“We’ll go to the police and report what happened to you, then go to the hospital for you to get checked out. After that, I’ll give you the money.”
“I don’t want you taking me anywhere, so just give me the damn money.”
“Are you using, Skelly?”
“What kind of a stupid question is that coming from you?” he growled.
I folded my arms. “It’s a question I’m asking before I give you anything.”
He laughed bitterly and spat on the ground by my feet. “You think you’re better than me? You go to jail, a few narcotic meetings, and you think you can demand shit from me? I saw you at the club, fucking out of your mind just like you used to be. You were all over me—”
“No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t that far gone,” I hissed.
His lips curled back, revealing stained teeth, and I got a whiff of his foul breath as he laughed in my face. “How do you know?”
I shifted on my feet in front of him as tiny goosebumps broke across my skin. My mind chased memories, and he watched me in glee. None that came to mind said I’d blacked out. But none put me at ease. He knew something I didn’t remember, and I hated him and his disgusting game.
“What the hell do you know, Skelly?” I gritted.
“I know you don’t remember shit, and I was nice to you. I could have taken my dick out on the dance floor, and you would have sucked me off. I left you alone. And now, you’re acting like a stuck-up bitch.” He knocked on my shoulder.
I pushed him with both hands. “Bragging about using me? You’re a piece of shit.”
He fell over, then crawled up on his feet. “Now you’ll never know anything.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” I called after him as he jogged across the street, disappearing into an alley.
I wanted to run after Skelly and shake him down for answers. I also wanted to scrub clean and get my brain to tell me everything I didn’t remember. That had become a constant thing for me to do after Jackson died. When I fell apart and didn’t care if I ever woke up from blacking out. If it hadn’t been for Nate, those times dragging me out and waiting for me to come back to consciousness, who knows where or how many would have taken advantage of me by now?
And to think, Skelly had been one of the good guys in high school—a computer nerd that always had tickets for a concert. But life switched up on him too, for the worse. I didn’t remember him being so messed up at the club.
I didn’t remember enough.
Should I care what Skelly said? I didn’t really. But it did bother me that someone as messed up as he was thought he could put me down. Even Amber kept photos of me fucked up on her phone. I highly doubted she deleted them after I complained. I never really thought too much about our friendship when I was younger. But now, I wondered why I still talked to her. I didn’t feel the same as I had been before, but most here didn’t see who I was now.
My Sunnyville self hadn’t changed. She’d stayed suspended, cast in a life I hadn’t lived in years. Outside of Nate and his circle of friends, I still needed a life. But Sunnyville kept proving I couldn’t have one there.
“Shana?”
I turned my head and tensed. Seemed my worries had made me drop my guard. I didn’t notice Pam, who’d stopped in front of me. She had on a “Justice for Bridget” T-shirt visible from her open zip-up jacket. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun. Her red-rimmed blue eyes, puffy and swollen, shifted over me like she searched for something.
“I’ve been trying to catch up to you. I don’t know why . . .” Pam’s voice trailed off.
I rubbed my palms against my jeans. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry for your loss, but I didn’t sell Bridget the drugs. I wouldn’t. I didn’t know Bridget was at the club, as I’d literally only just arrived in town.”
She wiped her hands down her sleeves then wrung her hands. “I know that now. I looked at her autopsy all day. I can’t stop. She said she’d stopped and I’d believed her . . . I always hoped Bridget would change, but she didn’t. I want you to know I don’t blame you or your family anymore, Shana. I still want justice to find those who sell drugs and prey on people like my Bridget. I’m also seeking answers right now on who Bridget was, and why she couldn’t stop using. Do you know why?”
I folded and unfolded my arms. “I don’t know. I wish I had something I could share with you. I don’t even know if I have a drug problem. But the NA meetings and the stories shared there make me think about some of my choices. I don’t know if that makes sense.”
Her head bobbed, and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. “It does. I just want to let you know you don’t have to avoid me. I still think someone should be held responsible for dealing with her, but I hope you work things out for you.”
“Thank you,” I murmured. I had an idea how she could find grace in that moment. “Pam.” She turned and found my eyes. “I . . . Jackson was twenty when he died. I know . . . I know how horrible it is to lose someone who still had so much life to live. So, I am truly sorry that you’re living with this . . . indescribable pain.”
Tears fell down her cheeks. Then she sobbed, and I didn’t know if I’d just made things worse for her. Shana, why are you so thoughtless—
“Thank you, Shana,” Pam cried, then pulled me into her arms. And I relaxed into her hold, wrapping my arms around her waist, knowing we both needed this hug. “You do understand. You know how cruel life can be,” she whispered, which of course brought tears to my eyes as well.
“Yes, I do. I hate that I do,” I said.
“I hate that we do too,” Pam said quietly. Somberly. And yet, there was peace in that admission.
“Thank you,” I murmured again. But this time, it was for the release from guilt. The release from feeling so alone.
After she gave me one more hug, she crossed the street. Even though I hadn’t cleared my name fully, one of the guilty weights I’d carried with me lifted. It was my choice not to succumb to Skelly’s pressure.
I chose to move forward through the rest of the day.
I went back to my car. The music I had on had ended, and the radio played. Before I could switch it off, the news came on.
Shooting in Maroon Bay. Shots fired at the scene—officer down. Proceed with caution.
Nathan
After a quick check for my gear, I headed off. The usual electric currents of adrenaline spiked through my blood as I sped through traffic with my siren on. Even with the assisted ease through traffic lights, I was ten minutes away. The emergency call came in with the code: 999-officer down 10-71 shots fired.
The alert briefing remained active on the car radio. Shooting at home in Maroon Bay. The same area patrolled by Eileen and Rich. The suspect was a sixty-seven-year-old male veteran with PTSD and dementia, armed and dangerous. We were to approach with caution.
Anxiety bubbled in my chest like antifreeze, stealing my breath. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I worried. Had one of my friends and fellow officers lost their life tonight? The call hadn’t changed to fatality. And that was enough to redirect my mind to cut off all distractions and focus on my purpose: help my fellow officers secure the scene. Stay alive.
I passed an ambulance coming from the direction I needed to go. Another was in front of the house, along with squad cars that reached the scene before me. On approach, I noted there were no guns drawn. Officers stood on the porch, and the front door was wide open. The scene didn’t appear active. However, I still proceeded with caution and checked in with the first officer I found, Rookie Rich, about to leave in his squad car.
“Hey,” I said, waving him to wait. I leaned in the window. “Give me an update.”
“I told everyone everything I know. I was going to write my report,” Rich answered in a bored tone.
I clenched my jaw and didn’t move an inch. “That’s why it’s called a brief, and you’ll give me one.”
“Eileen and I responded to a call that the suspect was shooting bottles in his b
ackyard. He seemed disoriented, so we made a mental health assessment. At first, the man seemed fine. He gave up his weapon. Then, when Eileen went to take out her phone, he shot her in the leg—”
“You said he’d handed over his weapon,” I interrupted.
“He had another. I took him down and did a full body search and called it in. I did my job,” he huffed.
I frowned. “Did you do the body search before or after you took the perpetrator down?”
His ears turned bright red. “Before, like I said.”
He didn’t. “Where’s Eileen now?”
“She’s on the way to the hospital. The paramedics are checking over the suspect before transferring him to the hospital and custody.”
I let out a long exhale. Thank God Eileen was alive. “How are you?”
He shrugged, but his fingers tapped rapidly on the steering wheel. “I’m fine. I just didn’t expect that to happen.”
“Did you get cleared by the on-site medic?”
He shook his head. “I just want to go.”
“That’s not what I asked. You need to follow protocol.”
He cursed and slammed his door as he left the vehicle.
Honestly, I was happy he was okay, but fuck him. I’d take a bet he wouldn’t go to the hospital to see Eileen. Lone wolves don’t work with the family pack. He needed to decide if this job was for him or have the decision made for him.
Like me, I didn’t practice what I preached. I loved my police family, but I needed a change soon.
Before I left, I checked with the lead detective and sergeant to see if they required anything else. They gave me the stand-down at the location, and I headed to the hospital. My heart warmed at the group of officers I found in the waiting room to support Eileen. Even off duty, they came. I joined them to wait for Eileen’s surgery to finish. We hunkered down in the waiting area with Styrofoam cups of coffee. Everyone seemed to be in their own heads, distracted by thoughts of their fellow officer, and I took a moment to send a text to Shana and found one from her.
Shana: I heard there was a shooting. Please let me know if you’re safe.
Nathan: I’m fine. I’m at the hospital waiting to see a friend. She was hurt but is going to be okay. See you as soon as I can.
The doctor came and told us Eileen’s surgery had gone well and she was in recovery, so I waited my turn to visit. She was in a hospital gown with her leg in traction and already fussing.
“I don’t need to stay overnight, I’m fine,” she complained.
“Stop being a hard-ass,” I said and sat by her bed.
She laughed and winced.
“You’re in pain. Take the time to heal,” I told her, but she wanted to talk about what happened.
“I did all the checks. Rich checked the guy over . . . I don’t have any idea where the gun came from. It just was there,” Eileen felt like talking about it and I listened. She took the oath and duty to heart. She wanted our community safe, but she also didn’t want to let our blue family down.
I tried to assure her. “I understand. When the man handed over the gun, did you do another search?”
“Rich did, but he did good. He saved my life,” Eileen added.
I sighed. “Okay. If you say that’s how it went down, I believe you.”
Speaking with Rich had left me feeling suspicious. I didn’t like the way he didn’t want to do anything when I worked with him. I hated that I suspected he didn’t do his best or that I wasn’t sure he could be trusted to have other officers’ backs. But that could be my prejudice against him. There would be an internal affairs investigation to check the procedures of the case.
I stepped out when the nurse came, then phoned to update my dad.
“Thanks, son. It sounds like they did what they could. You followed up and supported your police family. You’re going to make one helluva captain someday.”
“I don’t know about that, Dad.”
“You remind me of myself at your age.”
“I’ve got to go home.”
“For Shana,” he said and sighed through the line. “She left the party early. Seemed terribly upset. It’s not easy when you get the emergency calls or the late nights.”
“Don’t you start, Dad. I texted her to not worry. She’s fine.”
“I’m just warning you to listen to her feelings. That’s what I learned from my marriage with your mom. She might say she’s fine, but she might not be. I like Shana. I hope we can clear her. She’s a little wild. Spunky . . . really pretty, but don’t tell Jackie.”
I chuckled. “I won’t.”
“Anyway, come over soon.” He paused and sighed again. “Love you, son. You make me proud every day.”
My chest felt tight. “Love you too, Dad,” I said, then hung up.
My stop at the precinct after the hospital turned into a few hours. At close to ten that night, I finally reached home. A sliver of disappointment came when I pulled in and found the lights off. I didn’t see her car, but Shana could have parked at Maeve’s or may have decided to skip staying over.
I warned myself to take Shana as she came, or I might scare her off again. Just thinking that way, let me know I was already fucked. She had me so twisted up in her. Hell, she stayed on my mind more than anything else.
After securing my badge and gun, I discovered one of the back porch lights on. Out back, Shana was on the porch swing wearing my UCSF sweatshirt and a pair of fleece pajama bottoms. Mom had bought them, and I didn’t have the balls to throw them out. The nights grew cooler this late in the summer, and I liked knowing she felt comfortable enough to raid my clothes. Even all covered up, she looked sexy. And now I can’t wait to take the clothes off.
She turned her head and sent a smile my way that hit my heart.
“Hey, you’re back.” The relief in her voice was palpable.
I grinned. “You stayed up for me?”
“I couldn’t sleep, all that food,” she murmured, but her eyes scanned over me like she was searching for something.
“Can you tell me what exactly happened?” she asked.
“Someone off their meds. Everything’s fine now, and there’s nothing to worry about,” I said in a light tone.
I stood in front of her and held my hand out to her.
She scoffed and folded her arms. “Try again, Nate. An officer was shot. That’s not a regular check around town.”
“She’s okay.”
“You didn’t tell me there had been a shooting. I heard about what happened on the radio before you called. That means you were purposely hiding it from me.” She scrunched up her face. “And that was supposed to be enough? You’re fine after you left the party and ran to danger. You could’ve gotten hurt.”
“But I didn’t. I’m fine, Shana.” I tucked her hair behind her ears. “Come to bed with me.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m just supposed to drop what happened? When are you going to tell your dad you’re done with being a cop? Why keep risking your life for something you don’t want to do? You’re a grown-ass man, or do you need Daddy’s blessing to move on?”
I flexed my jaw. “Now you’re trying to pick a fight. I understand you’re worried about me, but you know Sunnyville. This town rarely has issues. We have the lowest fatalities in the country—”
“And someone still shot an officer. You could still die.”
“I wouldn’t work as an officer if I didn’t want to do it,” I yelled. “I’ll change my career when it’s the right time to. I have bad days, but I like my job and the people I work with. We’re a family, and I want to be there for them.”
She stopped the swing and stormed into the house. I cursed and followed after her, catching up to her as she rushed up the stairs. Catching her around her waist, I pulled her into my body and hugged her from the back. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”
She twisted out of my hold and clenched her fist. “Just because you say you’re fine doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt. Fu
ck. What the hell am I doing? I’m leaving. Now.”
Nathan
I clasped her arms. “The hell you are. You’re going to stay and talk this out with me. You stayed up to tell me off, now give me a chance to make things right.”
She glared and hit my chest. “No. You want me to stay and watch you run to danger. I already lived that with Jackson. I can’t . . . I can’t watch you die on me, Nate. I can’t . . .” She sucked in her breath.
“What can’t you do, baby? Tell me.” My stomach muscles tensed, and my heartbeat was erratic. I kept my gaze locked with hers, not letting her go. Ready to fight for whatever obstacle she brought us.
Shana’s face crumbled, and her chin trembled as she struggled to speak. “I told you. I don’t . . . want you dying on me.”
Her bravado slipped and she finally showed me her true feelings. Emotions rose that overwhelmed my senses, and I struggled to keep myself steady. All Shana’s anger and frustration pointed to one thing: Shana’s love for me scared the hell out of her. Of course, she’d never admit it.
“I’m not going to die, Shana.” I pulled her head forward and pressed my lips to hers hard.
“You think saying you won’t die will keep it from happening? Do you think kissing me will solve everything that’s wrong with us?”
“If only my kisses could. You’re right. I can’t control what happens out there. But how I feel about you, baby. That’s what I know. Knowing you care makes me happy.”
She lowered her head and hunched her shoulders. “I’m upset, and you’re happy.”
I cupped her chin and met her eyes. “Hear my truth, Shana. I’m going to try my best not to die on you because I want to live. But life and living are two different things. You die once; you live every day. I’m alive, but I lived my life without you, and that wasn’t living. I’m here, and while I do this job, I’m doing everything to come back to you because being with you is living. That’s why I told you to be with me, baby.”
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 23