Shameless

by Storm, Zee Shine

  And now he knew I'd cheated as well. It had hurt him and he hadn't let on till this moment because he believed he deserved it.

  And yet...he'd forgiven me.

  Just like that.

  He'd smiled through the pain, told me he loved me and that he knew I hadn't meant to hurt anyone and then, he'd brought out a fucking ring.

  "Please don't cry," he said to me, starting to get up.

  I backed away, holding out a hand to stop him.

  "You need to leave," I said softly.

  "Skye, come on. I can't leave. I know this is too much all at once but-"

  "I slept with Ziad."

  His mouth opened slightly and the look he gave me was one of stunned surprise. He didn't speak for a moment.

  "That can't be right," he finally breathed out.

  I laughed bitterly. "Why? What's the matter? Not so sure about me now, are you? Knowing that I got involved with my son's eighteen year old best friend."

  His hands went to his hair and he swallowed hard a few times, turning away from me. I watched him walk over to the dresser and put his hands there, watched as he took in deep breaths. Oh shit. My eyes darted around nervously, trying to see if I had some water or something around here. I shouldn't have dumped that information on him like that.

  "Are you okay?" I asked, staring at his back.

  He didn't speak for some time and then rubbed his face and turned to me with bloodshot eyes and a pale expression.

  "Is it over now?" he asked quietly, clasping his hands together.

  I nodded mutely.

  Jasper licked his lips and looked away from me. "God, I never thought I'd feel so angry and jealous over a fucking teenager," he burst out suddenly. "If I didn't know what kind of boy he was already, I probably would have gone and punched his face without any regrets."

  "It was my mistake," I said slowly.

  He looked back at me with a grave expression. "I'm not judging you. I get it. Must be boring to hang out with two old men all the time."

  His voice breaking a little when he said that was what finally broke me.

  "I can't marry you, I'm sorry," I told him shakily. "It's hard enough trying to make one relationship work. I can't do it, Jasper."

  "Baby, I will give it my best," he said in a pained voice. "Please, please trust me. I'm going to treat you better. Don't give up on us."

  Turning away and steeling my resolve, I shook my head adamantly. "Don't force me to marry you, Jasper. I can't do it. You need to go."

  "Madison-"

  "Please just leave me alone," I cried. "Things won't simply change just because you are suddenly ready for them to change."

  "I get that. I know I've been wrong-"

  "Jasper, just go," I cut in abruptly. "You're better off with Cole. We'll figure out how to handle Jacob. My answer is no, okay. No."

  What cut me the most was that he wasn't even blaming me. There was not a single word of accusation coming out of his mouth. Instead of crucifying me, he was offering me his lifelong commitment. After knowing everything, that was his reaction.

  I didn't deserve any of it. After all the pain I had caused him by keeping him from Jacob and constantly resenting him all these years for his non-existent philandering, I didn't deserve to be forgiven so easily and given so much love and acceptance in return.

  I'd been right and wrong both at the same time. Jasper Wells and I were worlds apart and would never work out. But it wasn't because he wasn't worthy of my love.

  It was because I wasn't worthy of his.

  ****

  Chapter 20

  Zi

  I felt someone sit beside me the next morning as the mattress dipped and cracked open an eye, expecting to find Jacob. But instead of a pair of blue eyes, I was looking into a pair of dark ones.

  "Aunt Jasmine," I mumbled in a sleepy voice. "What're you doing here?"

  She held up a finger and said, "Please, please stop calling me aunt."

  I closed my eyes again, not wanting to get into this conversation with her.

  "Good morning, Jacob," I heard her say and assumed my friend must have awoken too. "It's fine, don't worry. I won't tell anyone about this."

  My lips curved at that even though I kept my eyes closed. Jacob had slept next to me last night. The bed was spacious and it was no big deal but the way she teased him was amusing. The mattress moved again and I turned over to find Jacob standing beside the bed, giving my aunt a wide-eyed stare and breathing a little too fast.

  "It's nothing like that," he said in an insistent voice. "He...we...I'm...I'm completely straight."

  My eyebrows went up at the way he tried to make sure my aunt knew exactly what his sexual orientation was so that there wouldn't be any room for doubts. Then Jacob grabbed his t-shirt and phone and mumbled something about school before stalking out. I looked back at Jasmine as she regarded me calmly but with a small spark of amusement in her eyes as well.

  "Does anything ever get past you?" I asked her as I sat up. "How long have you known?"

  She raised an eyebrow at me. "Known what?"

  I smiled at her with just a corner of my mouth. "That Jacob has a crush on you."

  She frowned at me a little. "It's kind of obvious. Kid's been staring at me since he was two years old."

  I started to laugh at that. "Seriously? Two years?" I shook my head a little. "Just so you know...it isn't that obvious. I noticed because I'm his best friend but he doesn't really go around revealing it to anyone. I think he's actually scared of you finding out."

  She shrugged and then got up. "Well, he's going to have to get over it soon because one, I'm already taken and two, I'm not into little boys," she replied. "Get up. You're going back to school today."

  "No," I groaned and fell back amongst my pillows. "I'm not well yet."

  She looked down at me with narrowed eyes. "Zi. Armaan's been driving himself nuts worrying about you and I can't see him like that anymore. Also, you need to get out there and face the world again. Come on. Can't hide in your room forever."

  I turned my face away. Getting back to reality meant having to live without the promise of seeing Skye again in dark rooms and secluded spots. She'd given up on me and if I saw her again and she gave me one indifferent look, it would kill me. And then there was Giselle in school. God knows what she'd try next. The aftermath of the game was another thing I'd have to deal with. No. There was no way I was getting back out there. This was safer.

  "My stomach hurts," I lied, shifting to bury my face under a pillow.

  "Ziad," she said to me slowly. "Your Abbu is actually at school right now, talking to some of your teachers, trying to find out what is going on with you. He's already mentioned his concerns to Cole when he came over last night. And yesterday afternoon, he asked Jacob some things as well."

  I shoved off the pillow and stared at her, starting to feel a little anxious.

  "And Saturday night, you were over at that girl's house so I'm guessing he will question her next-"

  "No." I scrambled out of bed, panicking inwardly. "No, no, no. He can't talk to her. Why...why did you let him go?" I cried out in exasperation.

  She regarded me with a mixture of concern and disappointment. "If he wants to find something out by himself because you won't offer him information, then I'm not going to stop him, Zi. You're stalling and he's worried."

  "Aunt Jasmine, you know I can't tell him about her. You know my situation," I pleaded. "Abbu can't find out."

  She smiled at me like she really didn't care. "Well then I guess you'd better come up with a good explanation for your recent behaviour. And get your ass to school as soon as possible."

  ....

  She dropped me off at school an hour later, telling me she was only doing this for moral support. She also encouraged me to text her and let her know if I needed her help with anything. Man, she was the unlikeliest of allies but it felt so good to have her on my side.

  School was a torture house. I didn't know how many stare
s, whispers and questions I received because of what I had done at the games. Even my teammates sort of boycotted me with the exception of Jacob. They took their soccer pretty seriously and I was public enemy number one right now when it came to the Pavian youths' soccer community. I was surprised that they hadn't turned hostile towards me yet but I suspected it had a lot to do with my father's influence and his relations with the people here.

  That wasn't the hardest part, though. Checking my phone and finding no text messages from Skye was eating at me deep down. I suffered from the strongest urge to simply dial her number and demand that she meet up with me so I could present my case. I hadn't told her how much I loved her yet. Maybe she would change her mind about me if she knew how serious I was. Then I mentally scolded myself because I knew I was being childish. She'd never change her mind. I just wasn't important enough.

  A deep depression settled into me by two p.m because I was about to make my day even more unpleasant by deciding to talk to Giselle. That sickening feeling in my gut returned when I found her during a free period and asked her if we could have a chat. She studied me with a disgustingly satisfied look once we went inside an empty classroom.

  "Can you please not say anything to my dad if he tries to contact you?" I asked her, getting straight to the point. "I won't tell anyone what you did but I want your silence in return."

  Giselle looked me up and down with a smile. "Oh, I'm sorry, was I not supposed to talk to him?" she questioned innocently.

  I glared at her. "Giselle, I'm serious. Stay away from my family, okay. Leave them out of this."

  She came close to me and poked my chest with a finger. "I didn't know I wasn't supposed to speak to him," she drawled. "He's quite hot, huh? Hard to resist those eyes and that voice. Wonder if he tastes as delicious as his son."

  I tightened my jaw, swallowing down the bile. God, what kind of girl was my best friend dating? Why was she like this? Then a thought occurred to me suddenly and I held back a tiny smirk.

  "My aunt will kill you," I told her confidently. "She'll peel off your skin as though she was peeling off an apple and bury your body back in our woods." I paused for dramatic effect and pinned her with a dark look. "I'd be the one handing her the shovel."

  The expression on Giselle's face grew uncertain. Then she scoffed at me.

  "Don't threaten me, Zi," she threw at me with a lift of her chin. "You don't want me running off to Jacob and telling him his best friend's got mommy issues now, do you?"

  My fingers curled into fists and I pressed myself against the door to physically stop myself from hitting her. Fuck. She was such a horrible person. So cunning and manipulative.

  "I have to go," I told her curtly. "Just don't say anything and I'll try my best to make sure you don't end up in prison."

  She regarded me with a hooded gaze, her red lips twisting cruelly. "What, no parting gift?" she murmured, putting her hands on my chest and then dragging them down. "I want to taste you again."

  "Fuck off," I bit out, scowling at her. "Don't push your luck, okay." I held her by the shoulders and moved her away from me before twisting my hand around the door knob.

  Her laughter followed me out. "Hey, Zi. Next time, if someone offers you something to drink, make sure you say no," she called out in a mocking voice, making my face burn.

  I'd been stupid to trust her. Naive as well. But she'd...raped me. And she had the nerve to touch me against my will again and make fun of me in broad daylight in school. I was silent because I needed to protect Skye. But I was also afraid of not being strong enough to tolerate this day after day.

  ....

  Jacob was nowhere to be seen once school was over. Jasmine had gone back with Abbu and left me her car. It was a brand new Ferrari. She always drove a Ferrari. Like any other guy, I was stoked to be able to show it off to my friends and it sort of melted the ice with my soccer mates. Sort of. They were nowhere close to forgiving me yet. According to the unwritten rules of soccer, I had committed a grave sin and my penance would be long and difficult.

  I texted Jacob to ask him where he was but he didn't reply. Maybe his parents had already picked them up. I was about to get in and drive off when someone tapped me on my shoulder.

  "Nice car," a girl said cheerfully.

  It was Sierra. I hadn't seen her since that day at the bakery. That beautiful day which had ended so awfully with Skye.

  "Thanks," I said with a smile. "How've you been?"

  She gave me a shrug. "Adjusting," she said. "Italians are loud by the way. And talkative. And very, very clueless about the concept of personal space."

  I laughed at her observations. "True," I agreed. "Where are you from originally?"

  "London. But we move around a lot," she answered. "My dad moves around a lot actually. He's a photographer. But he got a job in Milan and I hate big cities. So he's letting me stay with my aunt in the village for a few months."

  I nodded at her. "Sounds interesting," I murmured politely.

  She inclined her head at me. "It's not," she stated in amusement. "You're just saying that."

  I bit my lip, unsure of how to reply to that. I was just being nice since she was new around here. As soon as I thought that, I stopped biting my lips and looked at her like I was looking at her for the first time.

  Sierra frowned when I kept on staring at her. "What?" she asked me warily.

  I glanced around at the hundreds of excited students milling about, waiting for rides or taking the bus and then I smiled at her slightly.

  "You need a ride home or something?" I asked her.

  She hugged her books to her chest, frowned thoughtfully at my car and then shrugged. "Who can say no to that?" she replied, gazing at the Ferrari. "You're going to make all the girls envy me. They'll either hate me tomorrow morning or want to be my friend."

  I opened the door for her and said, "Let's hope it's the latter."

  Sierra gave a shudder. "I'm not sure if that's such a good thing," she replied honestly, making me laugh again.

  Once we got in, I was off and she giggled with delight because the ride was awesome. In Italy, the rule was to go fast.

  I parked in front of her bakery and instead of getting out, she turned to face me and asked, "Okay, what was that look all about back at school?"

  I thought she'd forgotten. On the way here, I realised it was a crazy idea. And also such a selfish one.

  "Nothing. It doesn't matter," I mumbled and jerked my chin towards the patisserie. "Go on. I need to get back home."

  Sierra folded her arms and stayed put. "Well then you're going to be pretty late because I'm not leaving until you tell me what was on your mind."

  Sighing, I looked out the window. "It's pretty stupid. I...I need to get my dad off my case regarding someone I'm seeing and I was thinking that if I gave him a false trail, it'll satisfy him and he'll leave me alone. I would've paid you for your time or even returned the favour in some other way."

  She stayed quiet for a while and I glanced at her worriedly. "I'm sorry. It's just that, I don't want anyone to know about my...relationship, not even Jacob and he'd only believe me if I faked it with someone new. He knows I'll never be into any of the girls we've always known at school."

  Sierra puckered her brows. "And why is that?" she asked, not sounding at all offended. "Why won't you ever be into any of the girls at school?" She blinked at me uncertainly. "Are you gay?"

  I shook my head at her. "No. I'm not gay."

  "Oh, thank God," she breathed out and I looked away, noting the relief in her voice.

  It had been a stupid idea. The thought of fooling my dad this way didn't sit well with me as I dwelled upon it. And Sierra sounded like she was interested in me. I didn't want to give her the wrong idea and mess with her feelings.

  "Well, I don't know if I can ever be someone's fake date or anything but if you ever want a real one, you know where to find me," she quipped.

  A few seconds later, I felt a touch on my arm and turned to see her h
olding out a piece of paper with what I assumed was her number on it. Silently, I pocketed it, not wanting to offend her further but knowing I wasn't going to call her.

  "Sierra? I'm sorry to interrupt but we're going to be late if you don't hurry, sweetie," someone spoke up from outside my car window and I shifted my gaze to the person standing there. The woman smiled at me in a distracted manner before addressing Sierra. "Your father's waiting for us," she said gently.

  "Right. I was just...um...oh this is Zi," Sierra introduced quickly while getting out of the car. "Zi, this is my aunt, Iris."

  Sierra's aunt, who looked to be in her thirties or something, smiled at me properly this time. "Hi. I'm glad to see she's made more friends here. Nice to meet you, Zi."

  Her eyes were the same colour as mine, her hair a mop of curly, chestnut waves surrounding a heart-shaped face. And her lips...

  I jerked my eyes away from her and nodded stiffly. "Sure. Nice to meet you too."

  Sierra and her aunt went inside the bakery and I hit the gas pedal, getting the hell out of there and not even caring about traffic laws. When I reached home, I sat in the car for a long time and stared out the windshield, my hands still gripping the steering wheel.

  Why won't you ever be into any of the girls at school?

  A question similar to the ones my sister had asked me a few times over the years while Jacob had commented on it and teased me about it as well. And those girls were hot, always making their interests known. But I'd never felt like dating any of them.

  And then I'd found myself feeling attracted to Skye for the first time and had loved her for the way she made me feel. She'd brought me so much happiness, I hadn't wanted anybody else. But I'd noticed Sierra's aunt today. I'd been staring at her in what had been a perverted manner. She was probably telling her niece about it right now and shaking her head in disgust.