“I feel the same way. It was amazing. I was so scared at first, and I really didn’t even know anything, but I watched them and studied and practiced. Finally, I was able to hunt with them and really feel as if I was part of a pack for the first time in my life.” A hint of sadness that I didn’t want to expose utters out with the last few words I say.
“That makes me angry, Rya. I just don’t understand that. I can’t comprehend how awful your juvenile years were. Trust me when I say this: you are part of the pack now. Never will you ever be treated that way again, ever!” A ferocity in his tone has a raw growl slipping out his chest. I understand that noise; it’s one of warning to be afraid of what that wolf intends.
“Rya, I miss you. I just want you to know that.” That makes me smile, that someone actually misses me. Not like last time, as everyone couldn’t wait for me to be gone away from the pack. Out of sight, out of mind.
I miss him. That’s the thought that grips me. I miss him.
“I miss you too. How long do you think I’m going to be staying here?” I’m really curious as how long my training might be.
“Who did my dad say was your trainer?”
“Cash.” Dallas is laughing into the phone.
“My dad has Cash training you?”
“Yes.”
“The training usually ends when you can beat your trainer.” I take a deep breath in.
“What happens if I can’t beat him?”
“My father would never put you against someone he doesn’t think you can beat. It just takes time. Remember, he’s third born, not first or second. He’s strong, but you were made to be a Luna. You’re naturally stronger than him. You have to believe in yourself. Remember to watch, listen, and learn. He has weaknesses. You have to find them and exploit them. I think once you’re trained, you might even beat Caleb, or at least give him a good go.”
“I wish I can believe that. He looks like he wants to eat me.”
“Cash doesn’t want to eat you. If he did, you would already be dead. He’s just being a jerk right now, but I think once he gets to know you, he’ll change his mind about you. I think once you get to know him, you might see him differently.” His voice holds a conviction that I don’t feel.
“Maybe.” I’m not convinced at all.
A commotion in the background has his attention off of our conversation.
“Rya, I have to go. Call me tomorrow, okay?” I hear a hard groan of pain in the background from a female. It sounds like Kimberly’s voice; I can hear a male’s voice, asking for help. It’s Clayton’s voice, sounding panicked.
“Is that Kimberly’s voice?”
“Yes, I have to go.” He hangs the phone up, leaving me with a feeling of dread.
The water’s becoming lukewarm as I play the sounds of her groan over and over in my mind while looking at my phone.
I have a full mailbox of voice messages. Putting the phone up to my ear, I hear Dallas on the other line.
“First day away, I can only imagine what you’re thinking. I can tell you what I’m thinking about. It’s you.” The message finishes.
The next one is him saying, “It’s the second day away and they tell me you made it the night without having to be dragged back to the pack. Good job. The first night with the wolves is the hardest.”
“Third day away, Rya, heard you caught your first mouse by yourself. That’s my female. Hard work, isn’t it?” I laugh at how proud he is of me. How does he know all this?
I keep listening to his messages, day five going into twelve, turning into day twenty-five, to day forty-two. He’s been leaving me messages every single day.
I’m lying in my bed now with the covers to my chin, ready to fall asleep. He knows everything that I have been going through, all the little accomplishments and setbacks that I am having out there.
He told me in one of his messages that his father or mother is keeping him updated. They have spotters out there just in case I ran into trouble. I never saw anyone else out there, just the wolves. He said that there is a failsafe that if it looked like I really couldn’t cut it, they would have rescued me before death took me. I feel kind of happy knowing at least I wouldn’t have died out there.
The next message has me dropping the phone.
“Rya,” It’s one word that has my whole body responding to the tenor of it, my body’s traitorous response to my mate.
“Don’t delete this, but I understand if you do. I’d delete myself too, if I could.” I can hear the way his lungs fill with air and the way he exhales it out.
“I had this whole speech written out.” He takes a long sigh before I hear crumpling paper. I think he must have tossed it because I hear it hitting something, maybe the wall?
“Sorry—is that what you want to hear? It’s not good enough. I can say sorry a thousand times and it’s just not good enough for what I have done to you.” His voice makes me cringe slightly; it’s clenching my jaw, curling my shoulders in.
“I think I should start at the beginning when I figured out you were my mate, tell you my story. It’s not going to be a good story, Rya. It’s not going to be one of those fairy tales that you females like to read about. I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, to think how I should have done things differently.” Sitting up in bed, my hands are shaking, I’m shaking. I think I should delete his messages. I can’t stand to hear his voice because it does things to me. Makes me long for him at the same time it makes me want to end him. The message ends; his time’s up.
I click to the next message.
“Rya, heard you caught your first winter rabbit—who’s the beast? You’re the beast of the woods.” Dallas is laughing in joy for me.
I click to the next message.
“Where was I, Rya? Oh yeah…how I found out you were my mate.” Clayton’s voice holds no tone. It’s just him telling a story to someone who shouldn’t be listening.
“Kennedy had a soccer game. She was a few years older than you. I was going to watch her play. While I was sitting there, your team was just finishing up. You scored the final goal, winning by one. This smile was on your face when you were celebrating with all your friends, jumping up and down, and our eyes connected for just a split second and I knew. It took my breath away. I couldn’t stop watching you. Your parents were there, I think your sisters. You were really good for a pre-juvenile.” I can tell he’s smiling slightly with the way his voice now sounds happy with a memory.
“I watched as you ran to your parents, giving you hugs. I thought what a nice family you must have. I just sat there trying to breathe. Then Kennedy walked up to me with her beautiful smile, kissing me on the lips, asking what the matter was, and I told her nothing. I turned around and walked away from you and your celebration, knowing who you were to me. Thinking back on that scene, what sticks out in my mind is that your smile was even more beautiful than hers if only I would have looked closer at you.” The message ends again; his time’s up.
Clicking again on the next message, Dallas is excited about me learning to play fight, not sleeping at the edge of the pack anymore. Making friends on my own and them liking me. I can hear the slight emotion for a fraction of a second in his voice before he gives a little cough, saying how proud he is of me.
A few more messages from Dallas before Clayton’s voice has my heart squeezing tight.
“I kept seeing you everywhere, Rya. You and your friends hanging out here and there. I had this fascination with looking at you, but you were this little thing with no hips, no chest, you weren’t developed at all. You were a little pup, and I couldn’t have thoughts about you like that. It just wasn’t right. So I watched you. You started high school the next year; I knew you were getting close to shifting by the way your hips started to become rounder, the way you needed to start wearing a bra. I noticed every change in your body. I noticed the way you were growing into your face. I noticed how you were really good at all the sports you played, how you had many friends, how when you came
into the room, you shined with confidence. You always walked with your shoulders straight and head up. That type of confidence you just have in you, it’s not learned. Always a smile on your face. I noticed all the hair styles you went through. Do you know that I can’t remember any of Kennedy’s hairstyles, not one? I’m sure she had many, but thinking back, all I can remember is your style.” He sounds sad about this.
More messages from Dallas, with such pride in his voice. Everything I’m going through documented in his messages to me.
“Rya, you’re probably wondering how I got your number. Well, I stole it off my mother’s desk a few years back. I never called you, but for some reason, I wanted your number.” He hangs up this time, not allowing the time to run out.
Dallas’s voice comes over the phone. “I delivered a male today, mom and pup doing good. I don’t think I can do that again.” His voice sounds slightly slurred as if he’s been drinking.
Clayton’s voice is in the next message. “Rya, where was I? Oh yes. I had to sit through assemblies at school and watch you up on stage because you’re part of this play or doing something with the student council. Thinking back all this time, Kennedy never participated in anything like that, she never led, but you did. You organized, got involved. You were a naturally good leader, perfect Luna material.” His voice sounds melancholy before he ends the call.
It’s getting late, I should put the phone down and go to sleep, but I just can’t. I tell myself just one more message and I’m going to go to bed.
“Clayton is up and walking around now, Rya. I thought you should know. I don’t want to keep anything from you. Kimberly’s pregnancy is going all right. She is still very low in her measurement, and her weight really isn’t improving. I’m having Aurora talk with her. Maybe that’s what she needs.” Dallas sounds lost slightly on how to handle the pregnant female.
Another message has Clayton’s deep voice coming over the speaker.
“When I told Kennedy about you, she was mad at the fact that I kept a secret from her for so long, then that I found my mate. I don’t think she thought you were a real threat to us. You seemed weaker than her.” His words are like acid that eats away at my skin as my heart tightens. Not a threat, I kicked her ass that day; if Clayton wasn’t there, I would have ended her. I know it, deep down. I would have taken a life.
“I couldn’t stop watching you, but I never did anything about it. I let you live your life and I lived mine. Until that day when you came up to me, with this face that had so much hope in it. I remember what you were wearing, jean shorts, a red tank top, flip-flops, your hair down. You must have just gotten it cut because it was just past your shoulders. I like it long on you. Looking back on that day, I can’t remember what Kennedy was wearing. You wanted to talk with me alone. I think you really expected me to do that. I didn’t.”
I’m crying now, big fat tears as my breath burns the back of my throat.
“It was hard for me to watch you beg like that, plead with me, grab onto my legs just asking for a chance. Your juvenile voice crying out in pain, my wolf was going nuts inside me. But I didn’t give you that chance, did I? I didn’t give you the only thing you have ever asked of me, just a chance. You never asked me to love you; all you asked for was a small chance. I didn’t give you that!” His voice cracks and breaks along with mine.
The next message is Dallas and Caleb yelling into it with excitement…both happy males at the fact I actually ate with the pack, took my share of the moose. “Meat eater,” they are screaming; I think they are slightly drunk in celebration.
The next one is Clayton’s voice I hear.
“I watched your face when you were getting whipped. Your eyes never left mine until the pain became unbearable. I think we both looked away at the same time. I remember you put up a brave fight. You really tried not to cry out, but that whip makes even the biggest males cry like little pups. This will hurt, but I think you should know this. I screwed Kennedy that night just to prove that what we were doing was the right thing, that we loved each other. We did love each other, Rya, and to a certain extent we always will love each other.” His time has run out again.
While I was lying in my bed, unable to move, he was inside her taking pleasure in my pain.
The next message is Dallas saying it won’t be long for me to come back, maybe another month, and that he can’t wait to talk to me.
Clayton’s on the next message.
“The hardest part for me was when you came back. I was there in the cafeteria when you approached your friends with your food in your hands. I heard every word that they spoke to you. I watched as you walked away from them, a little curl to your shoulder that you never had before. I could tell you were still in pain with the grimace your face made with every step, yet you still came to school. I remember that you sat underneath that big tree eating by yourself, while I walked by you, hand in hand with Kennedy. I just left you there by yourself. I noticed that you stopped playing sports, were no longer on student council. You stopped trying different hairstyles. In fact, you just braided it, not cutting it, letting it grow long as if you stopped caring. I saw this juvenile female go from being so full of life to not wanting to be alive…still I did nothing to help you. I continued on with my life while I watched yours slowly erode away. I couldn’t wait to get out of high school so I didn’t have to look at you anymore and what I did to a soul. I’m supposed to be this leader, and I have destroyed something beautiful without a care in the world. I don’t deserve to lead. I would go to the library sometimes at lunch in the winter time. I knew you were in the back corner in the cubicle pretending to study. I could hear your soft cries, and I did nothing to help you.” His voice is so heavy with emotion he’s having a hard time talking before he ends the call.
I can’t continue anymore, so I put the phone down. It’s just too hard on my soul.
Maybe it was two in the morning before I cried myself to sleep only to have Cash wake me up with a “get up” grunt.
I change into some workout clothes and running shoes. I really have no idea what to expect from him.
Meeting him at the breakfast table, it’s just us up in the early morning dawn. Both our eyes seem puffy and red. I wonder if we have been crying over the same wolves?
“We’re going to run to the training facility.” That’s all he says as I follow him outside.
The high pines shiver in the freezing wind, and the world seems still asleep as I try to keep his pace. The sky blushes in the softest of pinks and blues as the sun cracks through the night. The moon slowly fades away. The air outside seems virgin young, pure and clean.
The briskness pushes itself inside my nose, stinging with its burning cold. The skin side is not used to running this fast for this long and is slowly lagging behind Cash.
I think he slows his pace slightly until I catch up with him. He doesn’t say anything; we just run silently together, each in our own world of thought. A chipmunk scuttles around the base of a tree. If I were in Wild form, I could have had it between my jaws already.
Soon I think Mother Nature’s winter cloak will be thrown away for spring’s green dress.
The crunching sound of each step we take echoes in this soundless morning, even the wind seems to have a certain quietness about it.
My thighs are burning by the time we enter this grey-sided building, nothing fancy to it. Four walls and a high-pitched tin roof.
A group of very young juveniles are already inside waiting, milling about, talking amongst themselves.
“Hi, Cash.” All the juveniles are smiling up at him, revealing how much they like this male wolf. He smiles back at them, the only smile I have ever seen on his face since meeting him. It makes him look beautiful for a minute until I remember how ugly he can be.
Their curious eyes fall on me. I don’t hide behind Cash; I stand tall, meeting everyone head on and looking them in the eyes.
These are baby wolves who don’t pose any threat to me.
; “Everyone, this is Rya. She’s going to be training with you all for a while until she learns the basics.” They have open mouths in shock.
“Is she her?” a male juvenile asks Cash.
“Yes, that’s her.” Now all eyes are on me, rolling over my body, assessing everything.
The males, all with their shaved heads, regard me, smelling deeply. They can’t seem to stop staring as the females do the same. Lifting their noses high up, not being discreet. Taking my scent in and breathing it out. A low murmur of excitement is rippling through this crowd.
“That’s her…look at her eyes, they freak me out…she’s really pretty…why is she training with us?”
“All right, everyone, let’s begin.” Cash takes a step in the front, and everyone follows his instructions. I stand at the back watching everyone on what to do. He leads them in their morning stretch, getting their muscles ready.
Cash goes through the motions, guiding these young ones in routine after routine, sparring with them gently. His sinewy V-shaped body moves in fluid grace; he’s sure-footed with every move he demonstrates.
I think he likes it. He has a lot of patience while working with these novice learners, giving them high fives when they do good, a gotta try harder next time if someone taps out. The sparring is rough and raw. No one holds anything back.
It’s my turn to go against the youngest shifted juvenile here. He’s skinny, without the fullness another few years will bring to his body. His voice even cracks as he says hello to me.
“What’s the rules everyone?” Cash’s voice booms over the noise.
“You either tap out or you get knocked out?” All the males and females chant as one voice. Cash smiles at this, pleased with the response of his minions.
“Rya, are you ready?” I’m not sure; I have never had a lesson in fighting before. I don’t give him an answer, and he doesn’t wait for one as he blows a whistle very lightly so it doesn’t hurt our ears.
The Wildflower Series Page 24