Dan gulped. “Not when it’s a girl I’m dating.”
“Is that what this was? A date?”
Dan nodded.
Skye grabbed his hand and dragged him through the door, shutting it behind her. He helped her take off her coat and hung it up. He unbuttoned his own and removed it, placing it over the back of a chair.
“Coffee?” Skye offered as she stood before him.
“No, thanks. I really enjoyed tonight.”
“Me too.” One hand fidgeted with her silver chain.
“I feel like a gauche teenager,” Dan confessed.
“Why?”
“I really want to kiss you. Would that be OK?”
Skye smiled shyly. “I would like that.”
Dan put an arm around her pulling her close. His other hand came up to caress her cheek. He bent his head and she rose on her tiptoes to meet him. Their lips brushed softly and then again more urgently. Desire exploded in Dan and he released her as if burnt.
She staggered back a step, looking at him with wide eyes. “Dan?”
“I never…I need to go. Thank you for a lovely evening, Skye.”
He reached for his coat but she stayed him with a hand. “Dan? Why are you running?”
Dan released his coat and turned back to her. “Skye, I’ve been alone for more than a year, and you arouse feelings in me that are best experienced in marriage. If I don’t go…”
“You’ll dishonor me?”
“And God.” He nodded. “I don’t want to do anything that would hinder a real relationship between us.”
“Your principles again?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes. Listen. If I were to give into my natural will, I’d cart you off to your bedroom right now. I don’t ever want to do that to a woman I respect. You deserve to be honored, cherished, and loved by a husband.”
She went to sit on the sofa. She began to unzip her boots. Watching her pull off one was torture to his already overheated body.
“Sit with me, Dan.”
“I don’t think that’s a wise idea.”
“I am capable of saying ‘no.’” Skye patted the spot next to her and as if she led him by a leash he moved to sit by her. She removed her other boot. She clasped his hand and held it between her two smaller ones.
“Skye.”
“Where does this end, Dan?”
“It’s a first date. Do I have to have an end?”
She frowned at him. “We’re talking about you, Dan. The man who puts walls up and sets rules to protect his reputation and who probably knows what his retirement account will be when he hits sixty-five. Why did you ask me out?”
Dan would have loosened a tie had he worn one. His neck tightened anyway and he tugged at his T-shirt. “You really want the truth?”
“Yes. I do.”
“I wanted to date you. Court you—because I want to marry you.”
Skye jumped up as if stung by a bee. “You want to what?”
“Marry you. Be your husband. Be a father to your children and any we might have together, keep you warm at night, and eat as many banana cream pies you choose to make for me.”
“This is pretty sudden.” She began to pace. “I mean, you’re hot. I won’t deny that the desire to spend the night with you is beyond tempting, but rushing into something…that’s not His plan. And I do want to honor Him. Anyway, I swore I would never marry again.”
“Riley wasn’t good to you.”
“That’s putting it mildly. The institution wasn’t very attractive. But Dan, you’re a pastor. I’m divorced. You can’t marry someone like me.”
“What do you mean, ‘someone like me’? You’re exactly who I want. A passionate follower of Christ. Someone who knows her dreams and reaches for them. I love your kids. I love you…”
Skye stopped and stared at him. “What. Did. You. Say?”
“I love you.” Dan’s heart thundered until it reverberated in his skull.
She looked lost as she stared at him and then away. Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to figure out how to respond. “You can’t.”
“I can’t?”
“No. I’m not worthy of anyone like you.”
“You make me smile. You make me want to live again, to do great things, to be a better man. You give me a chance to be a dad.”
“So it’s really my kids you love?”
“I adore your kids. No doubt about that. But I don’t dream about them when I crawl into bed at night.”
“So you lust after me.”
Dan gulped. “That too.”
“How can you be sure it’s love?”
“If it were lust I would never be able do what I’m about to do.”
“What is that?”
Dan rose to his feet pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the love and passion bursting from within. She wrapped her arms around his neck returning his kisses in full measure. Finally, he pulled back, released her, grabbed his coat—and left.
TWENTY-TWO
Never be ashamed of the passion you have for each other.
It is God-ordained and something to celebrate.
Mom Acton, Feta & Freeways
Skye watched the door shut behind Dan as he practically ran from the room. Her noodle-like legs somehow managed to get her to the door to lock it. Her body tingled and longed for more of what he offered. So, this was love? Love that gave but didn’t demand. Love that denied temporary pleasure for a bigger purpose.
Dan wanted to marry her. Sure, it wasn’t a proposal, but what did she want?
Dan.
She flipped off the lights as she made her way to her room. Turning on a lamp by her bed, she slumped to the mattress and stared at the painting of Dan. The one he didn’t know she had. The one she drooled over every night. Not that she needed the painted image to see him in her mind. There was no way to paint the kisses he gave her. Never had she felt the way she did when Dan touched her, much less kissed her. It was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. Desire so strong it overwhelmed common sense.
He felt it too. And he still left.
Could she have said no? He never tested her resolve on that, and after that last kiss she wasn’t sure if she would’ve been strong enough to deny herself the pleasure his kisses promised.
But she was nothing like his wife. She didn’t look anything like Sharon and Skye most certainly couldn’t be who Sharon had been at church. Skye had heard people talk about what a saint Dan’s wife was. Skye could never live up to the shadow left by Sharon Wink.
Her kids wanted Dan as a father.
She wanted Dan in her bed.
She didn’t want to be alone and struggling to provide for her family.
Marriage to Dan would give her love, a home, a complete family, a stability she couldn’t achieve on her own. He had been guiding, protecting, and caring for her ever since he moved in next door. But marriage was a huge step and they both carried baggage. She carried the weight of an addiction-laden spouse who’d also been violent and was still around as a threat. He carried the specter of a wife who’d been perfect. So perfect that his grief even a year later had been palpable and threatened his career.
She wanted what he offered but her practical nature kept telling her it could never work.
She dressed for bed, climbed into the cold, lonely covers and with only the moonlight coming in the window, fell asleep staring at her painting of Dan and wishing for things she could never have.
~*~
He managed to avoid Skye yesterday. He played guitar while leading the worship team that morning, so hung backstage in between services.
Like that would work. Her red hair was like a beacon in the church as everyone stood. Chicken! She didn’t reject me outright but running away from her like I did? Coward. But I didn’t let the temptation lead us into sin. Yeah, some consolation that was.
Dan sat down with Nikolos at lunch on Monday.
“How are things going at home?”
“Fee
ls like nonstop drama with Johnny. This cancer stuff has him running scared.”
“He’s had a rough time of it. How are things with him and Katie?”
“There’s some promise there. I’m praying she can give him even more of a reason to fight this time around.”
“The love of a good woman can do wonders, can’t it?”
“Or the love of a good man, at least I hope that was what helped Tia turn around when she was recovering from her assault.”
“Hard to believe how long ago that was now.”
“Almost twenty-one months ago, and look what God has done. A wife, a baby, a home, a hit record, awards, new recording contract, ministry opportunities…my cousin struggling with cancer and living with us.”
“I’m guessing the wife, child, and Johnny top the list of the things that matter most.”
“Yeah, but hey, I’m glad you’re back on a team. It was wonderful to listen to you singing and playing on Sunday. I’ve missed serving with you.”
“Ditto.”
“How are you doing? You appear more chipper than you were at the beginning of the year or even when you first returned from your leave of absence.”
“Yeah, well, you know you mentioned that love of a good woman thing? Cupid struck me hard with a spitfire of an artist who also happens to be my neighbor.”
“Skye, right? You mentioned her before. So love is in the air in that apartment building? I used to live there, on the first floor.”
“Yeah, but I might have overplayed my hand.”
Niko wiggled his eyebrows. “Care to share how the cool, calm pastor could have done such a thing?”
“I finally got around to taking her out on a real date, not just a quick moment to visit in a coffee shop.”
“And…”
“Deluca’s Cucina.”
“Nice.”
“And entered her apartment and asked to kiss her.”
“And…”
“Niko, I was married for years. I almost hate to admit this. I loved Sharon, I really did.”
“No one would ever doubt that.”
“When I kissed Skye…it was like I’d never known what love or passion was before that moment.”
“And?”
“I tried to leave, but she wanted to talk. She wanted to know my intentions.”
“Which are?”
“Marriage. I want to marry her. I cannot imagine my life without her. I love her. I adore the kids. I can’t stop dreaming about her at night or thinking about her during the day. It took every ounce of strength to walk out of there after I kissed her a second time.”
“Have you talked since then?”
Dan shook his head. “No.”
“Afraid?”
“Yup. I’m aware I’ve only known her, what, nine weeks? It feels more like nine months.”
“How would you counsel someone coming to you with this kind of story?”
Dan looked at his friend and frowned. “I’d tell them to take it slow, keep strong boundaries to avoid sin…but that time is not always a factor in determining the success or failure of a marriage in the long run.”
“Hard advice. But wise.”
“Says the man who married quickly.”
“Yeah, well, Tia and I had known each other for years before I realized I loved her.”
“You were so clueless.”
Niko chuckled. “Yup. I willingly admit it. I was a fool but God in His wisdom gave me the wife I needed at the right time. I couldn’t imagine helping Johnny through his struggle without her by my side or Apolo to provide comfort and joy in the midst of the struggle. Dan, how would Sharon view your relationship with Skye?”
“I don’t know. Would she be happy? I can’t imagine Sharon would want me to be alone the rest of my life. She runs away with Jesus and I suffer alone? The fact is, it really wouldn’t matter what she thought. I’m a different person than I was when I was married to her. Her death and the year since, has changed me. The real question isn’t what would Sharon want for me. The better question is, what does God want for me? Is Skye the wife He wants me to have?”
“Now you get into weird stuff theologically. Did God select Skye or would any woman you are attracted to suffice as a wife? After all, arranged marriages have often fared better than ones built on feelings of love and attraction. Marriage after all is about more than that. It’s a partnership with constant negotiations and irritations.”
“It seems providential to me that I would move across the hall from a divorced woman with piercings, two children, and an ex who is an addict and threw a brick through my window. And she wears the silliest furry pink boots. Initially there was nothing in this smoking-hot red-head that should have made me even look at her twice other than as someone who needed Jesus.”
“Did you think she was ‘smoking-hot’ when you first met her?”
“I thought she was cute but not my type. As if I have a ‘type.’”
“She definitely didn’t appear to be pastor’s wife material.”
“Far from it, but that’s what makes her all the more perfect for me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She challenges me. She calls me on the carpet if my thinking is off. She makes me laugh. She doesn’t hesitate to ‘poke the bear’ as it were. She’s unintimidated by me as a pastor. If anything, that was a stumbling block for her.”
“Is it still?”
“I don’t think so. Then again, Orchard Hill is a unique church that focuses on serving in an area of spiritual giftedness. It’s a blessing that the wife of a pastor isn’t required to lead women’s ministry or play the piano for the worship team or head up the hospitality ministry.”
“Sharon could sing. Can Skye?”
Dan shrugged. “I don’t really know. I’m not about to audition her as part of my checklist for the perfect wife.”
“Since there is no such thing.”
“I wasn’t as great a husband as I thought I was either, but Sharon never said anything.”
“How do you figure?”
“God’s revealed that to me during my leave. There were so many things I should have done better, but Sharon never complained. She never asked or demanded things. With Skye, I think she’d be more forthcoming if I were failing her.”
“And you would welcome that?”
“Yeah, I would. Sure, it pricks my pride when she’s poked holes in my thinking, but she’s challenged me to search, dig deeper, and really look at myself. She’s not afraid to be honest about her own questions but she’s also more than willing to challenge me on mine.”
“You described her as a spitfire. Sounds like an apt label.”
“Pray for me, Niko. That I make wise choices and that I can woo this woman. Now that I realize I love her, I am impatient to close the deal.”
Niko clasped his shoulder. “Definitely praying for you. I’ve been in your shoes. Trust me, I understand the struggle.”
“Thanks, friend.”
The men spent time in prayer before they parted ways. Dan headed to the YMCA to catch a workout when he was least likely to run into Skye. He had to burn off some of his pent-up energy. And pray. Who said he couldn’t do both at the same time?
~*~
“Mom, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Sweetheart, you haven’t dated in years, and Dan’s a great guy. Did you kiss? Were there sparks?”
“Yes, Dan is great, we kissed, and there were earth-shattering explosions.”
“So why are you so grumpy today? That canvas is filled with pent-up passion I haven’t seen from you in a long time.”
“Mom,” she dropped her voice to a whisper. The kids were sleeping but still had big ears. “He wants to marry me.”
“He proposed?”
“No. Not yet anyway. He told me he loves me and wants to build a life with me.”
“That’s wonderful!” Mom bounced with excitement.
“Shhh! The kids do not need to know this. I d
on’t want to devastate them if this doesn’t work out.”
“Why wouldn’t it work out?”
“Because I’m not good enough for him.”
“I think you’re perfect for him and he is exactly the kind of man you need.”
“Mom, it’s not just him. I would be a pastor’s wife. Me? Zumba teacher, artist, and pastor’s wife?”
“So? Your obligation is to your husband, not his job. The church hired him, not you. With any other career that would not be a concern. Listen, Riley was a terrible husband but he did give you two adorable kids that Dan happens to love. Give yourself and them a chance. Don’t shut the door on the handsome neighbor you can’t stop painting…let God lead you in this. You’re not alone.”
“How do I know what God wants?”
“Ask Him.” Mom grabbed her coat and put it on. She gave Skye a kiss on the cheek and departed with a bounce in her step.
Skye frowned as she watched her mother leave. Locking the door, she sat at a blank canvas and prayed. “God, show me what I’m to do about Dan. I love him and yes, he fires my engines but is marrying him in Your plan for our lives? Help me know.”
She opened her eyes and grabbed for her paints. All her confusion would find its expression on that blank surface, and maybe she’d have another piece of sellable art in the process.
~*~
The next day Skye received a call from Jennifer, Pastor Andrew’s wife.
“Hello, Skye?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Jennifer.”
“Hi. What can I do for you?”
“It might be more of what I can do for you. God has laid you on my heart since you were over for dinner and I was wondering if we could go get coffee this week?”
“Oh, um, that would be fine. I’m available tomorrow after my Zumba class at the YMCA.”
“I’ve been wanting to try that. Is it OK if I come there for the class and we go out after?”
“I’d love to have you join us.”
“Great, I will come and we’ll have coffee afterwards. My treat of course.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
“Great. See you tomorrow.”
Skye stared at her phone as it disconnected. Could God use Jennifer to answer her prayer?
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