Nathan
The Callahan gate was open. Company vans lined the driveway, with workers carrying crates of flowers and glasses toward the back of the house. Shana mentioned Jackson’s memorial at the airshow, and I’d forgotten with all that I had on my plate.
She appeared on the path near the side entrance. She wouldn’t meet my eyes, and I cursed under my breath. She didn’t need to open her mouth to tell me she was in the thick of what happened at the group home. Still, I would hear her side of it.
“Nathan, I don’t know what to say.” She crossed and uncrossed her arms.
“Just tell me what happened,” I said, not hiding the irritation in my voice.
“I showed up at the home, and Amber was waiting for me on the porch. The girls were excited, and I told her she couldn’t be there, but she wanted to help me get Lucy ready for prom. I went to the office to ask for permission and get a form, and when I came back to the hallway, she hadn’t waited. I found her with the girls in their bedroom. I made her leave after that.”
“Damn it, Shana, you knew she wasn’t allowed inside. Why didn’t you tell Mrs. Wilkins?”
She crossed her arms. “I know. I mean everything doesn’t line up to fit their rules and procedures all the time. Since I spoke and asked for the form, I didn’t realize that I also needed to write a report on what I did that night. I went in on my day off only to help with the prom.”
“If you wrote that report, you’d have a record. Now that money is missing, the theft becomes a police matter. Amber can say anything, and it’ll be your word against hers. Hell, she can say you invited her inside.”
She frowned. “No way in hell I’d do that. I mean, it’s been a while since that happened. Why did it take them so long to discover something was wrong?”
“Yes, the theft highlights a breakdown in communication somewhere. The bottom line, money is gone, and you’re out of the community service, and now I don’t know if I’ll still have a team or my program. I don’t understand why you kept that from me, but thanks.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice. I was about to leave when she touched my arm.
“Wait, Nathan. There’s more.” She flicked her eyes at me and dropped her hand.
I put my hands on my hips and pressed my lips together.
“Amber has Amy’s compact. The night at Hooligan’s, I saw her with it, although, she claimed Amy had loaned it to her.”
I gave her an incredulous look. “You’ve spent time with Amy. Does that even sound like her, giving a person she doesn’t know her stuff? Why didn’t you tell me or return the compact to the group home?”
“I . . . I didn’t tell you because Amber used it to snort cocaine.”
“And you might get in trouble. Damn it, Shana.”
She pushed her hair back from her face and squeezed her eyes shut. “I . . . I will always mess up, Nate. I’m not the perfect person for you. I tried to make it work here, but I can’t. The case will go ahead, and I’m innocent. I can pay to cover whatever was stolen for the girls when I sell my app and return to LA. I’ll still be here for the surgery, but I can’t stay . . . You deserve someone better.”
This was when I might have jumped in and held her, pleading that we could work, and everything would be okay, but my arms wouldn’t move.
She’s given up.
She’s ready to leave, just like before.
Ready to leave me.
“Don’t you tell me what’s better. You’re playing the victim now. You’re not a victim. You had choices, but you chose to protect your shitty friend Amber who wouldn’t hesitate to throw you under the bus.”
“Amber has a stealing problem, and maybe a drug problem, but she wouldn’t take the money. She messed up. I messed up too. If I had known that would’ve happened, I’d have done something to stop it.”
I clenched my jaw. “So that absolves you both? You didn’t mean it, and you move on? Well, good for you. The program may be gone, staff fired for letting you get away with bringing in someone. The girls lose their activity in an otherwise shitty life they have, and the few staff members that showed them they care. Amy loses her chance to improve her college applications and go to a career fair that would have given her hope. Lucy is going to juvenile hall. She will lose all her friends because she tried to stand up and say she didn’t lie. And you knew all the time and could have saved all this from happening.”
She hunched her shoulders. “I don’t want to hurt them. I’ll try to help them—”
“No. You’re going to run away again because you can. Never mind the destruction left in your wake. But that’s okay. You got yours, right?”
“Fuck you, Nathan,” she said, and tears rolled down her face. “I’m not playing the victim. I didn’t know about the money, only about the compact. I’m sorry, but you’re no better. You talk about fighting, and you won’t stand up to your dad and move on with your life. I get you hate me now; I don’t like myself either, but deal with your own stones before throwing them at me.”
I went over and clasped her shoulders. “Get it through your thick skull. I love you, Shana Callahan. You won’t know a love like the one I have for you. You have kept me away and made me fight for every inch with you. All the time you planned to leave the second you could.”
“I did not. I was really trying to find a way to stay—”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses. Do you care about me?” I closed my eyes, letting the air leave my lungs as the pain hit my chest.
“Nate . . . come on . . .” Shana hugged herself, and it took all my strength not to take her in my arms and comfort her. But she needed to feel it and do the right thing.
“Nathan? Shana?” Mrs. Callahan appeared sunnier than I’d seen her lately.
“Nathan’s just leaving,” Shana said, wiping her hand down her face.
“Are you coming to the memorial Saturday night?” she asked. “It would be great to have all Jackson’s friends around. Shana will serve for a while, but I’m sure she’ll be available to spend time with you later.”
Her mom didn’t even stop to ask why Shana was crying, but she took the time to invite me to a fundraiser, at which she planned to make her daughter work?
“Why is she working?” I asked. I didn’t think I’d ever been so direct—or blunt—to Judge or Mrs. Callahan, but I was angry. Angry at Shana, at Amber, at the whole fucking world that would take the woman I loved away from me. Again.
“It’s none of your business, Nate. I’m fine with serving Mom,” Shana said, hugging herself.
Her mom’s smile thinned. “I don’t see the problem. Serving will help Shana stay busy. I’ll be hosting. Her dad will be greeting guests. I didn’t want to leave Shana with nothing to do.”
“But miss her twin brother, who she did everything she could to try and save?”
“Stop talking, Nathan,” Shana said, grabbing my arm.
“What’s Nathan talking about, Shana?” her mom asked.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” Shana told her.
“No, Shana’s not. She has nightmares about that night. She cries in her sleep about you and her father, wondering why she lived. Wondering why you blamed her. Couldn’t bear that she lived and her brother died. I knew Jackson. He was the daredevil who liked to live life on the edge. Shana joined in at times, but she also tried to hold him back. She shadowed him as his conscience, and she shadowed him to protect him from himself. She didn’t want to be without him. Did you know she tried to join him that night?”
Her mom jerked her head back, her eyes widened, darting between the two of us.
“Shut up, Nate,” Shana yelled.
“I stopped her because I couldn’t bear a life without her in it.”
“Oh my God,” her mom gasped and clutched her chest. She shook her head, her chin trembled.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Shana hissed.
I grunted. Someone needed to. “Now I’ll leave, but our conversation about the group home isn’t over. You nee
d to choose, and I hope you choose right this time.”
I needed her to choose me, because there wasn’t life without her.
Shana stormed into the house.
My eyes moved to meet Mrs. Callahan. Tears spilled over, and she lowered her head, letting the tears drop down her chin.
I didn’t make a sound or move. But I did watch her walk silently inside, leaving me standing there alone.
Shana
I went to my room and closed the door.
Knock.
Mom’s tap to come in.
“Not right now, please,” I called back. Too much had happened, and I needed to catch my breath. But in truth, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to talk about harming myself with Mom. I couldn’t take more of her indifference.
I sank down on the bed and closed my sore eyes. Everything had fallen apart, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
Sometime later, my phone buzzed. Maeve’s face appeared when I checked. Shit.
“I’m kind of busy right now and if you want to weigh in on telling me how horrible I am—”
“I didn’t call you for that. I’m calling for rental payment.”
My heart sunk. Somehow it was worse than if Maeve called me out on my shit. “I left the money, and I can drop off more, but right now isn’t a good time.”
“Money’s not the kind of payment I want, but you’re not leaving town yet. I need your help at the hospital.”
I cursed. “What on earth would you need my help with there?”
“Get your ass up and come find out. You can cry about stupidly throwing my brother away later. But I’ll let you know now and without shame—you owe me.”
I did owe Maeve a lot, and I wouldn’t disappoint her any more than I had.
“Fine. I’ll be there after I go to the police department and give my statement.”
My mom walked in, sniffling.
“Okay, see you soon.” Maeve disconnected, and my pulse jumped in my throat. If I tried to hug her, she’d push me away. What was I supposed to do?
“I need to leave,” I told her.
She sat on my bed next to me. “Nathan Donleavy. He reminds me of Jackson. He tells things like he sees them.”
I stood up. “Nathan had no right. I’m sorry.”
“No, I-I am. I shouldn’t have asked you to serve. I don’t know why I did it. I just . . . It’s hard. I miss him . . . and seeing you . . .” She flicked her eyes over me and covered her mouth with her hand.
I took a deep breath. “I look like Jackson. Always have. I can’t change that.”
She offered me a thin smile. “But you’re different. I know that, Shana. I’ve seen you change since you came here this time. I haven’t seen you smile and laugh in a long time, and you’re so independent. You didn’t ask for money and went to stay at a friend’s house. Aaron said you revised a business proposal for him that he will use. I didn’t know you could do that.”
I grinned. “I studied and ran my own business, Mom.”
“I know, but that was in LA. I didn’t see much of you there. Here, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the way you work with teens at the home. People believe you have a gift. Loren is envious and asked me what I did so she can do the same to Amber. I wish I could say I did something, but you did it on your own. I’m impressed at how far you’ve come.”
I blinked. “Wow. That’s a lot of compliments. Are you okay?”
She jutted her chin. “I’m not the enemy. Your dad and I are not. We are—I am sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I said and placed my purse on my shoulder. “I need to go. I’m meeting up with Maeve at the hospital, but first I have to go to the police station.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Money and a few other items were stolen at the group home. Amber came to see me right at the same time.”
“Surely you don’t think Amber’s involved. She wouldn’t steal.”
I rolled my eyes. Of course, Mom would never think Amber did anything wrong.
She took out her phone. “If you’re going to speak to the police, you’re not going alone. You may have problems, but they will not bring false charges against you.”
I could have explained what I’d done, but I selfishly wanted to enjoy my mom’s attention for a little while since she said something kind about me. I listened as she demanded Mr. Warrick, the new lawyer they’d hired, to meet me at the precinct.
“Thank you,” I said when she ended the call.
“One more thing before you go. I’m asking you to not push Nathan away. He cares for you.”
I swallowed. “Nathan doesn’t want me anymore, and honestly, I’m bad for him.”
She folded her hands in her lap. “Don’t do something you’ll end up regretting. I used Jackson’s death to push your dad away. You keep pushing away those you love, one day you just might find yourself lonelier than you’ve ever known.” She rubbed her arms. I touched her hand and she placed hers over the top. “I . . . I still expect you to be on your best behavior at the fundraiser.”
I laughed. Mom was still my mom.
“I’ll try,” I said and left for the police station.
As it turned out, a high-powered defense lawyer was worth his weight in gold. Before the officer even started to take my statement, Mr. Warrick squared his shoulders and said, “You’ve got nothing on my client. She has no criminal record. Your evidence is circumstantial at best. There were hundreds of people inside the club. You have known dealers in the vicinity and low-level dealers on the list of people at the club that night. Hers weren’t the only drugs confiscated at the scene.”
“Nothing close to the amount discovered on your client,” Officer Stetson told him. “We’re still investigating.”
“Your investigation hasn’t produced any supportive evidence linking her to the drugs or you’d have arrested her again. She voluntarily committed to the random drug tests, all negative, NA meetings, and community service even though you have produced no evidence in support of drug distribution. She came in on her time off, and resident property she had no access to was stolen. When questioned, she voluntarily gave the name of a friend who was interested in volunteering. She came today to provide a statement. Your department, at every turn, seeks to harass her. We expect you to charge her for a crime or drop the charges.”
“The case is still ongoing,” the officer said. “We will record her voluntary submission.”
“We will also file wrongful dismissal from the group home,” Mr. Warrick said, closing the briefcase he didn’t even use.
I pulled on his sleeve and shook my head.
He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses at me. “I’ll speak to my client.”
When we were alone outside, I told him what I knew about Amber and the stolen property.
“Hmm. Your drug tests should show no cocaine use. We’ll refuse another community assignment because you did nothing wrong. But in the end, it’s your butt or this friend of yours. You’ll need to choose.”
That’s what Nate said.
“I gave her name,” I pointed out.
“So what? That’s not enough if the police learn about the rest. You’ll have stolen property and theft to combine with your possession with intent to distribute. The prosecution would have enough circumstantial evidence to make a case. Trust me, with the community behind them, you’ll end up in jail unless Judge Callahan steps in.”
I grimaced. Dad wouldn’t help if he found out about my covering drug use and stolen property. “Not likely.”
He stood up and lifted his case. “Then you need to put you first. I like to defend those who want to save themselves. The jails are full of people trying to save friends. I’ll give you the rest of the day to think about it, but if Ms. Westwood comes in and her statement implicates you, you’ll be in trouble.”
Shana
Maeve texted me to meet her at the children’s ward, although I wasn’t sure what she wanted to meet me about. I waited for her by the windo
ws where the parents view their newborns. They were all so tiny. Seeing them was a good distraction from all my troubles. Maeve came out of the room in her nurse’s uniform. Hot pink Crocs. Sexy.
“You look horrible,” she said.
I shrugged. “Thanks. So, why do you want me to look at babies?”
She smiled. “I want you to come with me and see what I do with my time off.”
Of course, she volunteered her time like Nate did. Even my mom’s fundraiser humbled me. Sunnyville seemed to have a large group of residents committed to service.
She helped me put on a gown, and I washed my hands and arms before going into the neonatal care room down the hall. Inside were more babies. They were fragile like the rest but seemed even more so.
“These babies have neonatal withdrawal. Their parents were addicted to drugs and couldn’t stop themselves. They have a tougher time achieving their birth milestones, and some don’t make it.” She stopped at a bassinette. “This beautiful baby’s mom died, and we’re having a hard time finding a parent to adopt her.”
My heart constricted. “This is so sad.”
She lifted the child from the bassinette and cuddled and cooed to her.
“That’s really sad, and you’re a saint. But what does that have to do with me?”
“A lot, Shana. I heard about what you did at the group home. Some of those kids started out right here. They looked up to you. Hell, they kept your secret about Amber because they wanted you to stay with them. They did the same with all the other adults who failed them. They want love so bad, and you have so much of it.”
Tears threatened my eyes. “My life hasn’t been a picnic. Neither has Amber’s.”
“But you’ll let her get away with taking away everything from them? And Nate?”
“How do you know about what happened?” I asked.
“Kylie brought Lucy here because she complained of stomach cramps. She was nervous about going back to juvenile hall. While Kylie waited, she gossiped with a nurse that’s a friend of mine. I called Nate and he told me.”
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 27