Anger was like a furnace in my chest. I was on the verge of a meltdown.
“Coach Ari noticed and called me out in front of the guys. What could I say? I hadn’t paid attention.”
Ari was the special teams coach in charge of extra points, kickoffs, and returns. Finley’s primary coach.
“And you didn’t tell any of us?”
“No, of course not. I’m not going to let you guys get into trouble for me, especially you.”
My hand spanned her cheek, then I pushed my fingers around the side of her head to the back. I drew her close, pressing my forehead to hers.
“Next time, you tell us.”
She swallowed audibly. “That’s not it.”
I wrapped my hand around her ponytail and cupped the back of her head to angle her face to mine.
“More?” I ground my teeth together.
“This morning, I got chewed out by the equipment manager. He held up my practice tee. A V had been cut into the neckline. He reamed me out that the shirt was to be worn under my pads to protect me, not so guys could check out my tits. Then he pointed at my new cleats and said if any more equipment of mine was damaged or had to be replaced, I would have to pay for it.”
That time I didn’t hold back my expletives. I let go of her, needing to hit something.
“And this is why you want to practice your kickoffs?”
Bile built in my gut as she glanced away. “Not exactly. Coach Ari told me today if I couldn’t do better at kickoffs, he would have to talk to Coach about letting Bryant take that part of my job.”
It wouldn’t look good for Bryant to take over any role of the kicker. It would make her vulnerable. She wasn’t great at punting or kickoffs because when we had played together with friends, those parts of the game were omitted to streamline play.
“Get your cleats, and I’ll bring a ball.”
She gave me a stiff nod. When she returned, I said, “I’m going to tell August.”
“You can’t.”
Her eyes were wild.
“I have to. He’s not only my best friend but your brother. He would kill me if I kept this from him. Coop too.”
Finally, she bobbed her head.
We ended up walking to the field because Cooper and August had the car. She didn’t say much, and neither did I. I was planning what to do about the situation. How far would I go? She was right, I was already in trouble for defending her once.
The field stood empty. It was well past dinner, though the sun hadn’t dipped below the horizon. We’d stopped in the football complex where by luck I found a football kicking tee in Bryant’s locker that was used during kickoffs.
I set the stand on the thirty-five-yard line.
“Remember, the idea is to get the ball into the end zone,” which was sixty-five yards downfield. “New rules were created so the other team would kneel for a touch back.”
She nodded and moved back to take a short running start. I used my phone to film the exact point her foot connected with the ball, so we could figure out how to tweak it.
The first go around, I’d been so entranced by her long legs, I missed the shot all together. But her ball went wide before passing the end zone, and I jogged to retrieve it before she could.
“Again,” I said when I returned before she could ask me to see the video of the turf.
Focused as she was, she nodded and got ready for another shot.
And so it went. She must have kicked a hundred balls before it got too dark to continue.
“Just remember, ten yards back, count your steps out, run in, kick with your toes down below the lower white line on the ball.”
I hadn’t been a kicker, but I knew the basics. I’d checked the web before we started to confirm the technique while she stretched.
She reached out a hand and squeezed my forearm. “Thanks.”
That moment in the dark with just the two of us, unable to stop myself, I drew her close. I leaned down, but at the last second she stepped back.
“I’ll grab the ball.”
She ran off before I could say anything, and the opportunity was gone. I pressed the heels of my palms in my eyes. I was starting not only to lose the battle for her, I was pretty sure that move meant I’d lost the war.
15
finley
Shepard typed furiously on his phone as we walked back to the house. There had been a space of time I thought maybe he saw me, maybe he was about to kiss me. But I’d stepped back. He was in love with some girl named Cricket. I wasn’t going to be some one-night hookup.
When we arrived at the townhouse, I hadn’t expected it to be filled with some of our teammates along with a bunch of cheerleaders. Great.
I searched for Finn or Coop, but neither were around. I stood in the door a second too long, and Shep stumbled into me too busy texting to notice I’d stopped.
“Sorry,” he glanced up almost as if he was surprised. “I meant to tell you that August invited people over.”
“Where’s the hot tub,” some girl yelled, pulling off her shirt to reveal a back tattoo of a heart with an arrow pointing to her ass.
“Hot tub?” I asked.
We hadn’t had one before.
“Oh,” Shepard said. “August said that Sawyer got us one as a welcome gift, and it just arrived.”
“Great,” I muttered and made my way to the staircase, passing my teammates who were too engaged with cheerleaders to speak to me before they headed to the backyard.
Gratefully, the TV had been on and not music cranked up to deafening levels. As I crested the stairs, a short girl with long mousy hair was furiously turning Shepard’s door handle to no avail.
“Do you need something?” I asked.
She jumped out of her skin, confirming she didn’t have his permission to be there. When she turned, I wasn’t surprised to see it was Lacey. What was up with this girl?
“I’m looking for Shepard.”
“He’s downstairs,” I said coolly. “And trying to get in his room won’t make him like you any better.”
Her eyes closed to near slits. “As if I’d take any advice from you. You want him, and he’s not into you either.”
Either? “Look, I’m not going to argue with you. The party is downstairs and outside. If Shepard wants you up here, he’ll bring you.”
She spun on her heels and marched downstairs. I rolled my eyes, wondering what boys saw in girls like her.
The only thing good about the party was someone, probably Cooper, had locked our doors so no one would come upstairs and use our rooms like it was a hotel. I dug into the tiny crossbody purse I carried. It was just big enough for my phone, keys, and ID. I opened my door and stepped into the silence only for my phone to ring.
I glanced down to see it was Emily. She’d all but avoided me since that time we’d gone out only for her boyfriend to show up. We’d exchanged quick texts a few times afterward, but nothing else.
“Hey, Emily.”
“I know I’ve been MIA, but I have some time if you want to hang out.”
August’s impromptu get together was reason enough for my response. But I also worried about her. She was as alone as I was on campus. Maybe if she knew she had a friend besides Kevin, she would break up with him.
“Sure.”
“How about a movie?”
“A movie sounds great.” It would kill a couple of hours. “Dinner too?”
“Sounds great. Should I drive?”
A smile played on my lips. “No, I’ll drive.”
August was too busy to need the car. He hadn’t even consulted me when he and Cooper went to the movies. Fair was fair.
We set a time before getting off the phone. My next stop before a quick shower was Cooper’s room. I knocked on his door and opened it when he said come in.
Already his room looked like the one back home. Cooper wasn’t exactly a slob, but he wasn’t the neatest person on earth. I
hopped over a pile of clothes on my way to sit next to him on the bed.
“Why aren’t you downstairs?” I asked my reclusive brother.
He shrugged and didn’t look up from his game. “Just a bunch of girls here for Shepard and August.”
“They would be here for you too.”
This was true. Girls from my school asked me about Cooper as they did about August.
He shook his head. “Not interested in a girl who can’t make conversation. Why do I care what color her lip gloss is?”
“Not all girls are like that,” I said, standing up for girls like me. “And you won’t find out if you’re in here playing video games.”
Then I remembered how he’d acted around Tori and teased him a little. “Maybe there’s a certain girl you like . . . I could call Tori for you.”
Cooper turned tomato red as he fumbled the ball in the football game he was playing. He turned my way with a sad smile on his face. “She likes Shepard.”
He looked at me like we should commiserate that fact. It made me uncomfortable that he might know about my feelings for Shep. If he knew, then so would August if he didn’t already. That would not be a good thing.
“Don’t worry. She’ll figure out that Shepard doesn’t do girlfriends, not for any length of time anyway.” I turned to the screen to avoid his penetrating gaze and switched topics. “You’re going to get penalized if you don’t start the play.”
After he returned his focus to the game, I told him about my plans to take the car. He waved me off. I hugged my brother and left feeling bad for him. He came to life on the field, but off of it, he was super shy and lacked the confidence that August had in abundance. I couldn’t say anything to him about it because that we had in common.
I took a quick shower, got dressed, and made sure to lock my room door before jogging down the stairs. I halted at the bottom.
Shepard ushered in a familiar girl with sun kissed skin and corkscrew curls. His hand rested at the small of Tori’s back. Her face was lit up like that emoji with a million teeth as they talked softly between themselves. A memory played in my head, and I remembered when I met her, her eyes could be considered amber or firelight. Was she his muse? Was she Cricket? And I prayed Cooper stayed upstairs. He didn’t need to see the two of them together.
It felt like I’d swallowed my heart. My chest felt so empty. I practically ran for the door trying to marshal my feelings as if it were possible.
By the time, I made it outside, Emily was there. Though she wasn’t supposed to drive, I was. When I made it over to her car, she had an explanation ready.
“I thought it would be easier to meet here, since the movies are in this direction.”
After the movie as we drove to one of the only two restaurants close to town, she dropped a ball on me.
“Hey, Kevin wants to know if he could join us for dinner. But it’s okay if you want it to be the two of us.”
My eyebrows reached my hairline. “At least he’s asking.”
She nodded, looking relieved. Maybe I’d read things wrong, and he was just a guy really into his girl.
“Tell him if he brings Billy along, he can come.”
It was her turn to look shocked. I shrugged. Billy hadn’t pressed me, and he hadn’t acted like an asshole when I put limits on what I was willing to do when I had basically brushed him off. What was I waiting for? Was I like the woman in the movie stumbling along, nose sniffing at the wrong boy?
“Really?” she asked.
“Yes.”
We arrived at the restaurant just as Kevin and Billy showed up.
“Hey,” Billy said as he came over.
We stood there awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to feel. I’d been half in love with Shepard for so long, I wasn’t sure what to do when the butterflies didn’t come.
He took the lead when Kevin ushered us over.
“They have a table for us,” Kevin said.
Billy took my hand, and I followed them inside. The night turned out fun. Kevin was almost as funny as Billy. I laughed a lot that night. It felt so good just to laugh. When Billy offered me a ride, I pointed at my car.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to kiss me or not, and I was relieved when he only waved goodbye after giving me a tight hug, squeezing our held hands before letting go.
When I got back, I heard sounds from the backyard but went straight to my room. We had practice in the morning, and I couldn’t afford to be tired. I had too much to prove.
The next morning, August was furious. Apparently, Shepard had told him sometime last night about the guys hazing me. Even Cooper simmered with rage. I worried they would make things worse for me by confronting our teammates. For the most part it had been harmless pranks. But there was still one thing I hadn’t told them.
On the car ride over to practice, I begged them not to do anything. But even I knew when August had his mind set to something, there was no changing it. I could only hope Cooper and Shepard would be able to talk some sense into him.
When I headed right instead of up the escalator, Shepard asked, “Where are you going?”
The answer was just one of the two things I hadn’t told him about.
“I’m going to change down here.”
He nodded, probably thinking I was the one feeling uncomfortable. But the truth was, Coach had pulled me aside and told me a few of the guys didn’t want to change in front of me. So I had to get dressed downstairs and could only enter the main locker room for morning meetings in the pit. Afterward, I could grab my equipment. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind who was stirring up all the trouble for me even if he wasn’t the one directly doing it. Bryant was a sophomore. He’d had a year to bond with everyone, but I was just a rookie.
I spent extra time in the locker room because I didn’t want to stand in the hall and wait for the morning meeting to begin. It was better to sit alone and not explain to anyone who saw me why I was there.
I finally exited about seven minutes until. I gave myself a minute in case my clock didn’t synch up with Coach’s. But when I made it upstairs, Shepard was in the hall with Tori.
Great.
My cleats did the job of announcing my presence, and they turned as one unit, making a striking pair.
“Finley,” Shepard said. “I asked Tori here so we can talk.”
What? Were they going to announce to me they were officially a couple? If so, why? Did he want to dig the dagger in a little deeper? Or maybe he knew how I felt about him and as my friend wanted to let me down gently.
“Shepard, I think I can handle this,” Tori offered.
He looked between us but silently agreed and disappeared into the locker room.
“So—” I spoke before she could get going. This was the last thing I needed on top of everything else. “This isn’t really a good time. I need to get in there for the morning meeting.”
“Actually, that’s why I’m here. And I’ve already talked to your coach.”
My mouth hung open in the air a second or maybe two. “My coach. What does he have to do with you and Shepard being together?”
She laughed. “Me and Shepard?” Her giggles turned to chortles. “That’s funny. I mean, I wish. He’s definitely something to look at. But I’m pretty sure I’m not the one he’s interested in.”
Though she and I might end up good friends, at the moment, I held the secret of Shepard’s lyrics to myself.
“Then, why are you here?” I asked.
“Shepard brought the difficulties you’ve been having to my attention.”
I stepped back, feeling betrayed. “I’m not going to file a complaint.”
Her face relaxed into a kind but sad expression. “You don’t have to. It will go on record as someone else bringing this to my attention. I just need you to confirm it.”
“I won’t.”
“Finley, I get it. You don’t want to make waves. But I’ve already spoken to th
e president and passed on his response to your coach. In fact, I’m sure he’s going to have a talk with your teammates about our zero tolerance for hazing of any kind at this school.”
President of our school? Hazing? How much pull did this girl have?
“You’re only making it worse.” With my hand pressed to my forehead, I began to pace. “I’ve already gotten a typewritten note warning me that a girl like myself could get hurt during a game.”
She gasped, and I covered my mouth. I hadn’t meant to reveal that. She stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you want to play?”
It had been a question I’d been thinking about a lot. “Yes. I’m not going to let anyone bully me. If I give in, they’ll think they can get away with it.”
She gave me an understanding nod and let go of my hands.
“I’m a little in awe of you.”
Before practice was over, I would reconsider my words to her. I’d ended flat on my back several times that day as we worked on a trick play where I was tasked with throwing the ball and not kicking it.
The wind had gotten knocked out of me for the fourth time, and I lay there replaying Tori’s question in my mind.
“Shake it off, Farrow.”
I heard Coach Ari from what felt like miles away. The guy who’d penetrated the offensive line held a hand out to me. Though he smirked, I took his hand anyway and let him help me get to my feet, bullies be damned.
“Again,” Coach Ari yelled. “This time, protect your team-mate.”
When I heard a few snickers, I assumed I would be on my own to stay on my feet. Hadn’t that hate note warned me?
Though Cooper was technically on my squad, he shadowed Billy during practice, playing understudy because a holder wasn’t a position anyone trained for. I sucked in air, knowing I was likely going to eat turf again when we ran the same play. The holder flipped me the ball at the last second. I saw the same guy gunning for me. I scrambled to the right, which wasn’t in the play. But in real game situations, you had to improvise. I spotted the receiver downfield and pivoted some to let the ball loose. I heard the battle cry and braced myself for impact. Only the whoosh of air didn’t come from me.
Songs For Cricket Page 8