“Well, Kenny is a liar. He called me mutilated, which is just rude. I didn’t get Stoney to punch him, he did that all on his own, but he didn’t put him down long enough, in my opinion,” I snarl back before checking myself. I clear my throat lightly. “Mattie, I’ve never been a problem for you, why would I start now?” I add innocently, fluttering my lashes at him.
“Amber, maybe you came back to work too soon after the incident. You know I can’t have you provoking violence against staff here. Right now, I don’t have any other choice…you know I have to let you go,” he tells me gently. I respect the hell out of Matt, he’s always been nice to me and he’s never been a skeeze. I stare at him for a long minute, and I can feel his finality. Slowly, I jerk my chin in a nod.
“Well, if I’m no longer employed here, I’m just going to have a drink here with my side bitch, and then I will vacate the premises like my ass is on fire afterwards. Is that okay with you, Matthew?” I ask quietly. His gaze slides to Briar and he nods his consent, and I let out the breath I didn’t know I had lodged in my throat, and struggle not to cry. I slide back onto the barstool. Before I forget though, I throw out to Matt over my shoulder, “You might want to let Tara know she’s on the main stage next then. She was taking one of her regulars back for a lap dance. It’ll tickle her biscuit that she’s taking my slot.”
Matt just stares at me, then starts barking Tara’s name, which makes me smirk. Maybe he’ll find her little side business she has going on in the lap dance room. I face forward and Briar is shaking her head at me. I give her my best “Who me?” look.
“Amber, why are you even still here?” Briar asks suddenly. I look at her, slightly confused, wondering if she hit her head in the last five minutes to make her forget the conversation that just happened.
“Um, well, I’m going to get a drink from you to drown my sorrows of being fired, and then I’m making like a tree, and going home,” I tell her with raised brows. She rolls her eyes at me.
“It’s making like a tree and leaving. I meant, why were you still here working in this place, period? You never needed the money, and you got the information you originally came searching for. Why stay? I know this isn’t an enjoyable profession. You’re more than this, sweetheart, we all are. But you never belonged here, from the beginning,” Briar tells me seriously. She fills another shot glass and slides it towards me, then quickly fill hers and we cheers. I shoot it fast, and smile at the familiar burn of Jameson. My mind is racing for a good excuse.
“I’m here because I can’t imagine not being here now. I got over my modesty when I was in dance in high school, so this was a logical decision. Plus, the money isn’t bad. I might not need it, but I won’t turn my nose up at it either,” I tell her quietly.
Briar is one of the only people who gets to hear me and see me when I’m not “on.” Even she doesn’t know the full story. I love Zaydra to death, but I’m terrified it’s too late to tell her the whole truth. I startle when someone touches the back of my arm and I jerk away before I realize it’s the door guy, Lance, holding my purse up for me. Getting the hint, I rise from the stool and give Briar a wave.
“Honey, I have to call a car. I didn’t drive, so before you throw me out, let me use the phone,” I say to Lance. He looks embarrassed about having to escort me out, so he just nods. I make my way over to the employee phone, and I call a cab.
While I’m waiting for my ride, I spot Kenny in the booth with Tara and my brows furrow at the sight of them with their heads together. I let myself daydream momentarily about Tara stabbing Kenny the skeeze with her spiked heel, and with a slight smile, I allow Lance to lead me out to my waiting cab.
But not before I turn around and yell, “Kenny!” As his head jerks up, I flip him double birds. “At least I can have plastic surgery for my scars, there’s no cure for a tiny penis. Too bad all your dick is in your personality and not in your pants. Suck my big toe!”
As Lance pulls me out the door, I turn to give him a sheepish smile and he chuckles, winking at me. I blow him a kiss and climb in my cab.
Chapter Three: Amber
I’m having a swamp creature day. Every girl should have these days, where you don’t do anything but the bare necessities. I’ve washed my face and brushed my teeth, but even that took almost all my energy. After being fired yesterday, I decided today, I’m officially doing nothing. I make my way to my couch in the rattiest pink terry cloth robe I own, ignoring the buzzing of my cell phone, and I plop down. I grab my laptop to watch some Netflix, and just as I’m about to cue up some crime show, there’s a knock at my door. Grunting to myself, I’m curious as to why Jeffrey, the doorman, didn’t call before sending someone up. I stride towards the door, look through the peephole, and squeal. I jerk open the door and Zaydra is standing there with wine and chocolate. I swear, if I were a lesbian, this girl would be my soulmate. I quickly grab her wrist and pull her inside. After I shut the door, I throw myself at my best friend, who hugs me awkwardly, thanks to her hands being full.
“I see you were in the middle of preparing to scare small children,” Zaydra says drolly as she takes in my appearance. “Why are you cosplaying the creature from the black lagoon?” She winks and I just stick my tongue out at her, then take the candy and wine from her and pile it on my coffee table.
“Sweets, you’re lucky I don’t swing your way because I’m feeling a particularly ‘it puts the lotion on its skin’ type of way with you right now,” I tell her, blowing her a kiss. “Where is your sexier half?”
I crane my head to look behind her and she mockingly acts hurt, then busies herself grabbing wine glasses for us.
“Are you avoiding the topic, sweets? You wanna tell Auntie Ambie all about it? What happened, did he come too quick? Lord, protect us from half-a-pump chumps!” I call to her jokingly. She returns with one glass, a somber face, and a slight quiver to her lip. I immediately grow serious. “Zaydra, honey, what’s wrong? Is the living together thing not working out? You can move back in, in a heartbeat! You need to tell me.”
My concern grows the longer she stays quiet. I fill the glass with wine and hold it out to her.
“I’m pregnant,” Zaydra announces quietly. I quickly withdraw my arm and start pouring the wine back into the bottle. She’s staring at me as if I grew a third nipple right in front of her eyes. I set the cup aside and start drinking straight from the bottle. She laughs with tears in her eyes.
“Okay, and did you not want a baby? Is that why you’re upset?” She shakes her head at me. “Then what is it?” I urge.
She holds one hand on her belly. “It’s just really soon. Collin and I haven’t been together that long. I’m in college. I’m excited, but I don’t know if he will be. He still has nightmares about Cammie all the time. Not even mentioning the fact that my nightmares won’t leave me alone,” Zaydra rushes out. I shake my head at her and take another sip—glug—of my wine.
“We both know that’s not true. Collin loves the hell out of you; I’ve never seen a man more devoted than he is to you. What is this really about, sweets, something is weighing heavily on you, and I want you to tell me.”
She stares at me for a long moment before I see a tear drop slide down her cheek, and I take her hands in mine.
“What if I’m a bad parent? My father was normal until my mom died, and then he had a mental breakdown. What if something happens to Collin? What if I can’t be a mom? Mine died when I was young, I have no idea what I’m doing!” Zaydra tells me between light sobs. I place my hands on either side of her face and make her look at me. I start deep breathing and motion for her to follow. It takes her a full minute to actually start mimicking the movement but after another three, she finally starts to calm down, and slowly I let go of her face.
“You’re going to be a wonderful mom, Zaydra. Just look how you are with Cammie and all of the other girls at the charity. You have more of a maternal instinct than anyone else I’ve met. We are not our parents. If we were, I would be a paranoid
schizophrenic or an alcoholic, and I’m neither. You have too much goodness and light inside of you to ever be a bad parent. Nothing is going to happen to Collin, unless he decides to move my dildo collection again. Then I might murder him!” I tell her with a serious face. She gives me a watery smile and a tight hug. After a long minute, she pulls back, and I decide to start my interrogation. “So, how did this happen?”
“Well, Amber, you see, when two people love each other very much…” she deadpans. I just roll my eyes at her.
“All right, Miss Comedienne, I know how sex works and where babies come from. I meant, I thought you were on birth control? How far along are you?” I inquire delicately. Zaydra seems like she’s in an emotional state right now, so I’m trying to tread lightly. I’ve been told I have all the gracefulness and sensitivity of a bull in a china shop.
“I can’t be more than a month or two along. I’ve never been on birth control, we usually use a condom or if we get caught up, he pulls out.”
“Ah, the spray and pray method. Obviously, it’s not ole trusty anymore, huh?” I tell her with a wink. She glares at me for a moment and then we both crack up. I stand and head to the kitchen to grab a crazy straw and stick it in the wine bottle. When I come back into my living room, Zaydra raises her eyebrows at me.
“What, it’s not like you’re drinking it; I might as well enjoy it the best way possible. Drinking through a crazy straw makes me really feel like I have my life together, even when I don’t,” I explain. She sagely nods her understanding.
“What gives, babes? Now that my ginormous news is out of the way, what’s with the swamp creature? Briar called and told me to come over bearing empathy gifts. The wine was for you and the chocolate is for my pregnant ass,” Zaydra needles me lightly. I take another sip—gulp—of my wine and debate on what to tell her. I feel torn, with wanting to come clean to my best friend, or to stay the course like I’ve been ordered to do.
I decide on the truth. “Detective Stone just came to Dark Angels and pretty much got me fired after he defended me to one of the creeps I work with. So, now I have to look for a new job, and dancing jobs in this city are not easy to come by. Every stripper has to have an act now; you can’t just dance well and have a nice body. I feel like I have to go on America’s Got Talent just to get naked and have men throw money at me. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know why Stoney can’t just leave me alone. I asked him nicely, I didn’t even knee him in the balls. Which was incredibly nice of me. And to top it off, my chest is really hurting lately. The skin feels stretched tight from the scars.” I can’t bring myself to tell her the whole truth in case she hates me, and I can’t afford to put everything I’ve worked towards in jeopardy. I rub my chest over the scars because at least that part is completely true.
“Amber, my love, you realize Ryan is not going to leave you alone until you actually talk to him. He feels guilty about what happened to you. Hell, I still feel guilty about what happened. You forgave me; you need to forgive him too. He is a mess because of all the guilt he feels. Collin told me he’s calling him asking for help, and that he had to take time off work because he couldn’t focus. Just put the man out of his misery and have one conversation. That way you can both move on, if that’s what you want. It’s been months,” Zaydra reveals. I ponder her words while I polish off the bottle of wine. Feeling significantly tipsy, I grin at her, causing her to smirk at me.
“Fine, I’ll text him if it gets you off my back. Your pregnancy weight is causing my back to hurt, but after I text him, we’re watching Abducted in Plain Sight. No arguments,” I grunt, to which she playfully smacks me. I pull out my iPhone, ignoring the missed calls, and scroll through the contacts until I find “Stonewall Me Jackson,” and I type out a text with one eye closed to help me center myself. My head feels nice and floaty now.
Since I know you’re never gonna leave me alone, you stalker, we will have one conversation. If you’re available to talk, tomorrow at the Starbucks on Olive Street. Preferably in the afternoon so I can get my beauty sleep. Kaythanksbye.
I hit send, drop my phone to my lap, and glance at Zaydra, who is watching me like a hawk. “There, done,” I announce smugly, proud of myself for keeping it so casual with a man who makes my lady bits come alive. My phone chooses this moment to buzz right on my vagina, and I swear I jolt out of my skin. Thank God for actual vibrators, because with that one shock, I’m going to let one of my vibrators get to know me biblically later. Picking my phone up, my heart beats faster when I see he’s texted me back. I look over at Zaydra’s grinning face. “Shut up, hoebag,” I mutter crankily as I swipe to read the message.
Sounds good. I’m glad you agreed to talk to me. I’ll see you at 3, if that works?
I type back carefully, not wanting the alcohol to inhibit my response, or to let my lady bits control the texting, which they’re trying to do.
Three works for me. See you tomorrow, Stoney.
There, perfectly nonchalant. I hiccup slightly and I sit back, satisfied, when the phone buzzes again in my hand. I fumble it slightly, the alcohol making my reactions slower.
I look forward to it, Amber, and by the way, you don’t need beauty sleep, you’re always breathtakingly beautiful.
I swear vehemently and shove my phone at Zaydra. “Hide that thing from me so I don’t booty call Stoney. Nothing is worse than rejection by Detective Hotlips. I’ve endured it enough, and I don’t think I can take it while I’m tipsy and angry with him,” I exclaim. She graciously takes my phone and sticks it under her ass so I can’t get it from her. She busts into a chocolate bar and smiles at me with a mouth full of chocolate. I’m struck again by the fact that she’s going to be a mother. “You’re gonna be a mom, Zaydra.” I breathe out, and this time, she smiles and nods happily, with a tinge of fear.
“I am, aren’t I?” she whispers, and continues munching on her chocolate bar, lost in thought.
“I better be the godmother. Briar can back off, and if it’s a girl, you can name her after me. And if it’s a boy, you can still name him after me,” I reply with a wink. She rolls her eyes at me and pulls me in close.
“Hush, crazy pants. Cue up the crime stories that you love so much,” Zaydra tells me with a quick hug. I pull up Netflix on my TV and start the show, not realizing this was exactly what I needed. A bestie drunk Netflix day. Well, me drunk with her binging on chocolate. I snuggle down as the credits start.
Chapter Four: Ryan
I only have a couple more days left of vacation time, and I’m extremely glad Amber is finally going to talk to me. The last couple of months have been hell. I had to face some very tough realizations and I had to live with myself after. It didn’t help that the job was constant. Another bad fucker providing drugs to kids, people pimping out kids, others ending up dead, and I have to clean up the mess and find the bad guys. Working in the Narcotics division is not where I thought I’d end up when I got out of the military, but I climbed ranks fast in the force and there was an opening in that department, because drugs are so prevalent in this city.
As cliché as it sounds, all I wanted to do was protect and serve—and I can’t even do that right. Amber is a prime example. I brought her along months ago, thinking it could help Collin. I didn’t even consider the fact she could get hurt. That I would fail to protect her, and now she carries the scars of that fact for the rest of her life. Hell, if I were her, I’d never talk to me again.
I rub my temples as I walk briskly to the Starbucks on Olive. I’m not even paying attention when I nearly mow over Zaydra. I quickly steady her with my hands on her shoulders. She smiles at me after she loses the startled look, and I quickly check my pockets because I love her and my best friend, but I’m not going to forget how they met. Her smile turns mischievous when she takes in my movements, and she crosses her arms over her chest.
“What’s the matter, Ryan, lose something?” she asks with a wink. We must look comical, standing in the middle of the street with me glaring at her and ch
ecking my pockets as she smiles at me.
“No, love, I like to check my pockets whenever you’re around, just in case. Miguel said you like to steal things, just to prove a point, and we both know if you get a hankering, you’re going to do it and Collin will think it’s cute. Not me though. Stay away from my wallet, woman,” I tell her with a mock growl. She knows I love her to death, and I’m happy for her and Collin, even if I’m slightly envious.
“Now, why in the world would I want to steal your wallet, Ryan? We both know I don’t need the expired condoms you carry or the business card for a doctor who specializes in male enhancement pills.” She blows me a kiss as I stand there, staring at her with a slightly open mouth. I swear, sometimes I feel envy for my friend, then Zaydra opens her mouth and I feel extremely grateful I’m not attached. She reaches up and pats me lightly on the chest, and I scowl down at her.
“What are you even doing here? I’m here meeting Amber, not both of you,” I bite out crankily, and look past her into the Starbucks window where I see Amber talking animatedly on the phone. It raises my inner flags, and I’m wondering who she’s talking to so fiercely when Zaydra brings me back to the conversation with a snap of her fingers. I blink rapidly and look back at her. She’s staring at me with narrowed eyes.
“I was making sure she actually followed through and met with you. I was just about to leave when you plowed into me like a Mack truck. She’s a little hungover, and a lot nervous. You throw her off her game, Ryan. For the life of me, I don’t know why you two don’t bump uglies and get it over with,” she says, exasperated. I tilt my head with an annoyed look of my own and she just shrugs her shoulders. “Butt out, I get it. Collin wants you to come over in the next couple of days, but I have to go, I have class in an hour.” She looks down at her watch and then gives me a quick wave before bolting. I shake my head at my best friend’s girl.
Wannabe: An Against The Odds Novel Page 3