But that wasn’t the only part of my life that changed. I’d lost my head and found myself. A stronger self who loved and was loved. I didn’t need to keep people away to hold my pain in. That life hurt more and almost destroyed me. The barriers I created to block the pain had fallen. Being with Nathan again broke them apart. I’d been scared for years about what would be left of me underneath. But what I found was my strength. I fought hard and rescued myself. And I wasn’t left alone, when the walls came down, my life and heart opened up to my family, friends, and the love of my life. I believed I found the strength in me to move forward and be with the man I loved and who loved me dearly.
The ink on my signature probably wasn’t even dry by the time I left the office. Omni Corporation had my style app, and I didn’t feel bad about selling it. I had new ideas brewing. Most involved the group of girls who taught me to appreciate everything I had. And I had more than enough.
The drive back to Sunnyville took nine and a half hours. The sky hadn’t turned full light yet. I planned to drive directly to Nathan’s, but instead I crossed Fox Point Bridge and parked. I got out and walked down to the beach below. I went with Jackson.
His ghost dove in. He would always remain forever young, forever a part of me.
Stripping down to my underwear, I ran to the water, and let the current carry me.
My skin chilled in the freezing lake. The waves were choppy, with the current pulling me out farther. I thought of Jackson. Even if I’d made it to him that night, he was dead when he hit the rocks below.
I couldn’t have saved him.
I’d never know why he chose to jump without me. Maybe he had wanted to stand alone, or he knew if he asked me to join him at the edge closer to the rocks, I’d have refused. Jackson wasn’t perfect, but he was a wonderful brother and my best friend I’d forever miss and love. Before I turned back toward the shore, I looked out for Jackson one last time.
“It’s time to let you go, my stupid and wonderful brother. You gave me so much strength as we grew up. You shielded me, you tethered me to you so I’d never be alone, and because you couldn’t do anything else but keep me by your side. But you know what? I’ll be okay now. I’ll be okay. I love you. Always will. Now, stop pestering me and be off with you.”
And I laughed. Because if anything else, my brother always made me laugh.
If anyone was watching me, they’d probably think I was insane. And then I’d find out about that via Chatty Cathy. Small towns and all.
Shivering as I pushed my wet hair back, I stared at the rising sun. It was a new day, a fresh—albeit chilly—start.
The only way I wanted to begin again was with Nathan. I wasn’t sure if he’d read my note, but I pulled my clothes back on and wished I had thought to bring a towel. I was soaking wet through my scoop-neck T-shirt and jeans before I sat behind the wheel. I could imagine Patrick Donleavy cringing at how poorly I treated my Chevelle. Still, there was no more time to waste.
The lights were off, but I still had the key he’d given me. Walking into a cop’s (or former cop’s) home without warning was insane, but I didn’t want to wait any longer to see him.
The lights came on, and Nathan came running down the stairs. He had on his boxers, his black hair sleep tousled, and a wild look in his blue eyes as they went straight to me at the door. I must’ve looked like a sea creature, my hair tangled and wet, my clothes dripping on the carpet.
“Shana, what the hell are you—what is going on?”
I held up my hands. “Hear me out. I love you, Nathan Michael Donleavy. I left to see if living here was what I really wanted to do, not because I didn’t love you or didn’t want to be with you. I sold my app and moved back here. Now, I plan to work on my new company and app ideas. I’m here because I’m ready to stay.”
“Why are you wet?” he asked. “That’s what I want to know first, but I appreciate the rest. Wait here.”
He went to his downstairs bathroom and came back with a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders. He touched my hair gently, and I closed my eyes. There was only love in my heart here with him.
“You really here to stay with me, baby?” he whispered. His eyes returned to mine, and our gazes fused together.
My heart leaped. “I am. I’m long overdue. Marry me, whatever you want to do, just be with me, baby. I love you.”
“Come here,” he commanded.
I went to him. His hands cupped my face and brushed his soft lips against mine. Our eyes and hearts connected.
“I read your letter, and you said you loved me. That’s why I believed you would come back.”
“I do, Nate. I always have. I just didn’t know what or who I wanted to be. I didn’t want you to fix my life for me, because I wanted to find my way. What I realized is I don’t have to be alone while I try. I want what I found here with you. I love you.”
“I love you, Shana. Never leave me again.”
“I’m all yours, Nathan, as I’ve been all my life. I’ll never leave again.”
He threw me over his shoulder, and I screamed as he carried me up the stairs.
“Let’s go for the big wedding. I want all of our friends and family in Sunnyville there to celebrate with us.”
Before, I wouldn’t have wanted it. Now I couldn’t wait.
Shana
TWO YEARS LATER
“Sit down everyone, so I can take roll, please,” Lucy announced at the front of the bus while Nate and I observed in the back. She’d become a leader and one we hoped would take on more responsibilities as time went on. Today we had a new group of girls traveling from the Edith Houghton group home baseball team.
“You dropped something.” Amy bent and picked up Lucy’s necklace then helped her fasten it around her neck. They laughed together and climbed off the bus.
The two became roommates since aging out of the group home and teammates on their college baseball teams. I was hoping they’d go pro and all the way to the Olympics. Like the other girls from Mamie Johnson group home, they signed up to develop my LinkUp app company. They also volunteered for the annual career fair and baseball camp in San Francisco to pay it forward.
Before we went inside the stadium to watch the Giants game, we were escorted through the baseball camp tunnel. This year included other staff and kids from areas around the state. Nate’s project was expanding. His plate was full of studying for the state bar exam, but he always made time for this program and us.
After we exited the bus, I took his hand. No matter how many times we went, going to the stadium was a part of Nate’s previous life. I was sensitive to how much it meant to him.
“How do you feel?” I asked him.
Nate grinned. “I feel good. I have no regrets.”
Neither did I. My life changed lanes, but it landed right.
We were pushed along by the girls’ anxiousness and adrenaline, excited to play and meet their favorite players. The team greeted Nathan like an old friend. To the girls, that added a rush to their excitement.
“Let’s see what you’ve got.”
We watched them line up and take swings at the pitches. After, they asked for Nathan.
“Let’s see if you can still bat.”
Nathan never failed to rise to the challenge.
“Donleavy!” the girls chanted. “Donleavy!”
They no longer called him an officer. He’d left the force, but he never left behind his kids. Peter was on his way to UCLA. No doubt with his determination, he’d go pro one day. Nate’s mom couldn’t let Peter go, and he’d let her adopt him. His mom had a new son and we had a brother to surround with our love. Nate and I were also growing. We had a baby on the way.
I touched the small bump on my stomach. “How about your dad, slugger?”
We didn’t know if it was a girl or a boy, but we decided to name our child Jackson.
I looked at my phone to see my mom had sent me a photo of her and Mrs. Donleavy in our house, decorating the baby room. They had been insepar
able since they teamed up for our wedding. Mom and Dad divorced and were both dating people. Mom, her transplant doctor, and Dad was still with Ruby. I thought they’d be sad, but they were happier apart. Mom added some family photos of Jackson and me, along with some of our children’s books she kept. A few things from Jackson’s room too. Both physically, thanks to the bone marrow transplant, and emotionally, she was well. We’d never be besties, but there was more respect between us now.
Dad gave both of us advice on our careers. Nathan became his favorite to push for a judgeship. His dad, now retired, stopped getting involved with Nathan’s career. He took up fishing with Poppy Malone. Dad took a liking to Amy and taught her all about sailing. He found her amusing and sarcastic, like me. I guess he loved the way I was all along. And it was good for Amy. My dad, it turned out, could be a fantastic father figure, and Amy was blossoming under his thoughtful—though strict—tutelage.
“Can I pitch?” I asked.
And they all called back, “No.”
“I’m not helpless,” I pointed out.
“No, you’re carrying our godchild,” Amy said.
Our baby had a lot of godparents. Maeve and Aidan already had plans to spoil our child rotten. While they were both in relationships now, we hoped they’d marry too and have babies our child could grow up with. Those relationships changed my life.
Nathan and I wanted the same for the other kids we had, those we mentored through my company. My app kept the kids in the group homes and foster placements together after they aged out. The success became more than I imagined, but it wasn’t just me. It was all of us in the Sunnyville community working together. After we all banded together to get Evan Jensen behind bars for dealing, Skelly testified for a reduced sentence at the renamed Birks Rehabilitation Center, where Pam ran the community outreach program. Amber even did community service there. We talked and were more honest with each other now. Things were better all around.
Nate came over and kissed and rubbed my baby bump.
We enjoyed the girls having the time of their lives.
Who would have thought my life falling apart could lead to a bright future? Many lives made up a lifetime. I lived through a few and couldn’t wait for the next. While I still wished our Jackson were here, I wasn’t alone anymore.
I wasn’t a shadow, either.
I was Shana . . . in my own light.
KBWORLDS
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More books on my Amélie S. Duncan website.
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“A scorching Hot Winner of a Contemporary Romance”—Publisher Weekly Book life
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Neither one of us could stand each other after that. But there he was with his hand out for me to take, right in the middle of a crisis.
“It will grip you, snuggle up and tease you.”
A world of passion burns inside me, hidden from view by my delicate ballet movements I will break free of my ballerina box and will have him—no matter what the cost.
“Phenomenal! Loved every word! I absolutely fell in love with Tyler and Scarlet!”
STEAMY ROMANCE
TIGER LILY TRILOGY
Lily takes on an impossible assignment that leads to sexy business mogul Jonas Crane that has an intriguing proposal of his own. Tiger Lily: The Companion is available free on all retailers.
“I’d give it ten stars if I could!”
DARK ROMANCE
THE AGENCY DARK AFFAIRS DUET
INDISCREET AND DAUNTLESS
An innocent mistake plunges Gia right into the middle of secrets she was never meant to discover. Can Gia recover in time, or lose everything?
“Steamy, sexy, and thrilling”
CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE STANDALONE
UNFINISHED SYMPATHY
Can these two artists unlock their hearts, and compose a symphony of passion or will their love song fade out before it even begins?
“Kept me on the edge from the very moment I started reading. I absolutely LOVED everything about this book.”
To all the children and adults in care, we didn’t forget and we love you. Always.
Foremost, I would like to thank Kristy Bromberg. I still can’t believe I wrote a book in your world! I’ve read and reread your books so many times. Every read I uncover something new that resonates. Thank you for being so wonderful to all of us. Your support and guidance really made this an outstanding experience. I’m sincerely grateful.
Alan, my best friend and love of my life. Thank you and Rosco for being there every day.
Marion, thank you so much for your professional guidance in developing COMMAND. You put so much care and support into the story. Your meticulous attention to detail, advice, humor, and most of all, your kindness made this such an awesome experience.
Karen, thank you so much for copy editing COMMAND. You know your baseball and your comments made me laugh out loud.
Taryn, thank you so much for the final proofreading. I was very excited when it finally came to sending this to you after a year of writing.
Jade, thank you for telling me that I had a first draft when I thought I had a third. Your tough love woke me up.
John, thank you for taking all my questions on policing. You’re wonderful.
Lisa, Nikki, Nicole, Tanya, Brittany, Whitney, and Elle, thank you so much for beta reading the story.
Sommer Stein, thank you for the beautiful cover design and for being patience and kind with my indecisiveness.
Stacey Blake thank you for your beautiful interior design. You’re the best!
Wander Aguiar thank you and your handsome model Robert for use of the beautiful cover image.
Vera, thank you so much for doing the social stuff for this introvert.
Dawn, thank you for all your awesomeness. A message from you gives me a lift to my day.
Tanya, Laura H. Graciela, Lena, Sophie, Ann, Laura M. Thank you, just because.
Thank you to all of the blogs, advertisement companies, authors, friends for helping me promote the story. I sincerely appreciate it.
Thank you to Robert Herrick and his beautiful poem To Anthea, Who May Command Him Anything for inspiration.
Thank you to all the readers that read COMMAND. I sincerely hope you enjoyed Shana and Nathan’s story.
Amélie S. Duncan writes contemporary, erotic romances with a dark edge. Her inspiration originates from many sources including her life experiences and travels. She lives on the West Coast of the United States with her awesome husband and adorable golden retriever Rosco.
Drop me a message on social media and/or join the steamy sexy romance newsletter. Every link is available on my Amélie S. Duncan website. Thank you very much for reading!
Driven
Fueled
Crashed
Raced
Aced
Slow Burn
Sweet Ache
Hard Beat
Down Shift
UnRaveled
Sweet Cheeks
Sweet Rivalry
The Player
The Catch
Cuffed
Combust
Cockpit
Control
Faking It
Resist
Reveal
Then You Happened
Hard to Handle
l (The Everyday Heroes World)
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 31