There were tears in his eyes and he looked so broken. There were tears in mine too. God...I hadn't even known he was hurting this way because of me. What had I done? Reaching up, I wiped the moisture from his cheeks and leaned in to hug him, feeling deeply sorry. He was so young and suffering this much at his age seemed really unfair. He couldn't even talk about it with anyone.
"I'm sorry," I told him softly when his arms tightened around me. "I didn't know. Why didn't you say anything?"
He sniffed against my hair as we held on to each other. "You laughed at me when I tried to," he whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut at the pain in his voice. Poor Ziad. He didn't deserve to go through all this alone. Bringing my hands up to cradle his face, I stared deeply into his soulful eyes. "You'll get through this," I told him, trying to sound strong for his sake but wondering if I even believed those words myself. "I know it hurts, that it feels like the end of the world but-"
I couldn't finish my sentence because his mouth came down on mine and he kissed me, taking me by surprise. I tried to push him away at first but he wouldn't stop and as he continued to kiss and run his hands all over me, my senses exploded once more and I stopped fighting. Desire flooded through me again, making me moan and clutch at him.
I was a horrible, horrible person. Why didn't I have the willpower to say no to him? Even now, I wanted him so much. He brought out my wild, reckless and naughty side and that body of his was just so...
"Ziad, please," I whispered, not sure what I was trying to convey because he'd planted me on the balcony and my legs were wrapped around him while he fumbled with the zipper on his jeans. God, why was this so hot? So tempting and delicious. I'd told myself not to cheat again. I'd hated myself for doing this to Cole and vowed I wouldn't be this woman anymore just a week ago.
But tonight, I was surrendering to the lust all over again. He smelled so good and felt even better, just like all the other times.
"Aah!" I cried out when he entered me, holding on to my waist while I remained tangled around him. "Oh, shit."
"Oh my God, Skye," he hissed and took me in a wild, desperate manner. It was just us and this animalistic heat now. Nobody else existed. Consequences be damned.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head at the pleasure as he moved his hips against mine and shoved down the front of my dress with one hand to suck on my nipples. I wanted to scream from the exquisite agony of it, so fierce was the sensation. My orgasm was even more fierce. He groaned as we came together, our lips merging again hungrily.
When it was over, my grip on him loosened slightly while he breathed hard into my neck. I felt a smile of pure carnal satisfaction coming up but I crushed it.
I knew the guilt would come later. I'd go downstairs and pretend like nothing happened, then I'd go home and take a shower before snuggling with my husband. He'd smile and say sweet things to me or try to initiate sex and I'd just lie there feeling like crap. What was wrong with me?
"I'm so sorry," he said to me and stepped away as we righted our clothes and tried to regain our composure. "I'm really sorry, Skye. You touched me and I...I lost control. Please don't be mad at me."
Shaking my head, I smiled up at him kindly albeit shakily and replied, "Don't apologise. I should've stopped it too. Look...I...I feel bad, Zi. For hurting you. I swear I never meant to." I let out a breath and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten it. "You're really young. You'll get over me someday. I promise you it gets easier."
Saying that, I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, still breathing a little unevenly from the assault on my senses and my body. He'd make some woman really lucky someday. Hopefully it would be Iris because she seemed like such a nice person.
"Take care of yourself," I breathed out. "This can't happen again. I don't want to lose my family. You have your whole life ahead of you. All I have is them."
Giving his arm a squeeze, I took a deep breath and walked away from the scene of my disgrace, my heart thumping a million miles per hour when I thought of facing my husband again.
I'm so sorry, Cole.
I’m really sorry. I’ll do better.
I promise.
****
Chapter 28
Cole
Isabelle opened the front door when I came home one afternoon, looked at me with wide eyes and spoke in a hushed voice, "Mom's gone crazy."
Huh? Quickly, I entered the house, listening for signs of my wife being hysterical or something but everything was quiet. Too quiet.
"What happened? Where is she?" I questioned my daughter in concern and she bit her lip worriedly before pointing in the direction of the living room.
We'd already started to put up Christmas decorations so the house appeared cheery and festive. One more week and Jasper was going to come back home. For good. I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms again. But first, I had to deal with whatever Isabelle was talking about.
"Skye? Honey? Are you o-kayyyy?" I slowed down my frantic steps and regarded the figure seated in the middle of the living room floor warily.
What in the world was happening? There was some sort of music playing on her phone, a low, continuous trickling sound like rain falling on the roof followed by a soothing voice saying something along the lines of, 'You have no fears. No doubts. Nothing is holding you back from experiencing that peace and joy. Embrace it. Make it yours. Become one with it.'
Her eyes were closed in concentration as she sat still in an Indian style pose, visibly breathing in and out.
"Err...should we call someone?" my daughter asked tentatively as she appeared next to me, biting her nails.
I tried not to laugh but some snickering sounds escaped me anyway. As I leaned against the wall beside the adjoining door, feeling amused by this interesting turn of events, Skye opened her eyes. I stopped laughing at once and straightened, not wanting to make her mad. My wife was a firecracker and almost anything managed to set her off these days.
"Hey, baby," she said to me sweetly. "How are you?"
Isabelle glanced between us.
"I- I'm fine," I answered and went over to her. "What about you?"
She let out a breath and her eyes twinkled up at me. How pretty she looked today in that cute t-shirt and shorts with her hair falling around her shoulders.
"I have never been better," she sighed, sounding happy. "I'm trying this new meditation thing I saw online. It's amazing. Really helps me connect with my spiritual side. Izzy, can you please get your father some tea? It's the iced one I put on the counter earlier."
I raised my eyebrows at her while my daughter shuffled away to do as Skye had asked.
"I made some green tea for you," she told me with a smile and crooked her finger at me.
Curious, I lowered myself down to her level and she leaned into me, bringing her arms up around my neck to give me a kiss. And not simply a peck on the cheek but an actual, lasting kiss on my mouth as though she was planning to take me right there. We pulled away when Isabelle returned and I cleared my throat and sat down next to Skye.
"I have to do my homework," my daughter said slowly, catching my eye. "You're going to be okay, right?"
I smiled in amusement again and gave her a thumbs-up as I drank the tea. Teenagers. Skye blew me a kiss and closed her eyes again, her lips curved in a ghost of a smile while she concentrated on the music once more.
God, I could sit there and look at her for hours when she was being this sweet to me. Even though part of me did wonder how long it would last, I decided to cherish the moment. After finishing my tea, I loosened my tie and untucked my shirt, shifting into position beside her and closing my eyes as well.
Hmm. It was pretty relaxing. I'd heard of partner yoga before, when Jasper and I discovered ways of being totally in sync with each other while trying out different sex positions and he told me that was a much, much better alternative to yoga. But partner meditation with my wife? That sounded pretty cool too.
"So are we like supposed to hum or
something?" I spoke up after a minute.
She opened her eyes, saw me trying to imitate her and smirked a little. "Do you want to hum?" she asked me pleasantly. Wow. I loved this Skye even more. She wasn't snapping at me for disturbing her like she usually would have.
Inclining my head to the side, I let my eyes slide down from her face to her breasts and over to her thighs in a sensual survey.
"Orrr," I dragged out the word and caught her eye again, winking at her. "We could just moan instead. I've heard that's also pretty relaxing." The naughtiest look I'd ever seen crept across her expression and she bit a corner of her lip before sliding a hand over my chest possessively.
"We're going to have to drive somewhere," she suggested in a breathy voice. "I want us to be loud. And I want it hard and fast."
Oh fuck yes. There was a stirring in my pants already as my breathing quickened. Hard and fast it was then. Grabbing the back of her head, I crushed my mouth to hers and tasted her, building up the urgency before pulling her to her feet along with me. She'd made me so horny.
"Kids, we're going for a drive!" I yelled upstairs. "Will be back in ten." Skye giggled as I led her towards the front door, grabbing my keys on our way out. I couldn't wait.
"Ten minutes? Really?" she asked me in amusement.
"Hey, Dad, bring us some doughnuts okay!" I heard Ben's voice from somewhere in the house.
Yeah. Whatever. I'd bring them anything they wanted as long as they let me have a few minutes alone to ravish my wife the way I was aching to do.
"Doughnuts," she laughed, putting a hand over her mouth once we had piled into the car.
I leaned over to kiss her passionately and when my hand slid inside her shorts, she didn't slap it away. It was a miracle in itself because the kids were right there and could be watching us from the windows.
"Mmm," she moaned, climbing all over me.
“Damn. You're not high or anything, are you?" I asked her a little uncertainly.
Skye kissed my nose before gazing into my eyes affectionately. "High on your love, baby," she murmured in an absolutely cheesy way.
Regardless, it made me so damn happy. That was all I ever wanted. For her to learn how to embrace the peace and joy that life had to offer and let go of negativity. I prayed it would last for her sake. Out of all of my loved ones, Skye had always worried me the most.
"Baby, I love it when you're like this," I murmured emotionally, hugging her close. "Love you so much." She hugged me back, nuzzling my chest and caressing my shoulders. It softened my heart and hardened my dick both at the same time. "Okay, back to the sex," I said abruptly, sticking the key in the ignition.
"Oh, yes. Right." She scrambled off me and fastened her seatbelt, getting ready for our sex session like a good girl.
I grinned to myself as I backed the car out. Wow. Life was just so good right now. And next week, it was going to get even better. Merry Christmas indeed.
~~~
Two weeks later
…
Ziad
Happiness had become an elusive thing lately but tonight, looking at my friends, family and a few neighbours coming together to celebrate Christmas did manage to make me smile. It wasn't even part of our religion but there was my father, helping Mr. Sawyer fix up the nativity scene they had set up in their yard. There was something in the air...a sense of peace, a kind of warmth and lots of hope, maybe.
Slowly, with time, my heart would heal and I would be whole again. I wanted to be. Suffering hadn't done me much good except I'd started to write down songs and sing them in my spare time as an outlet for the pain which had been a suggestion from my therapist. I believed it was working but I couldn't be sure because it was too soon to tell. After I had that relapse with Skye on the night of the dinner, I had had to break up with Iris. It wasn’t fair on her. She deserved someone who could fully commit to her and I knew I wasn’t that guy. Abbu told me recovering from a broken heart would take a lot of time, more than just a few weeks, and I was going to go with that for now.
As I reached across the buffet table to get something to drink, my hand brushed against someone else's and I straightened quickly when I realised it was Skye. As usual, my heart leapt wildly inside my chest. Then it just felt like someone was squeezing it hard. She looked so beautiful that I had to drag my eyes away from her. We both spoke nervously and at the same time.
"Sorry, I was just grabbing my soda."
"Sorry, I was just getting the salad."
I looked at her again and nodded just to be polite. It was fine. I could do this. I could be friendly without losing my mind even if my therapist had suggested complete distance and even if my heart was beating so fucking hard, I felt like she could hear it.
She hesitated next to me for a while and then gave me a sympathetic look. "How are you doing?" she asked me quietly.
I inhaled deeply, not wanting to get into this conversation with her again. What good would come out of it? Besides, Abbu would freak out if he turned around and saw us standing so close and talking to each other. Skye had no idea that he knew about my affair with her.
"I'm fine. How are you, Mrs. Sawyer?" I kept my tone cool and detached, my gaze averted. Unfortunately, averting my gaze made it land on my sister sitting next to the huge Christmas tree beside the pool and giving Jacob's dad suggestive looks. I was going to have another talk with her as soon as we got home again. What the hell was she thinking? And what the hell was wrong with that man?
Skye didn't respond and I noticed that she was also looking at them with an expression on her face that was a mixture of sadness and longing. I kind of understood even if I felt hurt knowing she would never look at me that way.
"I hope it works out," I said to her kindly, not aware of the details of her relationship with Mr. Wells but still able to sense that all was not okay. How could it be? He couldn't take his eyes off my sister.
Skye threw me a startled look and then let out a nervous laugh. "Oh...um...I was just-"
"Pining," I interrupted bluntly. It was so obvious and she didn't have to hide it from me anymore.
Skye nibbled on her lip, moved the salad bowl around absently and said in a low voice, "Maybe it's karma. Because...I broke your heart."
She sounded so sad, so defeated. It didn’t sit well with me. "I don't think so," I told her softly. "Even karma would start having second thoughts and a guilty conscience before coming for someone as sweet as you."
Shit. What was I saying? I was supposed to stop all this already.
Skye was giving me a look of wonder. "Whoa. That was...um...quite poetic." She laughed a little. "I'm not that sweet, Zi but thanks for that." There was a pause and then she added, "You have such an amazing soul. There's something so pure about you. I mean, after all you went through, if you can still bring yourself to be kind to me and say such nice things..."
My smile was bittersweet, my laughter forced. "I wrote those words as lyrics to a song last night," I admitted to her ruefully. "Music is the only thing that helps me cope."
Skye considered my words for a moment, appearing guilty. "I'm sorry," she said. "Maybe one day, something good could come out of it. You could use those lyrics for actual songs that might impact people all over the world." She gave me a small smile. "I'd definitely buy those albums."
I wasn't sure why but her optimism made me feel a little sour. Yeah. Maybe I could but it didn't matter to me much due to where I was in my life at the moment. I didn't believe she would ever understand the depth of my pain because I simply was too young for her and not important enough. I shouldn't resent her for that but it became difficult. I was a human being, not some angel.
"That's very encouraging," I said to her and picked up my soda. "Just don't listen to it when you're in bed with your husband."
As I said goodnight to her and walked away, I did realise that I was a piece of shit for resorting to such pettiness. But it also felt satisfying to a certain degree, knowing I had it in me to be able to address her as an
adult who was equally responsible for this epic mess my adolescence had turned into instead of just the woman I had blindly worshipped.
~~~
Iris
Halo was playing on my clock radio when I opened my eyes on a Sunday morning in January, wanting to burrow back under the covers but knowing I couldn't. Weekends were busy here at the patisserie. Sure it was early at just six a.m to expect any customers but I still had to prepare things.
With a sigh, I headed over to the bathroom and went about the motions of showering and brushing. There were dark circles under my eyes but it wasn't too bad. A little concealer will do the trick. In fact, I was going to go all out today and look my absolute best. Enough moping. It was time to get on with my life and be happy again.
It felt ridiculous to have needed so much time to get over my break-up with a high-schooler but if he'd been a jerk to me, then I probably would've been able to dismiss him from my mind sooner. Instead, he'd been so honest, coming to me personally, taking my hands in his, looking me in the eyes and even tearing up a little.
He'd informed me that he had made a mistake, done something terribly wrong and he didn't want to hurt me by staying with me when he was still trying to cope with past hurts. He'd let me know that he wasn't ready to date me seriously no matter how amazing I was. His words, not mine. And yes, he assured me it had nothing to do with my age and told me that I'd make some guy very happy, very soon.
"I wish you find it, Iris," he'd said to me warmly before kissing my forehead. "I'll pray that you find someone who appreciates how wonderful you are and makes you happy. Someone who loves you a lot. It would be unfair if I asked you to wait around when I'm not even sure what I need anymore."
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