The worship started, and she quickly got the melody of the song and tried to sing along. She wasn’t much of a singer, but she did love music. She clapped when others clapped and managed to shake hands with a few people around her.
She settled down to hear Pastor Andrew speak. He was older than Dan. She got the drift from his stories that he was married and had children. He spoke today about the movie Frozen, the irony of how cold it was and the importance of allowing God to thaw our hearts…and how serving was out of love, not duty or to gain heaven. She had her phone out and a note pad application provided her with a spot to make some notes, since she’d failed to bring a pen and paper.
After the final song, she struggled through the crowds of people to wait her turn in line to pick up her kids. When she’d finally bundled them up and was ready to leave, she saw Dan speaking to someone. He glanced her way and his face lit up with a smile. Then he winked at her. He wasn’t wearing his glasses today. Maybe he wore contacts sometimes? He was even cuter when he wasn’t hiding his eyes. Heat rushed to her cheeks and she gave him a nod and ushered the kids out to the cold car.
The rest of the day she was haunted by the frosty windows and the pastor’s words. Was her heart frozen and far away from God? Why would He want it anyway? She didn’t understand any of it and resented that her focus was on these thoughts and not on her kids or her work.
Stop it. Just stop it. When she put her kids down for their nap, she picked up her sketch pad and colored pencils. And she drew.
She realized she’d been staring out at the icicle-laden sliding glass door. She never asked Dan about what really happened when his door was broken. She thought the reason was important.
Or maybe she wanted to see him wink at her again.
~*~
Dan trudged up the stairs. He missed being at church every day, and being there this morning was a mixed blessing. Welcomed warmly by many who didn’t even realize he hadn’t been around and those wanting to see how he was doing. The worship ministry was thriving under Nikolas’s leadership.
And Skye.
She’d come. He didn’t think she really would, but he was glad she did and eager to find out what she thought of the service and the message. Did the kids enjoy their classrooms? He itched to ask how the message impacted her. He entered his apartment slowly, hoping she would pop out her door to talk to him, fuzzy boots and all. She didn’t, and he was strangely disappointed.
He made himself a simple lunch and settled into his favorite chair. He looked at his new sliding glass door, grateful that the warmth was reasonable now and the draft was gone. He sat and looked at his notes from the morning. He didn’t like to think he’d walled off his heart in an igloo since Sharon’s death. Grief seemed to be a burning-hot fever, not an icy-cold indifference, but the result was the same. He used his grief to hold everyone at bay.
Even God.
So what was he going to do about it? How did he begin to feel and open his heart to life and love and, yes, even play? He wasn’t sure.
What did he always want to try but never had the courage to do?
Well, he was an athlete, but he’d never been skiing. Maybe he should try that. He really didn’t want to do that alone, did he? He’d think about that. There was a place in Sussex. Anything else? Studying his Bible and writing notes about what he learned, but that only made him want to teach what he wrote. That wasn’t recreation. He was learning new things, which was great. How often did he have time for that kind of in-depth study with his daily duties as pastor? Well, unless he was writing a sermon. In those instances, he would clear his calendar for prep time.
There must be other things he would enjoy. The fact that it was winter limited his options. Sailing could be fun. Or fishing. He doubted he would be able to relax and wait forever for a fish to bite, though. And sure there was ice fishing, but he couldn’t imagine driving out on the ice with a vehicle. Insane! Pass on the fishing. They had a funny odor and he wasn’t into cleaning freshly killed anything. That would mean deer hunting wasn’t going to be on the docket come fall either.
Well, he could always explore the wonder of Legos some more. He smiled at the memory of the sweetness of Skye’s children. He wondered at the neglect and abuse they might have suffered through the vile mouth of their father. Riley was lost. Skye was searching, and the kids were ripe for learning about Jesus and love.
Maybe it was no accident that he had moved into this apartment at this point in time.
~*~
The next morning at the YMCA, Dan saw Skye come in and warm up for her class. She really was somewhat cute when she dressed in normal clothes. Even with her hair in a ponytail she exuded positive energy. He lifted weights and surreptitiously watched her interact with people coming in for class. He was almost tempted to go in and try it.
Zumba? A pastor doing Zumba?
Well, why not? He wiped off his sweat. He was warmed up from the treadmill and lifting weights. Did he have it in him to dance for fifty minutes? How hard could it be?
He tossed the towel in the laundry bin, grabbed a fresh one, and walked to the studio. He entered the room and all conversation stopped. Skye turned to look at him with wide eyes.
“Dan? Can I help you?”
“Can anyone take this class?”
Skye nodded slowly. “Sure.”
“Even guys?”
“There are many male Zumba instructors around the United States and the person who ‘invented’ it was a man.”
“So I can give it a try?”
Skye grinned. “Sure.”
“Where should I stand?”
“Stay right where you are. Since you are new to the class, being in the front makes it easier to follow me. If you can’t figure out the move, bounce or jog in place. For every movement, there are different levels. To start, keep it low until you get the rhythm of the moves. If you come back for more in the future you can increase the intensity.”
Adrenaline raced through his veins. He was going to watch Skye for fifty minutes as she jumped, bounced, and wiggled through this class? He swallowed hard. You can do this. He glanced around at the other women in the room, using the wall of mirrors to check them out. All kinds of women were present. Young and old. Fit and fat. He was probably going to be majorly humbled by them all.
The music started, and Skye addressed the class through a microphone worn on her head. “Let’s go! I won’t be giving many verbal instructions but I will point and you follow. Many of you know the routines pretty well. The rest, don’t worry, you’ll get there.”
The bass vibrated under his feet and soon he was sweating and struggling to keep up with the shimmying and swaying. Women around him giggled, but he realized they weren’t laughing at him, but at their own struggle to master the dance.
“It’s OK to laugh. Have fun. Laughing burns more calories!” Skye called out to them as she clapped and stepped from the right to the left.
When the class finished, he grabbed his towel and wiped his face and head. Several women approached Skye, and he hung back. When they left, she approached him.
“You did pretty good for a first-timer. Did you enjoy it?”
Dan couldn’t stop grinning. “Yeah, I really did. Hey, I need to catch a shower, but I wanted to hear what you thought of things yesterday, and I never did tell you what happened with my sliding glass doors. Can I buy you a cup of coffee at the corner shop?”
Skye folded her arms and considered him. “As friends?”
“And neighbors.”
She nodded. “OK. Give me twenty minutes to get cleaned up and I’ll meet you there.”
“Sounds great.” He headed to the locker room and was out the door with his hair still wet, which he instantly regretted when he hit the frigid air. He dashed into the coffee shop and ordered his cuppa joe and settled into a comfortable chair to wait.
He was as eager as a teenager on a first date.
The very thought shocked him to the core.
~*~
Skye entered the coffee shop. Dan had already ordered and found a seat. She got her drink and went to join him.
“You and those fuzzy boots,” Dan said as she settled into a chair adjacent to his.
“What do you have against my boots?”
“The first time I saw you, they were paired with short-shorts.”
Her face grew warm and she was grateful some of her hair fell forward to hide her cheeks. “I like my boots. They keep my feet warm.”
“They’re growing on me.”
“Like mold?” She raised an eyebrow, and he laughed. His face changed today from her past interactions with him. There was a twinkle in his eyes and his smile was wider. Laughter. That was new coming from him. “How long has it been since you really laughed?”
He sobered up and shrugged. “It’s been a long time.”
“You enjoyed class.”
“I did. It was a new experience to laugh at myself and enjoy not being perfect. It was OK because no one else was either, except perhaps you.”
“You got a great workout as well.”
“I already had a full workout before I came in. I suspect I’ll be learning about muscles I didn’t realize I had.”
“You had ‘em, they’ve been exercised in a new way and might complain a little.”
“I’ll survive.”
“You’ll come back?”
“I’d like to.”
“You wanted to talk about what happened with your window?”
Dan nodded and proceeded to describe that day.
“Riley did that?”
“Yeah. He thought we were an item.”
“He was jealous?”
“Yup. He wasn’t too happy when I visited him in jail either.”
“Why would you do something like that?”
“Because he’s lost, Skye. He doesn’t know Jesus and he’s trying to fill up that hurt and emptiness with drugs, alcohol, and a vain attempt to control others.”
“You went to tell him about God?”
“Yes. I forgave him for his actions. It doesn’t mean he’ll escape the consequences, but at least I’m free from carrying any burden of resentment. He’s God’s responsibility now.”
“Is it that easy to forgive?”
“Not usually. I don’t have a relationship with Riley, so there’s nothing really at stake. I can understand if he was deluded about us and really felt threatened. It doesn’t make his actions right, but given how compromised his reasoning was, well, it kind of makes sense.”
“How did he respond?”
“Rage.”
Skye shrugged. “Sounds like typical Riley. I’m sorry you needed to deal with that though, and I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
“You asked about yesterday.”
“Yeah. What’dya think?” Dan sipped his coffee. She stared at his eyes, warm as a summer sky.
“I liked it. The kids had fun. The message got me thinking.”
“Yeah, me too,” Dan added.
“I haven’t even seen the movie Frozen yet.” She blew on her hot drink.
“Me either. Are you going to take them?”
“I hadn’t even considered it. Money has been tight for so long. I sold some work, which will help, but might cause me to lose my food stamps and insurance. I’ve no idea how it’s going to work out yet, so I need to be careful. It might be the only painting I sell this year.”
“I saw some of the prints on your desk. You do beautiful work.”
“Thank you.” Did she dare tell him about the painting that sold? It wasn’t really him. He hadn’t posed and she never intended to paint him. It just looked like him. He’d likely never see it since it had been sold in New York. He was a pastor in the northwest suburbs of Milwaukee.
“So, the message, aside from the movie. What’d you think?” Dan asked.
“You know how a sculptor will start with a block of granite, or wood, or even ice and envision what is inside and strive to bring it out?”
“I’ve heard of that.” He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees as he nursed his drink.
“I envision God with His chisel and He’s been placing it in tender spots and pounding.”
“Sounds painful.”
“Terrifying. None of that happened until you moved in. What is it about you, Pastor Dan? It’s like you’ve cast some kind of spell and I’m trapped trying to figure a way out.”
“Drop the pastor. I’m Dan. I’m rarely called pastor even at church. There is no spell. Would you be offended if I told you that I pray for you and your children?”
“Pray what, exactly? Isn’t that almost the same as a spell?”
Dan shook his head. “Far from it. A spell asks for a specific outcome and expects it. A prayer is more a matter of the heart.”
“So, you don’t expect God to answer?”
“Oh, I expect God to answer, but not always in the manner or timing I prefer. He is in control over everything and He sees the bigger picture of what is going on in your life and heart. He knows your past, present, and future. Only He understands when and how to bring you to Him.”
“You prayed I would accept Jesus. That I wouldn’t only learn about God but, as Andrew said yesterday, I would have a relationship with Him?”
“Yeah. I did. I pray you would know the height, depth, breadth, and width of His love for you. Jesus is the bridge between you and an eternity with the God who created and gifted you.”
Skye shook her head and sipped her coffee. The burn going down her gullet soothed her anger at the audacity of the man next to her. Praying for her? How dare he? “Why would you do something like that? Why would you even care?”
Dan bowed his head and sighed. “Because you matter to God, Skye. You know how you love your kids, even when they do wrong? Remember how Quinn ran away from you and hid in my closet? You were desperate to search for him so you could love him, care for him, and protect him. You are God’s child, running and hiding, and He is seeking you because He loves you.”
“What does that have to do with you? Why would you care or pray? That’s what I don’t understand. If I choose to remain hidden, I will.”
Dan raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Did Quinn manage to keep you from finding him?”
Skye shook her head.
“Right. He could keep his eyes closed. He could have refused to respond to you, but you found him and dragged him out of the dark closet he chose to hide in. God can do no less for you. As for why I would pray? God dropped me into your apartment building and opened a door for you and I to become acquainted.”
“I got the impression that you didn’t approve of me when we first met.” Skye wondered how forthcoming this man would be.
He frowned. “You were frazzled and your son hid in my apartment. You had those boots on and shorts and your hair looked like something from the 80s. I’ll admit I looked down on you because of all that and your piercings. I’m sorry. I was wrong to judge you so harshly without even knowing you. I was frozen in my own block of ice and didn’t appreciate the O’Connell Titanic bashing into me.”
“Did I sink your ship?”
Dan leaned back and his eyes held hers. “I’m not sure yet.”
Skye blinked.
“Have you ever skied?” Dan asked.
“Yeah. I used to do that when I was in high school. I wasn’t great, but I managed getting down a hill without hitting a tree.”
“I want to learn. Care to teach me?”
“I…”
“I’ll foot the bill.” Dan assured.
“That will only be if you don’t break your foot in the process.”
~*~
His accountability group noticed Dan’s improved mood.
“What’s your week been like?” Tony asked.
“Crazy and wonderful. I’ve been sharing the gospel. I played with Legos and took a Zumba class.”
“You danced?” Simon asked and burst out laughing.
<
br /> “I didn’t say I was good at it, but I sure had fun,” Dan said as he dug into his omelet. “And tomorrow I’m going to go skiing for the first time in my life.”
“How are you doing with your grief?” Nick asked.
“Better. I was hiding behind that, and I can’t believe how much life I allowed it to rob from me. Sharon is gone. I loved her and I miss her, but I’m learning better who I am now and what, outside of ministry work, I enjoy.”
“You mean other than the Green Bay Packers?” Tony elbowed him.
“Well, they might have more draw right now if they’d made it to the Super Bowl, but man can’t live for the Packers alone.”
“Says you.” Tony grinned. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Dan. We missed you.”
SEVEN
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark Twain
Skye agreed to meet him at a ski resort not far from Milwaukee. Old habits were sometimes good ones and for the sake of appearances, he would not ride in a car with a woman alone. Sure it might start out as nothing…but gossip and also opportunity for any kind of slip up were to be avoided. He rented boots, skis, and poles. The gal working the shop helped him get wax on the skis that was right for the snow they made. It had been a cold winter and while there was snow on the ground, fresh powder was nice, and this resort aimed to please.
Skye met him in her lavender ski outfit. “Looking good, Dan.”
“You didn’t need to go to any extra expense.”
She shook her head. “No. I was pleasantly surprised that my gear still fit after all these years. Guess that Zumba helped. How do you feel?”
“I was sore the first day, but better now. Shall we hit the bunny trail?”
“Bunny trail? Is it Easter already?” She let out a full belly laugh. She wiped a tear and grinned. “How about a beginner trail. There’s one over there with a tow lift to the top, but before I do that I should show you some basics, like how to stop, steer, and avoid getting your skis crossed.”
Bratwurst and Bridges Page 6