Annika imagined Finn’s casket in the ground, and Talvi rotting in a cell on an island far, far away. She had to force herself to stare at James to shove the brutal images out of her head.
“I don’t think he is.”
James fussed with his hair awkwardly, trying to pick up whatever undisclosed information he was missing. Then he put a concerned hand on her shoulder. And since it was exactly the sort of thing Finn would’ve done, she found herself crying even more.
“What’s going on with you? Are you in some kind of trouble?” he asked so that Tripp wouldn’t hear him. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you got back from Rome with your new ‘security detail,’” he noted, making air quotes with his fingers. “Is Talvi really that busy with work?” Suddenly he gasped as if he’d been struck by lightning. “Oh my god, he’s in the mob, isn’t he? And now he’s in trouble. Am I right? Shit! I knew it!”
Annika shook her head. Even if her father-in-law was connected, she was pretty sure that Talvi wasn’t. But even if he was, there wasn’t much point in telling James. True, it would’ve been a great excuse to explain all the changes happening in her life. The trouble was that this excuse would have the downside of causing her friends to fear for their safety. They were just fine. It was Annika who was anything but fine.
“Okay…” James began slowly. “If Talvi’s not in trouble with the mafia, then the only other thing I can think of is that something happened between you two, and you’re not telling me the truth.”
Annika nodded.
“Yeah. Something definitely happened.”
James crossed his arms, trying unsuccessfully to appear patient, but it wasn’t one of the qualities he was known for. He found himself tapping his foot after a handful of silent seconds had passed.
“Well? If I’m going to be your shoulder to cry on, I need more details than that, honey.”
Annika distracted herself with the cumbersome task of rummaging through her purse for a fresh tissue and dried her eyes. When she looked up at James, he was struck by a helplessness that was rarely seen on her face. They’d known each other long enough that there weren’t many secrets between them, and now there were scores of them. Part of her wanted to keep the ugly truth locked away forever, but another part of her needed to get things off her chest and tell someone, even if it was only half of the story. Or even still, just half of half of the story. Telling a fraction of the truth was still better than bottling all of it up for the rest of her life. She took a deep breath and sat back down on the dressing room bench.
“Do you remember when you called me at my hotel in Paris and I told you that Talvi ditched me and left me with his brother instead?
“Yeah.”
“And do you remember how much fun I said I was having with him?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, so…do you remember the reason why you thought Finn was in the shower when you called?”
James drew in a sharp breath and let it out in a slow, apprehensive sigh.
“I was mostly joking when I said that, but yeah. I remember.”
“So it turns out that…um…well, you were right.” She leaned against the wall and frowned. “Not the day that you called, but the day after. And the day after that. And the next one, too.” James’s face was held in a state of suspended disbelief, as if waiting for her to deliver a twisted punchline. It never came. In preparation of his outburst and backlash, Annika drew her knees up against her chest, then buried her head in her hands. “We didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. And Talvi found out, and he…and he…his entire family found out, too. They’re kind of a big deal back where he’s from, so it was in all the papers. Everybody in his country knows about it. That’s how I know I’m never going to see him again.”
The blue vein in James’s temple couldn’t have been any more pronounced than it was at that very moment.
“What are you saying?” he blurted out. He grimaced as another shopper entered the dressing room and stepped into the stall across from the one they were both in. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Annika—tell me I’m hearing this wrong, and that we are not talking about Finn!”
Annika shook her head and tried to look him in the eye, but all she could manage to look at was the floor.
“You’re not hearing it wrong,” she said, swallowing hard. “We didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did. It just happened.”
“What do you mean, ‘it just happened’?” he cried out, not bothering to lower his voice. “It’s not like you got a flat tire or found a grey hair! You slept with your husband’s brother! Oh my fucking god, Annika!” The blue vein in his forehead was now pulsing, and his hand instinctively reached up to rub the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses. “Look, I’m not judging you—except that right now I am totally judging you—but that’s only because I need a motherfucking minute to process this huge emotional dump you just took on me!” He sighed again in disbelief and tossed his tousled brown hair, then gave her another dubious look. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” Annika nodded her head, which made him frown even more.
“Yeah, I’m gonna need a little longer to let this fully sink in. I just…wow! I did not see this coming! I mean, I wasn’t sure if it was going to last forever, but I thought it would last a lot longer than this! I saw some real potential with you and Talvi. I sure as hell didn’t think you’d slam your hand down on the self-destruct button after less than a year together. Are you officially over, then? I know you weren’t married here, so I’m not sure if it counts.”
Annika ran her fingers through her bright red hair and lifted her head.
“We got married on another planet, James,” she pointed out. “I didn’t sign anything. We just tied our hands together and…” she trailed off, remembering how she and Talvi had cut each other’s palms before their hand-fasting was consecrated. She remembered the sacred circle of candles that surrounded them, and how Talvi had tears in his eyes. She remembered because the firelight was dancing in them as he professed his love and promised to always be with her, no matter where they found themselves in life. The last time she’d seen him he’d also had tears in his eyes, along with a disturbing amount of his brother’s blood sprayed all over his body.
“So technically you’re not divorced yet? Is that why Tripp and Adams are still here?”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I think I’m stuck with them until someone from Talvi’s country says otherwise.”
James gave a sarcastic snort.
“I wouldn’t mind being stuck with a couple of beefcakes who also happen to be my personal trainers, my chauffeurs, and my part-time roadies. Are you stuck with Talvi’s bank accounts, too?”
Annika nodded.
“I think so, unless someone from his family tells me differently.”
“Then you might as well get the jacket,” he advised, and motioned for her to stand up. “If Talvi decides to give things another shot, you can always try wearing it without anything underneath. I know he’d like it.”
Annika couldn’t help rolling her eyes and giving him the faintest of grins.
“I think it’s going to take a lot more to win him back than dressing like a high-class prostitute.”
“Um…have you met Talvi?” he joked under his breath. “He’s totally into that kind of thing. For real, though, just imagine what this’ll look like on stage when you’re standing underneath the lights. And with your hair…you’ll look amazing.”
Annika shrugged.
“So what? I’ll feel like shit.”
James pursed his lips and glanced at the ceiling, racking his brain for the right thing to say.
“You’re a performer. That means you’ll have to act. Just fake it ’til you make it,” he said stiffly and picked a piece of lint off of her jacket. “And in the meantime, write songs about how shitty you feel. This is a major fuckup, babe…it’s not supposed to feel good. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistake. Normally I’d say the b
est way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but you did that with Danny and look what’s happened. Maybe you should quarantine yourself from cock for a while. Stop getting involved with guys and give yourself some time alone to figure out exactly what you want.”
“I want the last six months to never have happened,” she said and turned to face herself in the mirror. “That’s what I want…or at least a chance to do things differently.”
“Don’t we all?” James said quietly while adjusting the back of her blue collar. “I suppose this means we won’t be seeing any more of Chivanni again.”
Now it was Annika’s turn to be surprised.
“What made you say that? Do you want to see him again?”
“I was just curious. It’s not a big deal.”
“Yeah, right,” she said, trying to read his thoughts. But James was focused on giving her collar a little upward pop to make it stand up stiff.
“Please tell me that we’re taking this home. I don’t think I can let you walk out of here without it. This jacket was made for you.”
Annika studied her reflection in the mirror, turning from side to side as shimmers and sparkles radiated from the crystals on the jacket. They fell down like rain from her shoulders, or quite possibly tears. She’d lost Finn, and she had more or less lost Talvi. It felt sick and wrong to be spending his money on something so frivolous. But then again, he’d insisted on her treating his finances as belonging to both of them. He’d apologized for putting her in the situation with Finn to begin with, and he’d forgiven her for being unable to outsmart nature’s course. Hell, he’d made love to her afterward.
“If you wear this on tour you can write it off as a business expense,” said James.
Annika gave him a reluctant nod.
“Fine. Let’s hurry up and pay for it before I change my mind.”
Feeling a sense of relief at coming clean to one of her closest friends, Annika followed James out of the dressing room and joined Tripp, who was still waiting faithfully near the entrance.
“Thanks for hanging onto these,” he said, taking the pile of clothing back. “Are you and Patti ready to get out of here? I know how much she hates shopping at places like this.”
“Actually, she found something she liked,” Tripp said as he handed the clothes to James.
“She did? Where is she now?” he replied as he scanned through the various garments.
“In there. She walked in a few minutes after you did,” Tripp said, and pointed to the dressing room that Annika and James had just come out of. The two of them shared a glance as Annika’s stomach began twisting itself into knots. If Patti had walked in directly after James, then it was going to be an awkward ride home. Oblivious to what had just happened, Tripp simply shrugged. “She only had a couple of skirts. I don’t know why it’s taking her so long.”
11
Prison Bromance
The chills of winter howled as they hurled snowflakes into Talvi’s cell from the small window up above him, although there was hardly enough light to see them fall. Instead, he let them land on his face, wishing he could catch one on his imprisoned tongue. He’d been given an additional blanket to keep warm, and by some random stroke of luck, this one wasn’t infested with lice, bedbugs, or fleas. It was a Yuletide miracle if ever there was one. That didn’t stop him from picking at his scalp every time he thought he felt a nit crawl across his head. His delousing showers had become more and more infrequent, and he’d resigned himself to the fact that this was now his life. He had seven hundred years of this to look forward to. Maybe he’d get a visitor after six months of good behavior. Maybe. For all he knew, that was just a bedtime story the guards had told him to keep him quiet on the trip back to Bleakmoor.
What he did know was that his mouth was still shuttered with metal, and he knew that his nourishment still came in the form of a greenish-brown liquid poured onto a tray. He knew that his latest soap carving of Annika was tucked inside a hole in the side of his mattress. He knew she’d be safe from the next pointless contraband search. He was nearly finished with the newest reincarnation of Ghassan. As long as the torchlight held out in the hallway, he might have it done in the next half hour. Then he’d have to wait a few more days until he was given another scentless, cream-colored pat. This was to be his life from now on.
It was the middle of the night, right about the time for the guards to change over their shifts. Talvi crouched down to the slot at the bottom of the door and strained to listen, waiting until he was sure he wouldn’t be overheard. He couldn’t tell if it was the cold temperature that made it stink less, or if he was simply getting used to the smell. He knew that the guards were gone. He moved his thin wool mattress to the floor to get as much light as possible for adding the final touches to his masterpiece.
“What are you doing over there?” whispered a voice in the dark. He knew it wasn’t a voice in his head anymore. It belonged to his friend, who was very much real and alive.
“I’m sculpting a figure out of my soap.”
“Oh? What are you making it into?”
“My horse back home.”
“Hmmm…” Talvi listened as Nillin dropped his own mattress to the floor and lay down across the aisle from him. It had become their midnight routine to talk and share and keep one another from completely losing their mind. Talvi had told his friend all about the trial, how he’d been blindsided by the fact that having his jaw broken in four places hadn’t convinced the judges that he was acting purely in self-defense. He’d explained to Nillin that he only had a short fuse when it came to protecting the women in his life. He spoke about how he’d be there serving a life sentence with him, although he hadn’t mentioned his conversation with Cyril beforehand. “If I give you the soap I have left, do you think you can carve it for me?”
“What would you have me create?”
“I want you to fashion it into a pair of lips. That way the next time I wash my Crown Jewels I can imagine it’s one of my concubine’s mouths instead.”
Talvi grinned while his neighbor laughed under his breath, although something he just said didn’t add up quite right. Everything Nillin had shared about his life so far made Talvi assume he was a high-ranking officer from a wealthy family. He claimed that his parents were the lord and lady of a large estate in Sinaryos, which explained why his speech was so elegant, even while making crude jokes. His manners and his knowledge of history and geography were impressive and extensive enough to confirm that he’d had years of formal education. Like Talvi, he knew about riding and weapons, and he knew most of the basics of farming the estate that he lived on. Unlike Talvi, he didn’t know what it meant to actually put his hands in the dirt and grow the food he ate. He’d clearly been raised as a proper gentleman, which was why he was expected to marry for status instead of love.
That was the setup for the story of why he’d volunteered to fight for Veselle in the first place—because his parents had forced him to become engaged to someone he didn’t care for in the slightest. There was no honor in backing out of a high-born wedding, and fighting in a battle of an ongoing war against vampires and wood elves had provided a very convenient excuse. Nillin confessed to his new friend that in a moment of desperation, he’d swapped helms with a dead soldier before he was captured. The intention was to fake his own death and start a new life after the war ended and he was released. He understood it meant leaving his old life behind forever, although he wasn’t counting on this being his life. Instead of becoming a merchant or a farmer, he was brought to Bleakmoor without a trial and spent his days mining somnomium ore that left him broken and weak.
All of this seemed plausible to Talvi…all of it except for the offhand comment about the concubines. That didn’t completely make sense. Soldiers typically had wives or girlfriends or went to prostitutes…they didn’t have concubines. They couldn’t afford them. From the rumors and history that Talvi knew of his half-demon dark elf cousins, most nobles couldn’t afford them,
either. The Näkki were notorious for trafficking human women into their territory, but the ongoing cost of keeping them as concubines was a luxury that only the royal families could maintain. For Nillin to use that specific word—concubine—it had to be a term of endearment. Then again, maybe he really was that wealthy. He certainly acted the part.
“Are you ready, Talvi? I’m sending her over to you now. Give her the prettiest mouth you can.” There was a flick, and then Talvi heard the sound of a small object hitting his door just off to the side of the open slot. A low growl drifted out from across the way. “Damn. I didn’t think my aim would be so far off.”
Talvi snickered.
“That’s what I said to your mum last night.”
“Is that so?” Nillin mused. “Well, your mother told me that my aim was straight and true. It always is.”
“Except for when it comes to dropping your prison-issued bar of soap,” Talvi joked. “Fuck if I know what games you lads play upstairs during your group showers. Are you certain you want me to carve you a mouth? Perhaps you’ve grown accustomed to another orifice.” He could just imagine the scowl on Nillin’s face, which made him grin even wider.
“It’s the somnomium in the doors,” Nillin hissed. “It’s interfering with my abilities. Perhaps I can still get it to you…” Talvi shook his head and continued to whittle away at the figurine of Ghassan until he noticed a sliver of white out of the corner of his eye. He watched as the small bar of soap scooted through the slot of his door and into his cell.
“Did you do that with your mind?” he asked, setting aside his carving to inspect the fresh bar of soap.
“Yes,” came the breathless reply. Nillin sounded like he’d just finished doing a hundred pushups even though he’d been lying on his mattress the entire time.
“I suppose your demonic ancestors gave you that gift.”
“Yes,” he sighed again. “Are you envious?”
“Not particularly. It seems like a lot of work for very little reward.”
The Darkest of Dreams Page 15