The Darkest of Dreams

by Emigh Cannaday

  Unable to process the millions of thoughts racing through her mind, she focused on his calm, clear instructions and gulped for a mouthful of air. Just as he’d said, their hands rose together. She studied the feel of his fingers protectively covering her small hands, zeroing in on where he’d placed them against her waist, and above her breast. His heat was radiating through her and wrapping her in that cocoon of safety that no one else could do quite like he could.

  “That’s perfect,” he murmured. “Now hold it, and we’ll count to ten together before you let it out. How about we do this round in Japanese? Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, roku…”

  She followed his relaxing instructions until her chest no longer shuddered, and after a few rounds, Tripp excused himself to give them some privacy.

  “Are you alright, slunchitse?” Finn asked her once she’d mostly recovered. Despite her dizzy head, she shook it side to side as her eyes watered up.

  “No—I’m not alright! It can’t be you…” she blustered between breaths. “You’re dead! Talvi killed you! I was at your funeral! I watched them bury you!”

  It seemed impossible for Finn’s eyes to appear any more heartbroken than they already were, but they found a way to achieve it nevertheless.

  “I don’t know who it was that Talvi killed or you watched be buried, but it wasn’t me, slunchitse,” he replied in that comforting and deep voice of his. He helped her to her feet before guiding her back to her chair, then pulled up another one to sit beside her. “Your men Tripp and Adams told me the gist of what’s happened, although I can’t imagine why I’d try to kill my own brother.”

  “Because you were going insane last summer!” she hissed with a stunned expression. “Nikola’s convinced it’s because there was demon magic in those stones you were keeping in your room. Even Runa told me that there’s nothing demons love more than preying on the weak, and you were in bad shape after we came back from Paris. That’s why your family covered all the mirrors at your funeral, to keep the demons away!”

  “They covered the mirrors?” Finn’s large brown eyes filled with even more sorrow than before. “I can’t believe that my family thinks I’m dead, or that Talvi’s serving a life sentence up in Bleakmoor over it. I’m rather overwhelmed myself, as it’s all news to me. I haven’t been home since I left this past summer.”

  “How do I know it’s really you?” she insisted, still staring at him in disbelief. “I need more proof besides your secret name for me.”

  Finn leaned back in his chair while his hand reached deep into the front pocket of his navy blue chinos. He withdrew a dark grey band marked by angular and unique striations. He held it up to the matching ring on her right hand and gave an innocent, hopeful smile. The crinkly pattern of fine lines near his eyes and his mouth were exactly as she remembered them. His clean-shaven face and the short haircut made the faint scar on his jaw more noticeable than before. It was almost faded, but not quite. Recognizing that it was truly Finn Marinossian in that chair beside her, she felt her pulse slow down a few more beats, but it was still elevated by her shock.

  “You’re being protected by the legendary Sanctorum Militum…the best of the best,” he replied, still smiling. “Back when the Empire was ruled by royalty, it was the Sanctorum Militum who guarded the lot of them. Trust me, Annika; if I were an imposter, they would’ve beaten me to a bloody pulp by now.”

  She recoiled as the image of him lying in a pool of blood on his kitchen floor flashed before her, and when he saw her experience the memory of it, the grin on his face instantly faded away. He placed the ring into her palm and rested his empty hands in his lap.

  “Where the hell have you been hiding? Everyone thinks you’re dead!” she accused, still eyeing him in disbelief.

  “I’ve been living in a Buddhist monastery up in the mountains,” he said with an apologetic expression. Annika was dumbstruck.

  “Here? In Japan?”

  “Yes.”

  “In a monastery?” she repeated, making him smile again.

  “Yes.”

  “With monks?”

  “Yes,” he nodded. “After everything that’s happened in the past year, I desperately needed to clear my head. I couldn’t differentiate between my rational thoughts and my irrational desires. I tried to find a place where the temptations of the outside world could no longer distract me. The clarity and peace of mind that it’s brought me have been truly astounding.” He shook his head as if silently scolding himself, yet his soft smile didn’t leave his face. “Of course, that all went flying out the window when I heard your voice rise above that of every other songbird in Japan.”

  “You heard my voice? But how? You didn’t hear me on the radio, did you? I know we’ve got some amazing fans, but I didn’t think we were that popular.”

  “Oh, I didn’t hear you with my ears, slunchitse…I heard you with every fiber of my being.” He paused to glance at the floor, and when he lifted his head to face her, a soft rosy blush had crept across his cheeks. He cleared his throat, trying to appear less like a bashful schoolboy and more like a distinguished gentleman. “The music I heard was so utterly enchanting that I came down the mountain to see for myself if it was truly coming from you or not. It turns out that it was indeed coming from you.” The mystified light in his eyes gave way to mournful expression as he looked at her. “If I’d had any idea of what’s gone on in my absence I would’ve returned straight away. Just think…if it wasn’t for the bond that you and I share, I might’ve remained at the monastery for years. I was certainly prepared for that. I quite enjoyed my time there. But then, if I hadn’t heard you there’s no telling how long my family—I mean, our family—might’ve suffered.”

  There was a long moment of silence between them. Not the drawn-out and uncomfortably awkward silence that it could’ve been. This silence was the kind of silence that tends to happen after one wakes from a horrible nightmare and realizes it was only a dream. A sickening undertow of guilt and grief rolled through her body and mind, and she forced her head upwards to look at him.

  “Oh my god, Finn! This means Talvi’s innocent! He didn’t kill you!”

  “Yes, I know,” he said, stifling a grin. “I am very much alive.”

  “We have to get him out of prison!” she cried. The sense of urgency and duty was so strong that it felt like a pair of hands was physically shaking her. “We have to do something about Talvi! He’s serving a life sentence for murdering you!”

  “We’ll sort it all out,” he assured her and motioned for her to step closer. “I’m already formulating a plan as we speak. I expect that Tripp and Adams are doing the same thing.”

  With fresh tears in her eyes, Annika nodded and rose to her feet, then drifted over to where he still sat. He hesitated for a moment before bringing her into his arms and letting them fold around her. The heat and the scent of his living skin and the warmth of his living breath was the sweetest sensation she’d felt in months. Those careful arms guided her to sit on his thigh, and the longer they embraced, the faster the crushing weight of all her repressed sorrow began to disappear. Waves of relief washed over her like the softest blanket, eliminating the pain like aloe on a burn. Nothing could soothe her heart faster or better than the protective shield he always seemed to bring along with him.

  “Oh sludoor…I’m so glad you’re here,” she sighed as she pressed her cheek against his. “I’m so happy you’re alive. I can’t believe it, but I know it’s you. I’ve missed you so much! Why didn’t you tell me that you were leaving?” She leaned back to look him in the eyes while wiping away the tears from her own.

  “Because I knew it would make you cry,” he softly answered. “And that would’ve felt like a knife in the heart, let alone the fact that it would’ve made leaving even more difficult. It was already a difficult decision for me to arrive at.” He glanced down for a moment as if he were ashamed. “Truth be told, I didn’t want to leave. Not even after Talvi arrived. When I heard he was planning to take you away, so
mething inside of me snapped. It was Asbjorn who convinced me to go. Once I’d come to my senses and made up my mind, I didn’t want him or you or anyone else knowing where I planned to go. I needed to be far away, and completely alone. That’s why I didn’t take Galileo or tell anyone where I was going. I left a note on the kitchen table, although I hardly had the chance to set it down before that harridan Merriweather accosted me,” he said with a disgusted look. “I’ve never struck a lady to this day, but she certainly seemed bent on being the first.”

  Desperate for some comic relief, Annika let out a contemptuous snort.

  “You should’ve hit her. She’s not a lady.”

  Finn held back a laugh.

  “I’m inclined to agree with you. She’s certainly something.”

  “We thought she was Stephan for a while,” Annika said, then frowned in confusion. “But she couldn’t have been a doppelgänger because you—or whoever that was in the coffin—he looked just like you a week later at your funeral. The undertakers and everyone else I talked to said that doppelgängers always change back to their original form when they die. Is that true?”

  “It is,” Finn answered with an equally confused frown. “I gather that Merriweather never made mention of my note to the family, then?”

  “We found your note. We knew that you needed time to sort things out in your head, but we didn’t think it mattered anymore because you were…well, you were dead,” Annika explained. She paused to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, letting her fingers brush against her neck. She noted that her heart rate had returned to normal as the shock wore off and the missing pieces began falling into place. It felt unreal to be sitting there on Finn’s thigh, being held in Finn’s arms, and now that he was here, she didn’t want to let him go. “As far as Merri’s concerned, nobody has any idea what she saw, or if she saw anything before she took off. She left a message for her boss saying that she was taking some personal time right when everything went down. Not that anything she had to say would’ve mattered. Talvi was going to plead guilty whether she was there or not.”

  “You think her testimony wouldn’t have mattered? That’s quite a broad assumption for everyone to make,” he said with a surprised look. “She was the last person I saw before I left. What did the judges have to say about the bizarre timing of her personal holiday?”

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t at the trial.”

  “You weren’t there?” Finn’s expression had only grown more and more disturbed with each new detail of the story.

  “No. Talvi’s boss didn’t think it was a good idea. Plus, I wasn’t exactly welcome.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “That’s one of the reasons why I’ve got bodyguards now—because I’m one of the most hated non-human humans in the Estellian Empire.”

  Finn couldn’t help but laugh gently at her comment.

  “Surely you’re exaggerating a bit. It can’t be as bad as all that,” he said while adjusting her position on his thigh. Annika shook her head.

  “Yes it can,” she said bitterly. “People were making all kinds of threats…and saying horrible things…you know, shit like how different races should never mix, and that people like me are basically parasites leeching off people like you. Or elves like you—you know what I mean.”

  “People is an all-inclusive term,” he gently corrected. “I do know what you mean.”

  “Okay, well people like you were saying this was exactly why modern people like me should never be allowed in your world, and why all of the fae should be banned from mine. Then there was the whole thing about me tearing your family apart by being involved with two brothers. Your family wouldn’t let me read the newspapers. They didn’t even let me leave the house until Cyril offered to sneak me back home and have bodyguards stay with me indefinitely.” She caught herself slumping her shoulders and she abruptly made a point of sitting up straighter, then tilted her chin upwards. “It doesn’t matter,” she said in a courageous tone. “I already know what kinds of things they were saying about me…about us. Asbjorn told me they were able to prove in court that we were most likely having an ongoing affair.”

  An faint gasp escaped Finn’s throat.

  “What? But how?”

  “Mostly he emailed, but sometimes he called.”

  Finn shook his head in slight exasperation, although it didn’t stop him from stroking her shoulder affectionately.

  “Of course that’s how Asbjorn kept you informed. I meant, how did the judges arrive at that conclusion about you and I?”

  Beyond the dressing room door, the sound of cheers and laughter could be heard above the thumping of the music. Half an hour earlier it would’ve been enough to lure her out of that room. Now that Finn was there, she never wanted to leave. Instead, she focused on conjuring up her memories of Asbjorn’s much-awaited updates, hoping to fill in the gaps of detailed information that Finn was trying to piece together.

  “He said they forced him to explain why he was burning those paintings in the middle of the night,” she replied. “Asbjorn said when he heard all the screaming that he put out the fire and ran back to the house as fast as he could. I’m sure that after he saw you were dead, going back out there to finish the job was the last thing on his mind. The police found enough unburnt pieces of canvas to use as evidence.” She pointed a finger at his nose, shaking it in reprimand. “At least it was paintings instead of photographs…luckily the reporters couldn’t describe exactly what we were doing in each pose. It would be worse if they knew about the letter you wrote to the High Court of Korvaaminens. You know…the one you sent that listed all the reasons why you should have custody of me instead of Talvi? The Court of Korvaaminens wrote you back, by the way.”

  “I know. They asked me to give a formal statement,” he said, blushing uncomfortably, although didn’t stop him from holding her close.

  “Actually, they wrote a second letter right after you died and said they’d made a mistake,” she said, frowning as she shifted on his lap. “They said they didn’t need you to give any kind of statement because they had no record of the agreement that you and Talvi made about me. In their eyes, you had no right to request a hearing because you were never officially my korvaaminen in the first place.”

  Finn covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head in denial.

  “That’s impossible! I spent week after week studying their laws from their official book!”

  “Asbjorn said your copy was an old edition,” she told him. “Even if it wasn’t, I don’t remember you or Talvi asking me how I felt about that decision…a decision that directly involved me. I let it slide because you were dead and Talvi was in prison, but that doesn’t mean that I’m okay with it.”

  “He specifically assured me that he spoke to you about the matter, and that you were in favor of the arrangement,” Finn said, trying to remain composed. “I learned after the fact that he didn’t have Father’s approval. I was certain that he had yours.”

  She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.

  “C’mon, Finn. We’re talking about Prince Talvi. He’s the reason for the phrase ‘trust but verify.’ That’s why I don’t believe every single word that comes out of his mouth. I think you believed him because he said something that you wanted to hear.”

  “Perhaps he did.” His full mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared down at her hand, which was still holding onto the matching meteorite bands. “I’m sorry that I was so eager to believe it was true.”

  “It’s okay. Even if you’d asked for my opinion, I’m not sure that I would’ve answered any differently,” she admitted. Her offhand comment immediately got his attention. “The thing is, I don’t know if my feelings about you are real, or if they only seem that way because we’ve slept together.”

  “You don’t know for certain that it went that far…” he tried to argue. Annika cast him a dark look and then sighed.

  “Yes, I do. Tripp’s been helping me work on strength-trainin
g my memory. It turns out I remember a lot more about Paris than I realized. No wonder I thought you were my husband after I woke up from that vampire-induced coma.”

  Finn glanced away from her, then shook his head as if silently scolding himself.

  “I was in poor form. I never should’ve taken advantage of you. Not in such a vulnerable state.”

  “We were both in a vulnerable state,” she said. “I thought about telling the newspapers the real reason why things got out of hand between us, or that it was an honest mistake.”

  “I wouldn’t call it honest,” Finn pointed out. “I’d say it was understandable.”

  “Fine,” Annika said, rolling her eyes. “It sounds like people are a lot more understanding when those three-day-long accidents happen between elves than they are about humans and elves hooking up in the first place.”

  “I’d say that’s an accurate observation.”

  “Ugh—that pisses me off even more!” Annika bristled at the thought, not bothering to hide her scowl. “Your family said it was better to let everyone think we had an affair instead of telling anyone that I’m not human. At least you got a free pass because you were dead. I might as well have a scarlet letter tattooed on my forehead.”

  “Oh slunchitse…I am not dead, and you shall have no such mark upon your forehead.” He pulled her close enough to press his warm lips against her temple, then between her eyebrows. Eventually he gazed down into her eyes. She could hear his heartbeat pulsing in his chest, and his mouth was so close that she could almost taste it. He curled his arms tighter around her, hugging her closer, reveling in her presence, and relishing the intimacy of that dream-like moment between them.

  “Do you recall when we were sailing across the Sea of Forneus and we found ourselves accosted by sirens?” he asked. “We had to be locked in the cabins below deck. Do you remember how they drove me so utterly mad with their enchanting music that I was clawing at the door to be with them?”