One Crazy Rescue (Apocalypse Paused Book 8)

by Michael Todd

  “Hey,” Gunnar said loudly enough for Kessler to jerk awake and snarl at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

  “Leave him be,” Peppy said.

  “I thought you hated this guy. Have you grown a soft spot for mad scientists or something?” he asked.

  “No, but he probably has a soft spot for them.” Peppy gestured back in the direction from which they had come. The hyenamites had caught up to them, and the pack had grown in both size and ferocity. “Between the ribs.”

  “We are but insects in the cosmic scheme,” Kessler shouted around the drool, his mouth and face still stained from the zomberries.

  The creatures barreled into the clearing. “Did someone forget to feed them or something?” Gunnar opened fire and killed three with his initial volley of fire before they scattered. They didn’t retreat, however, and only circled behind the soldiers to force Gunnar to stop shooting or risk killing the people they’d rescued.

  “Maybe they’re sick of regurgitated body parts.” Peppy tracked the hyenamites in her sights and fired shots when she could. She killed another two of the creatures, but Ava could already tell that wouldn’t be enough.

  The creatures numbered close to forty now, and they were obviously pissed. Did they understand what was happening? That this was their last chance before their food escaped into the air? Had Kessler somehow signaled them?

  “Perfect! I thought our escape was looking too easy. Let them smelly crotch-dwellers have it.” Manny slid into the pilot’s seat and motioned for Ava to join him.

  She scrambled into the helicopter, careful on the now precarious landing gear. He flipped switches and checked gauges way too rapidly for her to follow. His checks evidently complete, he gestured to a lever on the ceiling.

  “Air compressor. Get this baby to ten-fifteen percent, then add fuel and get that to sixty so this bloke can be self-sustaining.” He pushed on the lever and a dull whine filled the cockpit. Whatever he did, it was working.

  Manny moved another lever forward. The aircraft’s blades began to spin—slowly at first, but already getting faster.

  “All aboard,” he yelled over his shoulder. “Next stop, anywhere but here.”

  The soldiers clambered into the helicopter as quickly as they could while Estevez guided them up the unsecured landing gear.

  Ava tried to count them all. Six, seven, eight…shouldn’t there be nine soldiers? And where was Lieutenant Cort?

  Something exploded and the helicopter’s rotors immediately slowed.

  “God damn shit-fucking arseholes don’t know a helicopter from a remote-control car.”

  “What was that?” Ava said.

  “Not good, mate, not good. I probably shouldn’t have taken that regulator out—”

  “Taken what out?”

  Manny rolled out his seat and dashed for the engine. “God damn birds don’t know what’s good for them.” Despite Ava distinctly remembering Manny saying something to the contrary, he began to remove even more parts from the helicopter.

  But it would be okay, she told herself and tried not to panic. The hyenamites couldn’t get into the helicopter, and Gunnar and Peppy could dispatch those who attacked Manny’s legs as he further dismantled their only way out of here.

  This was only a hiccup. They would get out of there.

  If only she believed that.

  At least this gave her time to finish the headcount. After that, Manny would work his customary magic and they’d only have to face a flock of locusts, then they’d be home.

  Or, of course, it would all end in a quick and painful death.

  Ava looked for the missing soldier and tried to count the press of bodies crammed into the helicopter when suddenly, the idea of home seemed much further away.

  Movement caught her eye and she froze as the constrictadile emerged from the depths of the Zoo.

  It didn’t look happy.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “We gotta go, Manny!” Gunnar said over a long burst of gunfire. It didn’t slow the reptile, not even remotely.

  “Five more minutes,” Manny replied in a sing-song voice.

  The soldiers screamed and tried to back away from the constrictadile as it slithered toward the helicopter.

  “No, not again!” Mathers yelled at the creature through her tears. “We won’t come to you.”

  She seemed to do better than most. Estevez had curled in the fetal position, his hands pressed to the sides of his head like a kid hiding from monsters in the dark.

  “What’s wrong with them?” Gunnar shouted.

  “You’ve never been faced with death and suffering from the stumpy hands of a monster you once worshipped?” Peppy asked coolly as she released a short barrage at the approaching threat and only pissed it off even more.

  “No, I can’t say that I have.”

  “I didn’t know you’d never been in love,” she responded.

  “I have too been in love, and if that’s what you think of it, you need some damn relationship advice.”

  “How much time we got Manny?” Ava hollered.

  “Did I already say five minutes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, shit. Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m fucking sure.”

  “Then four minutes.”

  They needed more time. If the constrictadile made it to the helicopter, it would take only a flick of its tail to damage the rotors and the only question in everyone’s future would be how they’d most like to be devoured.

  Ava flung herself out of the chopper. She felt like a fool, but if the soldiers had been willing to sacrifice their lives for the mission, she was too. It wasn’t like the whole world was relying on her or anything. No pressure.

  “Ava, get back up here,” Gunnar said. He and Peppy stopped firing.

  “Three minutes.” Ava snatched a rock up and chunked it at the serpent—a lucky shot that struck the eye. Or unlucky, she realized. The snake turned and dragged its massive girth toward her with its two stumpy arms. She found a handy branch and brandished it boldly.

  “Hey, you wannabe cold-blooded killer. Do you know what I’ve done with one these? I’ve killed things far scarier than you, that’s what. A snake and a crocodile? That’s weak. I killed a bat-wolf that hated mushrooms!”

  Apparently, the constrictadile didn’t like being compared to the werepire because it maintained its course in pursuit.

  “Shit!” Ava knew they’d needed time but hadn’t really thought what to do if her half-cooked plan was successful.

  She glanced hastily around the clearing—maybe she could use the terrain to her advantage—and spotted Cort who was untying Kessler from the rock. No wonder her headcount had come up short.

  The lieutenant gestured to some of the soldiers on the helicopter. To Ava’s shock, they obeyed, but it could possibly have been because the constrictadile was distracted. Three of them scrambled down and raced over to help drag the scientist to the helicopter. He fought against them like a madman, but they managed to keep him moving.

  Ava realized her sacrifice might actually be worth something. Too bad the thought didn’t exactly fill her with joy. The reptile still serpentined toward her but suddenly, it stopped and coiled its massive tail. What was it doing?

  Its massive head rocketed forward, powered by the massive coils of muscle.

  She barely managed to dodge and dove into the brush as the snake narrowly missed her. If it had struck, she’d probably be unconscious.

  The monster scratched at her with one of its stumpy legs but she scrambled away. The enormous tail blocked her path. With a loud expletive, she pushed up and changed direction, but another wall of snake coiled into a scaled barrier. The creature had begun to encircle her, preparing to crush her like a mouse.

  She could no longer see its head, only coils like sinuous walls that wound around her and slowly grew closer and tighter. Finally, she saw its head. It blocked the blue sky behind it and the monster opened its jaws. It wouldn’t crush her like a m
ouse but swallow her first and crush her as it had done to its earlier victims.

  Her inevitable death drew closer and she almost closed her eyes, except a part of her seemed trapped in a kind of eerie fascination. At the moment when she truly believed the end had come, a rock thudded against the constrictadile’s head.

  It flinched but only slightly, then another rock struck it and it hissed in response. Another solid wallop was soon followed by a fourth. Then bullets…and a grenade?

  The coils unwound as the creature turned to face this new threat. Ava, quite wisely, raced the other way.

  When she cleared the snake’s body, she actually stood for a moment in shock. Peppy and Gunnar fired at the reptile, but more surprisingly, the soldiers attacked also. Most threw rocks but someone had pried open one of the crates they’d dumped off the helicopter and now passed guns out.

  That was where the grenade had come from.

  “Get out of here, you stupid aliconda,” Gunnar bellowed.

  The soldiers cheered and immediately hurled stones and obscenities. Those with weapons fired at the constrictadile’s underbelly instead of its face. That seemed to have an effect as for the first time, the monster retreated a little.

  Ava wasted no time. She could see the wisdom in sacrifice—necessary sacrifice—but there was nothing to be gained from her being eaten by a retreating snake. She sprinted for the helicopter and grinned like a fool as the rotors began to spin.

  “That was pretty fucking stupid,” Manny yelled from the pilot’s seat, but he smiled even more broadly than Ava did. That was high praise, coming from the crazy Australian.

  She noticed the copilot’s chair had been removed and climbed into the back of the helicopter along with the soldiers. Gunnar and Peppy guarded their retreat, but the constrictadile didn’t seem to have any inclination for pursuit. Had they really won? Had her willingness to sacrifice herself inspired the troops and terrified the beast?

  Clarity came as she focused on the massive creature. The constrictadile hadn’t retreated. It had simply chosen an easier meal.

  In the commotion, Kessler had broken free from the soldiers who’d tried to get him into the helicopter. He sprinted directly toward the monster’s open mouth.

  “No!” Lieutenant Cort screamed. “Dr. Kessler, no!” He took a step toward him like he thought to give chase, but the constrictadile lunged forward and swallowed the scientist in a single bite.

  Only then did it resume its attack on the helicopter.

  Chapter Twenty

  “That piece of crap scientist really is worthless!” Manny yelled from the pilot’s seat. “That’s a stupid thing he just did—really fucking stupid.”

  “And now he’ll be constrictadile pellet. Woe is the world. Now let’s fly,” Gunnar demanded.

  “We’ll never stop the Zoo now,” Cort said, cold dread in his voice.

  The words sent a shiver of fear through Ava. The lieutenant had never seemed especially brave. Now, after losing Kessler, he seemed more concerned about the mission than he did about not being eaten by a giant freaky snake monster big enough to demolish the helicopter with a single strike of its tail.

  Manny cursed, shoved the controls away from him, and stood from the pilot’s’ seat. “She’s all yours Ava. She’ll feel different, like a fish with a fat belly instead of a sea turtle if you get me.”

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “That was some really stupid shit you did back there. Like abominably stupid. Then Kessler, a damn lab-man, runs out there and acts like he’s the king of terrible ideas. I have a reputation to maintain.” The pilot grabbed Gunnar’s gun.

  “Don’t do this, mate,” Gunnar said and held fast to the rifle.

  “Heh. Everyone’s stealing my lines today,” Manny said. “Rule number six. If it works, snatch it.” He yanked the weapon out of the other man’s grip. Gunnar released it and Peppy put a hand on his shoulder.

  “Don’t worry, Manny. Whatever happens, I’ll remember you as being way more stupid than Ava.”

  “Thanks, you heartless monster, that means a lot to me,” he retorted and hopped from the helicopter. “Get a move on,” he yelled, looked back at them once, and ran toward the constrictadile with his gun blazing.

  Ava looked at Manny, at all the soldiers in the helicopter, and finally, at Peppy and Gunnar and Cort. She cursed silently and sat in the pilot’s seat. Seriously, she was really sick of sacrifice.

  “Hey, you fucking T-Rex wannabe. Where’d you get those arms? It looks like they stopped evolving about sixty-five million years ago.”

  The constrictadile hissed. Manny shot it in the face.

  “You don’t like politics? Fine. Was your mama the crocodile or your daddy, you ugly piece of shit? Because I want to know which side of the family is responsible for the war crimes committed on your hideous face.” More gunshots erupted. The reptile reared up and flicked its tail threateningly.

  The pilot dodged as the enormous tail swung overhead. It struck one of the crates they’d jettisoned from the helicopter with enough force to smash it to splinters.

  “I don’t want your tail, you uncoordinated worm. I want you to eat me. Haven’t you seen that movie about the American blokes? Secret Service Dressed in Black or some shit? Eat me up, you goddamn salamander. Is that too much to ask?”

  The constrictadile swung its tail and tried to smash the man, but he dodged, moved forward, and fired another furious barrage to further enrage the monster.

  “You ain’t gonna get me with that, you damn aliconda. I was a jump rope champion six years running. Ain’t no one can jump a rope like me, even a big fat one like you have growing from your neck. Now, I have a Goddamn reputation to maintain, so do me a favor and go for seconds.”

  The creature pulled back, opened its mouth to hiss, then opened it more and more to unhinge its jaw.

  In a split second, it swallowed Manny whole.

  “Holy shit!” Gunnar yelled.

  “That was seriously fucking stupid,” Peppy said.

  The constrictadile flopped to the ground. For a moment, Ava thought it was satiated and would return to the jungle. Instead, it focused its unblinking eyes on the helicopter and moved forward. It was so huge that swallowing two men didn’t even satisfy its hunger.

  The soldiers screamed. Gunnar and Peppy screamed. Cort screamed louder than everyone. Ava bit back her own terror. She had to get the helicopter off the ground. They’d come back for Manny. He’d…he’d do it. Somehow, he’d defeat a snake that had ignored hundreds of bullets. She simply had to keep their escape plan from being destroyed and get the fucking helicopter off the ground. Carefully, she pulled back on the collective, but something was wrong…the engine wasn’t primed or something? Did she need to increase the airflow, or—

  The reptile lunged at them but its strike fell short.

  Ava tugged on the collective, but the helicopter refused to rise.

  Her hands stilled against the controls as the constrictadile knotted its tail. She didn’t remember it doing that before it struck last time.

  It whipped its tail a few times before it turned and bit its own body. The armored scales were so strong it didn’t bleed, so it moved its head back and forth and sawed at itself with its teeth.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Gunnar shouted, but Ava could hear a note of hope in his voice. She felt it too.

  The monster contorted again, jerked convulsively, and struck at its own body. Ava eased off on the collective. She couldn’t leave, not yet.

  The monster spasmed and twitched. It gnawed repeatedly at itself in an effort to penetrate its own scales. The massive muscles tightened, and it chewed at its side one final time, desperately trying to stop whatever was hurting it, before it fell still.

  “Ava!” Gunnar yelled. She had already eased off on the controls. The helicopter settled fully on its support with an uneasy clank and she suddenly remembered that they’d disconnected the landing gear. If she’d actually managed to lift
the helicopter, it would’ve fallen free and she’d have been unable to land.

  And she wouldn’t have been able to investigate what the hell was going on with the constrictadile.

  She adjusted the controls of the helicopter to hopefully leave it running so they’d be able to escape quickly.

  Ava almost fell out of the aircraft in her haste and approached the creature. Despite it being completely still with its eyes open and tongue lolling out, it still possessed an aura of terror. She took a cautious step forward and waited for the monster to move while she prayed hard that it wouldn’t. Nothing had happened to disturb it yet, so she held her breath and continued her approach.

  “Are you trying to see who’s dumber or something?” Gunnar yelled from the helicopter. Ava ignored him.

  She walked around and stopped at its head. Its mouth was slightly open with the forked tongue out. Even the size of the tongue spoke to how huge it was— longer than her arm and forked in two pieces as thick as rope.

  She kicked its nose tentatively.

  The constrictadile flinched.

  Ava screamed and jumped backward.

  The enormous head jerked to the side, then the other way, and slowly opened its mouth wider and wider. She stared in horror, frozen in a mixture of disbelief and fascination, until it spoke.

  “Get me the fuck out of this thing. It smells worse than a newborn kangaroo in here.”

  The mouth opened further. Ava wedged a hand under the top jaw and pushed, careful to avoid the teeth. Manny appeared in the ghastly aperture.

  He was smeared with whitish slime and had a nasty line of gashes across his head—from the teeth probably. His skin, what little of it wasn’t covered in slime, was bright red like he’d been sunburned. He crawled forward and dragged something behind him.

  Ava pushed the mouth of the constrictadile open even wider. Instinctively, she reached for Manny but immediately recoiled. He smelled horrible. Once out of the reptile’s throat and fully in its mouth, he stood, turned his back to her, and hauled Dr. Kessler out behind him. He dragged the man’s body clear and Ava let its jaw drop shut.