I’m not a life taker. I am a life bringer.
“Rya.” It’s the first time I have heard my name from his mouth. I actually stagger, dropping to a knee…the tears, they just come. My whole body is weeping, and I lose all the control that I have worked years on. Everything vanishes with just my name coming from his lips. I’m full-out sobbing, and I can’t even pick myself off the ground. Why?
No one says a word…silence, complete silence.
This is not the picture I saw in my mind for myself. This is not how I wanted my first time seeing him to go.
Both of my hands are on the ground, clutching the earth to my flesh. I can see his shoes, his calves; they look so strong. Goosebumps ascend on his flesh where my gaze falls, his thighs thick, his defined quads just peeking out of his shorts. I see their hands clasped together. This is just like a replay of my past.
I try to get up, but I fall back down. A gasp comes out of my mouth. I watch as his hand lets hers go to try and help me up off the ground. He takes a step toward me, her hand holding onto his forearm to try and stop him. He takes another step in my direction, and she pulls him back toward her.
On my own, I get myself off the ground, standing, not looking at anyone. I hold my shoulders back, raising my head, and my gaze travels up his chest. He’s shaking now. My eyes reach his neck, mouth, nose. His eyes, pine green, stare hard at me. A moment passes between us…nothing else but he and I…
“Rya.” Again my name comes from his lips, again my legs shake…A hurricane is lashing the inside of my body…
I say nothing. Instead, I turn my back on him and walk away. I walk until I reach my car. Getting in, I struggle to find the right key for the ignition. Finally finding it, I drive away, not even looking in the rearview mirror for fear I will see his eyes again.
Instead, I look ahead to what’s in front of me.
Chapter 5
Somebody
Grey clouds hide the sun’s light, and an eerie stillness settles around the lake. Even the birds are silent. Growling thunder gives its warning that a raucous storm is about to be released.
Instead of walking, I decide to take the car, not trusting that I can make it to the clinic before the rain comes.
The wind starts to rustle the leaves of the trees as I reach the clinic. The first few fat drops of rain hit my face before I walk through the front door. I feel my cheeks redden with the embarrassment of yesterday’s loss of control.
Aurora is there sipping a morning tea, the hot vapor of the steam hitting her face as she peers down into the cup. She looks up at me with eyes that see into me, not at me. Into me.
“You’re a mess.” Looking down at myself, I thought I looked presentable today, nice and tidy. Professional in every aspect. Touching my hair, I wonder if it has come out of its braid.
“Rya, what happened yesterday—”
“Aurora, it’s okay. It won’t happen again. I just lost control for a second. It was the first time I’ve seen him since I’ve been back. I’ll be more prepared next time. I’ll have better control.” I try to say this so calmly as if this is true.
“I think we need to schedule some time to talk, just you and me. I know you’re a lot sicker than you think. You can’t see it, but I can. Your mind is not well. Your body is so healthy, but your mind needs help. I will help you. Just like you can help those pregnant females with their births, I can help you. Let me help you, Rya.”
I wasn’t expecting this first thing in the morning; my legs are glued to my spot. Eyes of light green stare at me, waiting for something to come out of my mouth. A flash of light from the window, followed by a loud boom that feels as if it’s inside the room, makes me jump slightly. The lights flicker on and off before staying on.
“The first step, Rya, is admitting you need help. Nothing is shameful in needing help. What’s shameful is you living your life the way you are. Your potential is limitless. The moon has blessed you. It’s my job now to help you see this.” The first stray tear leaks out.
“Where were you when I was a juvenile? Where were you?” I accuse her. She could have helped me then.
“Sometimes good people are meant to suffer. You learn from it, grow from it, become better from it. Now the suffering needs to stop before it eats you and you can’t come back from it.” Another flash of lightning lights the inside of the clinic.
“The first thing is to admit you’re not fine. That’s the first thing you need to do. Tell me, Rya, how are you?” She holds my eyes with hers, waiting. The storm is raging outside, shaking the earth with its violence. Trees’ limbs bend back and forth, and hard rain beats against the windows.
She’s right. If I really look at myself, she’s right. I just don’t know how to help myself anymore. I want to feel something other than this. I want to be able to just move on with my life…to be free of this suffocation, the constriction around my life that has been devouring me like a snake, slowly, little by little.
“I’m not fine.” That’s all I say, nothing more. I can’t say anything else. Getting up from her spot, she pulls me into a hug. Her cheek presses against mine. She holds me to her for just a minute as the brutal power of nature unleashes the Wild.
We stand together until the fury of the storm subsides. It leaves faster than it came.
“Good, that’s all for today,” she whispers in my ear and pats me on my back. She releases me, stepping away. I don’t feel any different, but I know that this may be my beginning.
Looking over my charts for the day in my office, I see only two females will be here. Then I will make my rounds to the two new mothers, just to make sure they really are doing well.
A tap on the door reveals Dallas looking down at me. He stares at my eyes again before he catches himself, pulling his gaze away and looking at the picture I put on the wall of the first young one that I delivered in my pack. I feel proud of this fact. Soon, I hope to have my office lined with little newborn faces.
“How are you doing? I stopped by your place yesterday. I knocked, but I guess maybe you were out for a run?” He doesn’t come completely into my office, just lingers outside the door with a soft expression on his face. Maybe he’s waiting for me to invite him in.
“I’m sorry, I was home. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’m really embarrassed at how I behaved. It was difficult for me. Thank you for stopping by. That was nice of you.” After getting home from the barbecue, locking the doors, making sure no lights were on, I just sat at the edge of the bed, balling the covers in my hands. Staring at the white wall, I cursed myself to the moon. If I was only better, if I was more. I wallowed in my own pity party. The knocking started all different types of knocking. I could smell my parents; I could smell my sisters. I knew that the Alpha and Luna were at my door. Even Cora came. I just stayed in my room with the daylight fading from the sky, until nothing but darkness could be seen through my window.
I just sat there on edge, holding myself in place, not moving. If I were to move, I would break. Deeper into the night, a single knock on my door came. My body started to shake with who it was standing there, waiting for me to open the door. To invite him into my home. He stayed there, waiting. I sat on my bed, waiting for him to leave, and eventually he did.
“It was very difficult for all the mated wolves to watch. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” He’s trying to catch my eyes, but I refuse to look at him. “Rya, anytime you want to talk—”
“Thanks, Dallas, I appreciate that.”
“All right, if you need anything, you know where my office is.” Putting my head down, I pretend to look at a chart.
“Thanks.” He’s gone after my words come out of my mouth.
I just need some air. There’s something about a settled storm, just after the wind whips the loose leaves off the trees. The way the earth smells fresh, renewed. The grass looks greener, the birds sing louder, and the sun seems brighter with its warm light.
A car pulling into the parking lot attracts my
attention, black-tinted windows not allowing me to see who’s inside. The door opens, and the Luna steps out, along with her young juvenile daughter, who looks down at the ground, tight-lipped.
“Rya, I wanted to stop by and see you—”
“Luna Catherine.” I bow my head slightly to her. “I’m working. Now is not a good time.”
“You’re right, you are working, but I didn’t come for our talk. Kimberly has an appointment with you this morning.” She puts her hand on her daughter’s shoulder as Kimberly picks at the cuticle of her fingernail, looking down in shame.
“Please, come in.” I hold the door open so they can step into the clinic.
Walking them toward my office, I gesture them inside. “Please, sit down.” I take a seat, opening her empty chart.
“So, Kimberly, how far along do you think you are?” She keeps her head down, not looking up.
“I’m two months.” I don’t see any claim marks on her neck, nothing that says she has a mate beside a pup in her belly.
“Do you mind if I ask you a few questions before I examine you?” I’m trying to be as professional with her as possible.
She looks toward her mother, then back at me.
“Luna Catherine, do you mind waiting outside while I talk with Kimberly? I have to ask her some personal questions. It won’t take long, but I do need you to step out, please.” This time, I meet the Luna’s eyes directly. She might be over me in the pack, but in this office, I have authority. I will not back down. My pregnant females will always come first.
She doesn’t look away. Neither do I. Finally, she gets up off the chair. Her daughter is open mouthed at our interaction, looking from my face to her mother’s. The Luna cannot hide the smile that’s spread wide, making her look so beautiful. “I’ll just wait outside.”
“Kimberly, how old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“Was this your first heat?”
“Yes.” She’s picking at her fingernails.
“Did you want to get pregnant?”
“No.” She starts shaking her head vigorously. “I just didn’t think it would happen.” Her poor little lips start to tremble. It must be very scary for her, being so young to have the responsibility of a new life inside her.
“Did you not take the proper precautions?” She shakes her head no, focusing out the window. I try to mask my surprise at this. All the young females should know better when they are in their fertile times. This gives me a good idea to gather all the young adolescent females for a health lesson on proper precautions and how to use them.
“It was my first time, Rya. I was where all the females go to ride out the heat, but the door was unlocked. He got in.” She’s still looking at her nails as if they’re the most important thing that can hold her attention. Whoever was responsible for the door should be shot with silver.
“All right, Kimberly, let’s get your weight and some measurements. Then we will do an ultrasound, have a proper look at him.” I can smell the male inside her; he’s strong already. “Where’s your mate at?”
“He just left for University. He won’t be back until his first semester is done.” This is going to be tough on her without her mate by her side.
“Okay, let’s get your mother. We’ll do an ultrasound, then you can be on your way.” Leaving her on the table, I go get the Luna. She’s sitting with Aurora, having tea and laughing like two old friends.
“You can come in now.” Turning on my heels, I don’t wait for her to follow.
Back in the examination room, I ask her to lift her shirt up, then put the cold jelly on her lower abdomen. I start to look around to find the little guy. The Luna enters the darkened room, standing by her daughter’s side. It doesn’t take long to locate the forming young.
“There we are. He doesn’t look like much now, but just wait.” I turn on the sound so they can hear the rapid heartbeat clearer. The Luna has tears in her eyes; so does Kimberly. What a nice moment for mother and daughter. I wish I could give my mother this moment. Watching the Luna bend down and kiss her daughter’s head makes me smile. She will have the support she needs during this time.
Printing several pictures for the both of them, I wipe away the sticky jelly from her lower abdomen and help her sit up. I think to myself this could have been my nephew.
“All done.” Both of them are smiling at the grainy pictures.
I walk out to the front desk with them. Aurora also acts as a secretary, booking an appointment with the doctor, her, and myself.
“All right, let’s see, I think we should see you in two months, all right?”
“What day? I have to go away for a week to visit another pack. It has to be either before or after that week.” The Luna is looking at the dates on the calendar.
“Still hunting?” Aurora’s voice questions out.
“Always.” Luna Catherine and Aurora have a silent moment between themselves before Kennedy barges into the office.
“Oh, I thought I was late.” She sounds breathless, like she was in a rush to get here. Her curly hair is a vision of beauty. The way her dress clings to her body shows off her slim hips and long legs. No wonder my male loves her. She’s a vision of absolute perfection, her makeup done as if she had professional artists do it.
“We’re just finishing up,” the Luna says.
“I thought you said the appointment was at ten, Cathy?”
“Did I? No, you must have heard me wrong. I said nine-thirty, Kennedy.” Looking at Kennedy, I notice that her neck is not as red and irritated as before. As if it’s been left alone…
“Well, when’s the next appointment? I don’t want to miss it.” She really looks upset.
“It’s in two months. We’ll be away when she goes. Her father will take her.”
“I don’t need to go with you, Cathy. I can just stay here this time, to keep an eye on Kimmy and my little pup.”
“No, Kennedy, I need you with me when we visit the other packs.” The Luna’s voice is tight but restrained.
The Luna and Aurora share another look together.
Kennedy doesn’t even acknowledge my presence. She won’t even look at me as she walks away outside.
“Kimberly, if you have any questions or need anything, or if you just feel weird, please come and see me before our appointment. Or if you just need to talk about things.”
“You’re so very kind, Rya. We are so thankful you’re back. Would it be okay if I stop by this afternoon at your house? I think maybe we need to have a talk. Just you and I.” Luna Catherine’s voice holds a command in it. She won’t take no for an answer.
“I’m busy this afternoon, sorry.” I don’t want to sit and talk with her. I have nothing to say to them.
“Rya—” Dallas comes out of his office, standing just outside his door.
“Yes, Dr. Valentine?” He’s holding a bundle of paper in his hands.
“Here’s all the papers that need to be filled out. Thanks again for helping me this afternoon.” He hands me the stack of charts, our fingertips touching while he hands me them. A flush creeps along his neck with the contact. I have to look away from him, but I can smell him…
“Well, Rya, another day maybe, when you aren’t too busy.” She doesn’t say it to me; she’s staring down Dallas, a hard look in her eyes, the wolf ascending. I can feel vibrations off her skin that she’s sending his way. He holds her stare for a moment before turning around, shutting his office door.
Both of them leave as I shut the door behind them, thankful that they left.
Dallas comes out of his office and leans against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. A keen smile spreads wide across his face.
“You better watch yourself with her, Dr. Valentine.” Aurora gives Dallas a bright smile.
“What can she do to me? I’m the doctor!” They both laugh at that. The way he laughs is contagious, almost pulling me into a laugh…almost.
Dallas takes the stack of papers from my hand, brin
ging them back into his office.
“If you really need help…”
“No, this is all garbage that needs to be shredded. Thanks, anyway. You have a good afternoon, Rya. See you tomorrow.”
“You too, Dallas. Thank you for that.” My eyes meet his in thanks, and another blush creeps on his face. I find that cute in a flattering way.
Aurora comes into my office, sipping a fresh cup of tea.
“Don’t you think it’s sweet of Luna Catherine, always bringing Kennedy with her to meet other packs, molding her for her future role as a Luna? You know what I find really nice? That all the Lunas of the other packs hold a nice welcome dinner for them. All the unmated male pack members are expected to show up so they can meet this future Luna. Catherine has been dragging her around for years doing this. She refers to it as hunting.” Aurora blows on her cup of tea before taking a sip, eyes watching mine. “You didn’t hear that from me.” Before I get to say a word, she turns around, leaving me open mouthed.
After finishing with my work, I decide to walk home, just in case the Luna drives by and doesn’t see my car. I don’t want her stopping by.
Nothing but little puddles are left in the wake of the storm. Everything else is dry underneath the sun’s hot eye.
Walking down my driveway, keys jingling in my hands, I notice how the wind lifts the willow tree’s hanging limbs in a gentle dance, swaying back and forth. Green eyes glint at me in the shadow of the tree.
Stepping into the sun, he looks like a vision…a horrible, wonderful vision…
“Rya.”
Chapter 6
Sliding In, Falling Out
Static crackles between the two of us…
He doesn’t move.
He doesn’t speak.
He doesn’t do anything but stare at me.
His eyes capture mine, and everything slides away. Nothing else exists, just him.
A chemical reaction of the purest, simplest elements merge together, creating something that feels combustible. This moment will always loiter in my mind. This one real moment between the two of us without witnesses.
The Wildflower Series Page 4