Annika ran her thumb along the inside of her band, silently counting her blessings that it was still there. The aircraft’s engines fired up in preparation for takeoff, and as it sped down the runway, she felt the gravitational force pushing against her body. It drew her further and further into the back of her cushioned seat, coaxing her to lie back and relax.
“Okay…I can try using telepathy to talk to him,” she said with another yawn, “but what the hell am I supposed to say after all this time? I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Stop overthinking it and relax your mind,” Finn said as he closed his eyes and folded his hands in his lap. “If I know you, I’m certain that you’ll come up with something.”
Annika tried to fight against the steady hum of the engines, but they lulled her to sleep almost as fast as they had convinced Finn to do the same. She knew she was dreaming because the armrests and privacy screen had vanished, and their seats had been pushed so close together that she could feel the heat coming off of his body.
Vivid memories came rushing back to her of how it felt to curl up beside him in their private room beneath the art gallery…or in his bed at home…or here on the airplane. She’d forgotten how hot her skin had burned against his that first night underneath Paris. She’d forgotten how those commanding hands curled around her waist before guiding her to lie down. She could almost feel where his fingers had traced those languid lines along her ilium, and she recalled the overwhelming need to press her body against his own. Time crawled so slowly that it almost stopped inside the opium haze that surrounded them. They lay like that for hours, just breathing and touching, testing the limits of their willpower. At one point she thought they had indeed outsmarted the confines of their biochemical conundrum, and that this would be all there was to it.
But in the end, the science of nature prevailed. A throbbing and scorching thirst had taken over her body, and even though they had plenty of fresh fruit to eat and cool water to drink, it wasn’t enough to stop the blistering pain from spreading into every single cell of their being. She remembered the hunger and the delirium in his dark eyes from enduring the same affliction that she suffered from. She knew exactly what they’d done to put the fire out. A single, forbidden maneuver of the hips was all it took to ease the pain. Once she’d remembered it, she couldn’t go back to not knowing for sure anymore. There was no more convenient uncertainty to hide behind…gone was the fog of narcotic and ignorant bliss.
“I told you not to wander over here,” he said and gazed down at her. She tried again to read his thoughts, yet all she could tell was that he blamed himself for her fall from grace, for his brother’s imprisonment, and for his family’s anguish. She couldn’t hear the exact words that were running through his unconscious mind, although she could feel them. They were hurt and angry and confused and wrapped in self-loathing, but there was also hope and a sense of determination…along with something else overshadowing all of those emotions.
“I didn’t mean to,” she said and glanced around. The other passengers around them were nothing more than a blur. “I have so much that I want to ask you about, and I feel like you’re going to leave as soon as you have a chance.”
“I know you do…and I most likely will. How can I stay?” He looked down at her, appearing both grateful and frustrated at the closeness between them inside of their shared dream. “My brother sits in prison while my mother weeps over my death, and yet I want nothing more than to stay and talk and laugh with you as long as I can.” He sighed as he implored with his eyes for her to understand his internal struggle. “The other half of me knows better. It knows there are forces beyond our control moving us about like marionettes…it’s the undeniable power of Mother Nature who pulls the strings. She knows that the longer I stay, the more difficult it will be for me to leave. It’s already taking everything I’ve got not to kiss you.”
“Me too,” she admitted, and pressed her lips together in frustration. “I know I said it before, but I really didn’t think it would feel like this.”
“Nor I. The closer we are, the closer we’ll want to be. That’s why I’m going home as soon as we get things sorted out at the Embassy,” he said with a sympathetic nod. “When you form this physical bond with someone else, I’m certain that it will feel just as real as it does with me now. I pray to the gods that you can create that bond with Talvi someday. The two of you have so much more in common than you and I do. Hopefully life will give you both another chance…together you would be a force to be reckoned with.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“I do,” he said with a sincere nod of agreement. “I’ve thought a great deal about what it would be like to wake up beside you every morning, and the truth is…”
He glanced away from her before tossing his head. He did it out of habit, since there were no more loose brown curls for him to hide behind. As if to taunt her, Annika felt her resolve begin to weaken the longer that they remained inside of their private dream. It was crumbling slowly, just like the three sugar cubes he’d stirred into her coffee every morning in Paris. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to hold him and comfort him.
“The truth is that you and I want very different things out of life,” he went on. “You want adventure and I want routine. You want mystery and I want predictability. You want to travel the world and I want to settle down and cultivate deep roots back home…family ties that I know you’re not ready for, no matter what Talvi’s prophecy says about you having an important child one day. When I think of my future, I see myself surrounded by my children…at least three or four of them. Do you see yourself as their mother? Have you ever seen yourself in that role with me?”
“No, not really.”
I knew it. How fortunate for us that things turned out the way they did. She would’ve resented me otherwise.
“What do you mean by that?” she asked. “Why would I have resented you?”
“Forgive me—I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he quickly excused, and glanced down into his lap. “I meant that you would’ve resented me if I’d tied you down by giving you a child.”
“I would’ve made it work. Wouldn’t you have done the same thing?“
Finn bit down on his bottom lip to keep it from trembling.
“I’m sure we would’ve tried our best, but I think eventually we would’ve resented each other. Don’t you understand?” He shifted in his chair to try and look her in the eye as best as he could. “I want to be with someone who is joyful and happy to share the task of raising children…not someone who unintentionally finds themselves in that situation and tries to make it work. You want to be with someone who’s happy to live life on the road, not someone who prefers quiet evenings at home and going to bed early. I want us to be with someone who doesn’t have to set aside their own dreams to allow us to fulfill our own. Does that sound like a reasonable wish for me to have?”
Annika looked up at him and was filled with warmth and affection.
“You’re going to make somebody so happy one day,” she sighed. “I almost regret that it won’t be me. Almost. I really can’t imagine having more than one kid. Maybe two. And that’s a big maybe.”
Finn laughed softly at her comment.
“Perhaps we’re like Badra and Vega—we’re only meant to cross paths one week out of four…or one life out of four. The gods are well aware of how much I’ve missed having you around, but we weren’t meant to cross paths within this lifetime,” he added with a loving smile. “The trouble is, until each of us moves on, we’re forever hemmed in one another’s orbits.”
“I don’t want you to be trapped in my orbit,” she admitted, and found herself twisting the dark grey band off her right ring finger. “I don’t want you to be trapped by anything. I never should’ve accepted this from you.” She reached over and placed the ring in his hand.
“That was meant as a birthday gift,” he protested, and tried to hand it back. Annika shook her head.
&
nbsp; “I know, but I don’t want you wrapped around my finger,” she reasoned. “I want us to be able to move on, just like you said. I want something better for us than this. I want something better for you. I want you to be happy. Maybe you can think of the ring as a parting gift, since I probably shouldn’t hug you goodbye when the time comes. I know I’d just start crying.”
She gazed up at him and waited until he nodded and acknowledged her words.
“Well now, you know how I feel about seeing you cry.” He tucked her ring into his pocket along with his own. The two meteorite bands made a metallic sound as they fell against one another. “If this is to be our private farewell, then let me do it properly.” He smoothed her long hair away from her face, then leaned down, pressing his lips against her forehead.
“You’re going to make Talvi so happy one day,” he hummed. “I almost regret that it won’t be me. Almost.”
It was well past dinnertime when the foursome landed at Heathrow and found their rental car. Adams drove it directly to the front steps of the London Embassy and dropped off Annika, Finn, and Tripp. Instead of going through the usual security clearance, which was often administered by Gerald, it was Cyril himself who allowed the three of them into the building and through the empty hallways. Most of the staff had left for the day, which gave every floor a forlorn quality to it. A team of scribes was waiting in his office to type up their every word as Annika and Tripp each gave their accounts of how Finn had walked back into their lives. Then Finn was asked to do the same thing, all while Cyril took notes at a furious pace. When every minute detail and fact had been recorded, Finn was escorted to a medical lab by two very large security guards.
“What are they going to do to him?” Annika asked.
“A blood test, fingerprinting, that sort of thing,” Cyril said. He tossed the pen he’d been using down onto his desk and rubbed his tired eyes. After meeting him at Finn’s funeral, Annika didn’t think she’d ever seen such a put-together man so close to coming undone. His jacket was hanging on a hook, although his shirt and his vest were both wrinkled. His necktie had been loosened and his neatly combed hair was slightly disheveled. It was the closest to an emotional wreck that Cyril Sinclair would ever be.
“Why does Finn have to be tested?” Annika argued. “Believe me, it’s definitely him!”
“Oh, I do believe you,” Cyril agreed. “His story is too ridiculous to be fabricated. Then again, if I were in his predicament in regards to his history with you and certain controlled substances, I suppose I can understand going to a monastery to clear my head. Still, we need to have rock-solid, lab-verified evidence of his identity before I can issue an Imperial order to exhume the body that was buried in his place. And as a friend of the family, I’m not sending him home to his grieving parents until I have absolute proof. Either way, I’d certainly like to know who’s lying underground.”
Annika couldn’t help but scoff at the idea.
“The grave is on his family’s property. Why do you need an official order? Couldn’t you just ask them?”
“I’m guessing it’s for legal reasons, for when they address Talvi’s prison sentence,” Tripp suggested.
“Precisely,” Cyril said with a nod.
“Why wouldn’t you just let him out?” Annika knew she was tired and hungry and beyond irritable, and she was nearly at her limit. “I thought having Finn turn out to be alive was the ultimate ‘get out of jail free’ card.”
Instead of responding with as much enthusiasm as Annika was displaying, Cyril remained steadfast in his chair. He gave her an endearing, yet skeptical smile.
“One does not simply travel to Bleakmoor and ask for prisoners to be set free. I understand that this is an emotionally volatile situation, however, proper procedures must be adhered to. Furthermore, the fact that Finn Marinossian is alive and well doesn’t resolve the problem that there’s a body buried outside his family’s home. Yes, the courts will dismiss the previous charges against Talvi killing his brother, but they will surely bring new allegations against him once we determine the victim’s identity.” Cyril’s skeptical smile faded altogether. “Until we know more about who’s lying in his family’s plot, I’d take care not to get your hopes up in regards to your husband’s release. He did take someone’s life, after all.”
“It was in self-defense!” she hissed. “And it wasn’t his brother! That changes everything!”
“It doesn’t change the fact that someone is dead by his hands, or that it’s been in the news for months,” Cyril reasoned. Annika found herself quickly growing exasperated with him for being so practical. “Regardless of their identity, I’m certain that whoever it was had a family who wants justice as much as you do. Perhaps the case for self-defense will play out differently in a new trial, and Talvi will receive a reduced sentence? He might only have to serve a hundred years.”
“A hundred years?” she wailed. “That’s insane!”
“So is murdering your brother,” Cyril retorted in a crisp tone.
“But it wasn’t Finn!”
“But he thought it was, and that’s what the judges will say when they read his testimony again. A hundred years is the shortest sentence he could possibly receive for taking his brother’s life, even in self-defense.”
Annika folded her arms across her chest and bit down on her tongue to stop herself from spouting off about exactly what Talvi’s job entailed. She didn’t have a clue how much Tripp knew about his deadly and effective service to his country.
“This isn’t easy for me either. I’ve told you how much he means to me,” Cyril reminded her. “Talvi’s at the center of the most high-profile murder case the Empire has seen in years. Which is all the more reason why this needs to be handled properly. We can’t afford to make any mistakes. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but he won’t be released anytime soon. You may as well go back to America and continue to wait out the storm.”
Annika felt sick as her heart plummeted into her stomach. Then she gave him a hopeful smile.
“Can I at least visit him since I’m here?”
Cyril shook his head.
“He’s on full lockdown until further notice. I can’t even visit him,” he added with a frustrated frown. “Not without special permission from the warden, and I can’t get that until I have confirmation on record that his brother is alive. I’ll arrange for his attorney to meet with him as soon as Finn’s identity is verified and I have the final report on my desk. Greyson could deliver a letter on your behalf if you’d like to send one along with him. Well, he can show it to Talvi, but Talvi won’t be able to keep it, so I’d recommend that you don’t make it too long,” he added, and handed Annika the pen lying on his desk. When he gave her a sheet of paper that was decorated with embassy letterhead, all she could do was stare at him in disbelief.
“So that’s it? I’m just supposed to go home and wait around for the next hundred years or more until he’s released?” Tears stung at her eyes as this adjusted reality struck her full force. Cyril gave her a gentle smile.
“Until the body is exhumed and identified, I don’t know what else to tell you. I’ll have Greyson reach out and discuss your next course of action once we have more information. Adams, why don’t you take Annika into the atrium? I’m sure she’d appreciate a little privacy whilst she composes her letter.”
Annika’s eyes opened even wider as she was led out of Cyril’s office and through the dark building. She was taken back down the brass elevator which opened into the lobby. Behind it was a huge open space filled with desks and lamps. There were one or two staff members seated at the far end of the room. She sat down at the nearest table and stared at the blank sheet of paper in front of her. Everything was happening so fast. It took her weeks or even months to write a song about her feelings. How was she supposed to cram so many of them onto a single page? She thought back to the plane ride with Finn where she’d asked him the same question.
“Stop overthinking it and relax your mind,”
he’d told her.
Her left hand reached into her purse and pulled out her lip gloss, and the lamplight reflected on her wedding band—the only ring she wore now. Warm shimmers of light bounced back at her against the inscription written in Fae, filling her with hope the longer she gazed at it. She applied the ruby red gloss to her lips, then grabbed the pen and wrote exactly what came to mind:
Mo reis to comp anya vlatzee.
Love, Annika
Then she pressed the page against her lips, and sealed it with a kiss.
15
A New Year, A New Leaf
Althea finished pouring another cup of eggnog before setting the pitcher down and embracing her eldest son for the umpteenth time that evening. He’d arrived to find his family in the larger of the two music rooms, gathered around the Yule log burning in the fireplace. Now they were all gathered around him, crying tears of joy and relief as they held him and fed him and kissed him.
“I never want to let you go ever again,” his mother murmured before kissing the top of his head. She brushed away yet another tear and then handed him his refilled cup. “This Yule went from being the very worst to being the very best…although I’m sorry that Talvi can’t be here.”
“I am too,” Finn said and maneuvered the cup to his mouth. His sister Anthea had just returned from the makeshift kitchen with a heaping plate of food, which she brought over to him.
“You shouldn’t be on your feet,” Asbjorn scolded playfully, and motioned towards her large belly. His wife simply shook her head.
“I’m not on my feet at all,” she sighed with an elated smile. “I’m floating on a cloud! I can hardly wait until Stella sees you at breakfast. She’ll be thrilled. I wonder if I should go wake her up so she can see you now?”
“Let her sleep,” Asbjorn said while his wife handed Finn a fork. “I’m not certain how we’re going to explain it to her, but let’s wait until daylight. If we wake her up now when it’s dark and tell her that her uncle is back from the dead, she’ll think he’s a vampire.”
The Darkest of Dreams Page 20