by Alexa Aston
Finally, he addressed Kenric again.
“I never expected to find love with a woman,” the nobleman confided. “Least of all one as spirited and independent as my Elysande. But I will tell you that my life would be worthless without love in it. Without sharing everything with my wife. My hopes. My dreams. The daily events that take place at Sandbourne.”
Devereux sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Elysande is life itself, Kenric. I adore everything about her, even when she pays more attention to her horses than she does to me. I am devoted to making her happy. Our nights—and even many afternoons—are filled with passion,” he said, a twinkle in his eye. “I will never be able to get enough of her. I cherish everything about my wife. She is the entire world to me. I would tell you that our bliss goes beyond our love play. Being with Elysande, loving her, has made me a better man.”
He paused. “I only know how very dear Avelyn is to the both of us and I wouldn’t wish to see her unhappy. In fact, I would want for my sister-in-law all that Elysande and I have found in each other. Avelyn deserves to love—and be loved—as much as her sister is.” The earl looked him up and down. “You’re as fine a knight as I have ever known, Kenric—and that includes my former liege lord, Geoffrey de Montfort. I would give thanks to our Blessed Lord if Avelyn could be matched with you.”
Kenric sat, the goblet propped upon his knee, spilled wine dampening his hand. “You may admire my way with a sword, my lord. My leadership and intelligence. But I have nothing to offer Lady Avelyn beyond my name. My twin brother holds the title and Shadowfaire. And his wife is now with child. I will never be able to give the lady everything she desires.”
Kenric paused. “And there is the matter of my lost honor. I never speak of it, but ’tis the reason I no longer wear my spurs.”
Devereux assessed him. “I wondered why you did not wear them when you came to Sandbourne. What of it?”
He swallowed, knowing his liege lord asked him out of concern for Avelyn. “An incident occurred on the day I swore my knightly oath. Something too painful for me to share with you, my lord. Only know that because I hurt someone deeply, it changed the course of her life. And mine. Mayhap, one day I’ll once again feel worthy enough to attach them. But because of what happened that day, I cannot marry. Ever. No matter how much my heart desires it.”
He set the goblet down and ran a hand through his hair. “Lady Avelyn will have no problem finding a husband at court. With her beauty and grace and loving spirit, men will clamor for her hand.” He sighed. “I must excuse myself, my lord.”
Lord Michael gave him a sympathetic look that ate into Kenric’s very soul.
Then a piercing cry came from the other room. The earl leapt to his feet, uncertainty on his face. This nobleman, an unmatched leader of men and expert warrior, looked as if he might come undone at any moment, thanks to his wife being in pain as he stood by helplessly.
“Go,” the earl whispered, thrusting his hands behind his back as he started pacing the solar. A low moan came from the bedchamber. “But if Avelyn has crept into your heart, Kenric, she will never leave. And you won’t be able to push her out, no matter how hard you may try.”
Kenric nodded brusquely and exited the room, knowing Michael Devereux spoke the truth.
Chapter 21
“Avelyn, you need to put David down,” Elysande said. “You must change your gown for my churching ceremony.”
Avelyn brought her nephew’s tiny fist close to her face and rubbed her nose against it. He gurgled, his wide eyes looking at her in adoration. She loved everything about young David Devereux and was fascinated by all that he did.
Elysande came to stand beside her sister and reached her arms out. “Hand him over. He has spit up on your cotehardie. Father Tib would be horrified if you came into the chapel smelling like soured milk.”
“All right.” She kissed the soft cheek of the babe and reluctantly returned him to his mother. “I won’t be long.”
“Meet us downstairs in the great hall,” her mother instructed. “We’ll leave from there for the ceremony.”
She returned to her bedchamber and quickly removed the soiled cotehardie, which had been stained while she burped David. The last three weeks had been the happiest of her life. The birth of David Devereux had taken hours, but Elysande, thankfully, came through it with no problems. Life at Sandbourne now revolved around the needs of the tiny child who was heir to the estate.
Avelyn was glad her nephew took up so much of her time. When not rocking or singing to him, she busied herself making clothes for the babe. It helped keep her mind off Kenric Fairfax. She didn’t know how to change the stubborn knight’s rejection of her and still hadn’t arrived at a way to tell him of his true heritage, so she thrust it aside for now. When Geoffrey and Merryn arrived for their visit tomorrow, she would seek out their advice.
A new cotehardie of pale blue now smoothed into place, she hurried downstairs. As she entered the great hall, she saw David resting in the crook of his father’s arm. Michael wore an expression of wonder and contentment as he gazed at the tiny infant. Avelyn had known from the way he treated Elysande that Michael was a good husband and he proved on a daily basis that he would also be the best of fathers.
“Go now, sweetheart,” Michael told his wife. “David and I will sit here and have a wonderful conversation about you while you’re being churched.”
“As if he could understand you,” Elysande said, stroking her son’s head.
Michael grinned. “We men understand each other from an early age. Be careful, Wife, or I will tell him all of your secrets.”
She kissed her husband and then her son’s forehead. “Be good, you two. And stay out of trouble.”
Avelyn joined her mother and Lady Orella as the midwife made her appearance. Now that all of the women who had aided in David’s birth had arrived, they could go to the chapel for Elysande’s churching. She linked arms with her sister as they walked the short distance to the chapel.
Father Tib awaited them outside the massive oak door and began the ceremony. Elysande hadn’t been allowed to enter the chapel after she’d given birth until this churching took place. The priest gave a blessing to Elysande after her recovery from childbirth. Avelyn knew this ceremony was partly a thanksgiving for her sister’s survival. So many women died in childbirth and she was grateful both Elysande and David had come through the birth unscathed.
They entered the church. Elysande moved to the altar and knelt. Father Tib blessed her with holy water and said a series of prayers over her. At the end, he had Elysande rise. He then explained to her that she would now be able to attend mass once more and receive the sacraments, as well as partake in all womanly tasks.
The group of women strolled back toward the keep in high spirits.
“Michael will be glad that you can, once more, bake bread,” Lady Orella said. “He told me no one bakes a loaf the way you do—filled with plenty of yeast and even more love.”
Elysande laughed. “I hope I have time to do so since David keeps me very busy. It’s nice to know that Father Tib has purified me and that I can return to things such as preparing food once again.”
They ascended the steps and returned to the great hall. Servants pulled trestle tables away from the walls since the workers were returning for their nightly meal. Avelyn noticed Sela coming her way.
The noblewoman had grown even more distant since David’s birth. She hadn’t participated in it, claiming herself too squeamish. She had only held the babe once, an uncomfortable look on her face. Once he began to wail, she quickly returned him to Elysande’s arms. Sela spent much of her time locked away in her bedchamber and Avelyn felt they’d become strangers.
“How did the churching ceremony go?” Sela asked.
“It was simple and short,” Avelyn told her. “Now Elysande can resume all her former activities.”
“You’ve spent much of your time with her and David,” her friend said.
“It’s the reaso
n I wanted to be at Sandbourne this summer. I enjoy being around them. David is a sweet babe and I love holding him.”
“Would you be able to make time for us to visit? Mayhap after we dine this evening?”
Avelyn was touched by the request and had hated their estrangement. Though she believed they would never truly be as close as they were while at court, she hoped they would part on good terms. It seemed Sela offered Avelyn an olive branch now and she was most willing to accept it.
“I would, indeed, enjoy sharing time with you this evening,” she assured Sela.
They sat together and chatted about the babe and things happening at Sandbourne as they ate. Avelyn shared that Merryn and Geoffrey would be arriving by the noon meal the next day and that Michael said they were bringing a friend with them who wanted to look over some of Michael’s horses for breeding purposes.
“Do you know anything about this friend, other than his interest in horses?” Sela asked.
“Nay. Michael didn’t share his name, only that the nobleman would be at Sandbourne a day or two before he returned to his own estates.”
At once, she saw the glimmer in Sela’s eyes at the prospect of a new male coming to Sandbourne. Avelyn imagined Sela cozying up to this guest. She supposed not much had changed when it came to Sela and her interest in men.
They finished their meal. Avelyn said she wanted to go up and say goodnight to David. “I’ll return straight away to your room and can stay as long as you like.”
“I’ll see you there.”
Avelyn excused herself, hoping that they might continue the pleasant conversation that had begun at dinner. She hoped Sela would not pump her for any more information about the guest coming tomorrow and that, instead, they could speak of other things.
Elysande and Michael had taken to dining in the solar several nights a week, enjoying family time together. Her sister could nurse David while they ate. She’d told Avelyn she looked forward to this time alone with her husband and son.
She knocked on the solar’s door and Michael answered, ushering her in.
“We’re giving David a bath or rather we’re attempting to. He’s a most slippery boy.”
Avelyn laughed. “Wait till he is older. He’ll be splashing about so much that you’ll wonder who’s receiving the bath—David or you!”
She went to the cooing babe, who seemed to enjoy being in the warm water, and kissed his damp head. “I had to come say goodnight to my favorite Devereux,” she told him. Knowing how Elysande cherished her family time, she excused herself and made her way toward Sela’s bedchamber.
The door was slightly ajar. Avelyn thought Sela must have left it so for her convenience. She pushed it opened without knocking and froze in her tracks.
Sela was kissing a man—a very large, very familiar man.
Avelyn gasped as Kenric pushed Sela away. He turned his head and caught sight of her, a pained expression on his face.
Sela also glanced Avelyn’s way. She looked like a cat that had gotten into the cream—utterly satisfied and not remorseful in the least.
Avelyn stumbled back and raced across the hall to her own chamber. She slammed the door behind her and leaned on it for support as her limbs shook. Her insides twisted and she thought she would be sick.
A strong rap sounded behind her head from the other side of the door, startling her.
“Avelyn!” Kenric called out. “Avelyn! Open the door. I beg you. I can explain.”
Seeing Kenric Fairfax was the last thing she wanted to do. Her body trembled violently now, his betrayal seeping through her pores.
The pounding continued.
She didn’t want Elysande and Michael—or anyone else—to be witnesses to this scene. With reluctance, she opened the door in order to silence him.
Tension coiled around his body as if he would strike at any moment. Avelyn glanced past him and saw that Sela stood in the doorway across the corridor, an amused smile playing about her lips.
“You may enter,” she said evenly, not meeting his eye. “I will close the door for a moment if only to give us privacy from . . . her.”
Kenric looked over his shoulder and then back. He nodded and stepped into the room. Avelyn shut the door behind him.
“Calm yourself,” she said. “I don’t want you disturbing my sister and her family. Once you’ve done so, you need to leave.”
“But I must speak to you,” he implored.
She brought herself to her full height, using her best posture she had learned from riding, and willed the tremors to cease. “We have nothing to speak about. Take a few deep breaths, my lord—and then leave.”
“Avelyn.” He wrapped a hand around her upper arm. “It’s not what you think.”
She looked at his fingers resting on her. Once, she had longed for him to touch her. Now, she felt violated. She shrugged it away and took a step back from him.
He must have realized how upset she was. He didn’t make another attempt to touch her. He said quietly, “She asked me for my help. Said that she had something heavy that needed to be brought downstairs.” Kenric ran a hand through his thick hair. “I thought . . . I thought . . . it might be her trunk.”
Avelyn frowned, not understanding him.
He rushed to explain. “I know something occurred between the two of you. You were thick as thieves when we left London, but there’s been a distance between you since we arrived at Sandbourne. Lady Sela has seemed most unhappy.”
“And you were trying to cheer her up?” Avelyn regretted the bitter words that slipped out.
“Nay. I thought she’d decided to return to London and that was what she wanted me for. But without warning, she latched on to me. She . . . kissed me.”
“And you let her.”
Kenric shook his head violently. “I was stunned. I pushed her away. And then,” his voice cracked, “I saw you. Avelyn, I have no feelings for this silly woman. I only—”
“I don’t care for your tiresome explanation, my lord. It’s none of my business. I would ask now for you to leave me in peace.”
“Avelyn?”
She gazed into his eyes and what she saw nearly broke her. She turned away, giving him her back. “Please leave, my lord. I would ask that you not address me again.”
“Of course, my lady.” She heard the control that had now returned to his voice. Once more, Kenric Fairfax was a stoic knight. Avelyn heard the door open. For a long moment, only silence reigned. Then it closed softly.
She spun around, the room now empty, and slumped to floor, hot tears falling down her cheeks.
Chapter 22
Avelyn slept little the night before and almost dozed off during mass the next morning. She pinched herself to stay awake. But being awake meant her thoughts were flooded with images of Kenric. She couldn’t rid her mind of the scene she’d stumbled upon. Was he telling the truth? Had Sela Runford lured him to her chamber, all to make Avelyn jealous? Or to hurt her beyond measure?
If so, Sela had been successful—on both accounts.
Avelyn boiled with rage when she thought of her so-called friend’s body pressed against Kenric’s tall, broad frame, Sela’s arms entwined about his neck, her lips greedily pressing against the knight’s. If Avelyn had been a cat, Sela would no longer possess her eyes, for Avelyn would have clawed them out.
She held on to the anger—for if she didn’t—misery would take hold of her and eat her alive. It filled her with agony, like a physical pain suffered. In her heart, she wanted to believe that Kenric was innocent in the display of affection and that Sela had deliberately thrown herself at him, all to hurt Avelyn.
She dug her nails into her palms, trying to channel the pain somewhere else. If this was the case, Sela must truly despise her. What kind of person was Sela Runford to ingratiate herself with Avelyn again, all for the sole purpose of punishing her? Sela had acted as if she hadn’t a care in the world and that they could pick up their friendship where they’d left off. To be able to blithely conve
rse and offer false kindness while Sela plotted against her shocked Avelyn to her very core. She’d never known such wickedness.
Avelyn wished she could ask Elysande to have Michael return Sela to London at once, but she didn’t want to offer an explanation for such a request. With company arriving today, Elysande already had a lot on her hands and didn’t need more distractions from her duties as a hostess and new mother.
Even if Sela left Sandbourne, Avelyn doubted anything would change between her and Kenric. He seemed to be a lost cause to her. Though she longed for him and wished to shower him with her love and trust, she was coming to realize that nothing would change the knight’s mind. Instead, she would have to be the one to change. She’d taken the first step last night by asking him not to speak with her again.
For when he spoke to her, she burned for his touch. She wanted to taste him, hold him, be held by him. So it was better for them to have nothing to do with one another. Avelyn would mend in time. She was stronger than she’d given herself credit for. In time, she supposed she would enter a marriage, hopefully with a man she could respect. Mayhap, in time, her feelings might turn tender toward her husband as the years passed and their children entered the world.
But it would always be Kenric Fairfax that she loved with her heart and soul.
Avelyn passed the morning helping Elysande care for David and making last minute preparations for the de Montfort party’s arrival. All too soon, a servant arrived and announced that their guests had been spotted and would arrive in the next few minutes. She accompanied Elysande and Michael, who immediately took David from his mother, as they went to greet the de Montforts. Her mother and Lady Orella joined them.
“Michael is quite smitten with his son,” Avelyn told Elysande.
Her sister smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
A party of over two dozen rode into the bailey. Avelyn waved, spying both Geoffrey and Merryn. Geoffrey had Hal seated in front of him and the young boy helped his father hold the reins. Merryn had a bundled Edward nestled against her. She also saw both of the twins, happy that Ancel could come along with Alys for this visit.