“Company?”
“Yeah. You picked a bad time. But I really don’t want you coming back here. My address is not in the church directory, so I’m only assuming you snooped to get it. This is an invasion of my privacy.”
“But Dan…”
A scream erupted from the apartment. “I’m sorry, Amy. Gotta go before they kill each other.” He slipped back into the apartment and locked the door behind him.
She banged on the door, yelling his name, but he remained firm. He egged the kids on to be louder and silently laughed at their antics. He wasn’t feeling too bad about turning Amy away. It was inappropriate for her to come.
Dan looked out the peephole as the outside door slammed shut. He went to turn the music down and gave the kids a hug. A soft rap on the door told him Skye had returned to them.
He answered the door and almost tripped over the bag of food. “I can’t believe she left it.”
“You might as well enjoy it.”
“Thanks for your help. I really do appreciate it.”
“It’s the least I can do for the man who has twice helped me out of a bind. The kids have done this routine for me when I’ve had unwanted suitors. Nothing deters a man and dampens his hormones more than screaming children.”
“I bet.”
“Wasn’t she the one leading the singing on Sunday?” Skye asked.
“Yeah. She has ‘thrown her hat in the ring’ to be the next Mrs. Daniel Wink.”
“There’s a ring?” Skye winked at him as she escorted her kids across the hall.
“No. No ring. No open positions either. She doesn’t seem to understand my English.”
“She understands, Dan. She just thinks she can change your mind. But take it from me. If she controls your courtship, she’ll micromanage your marriage.”
“I am not marrying her—or anyone!” He slammed the door and heard her laughter as she shut her own.
The apartment was suddenly quiet as a tomb. He picked up the bag and found that Amy hadn’t cooked anything. She purchased take out from the local restaurant, DeLuca’s. He pulled the food out and enjoyed the healthy helping of lasagna and garlic bread.
Rejecting a woman never tasted so good.
NINE
People grow through experience
if they meet life honestly and courageously.
This is how character is built.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Skye wasn’t sure what to think after meeting with Dan to talk about God. Listening to her kids talk about how wonderful he was, and now his little run in with that woman, left her confused about the man.
He was an attractive guy, but she didn’t think women, Christian women, chased men. Even she never chased boys, although once she had one she’d done everything to keep him. That didn’t work out too well for her. She didn’t want a man who didn’t respect her, want her, or care about what she liked or didn’t like.
Well, now she had kids and the label of “divorcee.” While that wasn’t a negative from where she came from, it was a failure she carried with her. A failure to make a better choice. A failure that she wasn’t worth a man loving and caring for her and their children.
She spent time reading in the book of John from the Bible like Dan recommended. Jesus was wonderful. She didn’t understand how someone like Him could ever love someone like her. No man ever really had, so why would Jesus be different? She was carrying her past with her. Her sins and failures surely prevented a God from ever loving her.
Didn’t it?
She thought about Amy. How had the woman ever deduced Dan was looking for a wife? Skye hadn’t known him long, but when she met him only a few weeks ago, he was deep in grief. While he seemed better now, she had no doubt it was going to take time for him to heal. He repeatedly said he wasn’t interested in marriage. She suspected it was because his had been so wonderful he feared no other woman could compare.
Sharon probably had no idea how treasured she’d been.
Who would mourn Skye when she died? Her mother and children. That would be it. Well, her Zumba class would miss her until they found a replacement. OK, and maybe that dealer out in New York who loved her work. Maybe after she died she would become a world-famous artist. Isn’t that what happened to most of the great talent in the world? Their true value was recognized only after they passed away in poverty.
She put the kids to bed after listening to them pray. It was something they insisted on, having learned it at church and from Dan. She stepped into the dim living room, picked up her paints, and pulled out a new canvas.
Her palette was shades of gray and black. The shadows that haunted her emerged on the page. Splotches of red represented the death of dreams and tears shed over them. The painting was dark and moody.
Dan deserved someone like Amy. If Dan were ever to remarry.
What must it be like for his wife to have been loved so well? She would do almost anything for a man who would love her like that.
But Dan wouldn’t be the one. Not some agnostic, single mother with a history of drug abuse and a jealous and abusive ex-husband. She moved her finger to the piercing on her lip. Why’d she do that anyway? She reached up, gently released the ring, and set it up high on a shelf. She went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her second piercing was in her eyebrow. She removed that one too. There would be scars if she let them heal up, but she would look more normal, whatever that was.
Who was she kidding? Even without the piercings, men of Dan’s caliber would never look twice at her.
Her future stretched out before her long and lonely. She put her paints away and went to bed. Alone.
Always alone.
I am with you.
I’m beginning to understand, but God, are You enough?
~*~
Skye had just checked the kids into their rooms at church. She was eager to learn more about God. Amy intercepted her.
“You sat with Pastor Dan last week. I’m warning you to stay away from him. He’s mine.” The woman hissed at her.
“Is this how Jesus behaved? I haven’t read that far so I’m curious.” Skye’s heart thumped, but she was determined to stand her ground. She didn’t have any claim on Dan, but neither had this woman. Her respect for the worship leader plummeted, and it hadn’t been too high after her attempt to impose on Dan the other night.
“Excuse me?” Amy placed a hand on her chest and her chin went up a notch.
Skye decided to press the issue. “My understanding is that Christians are to model their lives after Jesus. Is there an example in the Bible that shows Him acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“Rude. Petty. Jealous and possessive of a man who has no desire to claim you.”
“You little interloper. You’ve crossed the wrong woman.” Amy’s voice had raised at this point.
“Excuse me.” Pastor Andrew had been close by during this exchange. “We haven’t met, I’m Andrew.”
“Skye.”
“It’s a pleasure to have you here, Skye, and your question was insightful. Jesus doesn’t ask us to threaten others. It is not a way to show the love of God to those who don’t know Him.” Pastor Andrew motioned to Amy. “You’re coming with me.”
“But I’m singing back-up on the team this morning. We start in a few minutes.”
“They’ll need to do without you this morning. Head to my office and I’ll be there shortly.”
Amy sputtered but obeyed. She strode away, bumping into people as she went.
Andrew turned to Skye. “I’m terribly sorry that happened. You’re new to visiting Orchard Hill?”
“Yes. Dan is my neighbor, and he’s asked me difficult questions and I came because I want to learn more.”
Andrew grinned. “I’m glad you’ve come. As you can tell, our faith doesn’t change us all at once and even believers fall into behaviors God doesn’t consider pleasing.”
“Passion is a powerful emotion.”
“So is jea
lousy. I hope you won’t hold Amy’s inappropriate behavior against us as a church or the God we proclaim.”
Skye frowned. “It’s sad that He uses such imperfect people to be His ambassadors.”
“That’s a good word for it, but it is also a way for Him to show His power as He changes and grows us. Listen close this morning. I’ll be talking about some of my past mistakes and how God changed me.”
Skye nodded as he glanced at his watch. “I need to go. It was nice meeting you.”
“Thank you, Pastor.”
“Andrew.”
“Thank you, Andrew.”
He bustled away and she stood there for a few moments, wondering how he would deal with Amy. She’d been inappropriate and beyond rude. Skye was used to that kind of behavior in high school, but they were all adults now. The one thing it did prove to her was that she was not good enough. Not to be forgiven by God. Why would He forgive her? Even here it was like the filth of her past hung as a cloud over her head. A neon sign flashing “sinner” to everyone she met.
She ducked her head, accepted the bulletin, and found a corner on a different side of the sanctuary to sit. She didn’t see Dan anywhere.
~*~
Dan walked in a few minutes before the service started and saw Amy stalk toward the offices. Andrew strode purposefully down the hallway on the phone. When Andrew spied Dan, he motioned for him to follow.
“I understand it’s a change of plans and I’m sorry. Trust me on this. Go ahead and I’ll be in there soon. Tom is doing the announcements. I will be there before the message.” Andrew clicked the phone off and pulled Dan into the conference room and shut the door.
“What’s going on?”
“Amy laid into a young woman outside of children’s ministry a few minutes ago. Name of Skye? Gal had pluck and nailed Amy to the wall on her inappropriate remarks. I pulled Amy off the team and she’s waiting for me in my office. What’s going on?”
Dan let out a deep breath of air. “Amy believes she is God’s answer to my unacknowledged need of a wife. She tried to get into my apartment a few nights ago. She’s called wanting a date. I’ve told her I’m not interested in dating right now and she is not someone I would consider for a wife. I don’t like her that way. She doesn’t want to take no for an answer.”
“And Skye?”
“She’s my neighbor. I’ve been sharing with her about God and she’s been asking lots of questions.”
“She’s cute.”
Dan shrugged. He agreed, but he wasn’t going to admit it to his boss.
“What do you propose I do about Amy?”
“I wish I could tell you. I’m not sure why she’s latched herself on to me. I’ve never shown her any preference over any other woman.”
“You’re single, attractive, love God. It’s a potent combination.” Andrew ran his hand through his hair. “I’m pulling Amy off the team until she can meet with Mary Beth and if Mary Beth can clear her to serve I’ll accept her back on. I don’t want her there causing trouble for you when you return.”
“Thanks.”
“Skye seems sweet, Dan. She’s seeking and my prayer is that Amy didn’t derail her.”
“I’ll try to talk to her soon.”
“You’re being careful?”
“All the rules I followed on staff, I still hold to now.”
Andy nodded. “Good. Call me. I want an update on how things are going. I’m hoping you’ll be back soon?”
Dan smiled. “I’d like that. The time away though has been revealing to say the least.”
Andy squared his shoulders and headed to his office.
Dan slipped into the back of church, near where he’d sat the week before with Skye. He didn’t see her.
When Andrew came to preach, he talked about how God saves everyone, and forgives even the worst of sins. He even talked about his B.C. days (before-Christ). Dan worked with Andrew for years but didn’t know about his previous descent into drug use while younger. No wonder he was such a stickler for boundaries in ministry, but also had such grace for those who fell and repented. Dan was once again grateful to be under his leadership.
After church, he slipped out a side door. He wasn’t sure how many people had witnessed or were aware of Amy’s folly that morning, or a few days prior, but he wanted to avoid the questions. Cowardly, maybe. He called it self-preservation. He didn’t know how many others would think they needed to throw their hats in the ring, as it were.
Once home, he picked up his guitar. He tried to play but gave up. How could Amy look at him that way? He was all too aware, far too late, of how he’d failed as a husband. Why would anyone want him? Sharon was a saint to put up with him for as long as she had.
Lord, am I destined to always be alone?
~*~
Dan sat with his accountability group on Wednesday. Tony already had his turn and put the focus on Dan.
“How’s it going, Dan?”
“Crazy. I got hurt having fun, and for some reason single women at church decided I’m back on the market.”
“That’s rough. What do you do about that?” Simon asked.
“I don’t know.”
Tony shook his head. “I remember those days before and after Stacy…until I met Renata. By then, I think everyone realized I was off-limits, and that if I were interested I would approach them. Any overtures by them would not be reciprocated.”
“And Renata was not an easy catch for you. I think you enjoyed the challenge. The first woman not to fall down at your feet desperate for your company,” Simon said.
“You’re right. We spent time together, but while we weren’t alone a lot, we became friends. I didn’t learn until later on why she was so cautious about men. I’m glad I respected her boundaries, but I think the fact that she respected mine was one of the things that made her more attractive to me.” Tony sipped his coffee. “Sure glad she decided to trust me enough to actually marry me.”
“Sharon never chased me down either. We met, hung out at school in groups where we met other people and gravitated toward each other. We became comfortable together, and it was certainly easier than trying to date around while attending seminary. We became best friends and fell in love.” Dan frowned. “Now I look back and wonder if I found her too convenient and took her too much for granted. I put everything into ministry and she always supported that, but I wasn’t ever really there for her. I think that’s why losing all those babies was so hard for her. She longed to have someone around, to love and care for. All those years I thought we had a great marriage and now all I can see is how I shortchanged her.”
“Ouch,” Simon said. “You can’t keep beating yourself up for that. Sharon loved you and she accepted you for who you were. You need to forgive yourself and move on.”
“My fear is that I would forget my mistakes and make them all over again with another woman. Andrew was right to force me into time off, although initially I resented him for that. I didn’t understand who I was apart from Sharon and ministry. I didn’t know how to have fun. I had no hobbies.”
“So you finally get to grow up and discover who you are,” Nick said.
“I’m still not there yet, but I’ve had some fun and laughed…even when I cracked my rib and twisted my knee skiing.”
“And you did Zumba?” Tony elbowed him. “That I would have liked to see.”
“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it. It was a great workout and a lot of fun. Pastors don’t get much chance to dance, you know.”
Simon grinned. “And Legos? How deprived was your childhood?”
“Sorry. We had Lincoln logs and other toys. Lots of books.”
“When are you going back to work?” Tony asked.
“Might be soon. I meet with Andrew tomorrow. Pray that I’m ready when the time comes.”
The men nodded and moved on to Nick.
Dan was grateful. Sometimes the spotlight shone a little too close for comfort. And while he shared…he still held some of his
closest fears to his heart.
There were some things his accountability group didn’t need to know.
~*~
It was weird walking into church and not going to his desk. He walked into Andrew’s office and sat on the couch.
Andy rose and closed the door. “So tell me how it’s been going.”
Dan gave him a brief overview of some of the things he’d done and been learning during his time off. It had only been a few weeks.
“So how close do you think you are to being able to come back and work in a more balanced manner?”
“I’m getting closer. Still not sure how I would handle the situation with Amy though.”
“I’ve decided that for now I’m continuing to have Niko oversee that ministry for a few months. He’s a strong leader and Specific Gravity is working on their next album. This gives you time to adjust your schedule with other things and not have to be overloaded when you come back.”
“Will I be able to lead worship?”
Andy frowned. “I suppose periodically that could be good, but I would suggest it not be on a team with Amy.”
“How did she respond to your ‘talk?’”
“She cried. She’ll be following up with Mary Beth.”
“OK. It hurts to think that I’m losing the worship ministry…”
“You’re not losing it. You’ll still be the pastoral oversight for the ministry, but Niko will have the major responsibilities for now. He’s a little spooked about taking your baby from you so you might want to connect with him.”
Losing leadership of the worship ministry was both a relief and a curse. “I’ll reassure Niko.”
“Good. Listen, you’ve taken a lot of hits and I’m sorry I didn’t push you to take this time away earlier…”
“You couldn’t. Budget time, Easter, staff vacations, and fall were all busy and everything got into full swing with Christmas. You couldn’t have spared me.”
“We would have survived for you to take time off. You make me sound like I used you. It wasn’t like that, Dan. I was praying and waiting and to be honest, I was afraid.” Andrew leaned forward. “You’re my friend, Dan, but you had even shut me out. There isn’t hard and fast protocol in any ‘ministry handbook of standard operating procedures’ that I could go to. I knew what God wanted me to do, but I was a coward and I didn’t obey as soon as I should have.”
Bratwurst and Bridges Page 9