Posturing, preliminaries at their finest.
All my father does is watch me, paying none of these wolves any kind of second thoughts.
No threat, no attention needed in his view.
“What are you doing here?” The Alpha male tries to sound intimidating, but it’s not working.
“We’re looking for a she-wolf, thought she might have come this way about seven, eight months ago?”
“What does she look like? Around that time, the fair was in town, had a lot of wolves visiting.” He crosses his arms over his chest.
“She has long hair, white blond, usually kept in a braid. She is about five feet six inches tall, medium build. Likes to wear pants, mostly dark colors. Her eyes match mine. Have you seen someone like her?”
All of these wolves shakes their heads while staring at my eyes.
“Nope, nothing that fits that description.” He’s not lying, nothing in the way he holds himself that says he’s not telling the truth. Watching his mate, she tucks her head behind his shoulder, not meeting my eyes.
“Have you seen this moon-blessed female?” My words try to go through his mate’s body.
She shakes her head no, but her body tells me otherwise. Her mate has a surprised look on his face that he quickly hides.
“I think your mate might know this female.”
“No, I’ve never met or saw a female wolf by that description during that time.” The female is cradling her pregnant belly; a scent of fear is starting to saturate the air. Her mate growls heavily now at us. The warriors start to balance on the balls of their feet, just waiting for something from their leader to say it’s okay to attack.
“Get off our land before we have no choice but to make you leave. But you won’t be leaving the same way you came.” His threat is laughable.
“We think she’s in some trouble. She’s not answering her phone anymore, and that’s not like her.”
“How do we know she isn’t running from you?” I wasn’t expecting that question.
“She’s not running from me.” My father continues to watch me, not saying a word.
“We have never seen that female. Now get off our land. If you don’t, we’ll stop the shipment of milk. Those pups aren’t ready to weaned yet, are they?” Clever male.
“We just need some information about her, that’s all. She’s my female. Look at my eyes. I don’t lie about this.” The Luna’s gaze doesn’t leave mine, but her hand is on her developing future inside her belly.
“We have never seen that female, and if we have, I don’t think I would tell you anyway. If a female is running from her mate, there is a good reason, isn’t there?” Her eyebrow goes up in question.
“Now leave. We won’t say it again. We will stop our shipment and I will call everyone else to stop what they’re doing as well.” The Luna isn’t bluffing. A hardness has set into her features that cannot be swayed. There is no going forward with them, and the twins need what they have to offer.
“Thank you for your time. We’ll be leaving now.” My father is the first to turn his back on these wolves, followed by me. Caleb takes the back, giving each one a good staring at, with a threatening smirk. He might not say one word, but he’s saying a million with the way he’s swaggering back to the vehicle.
“They must think she’s running away from me.” I say it more to myself than anyone in particular.
“Why would they think this?” My father doesn’t have the answer for me. Neither does Caleb, who always has something to say.
We stop at a motel for the night, and my mother texts me the directions to the next pack where their license plate is from. It’s only a three-hour ride.
Getting settled into the room, my father has his own bed, but Caleb and I have to share ours. Finishing the bag of chips and pop before I lay down, I have to think of a plan on how to greet the next pack. If they think that Rya is running from me, then they will never tell me what I need to know.
Late into the night, I keep trying to work out ways to approach this pack that won’t have me seem too aggressive, but not have me seem weak either. There’s a fine line that needs to be walked.
Trying to close my eyes is impossible. My thoughts are just too big for my mind to shut down.
She’s my insomnia.
The morning comes quicker than I would have liked, but it’s a hunt we’re on, and the mornings are always the best times to start the chase.
I shake off the sleep with coffee and a big breakfast that has me finishing even my father’s plate. I smile to myself, remembering the first breakfast Rya and I shared. I could hardly eat, I was so nervous watching her. The delicate way she held herself. The way she was so happy with the place I brought her to. I did make her happy. I just need to take things slow when I see her. I’m not sure what I even should say, but I have to do something.
The shirt that I have on is stretched uncomfortably tight across my chest. If I flex my back too much, I think I could tear it down the middle. I think I need to ask my dad if I can borrow one of his t-shirts.
After breakfast, we’re greeted by a welcoming party before entering the territory of this pack. It’s as if they have been warned beforehand of our arrival.
Stopping outside the pack house, we all get out once again. This time greeting me is an Alpha way past his time. He’s using a walking stick to keep his balance on feeble legs that are withering with age and wear.
His mate is just as elderly, but both have sharp, keen eyes that take all of us in. They don’t dismiss any of us because of position. With a welcoming sharp smile, he leads us to his table.
Their warriors flank us but keep their distance standing against the walls. None are posturing toward us in threat. Not even an eye is flicked our way; nothing but statues stand at attention. They have been trained well.
The table is old, worn, with many cracks and grooves dug into it. I don’t think it’s ever been refinished, because the quality has held up through the generations. Taking his seat, the Alpha has a slight grimace while he sits, hips no longer the same, degenerating with age.
This Alpha holds his warriors with a current of absolute controlled strength, and my father is taking notice of him. My father must see something I don’t, so I pay attention. Arthritic fingers gnarled with age curl around the spoon he’s using to stir the tea with. Blowing on the steaming liquid before he puts it to his mouth, he’s starting to lose the ability to hold a tea cup without fine tremors vibrating the liquid. He sips it slightly before putting it back down. He’s not in any rush; it’s as if he has all the time in the world.
Nature will eventually take him, sooner rather than later.
Around the table already sits a group of maturing wolves, male and females. All of them sip their own tea.
His voice is quiet, yet the strength he throws around is unbending iron. In this moment, I know I will get nothing out of him or this pack.
The eyes and ears do as I was trained: watch and listen. I’ll try to learn what he wants me to.
My father is even leaning in slightly, all attention on this wolf who he’s impressed by.
“We understand you’re looking for a she-wolf who might have been traveling in our territory a few months past. Is this correct?” He waits for my answer.
“Correct.”
“It seems that no she-wolf fitting your description has entered our territory around that time.” No twitch of his face, no eye moment, no flinch of body alerts to any lie he might be hiding.
“Now, if a she-wolf did come into my territory…” A pause of breath, his eyes looking around the table, they nod their heads toward him as a group. In this moment of clarity, I know that he is entrenched deeply; he will not be moved by me to divulge any information about Rya.
“We wouldn’t tell you. There must be a reason why a young female wolf would leave a pack.” Every single syllable he speaks hangs in front of him for me to understand clearly. He takes another sip of his tea while looking at me intently.
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“She left because of me. I said and did some things to her that were not honorable. I didn’t think things through, I was rash, and it cost me a great deal of time that we could have been together. All I want is to be able to find her and try to make things right between us again. I let her slip through my fingers.” The older female wolves give each other side eyes and send me nothing but disgusted looks.
“We all have to learn from our mistakes. That’s how the moon teaches us. Maybe when you meet up with this she-wolf of yours, you will have become a better wolf.” Another sip of tea that he drinks slowly.
“The moon is teaching me very well.” I take my own sip, and it’s infused with ginger and mint. I know this tea. This is what Rya uses for her females who are pregnant that are having a hard time with nausea.
“I like this tea. Where did you acquire it from?” Another sip for show.
His eyes change slightly, dilating blacker into themselves. That’s his only giveaway about her.
“It’s a gift from a friend.” He pushes the cup to the side while clasping his hands together.
“I think that it’s time for you to go.” The old Alpha smiles politely before dismissing us.
Caleb is the first to stand. I follow behind, but my father sits for a minute longer, showing the elder Alpha he’s in no rush to leave. A few minutes go by without my father’s movement; he just sits and finishes his tea with all the time in the world. With my father’s point being made, he stands to his full height, backing away from the table very slowly.
His steps hit the wooden floor, assaulting the stillness in the quiet room. The noise thunders, wanting an answer back for his rudeness.
No one in the room moves, no twitch or blink of an eye. Nothing that can be mistaken for aggression, so my father leaves them with his peace.
Making our way south along the highway, our plan needs to change. There is no use continuing on with these packs.
Picking up the phone, I call him.
“Hello.” The voice on the other line sounds annoyed.
“Clayton, I need your help finding Rya.” I hear a laugh on the other end, turning into another full belly laugh.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you needed my help?”
“I did.”
“Didn’t you get my messages I left you?”
“I’ve got them.”
“I’m not going to help you find her. She’s better off without you. You aren’t what she needs in her life. Otherwise you would be in it right now. She made a decision to leave because of you, because of me, because of everything. I think that you should respect her decision. You owe her that much. You’re always talking about honor to me. Why don’t you live what you preach and do the honorable thing and walk away from her?” His words are laced with cutting edge silver. They slice at my flesh.
“She had no choice but to accept your decision when you left. She grieved for you, mourned your loss. Guess what?” I don’t reply back because I don’t really want to know what he’s going to say next.
“I watched her recover from you.” That was the home run he was looking for, because I have nothing to say back to him.
“I made a mistake, Clayton.” Regret is heavy in my voice as my body sinks deeply into the seat with the weight I feel from truths I was blinding myself from.
“I made mistakes, Dallas, but I’m respecting her choices. I might not like her choices, but it’s hers to make.” Melancholy resonates from his voice.
“Don’t like what I’m saying? I know it’s not what you wanted to hear. Hurts, doesn’t it?” He’s right, it does hurt, right in the center of my chest.
“I just need a chance to make thing right between us.”
“A chance!” His voice grows harsher. “You had your chance and you blew it. She’s happy now; let her be happy. She deserves to be happy.” It’s hard to swallow everything he’s saying.
“She does deserve to be happy.” This is said more to myself than him. It’s as if the wind has left my sail and nothing but a deflated sagging remains.
“Good, we agree.”
“I agree, you’re right. I just want to know if she’s okay. She hasn’t made contact with any one of us for weeks now. Have you heard anything from her?”
“Yes, she sends postcards. She started to text me when Kennedy—” That’s when his voice wobbles. A deep breath taken in.
Silence. It’s as if he’s trying to get control of himself. I give him his minute before asking the next question.
“Has she texted you recently?”
“Yes, just yesterday.” It’s as if they are becoming friends.
“Can you text her? Can you ask her to call me?”
“No.” His reply is instant before the line goes dead.
Calling her mother is my next step. Self-awareness of all my mistakes makes me gulp down my pride. I’m sure this is the stake that will be buried deep in my heart.
“Hello.” Her mother’s voice sounds so similar to Rya’s.
“Hello, this is Dallas.”
“Dallas, this is a surprise. How are you doing?”
“Not good. I was wondering if you could have Rya call me. I just need to talk to her, but she won’t answer her phone.”
“She hasn’t talked to you yet, Dallas?” She sounds surprised.
“I’ve been away for six months, didn’t get back until several weeks ago. She’s left messages with my family to call her, but when I do, she doesn’t answer. I’ve left messages, but she’s never called me back. Even my family tries to contact her and she doesn’t reply back. It’s as if she wants nothing to do with any of us, and I know that she likes my family. Just not me at the moment.”
“Dallas—” A slight pause
“Can you just tell me if she’s okay? Is she happy? I won’t bother you again.” She lets out a deep breath.
“She called a week ago. She’s fine. She threw her phone in the ocean. She’s mad at you. She found out you were home for two weeks and you never called her.”
“I couldn’t call her back right away. I was physically unable to.” It’s really embarrassing to think back on it and how Rya must have seen my wolf collared to that pole.
“Well, she thinks that you don’t want to speak to her anymore, that you don’t want anything to do with her, and it makes it hard for her to tell you things that you should be aware of.”
“What things?” The way she’s saying this, it’s as if she has something life changing to tell me.
“I can’t tell you that.” Her resolve adds a sharpness to her voice; she will not be swayed.
“Can you give me her new number or anything that might lead me to her whereabouts? I need to see her.” A pause of breath, and I’m holding mine as well.
“Yes, I’ll give you her new number. We also received a postcard from her three days ago.” I should have just started with her mother; it would have made this so much simpler.
“Can you send me a picture of the card, front and back? I just want to see her for just a minute, explain that I was an idiot. That I just wasn’t thinking things through.”
“I can do that. If she hadn’t called me last week, I would never share this information with you—know this! All I can ask is that when you see her, let her explain. She’s frightened right now. She doesn’t know how to approach you with what she needs to tell you.”
“You’re scaring me…what does she have to tell me?”
“I can’t say. What I can say is that she thinks that you have moved on from her, and she doesn’t want to be a burden to you.” The look on her face slams into my eyes with the memory of how broken she looked when she saw my shaved head. I’m responsible for that look on her face. I was mad at her, mad at myself. I wanted to make a big statement of how hurt I was. I always have a way of hurting the ones I love the most. She knew the statement I was trying to make when she wouldn’t stop staring at my head.
“I haven’t moved on. I can’t move on from her. I just want to make sure
she’s all right. That she’s happier without me. If she is, I will respect her choice and leave her alone. Is she happier without me?”
“I’ll send you the pictures and her phone number, Dallas.” She doesn’t answer my questions as she ends the call.
The pictures coming through a few minutes later has the view of soft summer sand and a burning sunset overlooking the ocean with the town’s name scrawled across it. On the back is Rya’s writing.
My view.
That’s the only message she writes, but in the top left hand corner is her return address. The picture has a little happy face drawn after the words.
She has her view that she’s always wanted of the water.
The number is staring back at me, and her address is in hand.
“Caleb, put this address into the GPS.” He does what he’s told, and that makes me happy for once.
Fluttering anticipation is quivering my insides, almost to the point I feel slightly nauseated with the anxiety I’m feeling about seeing her after all this time. The closer we get, the more my thoughts race with how I will approach her.
Driving down the coast, it’s a beautiful sight in the descending sunset. The mist in the air is slightly salty on my tongue as I breathe in the warmer weather.
We pull off the main road toward this small seaside town. It doesn’t take long to find the house. It’s nestled off a private drive with a few other beach houses around it.
Opening the car door, I can hear music and laughter coming through the walls of her house.
We make our way toward the back entrance. The windows are open. The wind starts rustling up all the scents of the wolves inside. Walking on the back deck, it creaks with our combined weight. The glass door lets me see inside. It looks like a party, lots of food out, lots of wolves playing different instruments. I see Rya with a giant smile plastered across her slightly flushed face.
The scent of her hits my nose; the scent of my female drops me hard on the wooden planks. I try to stand, but my legs buckle underneath me. It’s as if my whole body is rebelling against what my brain is telling it.
The Wildflower Series Page 42