“Well, there’s lots and lots of manure, both literally and figuratively.” He chuckled. “Things are good. I’ve got a long list of patients, and they keep me pretty busy. And you might be surprised to hear that I’ve taken up oil painting.”
Alana raised an eyebrow. “Oil painting? You?”
“Yeah, pretty hard to believe. I’ve always preferred to be out in nature rather than looking at pictures of it, but there was a class being offered at the community center and I was bored. So, I gave it a try and discovered that I have a real knack for it.”
“You should stop in at the art gallery while you’re in town,” Alana told him. “It just opened a few doors down, and there are some great pieces in there.”
“Thanks. Maybe that’s something you and I could do together.”
Alana took another sip of tea. Gallery with Rusty. Could she do that? Should she do that? “All right,” she said after a long moment. “I’d like that. How long will you be here?”
“Today and tomorrow, and then I’ll leave early the morning after that. It doesn’t give us a lot of time.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Was that good or bad? She had no idea. “I have a friend in the hospital in Denver, and I’ve been driving in to see her. You’re more than welcome to come with me—we can chat on the drive.”
“That sounds good.” Rusty leaned forward, again resting his elbows on his knees. “So, how long are we going to sit here and make polite chitchat?”
Alana raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t really timing it, but I imagine I could go on for another hour or two, as long as I keep the tea coming. You?”
He smiled. “We could do that, or we could cut through all this and really talk.”
“I don’t know if really talking is a good idea. I tend to get in trouble when I do that.”
“I doubt that. From what I hear, you’re quite the relationship expert.”
“Oh? Who said that?”
“Morgan. She and I made pretty good friends that day when she had appendicitis. We’ve had a few talks since then, mostly about you.”
“I’m not sure whether to be worried or flattered,” Alana said lightly. She tried to hide her burning cheeks behind her mug, but she doubted that worked.
“She has nothing but great things to say about you. From what I can tell, you haven’t lost your touch—you’ve just moved on from animals to people. Taking things to a higher level.”
“I’m surprised to hear you say that. You know that animals aren’t on a lower level. It’s just a different level.”
“You’re right. Again. You were always so right.” He stood up, and Alana sensed that he was agitated all of a sudden. His neck and shoulder muscles had bunched up, and there was tension in the air that hadn’t been there before. There had been awkwardness, yes, but this was different.
“Why are you here, Rusty?” she asked softly.
He didn’t answer for a long minute, and she didn’t push him. He would answer when he was ready, and she was content to wait. She didn’t want the first answer that came to his head anyway.
“I’m here to find out what could have been. Or maybe, I’m here to find out if the way things turned out is how they should have turned out.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke. Instead, his gaze remained focused on the bottles of vitamins that lined the shelf in front of him. “Have you been happy?”
Now it was Alana’s turn to pause. “At first, I was miserable. That first year . . . well, let’s just say that I learned a lot. About myself, about life, about love and relationships—I think I learned more in that one year than I have any other five years put together. Now I would say that I’m very content.”
“But not happy?”
“I have very clear and distinct moments of joy, which I think are better than happiness. Happiness comes and goes. It can change on a dime, like a popped balloon. Joy lasts. Joy is deep and meaningful. It’s watching something eternal bloom and thrive.”
Rusty nodded, finally turning to face her. “I’m glad. I . . . that night . . . you remember that night . . .”
Alana didn’t have to ask which one he meant. She remembered every second of it all too clearly, running from his office with tears streaming down her cheeks, rejection heavy on her soul.
“I felt like I broke you,” Rusty whispered.
“You did,” she whispered back. For all his good intentions, for all his desires not to hurt her, for all that he was right—she was too young, and they were worlds apart—he had broken her. And she’d been walking around with one shard of her soul missing ever since.
“I don’t know if it’s possible to fix it,” he said after a long moment. “But I’d give anything to go back and do things differently.” He ran a hand through his hair again. “But we can’t change the basic facts. You were so young. I was . . .”
“So old?” she supplied.
He laughed. “And I just keep getting older. There’s nothing we can do about that, I guess. But maybe I could have handled it differently. Maybe there was something I could have said, a different way I could have phrased it . . .”
“I don’t know if there was one,” Alana said. “I was in love with you, and you weren’t in love with me. I don’t think there’s a way in the world you could have told me that would have been easier for me to accept. But that’s just the way of it sometimes.” She lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “Everyone has to go through disappointment in their lives. It’s part of growing up, right?”
“I hate that I caused it. I hate that I did that to you. And Vince . . .” He turned around again and stared out the window. “I did that.”
“No, you didn’t. That was my choice. I’m the one who ran away. I’m the one who made a foolish decision because I was hurt and angry. My choices, Rusty. I could have done a million other things, but I didn’t. And that’s not on your head.” Before she knew it, she was on her feet, standing behind him. “You were always exactly how you should have been.” She reached out and touched his back. “Please don’t hate yourself.”
He turned, and her fingertips trailed along his shirt until they rested on the buttons in the center of his chest. She could feel his heart beating through the cotton, a metronome, and she couldn’t seem to pull her hand away. She closed her eyes, wanting to freeze this moment in time. If she never had another like this, she wanted to be able to pull out this memory and cherish it like an old love letter kept in a tin box on her dresser.
Rusty’s breath hitched, and she opened her eyes to see that he had closed his. They stood there for a long moment, and he brought his hand up and covered hers, pressing it against his chest. “I missed you,” he said at last. “I felt lost after you left.”
“But why? I had nothing to offer you. I followed you around and asked annoying questions and got in your way.”
“No! No.” He met her gaze. “You were the bright spot in my days. In fact, you were what kept me going most of the time. It wasn’t easy, trying to prove myself to all those ranchers who were used to Dr. Jensen and the way he did things. I really struggled when I first came to town. I had to combat a lot of mistrust. Having you by my side was an unexpected blessing. Not only were you able to introduce me to everyone, but you kept me calm when I wanted to lash out or quit. It was you, Alana. You got me through that rough patch.”
“I had no idea,” she said. “I knew some of the farmers were a little reluctant to try your new treatment methods, but I didn’t know how badly it affected you.”
“I came close to selling the practice several times. It would have been so easy for me to move, go somewhere else and take care of pampered lap dogs and talking parrots. But then I’d see the spark in your eyes, your excitement, and I knew I needed to forge ahead for another day. Sticking your arm up a cow’s nether regions isn’t easy, just so you know, but you made it seem like an amazing adventure.”
“It was an adventure,” she said. “You made it into one.”
He looked down to where he still held h
er hand crushed against his chest. She felt her cheeks grow warm and she made a movement as if to pull away, but he held her fast with one hand while he reached up with the other and tucked her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, tracing her cheek, and then he slid his hand behind her head and brought her closer for a hug.
She couldn’t believe it. She was finally in his arms after all this time. It wasn’t the passionate, romantic embrace she’d dreamed about when she was eighteen. She’d always pictured their eyes meeting over a sick horse and then Rusty pulling off his surgical gloves, casting them to the side, and sweeping her up for a kiss. This . . . this was so much more. She rested her head on his chest, nuzzling up next to their joined hands, and just let him hold her. He smelled like soap and sage, and she inhaled deeply. This moment. This was the one she wanted to keep treasured up in her lockbox forever.
It wasn’t until a long, beautiful moment had gone by that she realized they were in plain view of everyone walking or driving past on Main Street—she had purposely chosen this storefront because of its huge front windows. Did she care if the whole world saw Rusty holding her? No. But it wasn’t professional, and she subconsciously stiffened. Rusty must have felt the change in her because he let her go.
“I’m sorry,” he said, taking a step back. “I shouldn’t have assumed—”
“No. Stop.” She reached out and touched his arm. “Don’t apologize. You’ve just given me something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.”
He looked into her eyes and nodded. “So, where do we go from here?”
She took a deep breath. “Well, let’s start by getting you settled somewhere. Would you rather stay up at the lodge, or a bed-and-breakfast here in town?”
“Town.”
“Okay. There’s a really nice little place just around the corner from here and down two blocks that way.” She motioned in the right direction, but her eyes hadn’t left his. They seemed locked in position. “Why don’t you go check in and then meet me back here? Leave your car there—we’ll take mine to Denver.”
“Sounds good.” Even though they’d just decided that he was going to leave, he made no move to go. They just stood there, stuck in that moment, feeling each other’s closeness. Finally, Alana stepped back.
“I’ll close up the shop while you’re checking in. Give me about twenty minutes, okay?”
“All right.” Rusty gave another nod and left, and Alana exhaled. What was happening? That was the most intense conversation she’d ever had, and she was rattled to her core. Rusty had just opened a door she thought had been sealed forever, and the emotions threatened to pull her under.
She closed out her cash register, put a sign on the door, and was ready when Rusty came strolling up the sidewalk a little while later. “My car’s parked over here,” she said, gesturing, and he followed her.
“So, tell me about your friend and her condition,” he said as he buckled his seatbelt.
“Her name is Melinda, and she has cancer.” Alana paused. “I should tell you that her doctor is the man I’ve been seeing. His name is Adam Harris, and he’s a brilliant oncologist. Will it be awkward for you, meeting him?” Why was she worried about it being awkward for Rusty? It was going to be so much more than awkward for her.
“No, that’ll be fine. As long as you introduce me as a brilliant veterinarian.” Rusty grinned, and she shook her head. Some things never changed. It would be easier in a lot of ways if they did.
As they drove to Denver, Alana filled Rusty in on Melinda’s case. Rusty said he had cared for animals with cancer, so he was deeply interested in all the various aspects of her treatment. “There are some vets who specialize in animal oncology, but most tend to be general practitioners,” he said, sounding thoughtful. “I’d like to learn more about it. I wonder if Dr. Harris would mind answering some questions for me.”
“I’m sure he’d be more than happy to,” Alana replied, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. This was a bad idea. Why had she even invited Rusty to come along? Sure, he was only in town for a day and a half, but she could have sent him over to visit Morgan while she ran to Denver. Warning bells went off in her head, and she cringed. She hadn’t thought this through at all—her brain must have shut off entirely.
“Do me a favor and hand me my phone,” she said. “It’s in the side pocket of my purse.”
Rusty reached down and grabbed Alana’s purse from the floor of the car. “You’re not going to text and drive, are you?”
“I have that speech-to-text thing on my phone. No worries.” She sent a message to Adam. “Remember my friend who was coming to see me? I’m bringing him with me to visit Melinda. Be there soon.”
Rusty slid her phone back in the purse for her. “So, tell me about Dr. Harris.”
Alana pressed her lips together. This day was just getting more fun by the minute. “We met when he came into the shop to yell at me for selling herbs to his cancer patient. We’ve been seeing each other ever since.”
“That doesn’t sound like a very good start to a relationship.”
“Oh, it wasn’t. Just the opposite. But he decided to apologize, and we’ve had several good talks since then, and it’s like he’s a totally different guy.”
“That’s good. I mean, I’m glad he’s not yelling at you anymore.”
“Me too. I’ve had enough of that in my life.” Her thoughts flickered to Vince, but she pulled them back as quickly as she could. She never let herself dwell on them. That was her past. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“I’ve tried off and on, but nothing seems to stick very long. My hours are too unpredictable to maintain anything on a permanent basis.”
Alana shook her head. “I don’t believe that. If you found the right girl, there would be a way to make it work, regardless of your schedule.”
“You’re right, as always. That was just an excuse for when other things in the relationship didn’t work out. It was a handy excuse, though—less personal, less emotional.”
“Impersonal excuses are sometimes the best.” Alana navigated a tight curve in the winding canyon road, then said, “I find it hard to believe that no one wanted to settle down with you. You’re a good-looking, successful guy. What’s not to like?”
“That’s my thought exactly. I’m sort of a catch.” Rusty chuckled. “I could say the same thing about you.”
“What do you mean? I have someone.” Alana very much disliked the way her cheeks grew warm as she replied.
“Yes, but why has it taken you this long?”
“So we’ve gone from impersonal excuses to personal questions?”
Rusty held up both hands. “You’re the one who brought up the question of relationships.”
“Actually, you asked about Dr. Harris first.”
“Hmm. True. But it’s still a fair question.”
Alana exhaled. “Fine. After I got my divorce, I wasn’t very interested in seeing anyone else. I’ve dated here and there, but I haven’t been eager to jump back into a serious relationship. I was far too impetuous last time, and I don’t want to repeat that mistake.”
“But your circumstances are entirely different now. You’re older, living in a new town—there are all sorts of possibilities here.”
Alana shook her head. “My choice. Can’t make me drink this water even though you’re leading me to it.”
Rusty chuckled. “Okay, point taken. I’ll stop harassing you now.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
“And you’re right. But I’ll make a concentrated effort for at least fifteen minutes. I hope that serves as penance.”
“I’ll need to see how faithfully you keep that promise before I make any sort of judgment.”
“Fair enough.” Rusty was quiet for a minute, then asked, “How are you able to just close your shop and take off for the afternoon?”
“One of the benefits of being the owner. Plus, as you saw, I’m not exactly swarming with customers every minute. My bu
siest times are in the morning.”
She saw Rusty nod out of the corner of her eye. “Granola eaters do tend to be morning people.”
“I’d never made that connection, but you’re right. Must be all that hemp or something we throw on top of our oats.” She flashed him a grin. “Anyway, the shop does all right, and my customers have been really supportive. Many of them know Melinda and have asked me to send along their well-wishes.”
“So it’s more like a community than just customers and a store.”
“That’s right. Us granola eaters are big on community.”
“Hey, I hope you know I didn’t mean anything by calling you granola eaters. It was a compliment.”
“I didn’t take offense at all. I do enjoy a good bowl of granola once in a while.” Alana steered the car into the parking lot at the hospital and pulled into a stall. Their banter on the way in had helped calm her nerves about Adam meeting Rusty, but now that they were here, those nerves acted up again. She wasn’t sure what she expected—neither one of them were the type to pick a fight, but she knew that Adam wanted more out of their relationship, and Rusty . . . well, what did Rusty want? When he’d tried to tell her, she’d cut him off because she wasn’t ready to hear it. Maybe that had been a mistake. If she’d let him talk then, she’d know more of what to expect now.
“You’re nervous,” Rusty said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “What’s the matter?”
“Oh, you know, introducing the man I used to be in love with to the man I’m dating now. It’s really no big deal, right?” She undid her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. The universe had been trying to prepare her for something—well, the universe needed to learn the words for “get out while you can.”
“Right,” Rusty said, closing his door and joining her on the sidewalk. “No big deal at all.”
When they reached Melinda’s floor, Alana saw Adam striding toward them down the corridor, his white coat flapping. “Alana,” he greeted her, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “And this must be your friend.”
In The Stars (Main Street Merchants Book 6) Page 9