I shook my head. “I’m working now. I don’t need money.”
“It’s not that.” She dropped her voice. “We have a lawyer.” She handed me a card. “He should move things along quickly for you.”
“Thank you, Mom,” I said and put the card in my purse.
Amber and her mom, Loren Westwood, appeared with balloons. “Hello, Kitty. Happy pre-surgery.”
My mom laughed. “You two didn’t need to do that. We haven’t received the results yet.”
“We’re here to take you both out to lunch,” Mrs. Westwood said. “And help with the finishing touches on your Callahan Children’s fundraiser.”
“Fundraiser?” My brows rose.
Amber laughed. “It’s at your house.”
My mom blushed. “Yes. I didn’t get a chance to tell you since you were so busy with all the things you need to do for your court case. It’s almost . . . the anniversary.”
She meant the anniversary of Jackson’s death. Shit.
“Anyway. I’m sorry, Loren. I didn’t know you were coming today. I suppose I can have an early lunch. What about you, Shana? I’m sure you have to go back to work,” Mom said.
I decided not to correct her. From her tight expression, she didn’t want me to go to lunch with them.
“Yeah, you’re right. I need to go to work,” I said dutifully.
My mom exhaled noisily. I had to grow a thicker skin. Mom had tolerated my presence while she’d needed me . . . but hadn’t told me about a fundraiser.
She wouldn’t want you at that either.
Totally time to leave.
“It’s so good to see you, Shana,” Loren said. “God, she’s stunning. That bone structure is to die for. Tall, thin, perfectly shaped. I knew you’d grow up and turn into a beauty.”
I grinned. “Thank you, Mrs. Westwood.”
“Loren. And so polite and such style, unlike someone I know.” Loren grimaced at Amber. “She keeps overeating and nothing she wears is flattering. Who will use her as a sponsor if she doesn’t keep herself presentable?”
Amber lowered her head and shifted on her feet. “We should go.”
“You don’t rush me, Amber,” Loren snapped. She turned back to me. “I wish I had someone around like you to tell me what to wear. I’d love for you to help dress me for my European trip in a few weeks.”
“Seriously, Loren, you don’t need to fuss over Shana,” Mom said.
“Yeah, stop it, Mom,” Amber mumbled. “I’ll call you later, Shana.”
“Call your lawyer,” my mom said and brushed my arm. Her way of saying thank you.
I watched them leave before returning to my car. I went on autopilot, digging in the backseat to find the oxy I left there.
I opened the bottle and dropped two pills in my hand. Don’t think about it, just do it. One slip won’t ruin your case.
Does it even matter? So what if you take drugs? Didn’t mean you sold them, my mind coaxed as my heart raced.
Buzz.
Nathan.
My stomach fluttered, and I cursed as my conscience told me I couldn’t keep hurting him. I fumbled the pills, and they fell in the seat. I pushed the cap back on the bottle and answered the phone. “Hello. Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” he said, his voice upbeat. “You sound out of breath. Aidan told me he saw you naked?”
“I had on a T-shirt, and I didn’t know he was here.”
“He surprised all of us,” he said and laughed. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine, you don’t have to ask all the time,” I snipped.
“I ask because I care about you,” Nate said smoothly.
My throat ached, and I tried to clear it. “Just because we fucked and hung out doesn’t mean we’re attached.”
“Okay. I called to invite you to the Malones’ barbeque football party a week from Friday.”
“I’ll see if I can make it. Anything else?” I kept my tone flat.
“The autopsy results should be available in a few days.”
My stomach twisted in a knot. “I . . . okay. I’ll call my lawyer. Thanks.”
Poor Pam. Bridget died at only twenty, just like Jackson. Nothing could make any of what happened right. Still, I wanted to be cleared of causing her death. What if the drugs were from the package dumped in my purse?
“Bridget had her own demons. What happened to her is not your fault.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said, and we fell silent.
“Damn it, Shana. What happened since I left you this morning?”
Nate was ready to jump in and slay any of my battles or comfort me. He touched me like he treasured me.
I squeezed my eyes tight. “Nothing . . . nothing happened except you need to slow down. I’m not planning to stay in town. So let’s just stay friends with benefits. Okay?” I coughed to mask the catch in my voice and hung up.
I swung the door open and threw the pill bottle out on the tarmac. It cracked open and the pills scattered. Wasn’t my name on that bottle? I ran over and picked it up and stamped on the tablets then sunk down to my knees, my hands reaching to pick them up.
What will you do if you need the pills again? Once the charges go away, you can take them again. Don’t you hate the way you hurt Nathan? Didn’t it hurt how Mom excluded you from your twin’s memorial and lunch? This is too much pain to take.
No one will blame you.
Take the pill.
I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my mouth. No. That’s a lie. The pain comes back.
I had to take the pain.
Dragging myself to my feet, I took a deep breath behind the wheel of my car, then drove to Fox Point Bridge, pulled up in one of the vacant viewpoints, and stared out at the water.
The place of my deepest pain and fear.
The place where I remained stuck.
The place where I lost my other half.
My light.
Jackson’s ghost appeared again, smiling and waving. Beckoning.
What would Jackson do now?
I’d go home, Shadow.
The tears came, but I didn’t stop them. I let them run until I ran empty.
Because I didn’t know where home was.
Shana
I went to Maeve’s to pack. After everything that happened with Nathan, I didn’t think she’d want me to stay at her place. Seeing Nathan every day and not being a part of his life would destroy what little I had that kept me going. I cared for him too much to hurt him again.
I had a few things put away in my bag when I heard the front door close. Maeve wasn’t due back from her shift at the hospital, and Nate had work. Aidan was the only other person who would show, and I wasn’t up for more of his “truths” right then.
I quickly threw stuff in my bag, dumped cash on the dresser, and scrawled a note for Maeve that I’d bring more money as soon as she gave me a real number for what I owed. I also included my contact info at my parents’ house since I couldn’t leave town yet. In honesty, I’d never repay her or Nate for all they’d done.
My bedroom door opened, and Nathan appeared.
He didn’t walk in but stood in the doorjamb watching me. I couldn’t suppress the happiness fluttering inside from seeing him. He rarely came over in his uniform, probably to make me forget what happened with the arrest, but it clung to his muscular frame so right. I found out just how hard and sexy his body felt all over. Every night we spent together in bed had been the best in my life.
He closed the door behind him and leaned against the back of it. His stare was hard and concentrated like he was trying to decide what to do with me.
My pulse tripled under the weight of his stare, and I forced myself to keep packing.
“What are you doing here?” I pretended not to know.
“Where are you going?”
“I think it’s time I stopped taking advantage of Maeve’s generosity.” I zipped my bag. “I’m moving back in with my parents. Thank you both for helping me out.”
&nb
sp; He crossed his arms. “So, you are leaving without telling Maeve?”
I let my hair fall over my eyes. “I’m not leaving town yet. I’ll meet up with Maeve later. I’m just getting out of the way.”
“Because of what Aidan said? He told me, and I reminded him that I’m a grown-ass man. He will just have to wait out his house-rental lease at Dad’s.”
I shook my head. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“He kicked himself out with his big fucking mouth. Maeve’s not pleased either. Neither is Mom, so you’re fine.”
I bristled. “You all tell each other everything?”
“Yeah, we do, and Aidan was out of line.”
“No, he wasn’t. He spoke the truth, and he’s right.” I’m no good for you. Aidan protected Nate out of love. The kind of love that wasn’t selfish.
“Look at me, baby,” he said, his voice tender and sincere.
My hands trembled. I couldn’t stop the flutter in my chest at just hearing Nathan call me baby. But if I looked at him, I’d lose the will to leave even though I knew I should.
I tried to block him out by straightening the duvet on the bed, but damn how his magnetic pull swallowed me whole. “Just leave me, Nate,” I yelled in frustration.
“No.” Nate moved from the door and stopped behind me. “Shana, talk to me.”
When I wouldn’t face him, he took my shoulders and turned me around. His blue eyes narrowed. “You’ve been crying.”
I pursed my lips. “No. I haven’t.”
“Bullshit. Don’t lie to me.”
I turned my head, but he captured my chin and lifted my face to his. “You have.”
“So what if I have? You shouldn’t care. I’ve hurt you. I didn’t know about it . . . about what you’d been through when you were younger with your birth parents.” I lowered my eyes, but I could still see how his facial expression softened.
He cupped my face in his large hands and stroked my cheeks gently with his thumbs. “That was long ago, and I’m fine. God blessed me with a great family, even Aidan, who thinks he can mess with my life.”
His hands felt comforting, and the longer he touched me, the more I gave in to letting go and staying with him. But I didn’t know how long I’d stay, and I needed to do right by him.
“Aidan wasn’t wrong. I should have tried to get to know more about you. I’m selfish. The house, the life here . . . that’s not me. You need to let me go and move on. I won’t hold you back from getting the life you deserve.”
I said it as a cold sweat trickled down my back. What would I do without Nathan now?
He sighed long and dropped his hands. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes. I already made up my mind,” I lied.
As my heart shredded, I shut my eyes against the pain and kept them closed, waiting for him to go. I would die a little forever and may never recover if I watched him walk out on me.
However, he didn’t move. He remained close, and I felt the heat of his body, smelled his scent.
“I want benefits,” he said.
My brows lowered. “What benefits?”
“You said you wanted to be friends-with-benefits. Hell, I’m ready now.”
My eyes flew open as I clenched my jaw at his dark expression. He wasn’t joking.
“I’m so not having sex with you right now, Nathan.”
“Right now or ever?” His arm took my waist and pressed me into his cock, already hard against my ass.
I gasped as he slid his hand between my legs and cupped the front of my jeans.
“Tell me you’re not wet,” he said in a deep, evocative tone. He nuzzled against my neck.
“I’m not, and you’ve lost your mind. I’m leaving,” I rasped, but even to me, my voice lacked strength. My ears filled with the sound of my shallow breaths, and my heart pounded against my ribs. The heat of his clothed body turned me on. The strokes of his large hands under my shirt, over my bare skin, made goosebumps break across it. His spicy scent filled my nostrils. Everything about this man turned me on, but it was wrong.
“Don’t do this, Nate.”
He moved me in front and clasped my waist. “Do what? Touch you? You said only sex. I’ll take anything as long as I have you, Shana.” His voice broke. He took a deep breath.
His feelings shattered me, and I couldn’t deny him. My breasts swelled against the friction of his hard chest.
“Do you want me to stop, Shana?” He dropped his head into my breasts then sucked my nipple through my shirt.
My back arched, and my eyelids fluttered. I wouldn’t. Every time Nathan touched me, I wanted him. I needed to feel him inside me like I needed to breathe. Was he another addiction? I couldn’t bear to use him. Just the thought of doing it made my conscience kick in.
“I can’t do this to you,” I whispered.
“Do what to me? I want you.”
He pulled off my shirt and bra. His hands moved possessively over my breasts and stopped low on my stomach.
“Tell me you don’t want me,” he whispered
I bit my lip. My heart hammered hard. I can’t. I want you.
“Quiet now?” He worked his hand inside the front of my jeans. I whimpered and clenched my thighs as his fingers stroked, rubbing my clit just the way he knew I liked it. It made me needy, aching for more. Yes. Nathan. It feels so good.
“I’m waiting for an answer, Shana.” He stopped and eased his hands away and kissed my forehead. We stood there, breathing hard.
Our eyes fixed on each other.
I could see his yearning, his hope. I recognized it because I felt the same.
I couldn’t lie to his face. “I . . . I can’t.”
Then Nathan came close and slowly took the rest of my clothing off. He even took the time to fold his shirt. This was deliberate. I could still leave. But we both knew I wouldn’t. I wanted him with every fiber of my being.
My heart broke just thinking about sweet Nathan looking out that window waiting. Had he looked at the phone as many times as I had? I hate myself for hurting him. I never wanted to. He’s the best man I have ever known. I want the best for him. And is that love, wishing the best for someone even if it’s not you?
Nathan stood naked now, his well-defined upper body filled me with lust. He cupped my face and kissed me deeply, his tongue seductively sliding against my own. My body molded to his. Just the touch of our bare skin ignited our passion. Our hands moved over each other. He kissed down my neck. I ran my hand over the solid, sculpted muscles on his chest and abs, down to his thick erection and shuddered. Fuck, he pushed into my hand as I stroked him and groaned. Then he lifted me onto the bed like I weighed nothing.
Nathan kissed me hard on the lips, and my body clenched and burned. “Take me, Nathan.”
We both moaned loudly as his cock entered me. He went still and I gasped with pleasure as I felt him grow harder. He rolled his hips, rotating, and swiveling against me. Sweat broke out between us as he eased back, gritting his teeth.
“So good, baby.” Nathan’s voice sent shivers through my body.
I lifted my hips and writhed, squeezing my inner walls around his cock.
I want to please you—only you, baby. I’m made for you. He ground in deep, and I cried out. He hurt so deep, so right. “Oh, Shana. You drive me crazy, baby.”
He picked up his pace and pounded hard inside of me.
I wanted every bit of frustration.
I needed to feel his possession and his passion.
I needed to feel in my soul how much he wanted me.
I moaned his name, over and over, even after the orgasm took me, sweating, shaking, and convulsing in his grip with each deep, quenching thrust. Nate kept going, fucking me with all his strength, taking me with complete abandonment. He was lost in me.
I felt him close and worked my hips back, meeting the drives of his cock.
“Shana,” he groaned and panted loudly as his cock exploded hot inside of me.
I breathed hard
with him as he collapsed on top of my body, happy and content. Pulling out and rolling on his side. I turned over on my front, but I kept my head facing him.
He smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. “Hello, beautiful.”
He was beautiful.
We climbed in the shower, and he washed my skin possessively, branding me with his touch, claiming me as his. I couldn’t stop him.
My heart wouldn’t let me.
When we returned to the bed, I lay naked and ran my hands down my body as he watched intently.
Nate groaned. “You need more from me, baby?” His voice deep.
I never got enough of him. I moaned and opened my legs, and my body heated as he stared.
Closing his hands around my legs, he pulled me to the end of the bed. He knelt on the floor, planting warm kisses below my belly button to my bare pussy where I could feel his hot breath on my flesh. I was still sensitive from coming, but eager to feel him pleasure me. He moved my legs wide and placed his hands underneath my ass and tilted my hips.
He smiled up at me, and just the glint in his blue eyes took my heart. His tongue teased my slick folds, he swirled his tongue around my clit; his fingers stroked my smooth flesh. I moaned and thrust my hips up into his mouth as he drew me in, lapping and sucking until I shook.
When I came back to myself, Nate had put his clothes back on. He gave me a dark, knowing smile. He got me. Nate was my weakness, not only because of sex but also because of his patience, determination, and care. I soaked up every little minute with Nate, and I couldn’t get enough. I didn’t want to. I just didn’t know how I was going to stay here. Did I want to stay here? Could I really stay in Sunnyville?
What was I going to do? “Get dressed. You’re spending the night with me,” he answered like I had asked him.
I could’ve protested, but I didn’t. After cleaning up and changing clothes, I let Nathan hold my hand back to his place. He headed toward the built-in deck and backyard.
“Nate, what are we doing out here?”
“I want you to feel the grass. I placed the best grade ever, and it feels like a bed of feathers.”
I removed my shoes and walked on the grass to the spot he chose to lie down. He was right. It felt like velvet. The sky above was lit with stars, and with the warm breeze of the summer still around, everything was beautiful and perfect.
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 20