She read the newspaper for a while and found herself getting sleepy. She ended up putting down the paper and curling up. She awoke a little while later to feel herself being lifted from the chair. She looked up as she was laid down on the bed. Joe smiled down at her. “You looked uncomfortable,” he said, and lay down next to her on his side, his arm resting casually across her stomach. His face was just above her, and she turned her head so that she faced him, her cheek just under his. She could feel his breath tickling her skin. They fell asleep close together.
The sun was setting when Randy stirred. She moved carefully, remembering where she was. She knew how easily Joe was awoken. But it was already too late; when she looked up at him, his light blue eyes were looking back at her.
“How do you do that?” Randy asked, exasperated.
“In the business we’re in, it becomes a survival instinct,” he said. Randy noted his use of the word “we,” and she wondered if he had meant to include her or if he was referring to himself and FORS.
“We?” she asked, wanting to satisfy the curiosity.
“Yeah,” Joe said. “Me, Rick, Midnight, and…” He looked at her. “You.”
Randy smiled, feeling suddenly wonderful. She could still have him and be a cop. “What made you change your mind?”
Joe shrugged. “I didn’t have a choice, did I? I’m not saying that I like it, because I still don’t, but someone told me recently that I needed to let you go your own way.”
“Who was that?” Randy asked, surprised that he’d listened to anyone about this particular subject.
“A friend, up in Sacramento,” Joe said quietly. Something had changed in his eyes all of a sudden, but Randy was anxious to get things back on track. Impulsively, she kissed him. After a few moments, she felt his hand tighten at her waist, and he dragged her closer. Their lips melted together, and once again Randy remembered the feel of him, and her own reactions to that feeling. Suddenly, though, Joe was pulling away, shaking his head.
“Randy, wait,” he said, his voice rough with reigned-in desire. “I can’t do this, not now.”
“What? Why?” Randy felt spurned, and angry about it.
“Look.” Joe sat up, leaning against the headboard and looking down at her. “There’s something you need to know.” He didn’t sound apologetic, but she could already tell it was not going to be a nice conversation.
Randy sat up too, unconsciously putting a few extra feet between them. She had become wary, sure she wasn’t going to like what he was going to tell her. Maybe it was about his “friend” in Sacramento, she thought.
“Okay,” she said, taking a deep breath and blowing it out.
“About a week and a half ago, I called Midnight, and she told me about you and Dick.” He looked straight into her eyes, and she felt belatedly guilty. She lowered her eyes. “Anyway,” he continued, resting his head back against the headboard and staring up at the ceiling. “I spent the next few days climbing inside a bottle, and pretty much enjoying it.” He paused and looked at her again, his eyes accusing, his pain at her betrayal clear.
“Joe,” Randy started to say, not sure what she could tell him that would make any difference now, but he was shaking his head at her.
“I’m not looking for an apology now, Randy. Nothing can change what’s happened, but you need to know it all.”
“Okay, so what is all of it?” Randy asked, once again sounding a lot like his partner.
“Midnight ended up coming up to Sacramento to drag me out of the hole I’d crawled into. She told me then that she was pregnant.” When he paused again, Randy started to shake her head, thinking he was telling her the child was his.
“Joe, I don’t think I want to hear this. I mean, if you got your partner pregnant, then—”
“Jesus Christ, Randy!” Joe said angrily. “You really do think Midnight and I slept together while you and I were still together.”
“Didn’t you?” Randy asked, her voice indicating that she thought the question was rhetorical.
Joe looked at her for a long moment, shaking his head slowly. “Would you believe me either way?” he said softly.
“Doubtful,” Randy said. Her expression seemed to be closing him out.
“Well, it’s a moot point anyway. I don’t have to convince you. She and I spent some time together up there and—”
“And you slept together,” Randy said triumphantly.
Joe shook his head. “Does that make you happy? Or does it just make you feel less guilty?” His words struck her, momentarily knocking down her bravado.
“So what you’re telling me,” she said, her face a mask of anger and cynicism, “is you won’t sleep with me now because you won’t cheat on her?” Randy couldn’t believe this was happening. Her husband wouldn’t cheat on his girlfriend with her, his wife.
“What I’m saying,” Joe said calmly, not rising to the bait, “is that I don’t know where she and I stand right now. I don’t know that she’s not depending on me to be there for her, and I can guarantee you I will be.”
“Yes, you always are, aren’t you?”
“And you knew about Midnight and me when you and I got together,” Joe retorted, his voice turning to ice.
“Yes, but I guess I didn’t realize she would come before me.”
“No one ever came before you, Randy,” he said very seriously.
“Well, she certainly came right after me now, didn’t she?” Randy said, emphasizing the word crudely.
“Yeah,” Joe said, nodding. “You could say that. She was there for me—and just where were you at that point?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Oh, so I slept with someone and you had to do the same. What, does that make us even? Does it make you right?”
“Randy, you chose the direction of your life—I didn’t force you into it. You managed to convince yourself that something was going on between Midnight and me so you could walk out on me. You were wrong, it’s that simple. Now whether you believe it or not, it’s not my place to prove it. You have to make your own decisions and live your own life. Just make sure you’re the one who’s in charge, not the guy you’re screwing or the broad you’re living with.”
Randy was taken aback by his harsh words. He didn’t usually use such crude terms around her. She hadn’t realized until that moment how differently he had always treated her. She’d never heard the vulgarity he was capable of; he’d always treated her like a lady. And a child, she thought angrily.
“I see,” she said. “So now you get Midnight, which is probably what you wanted all along anyway.”
Joe shook his head, disbelief evident on his face. “I think that Jess is right. You’re seeing what you want to see, so you can justify your own actions.”
“Who’s Jess?” Randy asked, grabbing at straws, starting to realize that the house of cards she had built her rebellion on was falling apart fast.
“She’s a police officer up in Sacramento. She helped out at the academy class I was teaching.”
“I see,” Randy said, in a way that indicated what she thought Jessica had helped out with.
Joe gave her a disgusted look. “You know, Randy, those people you’re hangin’ out with are turning you into a real bitch.”
“No,” Randy countered, “they’ve just made me open my eyes to reality, and shown me that my knight in shining armor is no more than a normal man on a mule.” Her eyes were flashing then, and Joe couldn’t even imagine who she was anymore.
Shaking his head, he stood up and walked out of the room. Randy sat on the bed, trying desperately to hang on to her anger, but the tears came unbidden to her eyes. She was mad at herself, she was mad at Dick, she was even mad at Sarah for all the shit they’d been telling her. She had wanted to believe it—Joe was right. She had almost been desperate to believe what they had told her. It seemed to make sense at the time. Joe had slept with Midnight after all, she reminded herself—but it had been after the fact. She wondered then if her misplaced anger had
been caused by her guilt. She wasn’t sure if Midnight had been telling the truth when she claimed she didn’t remember what had happened to her. Randy couldn’t see a reason why she would lie. Maybe her nasty look at Randy had just been anger over Joe and her being together. Randy knew she was in a really bad spot, but she didn’t know what to do to stop it.
Eventually, Joe came back into the room. Randy was still facing the headboard, so he didn’t see the tears in her eyes. When she heard him, she hastily wiped them away.
“Let’s go, I want to get back to the hospital,” he said, his voice emotionless. Randy wanted to try to talk to him again, but one look at his face told her he was in no mood to listen to any more of her explanations. In retrospect, she couldn’t exactly blame him.
The ride back to the hospital was quiet, much like the ride to the house had been, but this time it was more of a hostile silence. When they arrived, Joe got out of the car and walked inside without a glance back. Randy stood staring after him, knowing she had just gone leagues in the exact opposite direction that she had hoped to go that afternoon.
She got into Sarah’s Camaro and drove off, heading back to the apartment. Her mind whirled around the conversation she’d had with Joe, trying to make sense of it. She realized she was in the wrong, but she didn’t want that to be true. She kept looking for something to hold on to, to make her feel better about her decisions. She clung to the knowledge that in the end she had been right, that Joe had slept with Midnight.
Chapter 6
Midnight remained in the hospital, recovering from the attack that had killed her unborn child and almost taken her life. Rick was doing his best to be there for her, although she wasn’t making that easy. He suspected that Midnight had known her assailant, regardless of whether or not she could remember who it was, so he wanted to be on his guard and stick close to her. He knew he’d made a lot of mistakes in the past few weeks, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t love his headstrong wife.
Rick had just dropped his parents off at a local hotel. They had come in from England earlier in the day, and he wanted them to rest a bit from their trip. He was just walking back into the hospital when he noticed Phil Griffin in the waiting room. Rick walked over to the head of the Bureau of Narcotic Enforcement’s San Diego regional office. They shook hands, neither of them mentioning the issues that had been between them in the past few months.
“How’s she doing?” Phil asked.
“You haven’t seen her?” Rick said, surprised.
“No.” Phil shook his head, eyeing the other man. “I thought I should wait and talk to you. I didn’t want to presume too much.” It was clear from Phil’s voice that he knew about Rick’s previous accusations about him and Midnight sleeping together.
Rick’s face changed. Looking very apologetic, he said, “Look, man, I’m sorry about all that shit.” He clapped Phil on the back. “You’re a good friend of hers, and I know she’d want to see you. Come on.”
When Rick opened the door to Midnight’s room, he was surprised to see Tom Ryan sitting next to her. They were talking, and Midnight looked more alert.
Ryan glanced up at the two men as they entered the room. The look he gave Rick was measured, and Rick knew that Tom knew about what had been going on between him and Midnight. He was surprised at how uncomfortable it made him feel. Tom Ryan was like a father to Midnight, although they hadn’t seen a lot of him lately, because he had finally gotten married again. After an extra moment’s hesitation, Tom extended his hand to Rick. Rick took it, nodding to the older man, as if accepting his disapproval of his actions of late.
“Tom,” Phil said, a frequent patron of the Pit ever since he had become acquainted with FORS and subsequently their favorite hangout.
“How ya doin?” Tom asked, his smile genuine.
“Well,” Griff said, glancing over at Midnight, “I came to see our girl, see what a mess she’s made out of herself this time.”
“Ah yes,” Tom said, as if he’d been there many times before.
Griff moved to look down at Midnight. “How’re you doin, lady?”
Midnight looked up at him. She was very obviously still weak, but looked a lot better than she had only a couple of hours before. “I’ll live,” she said simply.
“Hey,” Phil said, shaking a finger at her blasé attitude. “Listen here, missy. That’s a damn sight better than you were doing last night.”
“I heard,” Midnight said, her voice quiet and serious.
“Well, I’m glad you’re still around to be hearing anything.” Phil leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. “I just wanted to stop by and see you, but I have to get back. The chief’s crackin’ the whip—end-of-the-year garbage is coming around.”
“Thanks for coming by, Griff,” Midnight said, a little stronger this time.
“Anytime.” He gave her a look. “But next time, let’s make it a little bit less dramatic. If you want to see me, just pick up the phone, okay?” He grinned at her, and she smiled, her humor beginning to return.
Griff left, and Tom was right behind him, telling Midnight that he would come by later that evening and check up on her.
Rick walked Tom out, knowing the older man wanted to have words with him. He steeled himself for the berating he was sure was to come.
Once out in the corridor, Tom turned to him. “So what’s the deal?” he said, getting straight to the heart of the matter.
“With what?” Rick asked, not sure what part he was indicating.
“Are you done with your little fling?” Tom said coldly.
“Now wait a minute, Tom—”
“Don’t ‘wait a minute’ me, young man, and don’t try to tell me that she slept with Joe so that makes it even, because you and I both know that it doesn’t.” Tom’s voice left no room for argument, and Rick found himself nodding numbly. The thought had occurred to him earlier; he just hadn’t been willing to examine it too closely.
Tom pointed Rick. “What’s important now,” he continued, sounding very much like a father, “is that you get your shit together. Now, when Midnight needs you.”
“What if she won’t let me be there for her?” Rick asked. His voice held no anger, only somber insight.
Tom shrugged. “That’s gonna have to be something you’re going to have to deal with. See, to her way of thinking, you betrayed her trust, and that’s something that she may not forgive ever. But the question is, will she be willing to put it behind her and move on with you?”
Rick closed his eyes, nodding. He had thought the same thing. He had known, somewhere in the back of his mind, that screwing around on Midnight was the one thing that would surely break them up. At the time, he hadn’t thought he really cared. Now he realized that he did care, very much, but it might be a moot point.
“Thanks, Tom,” he said, extending his hand. “I can always count on you to give it to me straight.”
“I worry about the kid,” Tom said, by way of explaining his forthright behavior. “I still tend to think that her parents’ rejection of her is still eating at her. I heard they were here last night, and had called about her today, so maybe. Who knows.” He shrugged.
Tom left, and Rick returned to the room. When he walked in, he saw that Midnight was staring off into space. It was obvious she was thinking about something, and he could see a real conflict in her. When she noticed that he’d come in, she looked away, schooling her features. He knew he wasn’t in a place to ask her too much about anything. He didn’t want to push, but Tom’s words kept eating at him, as did another question.
“Midnight,” he said cautiously. The doctors had told him not to upset her.
She looked at him. It disconcerted him that she hadn’t really said anything directly to him since she’d regained consciousness. It was like she was tolerating his presence, and that really bothered him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly, with no real accusation, though he could tell she could see it in his eyes.
Midni
ght considered the question for a few moments, then looked him straight in the eye. “What would you have said?” Her voice was calm.
Rick considered the question. “Probably that you shouldn’t have it,” he answered honestly.
Midnight’s eyes took on a knowing look, and she nodded.
“What did Joe say when you told him?” Rick asked, anger creeping into his voice.
“Same thing.”
“So why am I the bastard?”
“I never said that.”
“But that’s why you didn’t tell me, right? Because you thought I’d be a bastard and try and make you have it, or what?”
Midnight looked at him for a long time, as if she were trying to understand his way of thinking. “Actually, quite the opposite. I was sure that you and Joe would railroad me into an abortion.”
“So why would that have been wrong? It could have killed you.” It was as if she had forgotten or something. He was very confused now. She thought he’d want her to have an abortion, which he figured would have been a given considering her medical history with pregnancy, but somehow he was still wrong.
Midnight looked away, as if trying to hide something from him. He reached over and turned her face back to his. “Answer me,” he said firmly. He wanted to understand, but he thought she was just being evasive. In a way she was, but not for the reasons he was thinking.
“I wanted the baby, okay?” Midnight said finally, angry now.
“Why?” Rick asked, totally perplexed.
Midnight shook her head, exasperated with his imperceptive mind. She really didn’t want to have to explain, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to leave her alone until she did.
“Because it was yours,” she said stridently.
“I know that, but what difference does that make?”
“God, you can be so dumb sometimes,” Midnight said, showing her irritation at being interrogated about something that she’d just as soon not discuss.
“Okay.” Rick nodded. “So I’m dumb. You enlighten me then.”
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