“Maysa was my first; I thought she would be my last. I couldn’t even imagine myself loving someone as much as her. Until you.” He brings my hands to his lips, kissing the tops gently, looking me in the eyes the whole time.
“I like to think that what we have is so much more; there was no bond between us at first. I saw this female that I was drawn too, that I wanted to get to know more. Slowly over time, I wanted to spend more time with you because you were worth spending time with. I couldn’t wait to go to the office in the morning to catch a glimpse of you. Just to see your smile, your face. Maybe get a chance to hold a conversation with you. Our story started out slow, with some difficulty, ups, and downs. But here we are now, together.” He still holds both my hands, not letting them go.
“I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, raise our pups together, grow old together, and when we go to the moon, we believe that there is no separation, that we can all walk together in the next life.” A tear rolls down his cheek, just one.
Emotions are playing hard over his face.
“I want to see her again; I want to see my male that I never got the chance to look at. I picture her holding him in her arms welcoming me up. At the same time, I picture myself waiting for you up there to welcome you in my arms. If you go first, I think that Maysa would be waiting for you as well. She would welcome you with her arms open. I don’t think jealousy up there exists; I think emotions transcend themselves into the purest form. Nothing but love exists up there, nothing but belonging. I think she’s looking down from her view of us and she’s happy for me, for us.” He’s not letting my hands go. He’s like the water that washes me clean, wiping away my doubts and fears away.
He’s proposing a fresh new way of seeing things that I never knew could be possible.
What we are taught, others are not. Every pack has different beliefs when you go to the moon.
The question is, who’s right?
“She was my first love, but you’re my last love. That’s my answer to you, Rya. I can’t choose between the two of you. I don’t think it’s a fair choice that you ask me. My true mate or my chosen mate, two different mates, but the same strong love. Unrelenting love.” He kisses my cheeks, my forehead.
“I won’t make a decision because when we meet again in the next life, we will be standing together, all of us, our friends, family, offspring, we will all stand with one another as one giant pack.” He’s looking at me now as if deciding something.
“Sometimes life has you making decisions. Right now I’m going to make a decision that I should have made a long time ago.” He stands us both up so we’re facing each other. Still, he holds my hands in his, except there is space between us.
“Our wolves have bonded to each other; we have a pup together. I love you with my soul. In my heart, you are my mate, Rya.” He takes a small step toward me, bringing our bodies slightly closer.
“You are mine.” He takes another small step toward me. The humming between our bodies is vibrating my skin.
“You are my hope.” Another step my way, so now our chests are almost touching. Hummingbird wings flutter inside my stomach.
“My love.” Now he brings us together, our chests touching. Still, he’s holding my hands, not breaking contact.
“My light.” His voice cracks slightly. Nothing but pure happiness is what I feel from his strong emotions that are radiating out of him. Emotions are of pure happiness that makes you want to cry from the beauty of it.
“My weakness.” His head dips down to place a kiss just above the hollow in my neck.
Now he stills himself, taking a deep breath while smiling down at me with nothing but the purest love that’s shining in his eyes that are becoming lighter and lighter, almost white in color.
“My strength.” The last words flow slowly from his mouth. No space between us now, bodies pressed close together. His hands leave mine now. Taking my face in both his hands, he kisses my lips until I kiss him back. His mouth trails to my jawline, down my neck. His nose is taking in my scent as I take in his.
Pulling back, he lets me look at him and his wolf together in agreement. Canines descended, he’s on my neck again. Sharpened teeth hover, barely puncturing flesh.
He holds himself for just a few seconds before I feel them sink into the skin.
A gasp escapes my mouth.
A rhythmic high pulsates in pleasure that I have never felt before. This is a whole new level of experience.
His quivering body moans out in pleasure. He continues to hold me with teeth that are binding me to him. He’s in no rush to let go. An arm around my waist, trying to pull me in more, to create as little space as possible between us. I can feel his legs shaking with the effort of standing.
Something inside me opens up like a flower blooming for the first time. My petals that were held in tight are loosening up, as they start to unfold themselves. Releasing my inner essence to him.
Intertwining.
My world is disappearing for a fraction of a second as he’s inside me; I can feel his presence, his soul pushing into me.
The energy of him weaving with mine.
Still, he holds me with his teeth; my legs weaken, giving out from the bombardment of sensations. He holds me up with strong arms that won’t let me fall.
Electricity is now cracking and popping between us.
Our bond weaving into something so much more.
Spiritual ecstasy.
My spine curves, only to press my chest into his more.
We stay like this entwined, holding onto one another.
I feel his teeth retract from the marked skin, his tongue sealing the holes closed.
There is blood on his face as he regards me, seeing me really for the first time. He doesn’t say a word, but I can tell his mind is active, pupils dilating then pinpointing. Is he flipping through the layers of my life?
Can he see who I am?
“I can see everything, Rya.” He answers my thoughts back to me. My eyes go big in wonder.
“You marked me?” Putting my hand to my neck, I feel the way it will scar slightly. It’s deep; nothing will be able to hide his love for me.
“I thought that this was a perfect time. I made an effort. Either you tap out, or you get knocked out. I wasn’t going to tap out this time, and there was no way I was getting knocked out by your words.” He seems happy with himself.
I’m still slightly shaky from the marking, and I can tell he’s trying his best to look strong for me.
“I want to show you something.” He takes my hand, leading me out the door into a room down the hall. Opening the door, it’s the nursery for our Chance.
A deep blue on the walls, changing table to the side. It’s small but perfect for a little one. No crib, I guess we will move it into here once he gets bigger, and I don’t need to keep a vigil on him.
“Look on the walls. I came and checked the room out after you went down for a nap.” He’s behind me now; his body pressed up against mine.
Looking at the walls, I smile at the large picture of Dallas and me on a chair with my back against his chest. I remember Caleb taking this picture. I see other pictures mounted on the wall of the three of us, right after his birth, that Luna Grace took of us. Dallas is looking down at us while I look into the camera with the biggest smile I think I have ever worn on my face.
“My mother will put you up on the wall when it’s time. It’s her house, not mine. I can ask her to take Maysa’s picture down, but she was a part of their lives just like she was mine. They loved her just like they love you. I can understand how you feel, and it’s okay to feel that way.” He’s holding me while I take our male’s room in. The love she invested into everything she has done for me gives me a rush of gratitude for a female who always has my back.
“We should have come in here before we went to our room. You could have seen this. You are important, you are supposed to be loved and cherished, and that’s what I will spend the rest of
my life doing. It’s my moon’s promise to you. All you have to do is believe in me, in us.” He kisses the back of my head before turning me around in his arms.
“Can you believe in us, Rya? Can you give us a chance?”
Chapter 27
Having Faith
Decisions.
“Rya, I can see it in your eyes you don’t one hundred percent believe me. You have doubts.” Dallas has my face in his hands, thumb pressed against my jawline.
Braille, that’s what my skin reads like with the goosebumps that are rising from his touch. Almost as if I am a wanted mate to someone.
“I’m not a second, Dallas. I’m nobody’s second, here or in the moon.” I quietly whisper the words to myself, really not to him. I want to tell myself this, I am important to myself, and I need to be my number one, or else my Chance will grow up thinking it’s all right his mother is always second to everyone else, even herself.
“Rya, please have faith in us. Give us a chance.” Dallas’s soft words are hitting the fibers that bind my soul to his. I can feel them being pulled tight and rigid with his unconditional belief in what we can be together now and in the moon.
Hearing Chance start to whimper in the next room has both of us going to him when he’s just starting to stir himself awake with a hunger that rages through his system at this age. I pick him up, legs still pulled in tight as all newborns do until they stretch themselves out.
He nurses while I rock him in the chair that Luna Grace has put into the room for us to use. Dallas is sitting on the edge of the bed watching, not saying a word, but I can see a hint of anxiety rules his face. It’s as if he’s afraid this picture he’s seeing will disappear at any moment.
“I’m afraid, Rya.” Dallas admits with a truthful vulnerability. “I’m afraid that the one question you asked will always haunt you. In the back of your mind, it will always be there when you least expecting it to come up. All I can do is show you the mate I will be for you. I will show you how every day you are cherished and how much I give thanks to the moon that you have been put in my path when I needed someone the most. You have given everything, and I am going to give you so much in return. Give me a chance, Rya, just a chance to show you what I can be.” Dallas stands, taking Chance from me, changing him, putting on a new outfit before placing him on his shoulder to rub his back. He’s got his hand on the back of his head, rubbing it, pressing his cheek against the hair that’s coming out.
“Today there is no need to make any decisions. We’ll go down, have some dinner, come back here, and go to bed early. Tomorrow we will start a new day, then the day after that is our new day. We will get you through that question together. One day, hopefully, in the future you will come to understand and trust in my answer enough to mark me as yours, and I will be waiting here patiently for that day to happen.” The purest sound of his truth speaks out of a body that is firm and unbending in his beliefs.
We are taught to believe things, and going against those beliefs is never easy.
Looking at Dallas, really looking at him, do I put my views in my teaching of the Moon and trust his teaching of the Moon?
As he says, no decision should be made on my part today. What I will do is watch, listen, and learn.
Getting up from the rocking chair, I go into the bathroom, wiping my eyes and face. Taking a deep breath, I follow Dallas out of the bedroom, walking down the stairs. All his family is there, and no one is speaking.
Caleb is sitting by one of the high chairs feeding a twin, while Cash is in the middle of the twins feeding the female. The little male, Ken, has the hair on his head clipped very short. Looking toward Chance, he will start to wear the hair that’s growing out on his head short as well, just like this pack believes a male should wear it.
By the way, they are acting, but they probably heard every screamed word to Dallas, all my accusations flying out for their ears to grab onto.
Dallas sits on his father’s left while I take the seat next to Dallas. During dinner there is an awkwardness, forks scraping loudly on plates. They are talking to each other with their eyes, but hardly anyone speaks.
Dallas holds Chance against his shoulder while he starts to eat. For some reason, I just can’t put food into my mouth, so I sit there staring at my plate full of food.
“Little Moon, at our table all you have to do is eat, that’s all.” The Silverback speaks in a low tone but still vibrates outward profoundly.
“Rya, I’m sorry I have no pictures on the wall of you. It was just so soon. You arrived, then gave birth. I wasn’t thinking correctly. For that, I am sorry. When you feel up to it, we can go through pictures of you and tell me what one you like the best and I’ll have it mounted and put up.”
“I don’t want you to put it up just because you heard I was upset about it.”
“Rya, I want to put it up. I just overlooked doing it. I wanted to get the nursery done first, so you didn’t have to worry about things not being ready.” Luna Grace’s expression holds how upset she is with herself.
“This has to be difficult for you right now. I remember how after having my first male how upset I was that my mate missed the birth.” Luna Grace gives the Silverback a scathing look; his shoulders flinch with just a solid look from her eyes.
“It took a long time to forgive him for that, to be all alone as I pushed him out with only my hands to catch him with while he was puffing and strutting out the doctor who was supposed to help me.” A little gagging sound is coming from Crane.
“Mom, I’m eating dinner, no birth talk, especially from you.” Crane’s voice holds how his appetite is being ruined as he sets his fork down. Luna Grace is quick with her rebuttal to her youngest—a quick throw of her butter knife hits him dead center in his chest. No real damage was done, but enough to say you better shut your mouth, I’m telling a story, and I don’t like to get interrupted.
“As I was saying, Rya.” Luna Grace lifts up her lip at Crane, who’s pulling the butter knife out of his chest; it didn’t go in deep, just a minor flesh wound.
“After that episode, I didn’t trust that he would be there for me. I had doubts that he couldn’t be what I needed in my time of greatest need. I was very conflicted.” Luna Grace is giving me a little piece to her past.
“With time, my mate did show me that he has mended his ways and I began to trust that he would never make the same mistake twice.” The Silverback picks up Luna Grace’s hand, kissing the top of it, putting it against his cheek before putting it down on the table, and continues to hold it firmly in his monster grasp.
“With your question about the Moon, who does my son walk with? That’s debatable. We could gather multiple packs together, have discussions and great debates about this very thing, and when we all leave at the end of the day, the question still will hold no answer to it. I believe you are my son’s mate now and in the Moon. My personal beliefs about who we walk within the Moon is this. My birth pack taught me that we are born many times over and over. Evolving and learning through our new births. We have many mates who have many mates that are all connected to the moon. I still believe in this teaching. That’s my views. Now my mate will tell you different about his beliefs. It doesn’t mean I am wrong or he is wrong; it just shows that there are so many possibilities about the Moon that no one knows for sure until they get there.” Luna Grace’s words hold truth; no one knows for sure until they are dead.
“I thought we would have to call the police on you, Rya. Not too many domestics happen here.” Caleb has a light joking grin on his face while he’s feeding Ken, who holds his food all over his face.
Belac regards Caleb; her eyes hold a look of disappointment in them, as if his joking revolts her, then makes her smile. Caleb closes his mouth tight, focusing on getting the food off the twin’s face.
“His hair is too long.” Cash is looking at Chance’s head. He only has a little tuft of barely visible hair.
“I know.” Dallas is saying this while rubbing my pup’s
head.
“I never thought I would ever get a chance to shave my male’s head.” Dallas’s voice coughs slightly outwards to his family. Now Dallas’s hand goes over the top of mine, giving it a quick squeeze, not letting go.
Picking up my fork, I begin to eat until the full plate is finished while listening to the talking of the room. Glancing at Treajure, she’s eating as well, still pressed in close to Belac’s side, sitting between her and Caleb, creating a space between mates.
Caleb now and then shifts his eyes to Belac, who doesn’t meet his. She keeps eating everything on her plate, taking seconds for her and Treajure. Their heat is in full swing by the way their bodies are curving outwards. More feminine features enhancing and tempting to any males’ eyes to devour. Treajure would have held an unattainable beauty if silver’s intimate touch never feasted on her flesh.
Once done, Caleb picks up Ken and Dee to play on the floor after he washes both their faces. Cash is looking on, as if it’s their routine between the brothers. Cash is lucky to have a brother like Caleb.
Belac is getting up, thanking Luna Grace for dinner. Treajure gets up while holding the back of Belac’s shirt. She’s still not wearing glasses, and it’s as if she is blind and needs the guidance of Belac.
Dallas is getting up, picking up both our plates and bringing them to the sink, whispering something into Crane’s ear that has Carson laughing.
“I’m going to give him a bath,” Dallas is telling me while walking up the stairs.
“Thanks for dinner.” Luna Grace and the Silverback smile out toward me when I get up to follow Dallas up the stairs.
Dallas is filling the sink up with warm water. I sit back watching him bathe our male. Once done and dried, he takes the clippers out of a drawer and shaves Chance’s head where the finest hair is growing out. The pup does not like the vibration or the sound of it and starts screaming his displeasure out for the wolf inside me to bristle up her displeasure toward Dallas.
The Wildflower Series Page 51