Shameless

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by Storm, Zee Shine

They were my family and I would never abandon them. I'd never simply stop loving them over some other guy, no matter how sweet or attractive he was. I had almost twenty years with Cole. No two-week fling was ever going to be able to match up to that.

  The sound of a car pulling up in front made me smile again. He was here. My baby was here. Pushing back my chair, I stood up quickly and ran a hand through my hair before making my way over to the door. I swung it open without waiting for him to knock and it appeared as though he couldn't wait to see me either because he was already at the threshold, looking tired but handsome in a grey jacket with matching jeans and a white t-shirt.

  "Skye," he said, giving me a wide smile and I practically threw myself into his arms. He hugged me so tightly, picking me up and stumbling inside with me while nudging the door shut.

  "Cole, I'm so happy you're home," I told him with tears in my eyes.

  He set me down before taking my face between his hands and giving me a long kiss, filling me up with those familiar, loving emotions.

  "I missed you, Skye," he said softly, wrapping an arm around my neck to pull me against him before nuzzling my hair.

  I heard him inhale deeply and closed my eyes, unprepared for the avalanche of emotions which overwhelmed me now that I was holding him again. This was a unique experience for me because I'd never once been separated from him after we got married. Maybe Jasper was onto something after all when it came to the whole distance thing. If this was even a quarter of how Cole felt every time he reunited with Jasper after long periods of absence, then no wonder they still acted like newly-weds. I missed Jasper too when he wasn't around but Cole was the person I was more attached to.

  He was my person.

  "I love you," I blurted out and kissed him thoroughly while he walked me back towards the kitchen table.

  "Love you too, Skye," he murmured. “Always."

  My ass hit the edge of the table and I felt his hands travelling along my thighs, underneath my dress.

  "Baby," I whispered with a slight frown. "The kids."

  Cole stopped kissing me and raised his head, cocking his ear to listen. The house remained silent for several long seconds and he glanced back at me and smirked while removing his glasses.

  "What kids?" he whispered cheekily before lifting me up to place me on the table.

  Whoa. I widened my eyes at him but he simply walked over to the light switch and plunged us into darkness. I heard him slowly making his way over to me, able to navigate the path due to knowing exactly where everything was.

  "There you are," he whispered when he reached me and put his hands on my waist. "Show me how much you really love me, Mrs. Sawyer."

  I gasped at the term he used and stilled, my throat working as I swallowed. But Cole's lips were on my neck, his fingers kneading my waist and his hips pushing into me so I gave in to the moment and let my husband make love to me at four a.m on the kitchen table as our kids slept away, oblivious to the romance that was unfolding between their parents.

  Later on, we retreated upstairs and he changed before getting into bed with a long sigh and stretching out his muscles. I snuggled up to him, placing my hand on his chest and nestling in the crook of his arm, smiling away because I just felt so damn happy. We both stifled our yawns but sleep was quickly catching up to us as the seconds ticked by.

  "The kids are going to be so thrilled when they see you tomorrow," I murmured in the dark, kissing his chest lightly. "I mean, today. Just several hours later, I guess."

  He hummed in agreement while stroking my arm.

  "I hate keeping things from you," he said to me after a while. "He wanted to surprise everyone as well so he told me not to say anything."

  I frowned and lifted my head to look up at Cole, even though I could barely make out the outline of his jaw. "What?"

  My husband stifled another yawn and said, "Jasper came with me for a few days. He went straight to his place. Guess you'll see him tomorrow. I mean, today."

  I didn't say anything, just rested my head back on his chest and stared unseeingly into the darkness. Why was Jasper here? Why didn't they let me know of this before? Cole I had been prepared for but Jasper...

  Jasper knew something...or at least suspected something and he wasn't going to beat around the bush with me on the subject once we came face to face. Not that he could talk after his philandering all these years but still...now he had a reason to throw my words from long ago back in my face.

  "Baby, he missed you just as much as I did," Cole went on when I didn't respond for a long time. "Please be nice. I've already spoken to him about it and I just want this to be a happy time for our family. He's going to return on Tuesday and then it'll be six more weeks of separation. It's hard on him, too, being away from us all."

  "Yeah," I said absently and Cole dropped a kiss in my hair.

  "Good night, sweetheart," he whispered to me. "Oh, I mean, good morning."

  I couldn't help but smile at his cuteness. "Good morning," I whispered back.

  Sometimes, Ziad reminded me of Cole. Maybe that was partially why I had a soft spot for the boy. He was everything Cole was or had been when I'd first fallen in love with my husband. Charming, sensitive, possessive, respectful and eager to please. Except Zi was all about me. But in the long run, that didn't matter.

  What mattered was that my marriage with Cole had withstood the test of time. And if Jasper was here for what I dreaded he was here for, then I was about to find out if it could withstand the pain of infidelity or not.

  ~~~

  Zi

  The ground was wet and squishy under my boots and mud splattered all over my soccer uniform as I sprinted across the field in the pouring rain, searching for a gap to pass the ball on to the next player. Sergio, the player who was in attacker position, was open so I kicked it towards him just a few seconds before the opposing team's defender reached me. Sergio dribbled for a while, backtracked a few feet with the ball and then succeeded in scoring the second goal of the match with an ease and expertise that showed exactly how talented he was.

  We were forty minutes into the second half of the game on Saturday night; the U19 quarter-final play-offs for the Lombardy cup this season. It was us against Bressia Calcio, the defending champions for last year's tournament. So far, it was a draw and quite competitive.

  The heavy rain had only started about fifteen minutes ago so the ground wasn't all that bad but it did affect our visibility somewhat. However, the outpour began to seize as we took up our starting positions before the next kick-off. Alfonso, levelled me with a pointed stare as he made his way to the centre line, letting me know I had to be ready when he kicked the ball my way. We'd already discussed this particular strategy during the morning pep talk.

  Breathing heavily, I wiped my face with the neckline of my jersey which was probably the only clean part of it and rolled my shoulders, looking across the field at Jacob who was at goalie position and doing a hell of a job tonight. He'd already fended off six strikes from the Calcio attackers and I was very proud of my best friend.

  He caught my eye and showed me two thumbs-up; acknowledgement for the pass I had made earlier which had led to our first goal. I nodded at him and then looked up at the stands, this time trying to pick out my family in the massive crowd because I had been too focused on the game to locate them earlier. I had known they were there though, cheering me on as always. They never missed a single match of mine. Not even aunt Jasmine although she always claimed she attended due to research purposes.

  It made me smile a little but then that smile disappeared just as quickly when, instead of looking at the faces of my dad, aunt and sister, my gaze fell on Skye. I'd been expecting her presence and had liked the idea that maybe she would also be rooting for me in some corner of her heart despite the tense atmosphere of the previous night. I had missed her all day today, hadn't been able to rest easy last night and even though it had hurt to be ignored by her, I'd told myself that I'd see her again soon and everything
would be okay.

  But she wasn't alone. Mr. Sawyer was there beside her in one of the front rows and at the exact moment when I saw her, he was saying something in her ear which made her laugh and shake her head. I watched helplessly as she ducked her head in a coy manner before her husband tucked her into his side with an arm around her and kissed her hair.

  They made such a painfully pretty picture and the crushing agony that shot through me at the sight made me want to fall to my knees right there. I released a shattered breath, and then another, trying to fight against the blur of tears in my eyes, the numbness in my bones.

  From far away, there came the sound of a whistle, someone shouted my name and then I heard a cry of protest but I didn't even care. Who were these people to me? What did they even know of the storm that was raging inside my heart? Why was I even bothering with all this when the truth was being rubbed in my face this way in front of hundreds of people?

  Skye didn't belong to me. She never had and she never will. I was no one to her now that her husband was back to shower her with his love.

  She didn't need any of that from me.

  "Zi!"

  Another shout from someone who seemed to be miles and miles away. Players around me were already running after the ball, trying to claim victory and I only stood there as the ground beneath me shifted.

  Why?

  Why did this happen when all I wanted was to love her, to make her happy? I gave her all of myself in these two weeks, like I had never cared to give to any other woman and she didn't even bother to look my way tonight.

  A chorus of cheers erupted from the stands where the opposing team's supporters were. Seconds later, someone shook my shoulders, jostling me out of my trance. It was Alfonso, our team captain, who was glowering at me.

  "What happened to you? You were supposed to take that shot. I yelled your name so many times!" he rattled off in Italian, his anger and frustration making him revert to using his mother tongue whereas he usually communicated with us in English.

  Instead of answering, I just shook him off and started to walk away. Alfonso called out to me again but I kept walking, off the field, away from these people who meant nothing to me. I didn't owe them shit.

  At the very last second though, I paused for a moment and threw a glance over my shoulder at Jacob. He was standing at the goal post, his arms hanging limply by his sides, his brows drawn together while he regarded me with confusion and exasperation. My jaw clenched, my eyes narrowed at him and it made me angry that he appeared to care more about the match than me or what I was going through. There wasn't even a hint of concern on his face. If I had been in his shoes, I'd be rushing over to find out what was wrong.

  So I strode away and out of the grounds, ignoring the cries of outraged fans, the coach's booming voice asking me to stop and the referee's shrill whistle.

  My fucking heart was breaking here and all they cared about was some stupid match.

  Well. Fuck. Them. All.

  ....

  In the locker rooms of the stadium, I blindly grabbed my things and rushed out, unwilling to be confronted by anyone. Abbu would definitely be coming after me if he was able to navigate through that crowd quickly. With the state of mind I was in, I didn't trust myself to be nice to anybody. A fire had erupted in my veins causing anger, jealousy and a feeling of worthlessness which was completely new and strange. I felt like punching or breaking something and that was so uncharacteristic of me that it scared me.

  When I found my car and noticed it was blocked in by some idiot, I let out a curse and my fist landed a little forcefully on the hood while I bit my lip, tasting blood. That pain was nothing compared to the pain roaring inside my chest. I wanted to escape. I wanted to just get the hell out of here, away from this place and these people. Away from myself even.

  "Looks like you won't be able to go anywhere for some time. Need a ride?" a voice called out from behind me.

  I didn't have to look to know who was speaking as I screwed my eyes shut. Yeah, I did need a fucking ride. Anywhere but here, my brain insisted so I turned around and stalked over to her, silently getting inside the car and stuffing all my things in the backseat.

  "Sorry, I'm a little dirty," I muttered, scowling at the windshield as she settled in the driver's seat and started her Audi.

  "Not a problem," Giselle drawled while pulling out of her parking spot. "I happen to like dirty."

  I ignored her as she drove us out of the stadium's parking area and onto the road where traffic was pretty light. She didn't try to strike up a conversation much to my relief and I was able to relax a little, closing my eyes and trying to block out the thoughts of Skye with her husband.

  If only it were that easy...

  "Do you want to go to your place?" Giselle finally spoke up after about fifteen minutes of driving.

  "No," I answered. "Just drop me off at the village."

  I had money. I was eighteen. I'd find a place to crash for the night. All I knew was that I didn't want to see or talk to any of my friends or family. About anything.

  "How about my house?" she suggested. "Nobody's home. You can sleep over if you want. I won't tell anyone you're there."

  I peered out the window with a frown and didn't reply. For the first time since I'd known her, Giselle seemed to be showing me some consideration and in doing so, she made me ease up on the suppressed hostility brewing inside me. But only slightly.

  "Zi? What do you say? Do you-?"

  "Yeah, okay," I said shortly without looking at her.

  It wasn't often in life when I found myself not giving a shit about anyone. But at that moment, I truly didn't care. It felt as if tentacles of frost were slowly creeping across my heart and turning it into ice.

  So this was what it felt like when you invested yourself emotionally in someone and realised that there was nothing about you they found appealing enough to return those feelings...

  This was that awful, monstrous, gut-wrenching thing called heartbreak that I had not been prepared for at all.

  ****

  Chapter 17

  Zi

  "Go ahead and use the shower if you want," Giselle said to me once we were inside her spacious house at the end of via Feracia. I'd been to her place once before with Jacob and she'd been eyeing me the entire time then as well so I hadn't repeated my mistake. It was a huge, opulent home which was kind of similar to mine and yet, she was the only one there.

  "Thank you," I said quietly, dumping all my things unceremoniously on the floor of the spare bedroom which she had offered me. Even as I waited for her to leave so that I could clean myself up, I felt kind of hesitant to let her go. Everything would come crashing back down as soon as I was alone.

  "Do you want something to eat?" she asked me carefully.

  I was starving actually but I didn't say yes because I was afraid I might throw it all up.

  "No, thank you," I murmured even as my stomach grumbled.

  With a sigh, I went over to the bathroom and got in the shower, wishing for some music to help me make sense of what I was going through. Music and nature were the only two things that helped me process my thoughts whenever I felt overwhelmed. Giselle was there on the bed with a tray of food and something hot to drink once I was done and I blinked at her, wondering why she was being so nice to me.

  "Giselle, there's no need for all of this," I told her quietly but she just smiled, surprisingly lowering her gaze from my body which was only clad in a towel.

  "Come on. You were out there for a long time and you did great tonight, Zi. You should eat something." She stood up and brushed her palms over her jeans, still avoiding looking directly at me. "Good night. I'll be in the next room if you need anything."

  As soon as she left, I took out a pair of shorts from my bag and dressed quickly, wishing I could simply shut off my brain. I'd turned my phone off in the car but I was pretty sure that if I checked, there would be messages from everyone I knew in there except from her. She was done wit
h me. I felt that rejection deep in my soul and it hurt so bad.

  The tea Giselle had made for me tasted like chamomile and I only drank half of it. Ignoring the food, I crawled into bed, my body so weary and muscles all knotted up. God, if only I could sleep this off but my torturous feelings made that really difficult.

  Somewhere between tossing and turning and dozing off without actually being able to find any peace, I felt her sliding into bed with me. She was completely naked and cuddling up to me like it was the most normal thing in the world.

  "Giselle. Stop. What're you doing?" I asked her in a whisper.

  "You look like you need it," she whispered back, her knee coming up to graze my erection through my shorts.

  I hissed at the contact and tried to back off. It was strange that I was already so hard and unable to turn off my desire for her when she'd never been able to attract me before. This whole situation just felt hazy and confusing to me.

  "Please," I said in a weak voice but she brought my head down and kissed me, drawing out an involuntary moan from my throat.

  "You don't have to beg, baby," she told me in a seductive voice, kissing my neck then and pushing her hand down my shorts to grip me. "Mmm. This feels even better than I imagined."

  Again, I found it strange that my heart was protesting against this but at the same time, it felt good, her hand wrapped around me like that as she slowly began to stroke me. I tried my hardest to remember why I shouldn't be doing this but nothing came to mind.

  And all my thought processes seemed to come to a halt when Giselle crawled down my body, put her mouth where her hand was and proceeded to suck me off. It was my first blowjob but I couldn't enjoy it like I should have because I kept thinking about Skye. I kept imagining her hands on me, how it had felt when she'd let me do things to her, how much she had liked taking her pleasure from my body.

  And all of those memories just added to my pain.

  I might have even cried out her name as I climaxed but even that was just a blur in my head because my brain finally shut down and I found the oblivion I had been seeking.

 

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