Shameless

by Storm, Zee Shine

I'd seen a doctor but apart from that, I had no idea how to seek help for my situation. Jasmine was the only one who might be able to help me out but expecting her to put Skye's welfare before mine was just asking for too much. I couldn't risk it. Giselle might talk any day and it killed me to know I might be responsible for bringing down a huge scandal upon Jacob's family. That had never been my intention at all. I'd always wanted to protect him from harm. If he did have to know, I would have broken it to him gently and suffered through his anger but that was so pointless now. I didn't have any kind of future with his mother. Harsh reality had destroyed that beautiful dream of mine.

  I dozed off during the afternoon after taking my medication, grateful for that too because the drowsiness helped me sleep when I would have tossed and turned otherwise. My dad really came through for me, making sure I had everything I needed before he went and took care of the million other things he was involved in. Him being such a zealous soccer fan and telling me he didn't give a shit about the game because my mental health was more important to him made me genuinely smile for the first time since Friday night.

  I'd thought I'd disappointed him but he didn't even care about all that. He just wanted me to be okay.

  At some point during that evening, Jacob knocked on my door and called out a few times which honestly puzzled me because he usually didn't bother with such things and barged into my place anytime he wanted. Maybe he was just showing consideration for my health at the moment.

  I mumbled for him to come in and when he did, he had this huge scowl on his face and was all sweaty and dirty after his training. They'd managed to win the match without me, during the penalty shoot-outs. He'd blocked each and every goal from the other team and now he was pretty much a star but still had to continue practising regularly for the semis next weekend. I'd been wrong about him too. The minute I'd gotten home yesterday, he'd been over to see me and asked me if I was cool and if I needed him to take care of anything. He hadn't pushed me at all when I'd refused to talk about my behaviour at the match.

  "Man, I need to crash in your room for the night," Jacob grumbled, sounding angry and miserable. "Everybody's just getting on my last goddamned nerve, including your sister."

  I frowned at him a little. "What did she do now?"

  Jacob just exhaled loudly and shook his head. "Fuck, man, this is eating me up, Zi," he jerked out suddenly and threw me a helpless look. "I just found out that my parents are actually sleeping together. I mean, they've been doing it for years right under my nose. I don't know whom to talk to about this. I hate them both so much right now."

  Okay. I wasn't actually interested in discussing his parents' sex life but my confusion got the better of me and I sat up slowly, noting his apparent distress. What was so strange about them sleeping together? I opened my mouth to ask him that but then I realised that he wasn't really talking about Skye and Mr. Sawyer.

  Oh God. I didn't think I was breathing for a minute. It couldn't be... No way.

  "That's crazy," I managed to say as I stared at him in shock. It wasn't true. She'd trusted me with so much but she'd never mentioned this.

  "It is crazy," my friend agreed, shoving off his spare soccer boots and causing them to fly across the room which in turn made me flinch. I liked things to be tidy.

  "I mean, seventeen years! Almost eighteen years and they have been lying to me all my life!" he declared in outrage. "Do you have any idea how that feels, Zi? I'm...I'm just...I can't even...," he trailed off, removing his sweaty jersey. "Fuck this, man. You don't do this to your children. Not even Izzy and Ben know. But Cole knows! Oh yeah, apparently he's completely fine with it and it's one of those threesome things. Jesus."

  I felt for him, I really did. To find out something so huge about your parents and discover the people you trusted so much have lied to you all this time... I couldn't imagine the betrayal. But I did understand it.

  Skye had never even bothered to let me know about her and Mr. Wells when all this time, I'd thought I only had to worry about her husband. That was how little I had meant to her. That was how unimportant her involvement with me had been. And now I just felt used all over again.

  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jacob, the guy who didn't apologise, actually apologised to me while holding out his hands. "I didn't mean to dump this shit on you when you're not well but I'm just...Zi, I can't believe my father kept this from me," he finished in a broken voice. "He was my best friend after you. I never expected this from him and it fucking hurts."

  Sitting up straighter, I regarded my friend with sympathy. "I know, man. That is pretty fucked up," I said. "I know how close you are with Mr. Wells and I get it." Pausing, I let out a sigh, pushing down on my own pain because he really needed me to be there for him right now. "Jacob, I know you're mad. It's understandable. But when you cool down, just hear him out. Talk to your mum and Mr. Sawyer as well. They love you. Sometimes we keep things from people we love because we don't want to hurt them or maybe because we're too ashamed of the truth coming out." I looked away and fixed my eyes on the closed bedroom door. "It isn't right but we're all human. We mess up pretty big sometimes."

  I breathed in deeply, trying not to break down in front of him. At least he had gotten things off his chest. I couldn't speak about anything I was going through and I wished I could so badly. Keeping it all inside was destroying me.

  "Mind if I use your shower?" he asked me. "I need to cool off. And if your sister asks, I'm not here," he bit out, sounding angry all over again.

  Before I could comment on that, he had disappeared inside my bathroom. Okay yeah, my situation was shitty but this thing with Jacob and Aali was becoming way too disturbing for me to ignore. As soon as I got better, I was going to have to have a little talk with my sister.

  ****

  Chapter 19

  Cole

  "You okay, honey?" I asked Skye, looking over at her as she lay down beside me on the bed with her cheek resting on one forearm.

  "No," she replied in a small voice. She'd retreated into herself since the chaotic encounter this afternoon in the kitchen with Jacob.

  He knew about us now. At least, he knew that Skye and Jasper were more than friends and exes. The situation was quite fucked up. Now that he knew, Ben and Izzy would need to know as well. But Jasper was leaving tomorrow and there was no way this thing could get sorted out by then.

  Giving her shoulder a squeeze, I smiled reassuringly before going back to the designs I was working on on my laptop. "Don't worry. We'll figure it out. Just let me get this done and then I'm going to pop over to Armaan's and check on Jacob. Out of the three of us, I'm going to assume I'm the one he's least mad at."

  Skye let out a sigh and turned around to face the other side.

  "Jasper told me he loves me," she revealed after a moment's pause.

  I raised my eyebrows at that and smiled. "Well it’s about time," I replied, not at all surprised by the information.

  It was pleasing to hear actually. His trip to Australia had been the loneliest one till I'd shown up and maybe, it had made him put some things in perspective.

  "What does that even mean, though? Does he want more from me now or something?" Skye asked me quietly.

  I closed my laptop and scooted over to her. "You should talk to him about that," I murmured in her ear. "Which is what you should've been doing in the first place when Jacob walked in on you guys."

  She visibly cringed at the reminder. "It was Jasper's fault," she said irritably.

  Closing my eyes, I mentally counted to five and then said, "Baby. Jasper's not the enemy here. When are you going to understand that?"

  "When are you going to stop expecting me to simply overlook all the differences between us and live happily ever after with someone like him?" she countered with a frown.

  "If you resented him that much, you wouldn't have been having sex with him when your son walked in on you," I muttered before moving back to my side of the bed. "And now I have to fix the mess that you two have
created. Again."

  She sat up then to shoot me an angry look. "Oh so now you're judging me for wanting to sleep with him?" she demanded. "Wow, Cole. I didn't realise I needed your approval now in order to fuck him."

  "Okay, seriously. Stop. You're being so…"

  "What? Bitchy?" she asked in forceful tone. "Maybe I wouldn't have to be if you stopped taking his side every single time I try to state my opinion on him."

  "You don't get to have an opinion because he's my boyfriend and you only look his way when you need his brand of sex," I grated out. "He's fucking trying with you and all you ever want to do is play the blame game."

  Skye scoffed at that. "You know what, Cole? I am getting so fucking tired of the two of you trying to mold me to your liking, trying to make me fit in and become more submissive. He's always running the show and you...you're like his puppet."

  I narrowed my eyes at her then. "Yeah? And what are you? Do you realise what you sound like now every time we fight, Skye? An abuser." She gave me a stunned look. "Yeah, I said it. The way you constantly try to belittle me for loving him the way I do. I am proud to have that man in my life and I'm getting sick of you making me feel bad about it."

  Grabbing my jacket and phone, I stormed out of the room and went downstairs. I was going to head over to Armaan's place and hopefully, an evening with my friend might help relax me. I felt so angry with Skye and depressed that Jasper was leaving again tomorrow and if I spent the night with him, I'd be moping and making him feel bad about it too.

  So I was just going to stay away from both of them. I needed a break from all this relationship drama which seemed endless in my life. I even envied Armaan in that moment. Him and Jasmine had such a perfect partnership and they hardly ever disagreed on anything. They didn't have to lie and keep secrets from their kids and watch it blow up in their faces.

  I should've told Jacob the truth years ago instead of listening to Skye. I knew Jasper felt the same way. She'd manipulated this whole deception because she couldn't be an adult regarding her feelings for Jasper. And she thought we always expected her to submit to our demands? Wow.

  What more proof did she need that Jasper truly cared about her? He'd risked a fall-out with his son, the person he was so devoted to, just because Skye had begged him not to reveal the truth. She simply hadn't wanted to explain why she couldn't fully commit to his father. Why she had broken up with him in the first place. Why she'd kept them apart for two years. As usual, she thought the world was her enemy and that Jacob would hate her for it because he favoured Jasper.

  Skye simply didn't want to open up that Pandora's box. We were all on the same side here but she made us the villains whenever she felt cornered. I didn't know how to convince her anymore. I didn't even want to bother now.

  ~~~

  Skye

  I was sorry to see Cole go. I needed him on days like this but here I was, pushing him away. He was the wrong person to talk to about Jasper. Why did I keep forgetting that?

  I felt so overwhelmed tonight. Everything that had happened since I had gone to see Jasper this afternoon was finally catching up to me. The anger and hurt in my son's eyes. That was all my fault. I was the one who had insisted on lying to him when both Cole and Jasper had wanted to tell him the truth.

  And then Jasper telling me he loved me. I couldn't handle that at all. He knew I'd cheated on Cole, he knew my dirty, dark secret and he'd just turned around and told me he loved me. Not even a little bit of judgment? I hadn't expected that from him. But then, he always had a way of behaving so unexpectedly sometimes that it felt everybody floundering.

  Sitting up in bed, I decided to say goodnight to my other two kids and then go to sleep, preferring to deal with all the drama in the morning. This was all too much. I needed the entire night to process all of it. There was a knock on my door and I went to open it, thinking it was either Izzy or Ben. But it was Jasper who stood there. The last person I wanted to be around right now.

  "Hey. Can we talk, please?" he asked me so gently that I found it surprising. Usually he would say something like, 'We need to talk, Madison, stand aside,' and then he'd just barge in without waiting for me to reply.

  "I'm really tried right now," I told him.

  He let out a sigh. "This is important. I'm going back tomorrow. Please...just hear me out."

  I stepped aside reluctantly, only because he wasn't trying to demand anything but was asking so nicely.

  Jasper walked inside and hesitated for a second before taking a seat at the edge of my bed. He patted the space next to him and said, "This would be easier if you sat down as well."

  I gave him a suspicious look. What was he up to now? But I did as he asked, again wondering at his calm and placating demeanour.

  "What's up?" I said flippantly, tying the sash of my robe a little tighter. "Did you come to finish what you started this afternoon? Because I'm not in the mood."

  He sucked in his bottom lip, casting me a serious glance. "No," he answered. "I wanted to do this earlier but...Cole wouldn't leave your side and I kept thinking maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me." He breathed out slowly and gave me a smile. "I know things have never been easy for us, Skye. Mostly my fault. But...letting this go on without mending the rift between us is destroying our family."

  Reaching out a hand, he clasped it over mine and gave it a squeeze. "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there and that I let things get this bad."

  I watched as Jasper struggled to keep his voice steady and tried not to gape at him. This side of him was so rare. I had only witnessed it a handful of times during the entire twenty years I had known him. And this time, I was seeing it after so long that I didn't even know how to respond.

  "Skye, I think we should...make this official," he declared in a firm voice. "I'm tired of all this no-strings-attached nonsense. We both feel so much more for each other. The distance thing is slowly tearing us apart and Cole too. And now Jacob knows so it'll make things easier-"

  "No."

  He frowned at me. "What do you mean, ‘no’?"

  I shook my head determinedly. "We're not making anything official. Jasper, I love you too but we're both adult enough to know by now that love isn't always enough. I might understand you a bit better now but that doesn't mean I can just turn a blind eye to everything you do-"

  "You and Cole are the only ones I have been sleeping with for the past thirteen years."

  He said it so calmly that I wasn't sure if I heard him right.

  "What?"

  He nodded at me. "It's the truth. There has been no one else since the night you came to me...when Jacob turned five. I haven't even looked at another woman that way and Cole knows this."

  He had to be lying. Cole would believe anything Jasper told him. This had to be a joke. All these years of thinking he was still carrying on bedding different women in different countries and he was telling me that it had all been in my head? That he'd actually been faithful to me?

  "Why are you doing this?" I asked him, feeling panic rise up within me. "Why are you telling me all this, Jasper?"

  "Because I can't just sit back and watch my family fall apart this way," he answered in an emotional tone. "We can make this work. I won't leave. I'll be more supportive. I'll try not to let you down. Just please...let's give this a real chance. It's been twenty years, Madison. I'm tired of living like this."

  "But...but I slept with someone else," I stammered, looking at him incredulously.

  He winced a little at that, as though me admitting it out loud hurt him and then he looked up at the ceiling and blinked. I watched his throat working as he swallowed, trying to bring some emotion under control.

  "It's okay," he said at last in a whisper but when he looked back at me, his eyes were shadowed with pain. "Karma, right? I deserve it after what I did to you. I deserved to find out like that. When it hurt me, it made me realise how much I loved you. And that this isn't the life I want for us."

  He was hurting me too by bari
ng his soul like this. God, I'd thought it wouldn't matter to him but...

  "I know you didn't do it to hurt anyone," Jasper went on. "I know that isn't you, okay. You care about us a lot. We can put it behind us and work on righting our wrongs." Giving me a smile that seemed as if he was trying hard to reassure himself instead of me, he let out a breath and then reached inside the pocket of his jeans.

  "Fuck," he said under his breath and looked so damn nervous that I froze up. Why was he acting like this? My strong and composed Jasper was so vulnerable right now and it was disconcerting to watch.

  "Okay, I have never done this and Cole would probably kill me because I certainly have never thought of doing this with him but..."

  His hands were not exactly steady when he brought out the ring. It caused me to stop breathing for a moment.

  "Jasper-"

  "I was going to do this after I returned from Australia once the job was over," he interrupted me. "But then I got so worried about Cole and thought I'd just come and make sure everything was fine. But now with Jacob finding out and all...I mean, why wait, right?"

  "Jasper, we can't get married," I told him in a shocked voice which made him laugh shortly.

  "I know. It won't even be legal," he replied before locking his gaze with mine in an intense look. "Cole beat me to it, I guess. But I still want you to wear my ring. I still want to call you mine. We can have a small ceremony. I don't care about the paperwork. And we're all sleeping in the same bed from now on."

  I stood up even though I felt like my legs wouldn't support me. I had to get away from him. From that ring. Everything it meant.

  "I'm sorry I couldn't be more romantic about this," he apologised wryly. "But I really love you, Madison. Say yes."

  Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I looked at him. At the hope and sincerity in his expression.

  Thirteen years? He'd been loyal to me for thirteen years and I hadn't even known? Every time he left the country, I kept imagining him fucking some other chick and I kept berating Cole for it when my bitterness got in the way but neither of them had bothered to correct me. Neither of them told me this when I threw barbs at Jasper about not being able to keep his dick under control. Cole took the 'abuse' while Jasper laughed through the distrust I showed him at every turn because in his heart of hearts, he'd already committed himself to me. The only reason he didn't push me for a relationship was because of my no-strings-attached policy and because he was afraid of being rejected.