to be made.
The morning is spent filing and organizing how I want things to be. The birth room is ready; I run through the supplies to be sure that I have everything. I look through all the files of the females I know. The midwife has information on all the female wolves of the pack. Her handwriting is legible in its own scratchy way.
The next pregnant female comes to see me, repeating the process. She leaves me with a smile on my face once she is gone. Two births in the next week should keep me busy for a few weeks with all the teaching that is needed with these new mothers-to-be.
It’s surreal to think that I will be helping the females who turned their backs on me in my youth. I wonder if they feel any regret now, or do they even realize what an impact they have had on my life?
The Wildflower Series Page 2