“That’s just what you say to parents. It’s not necessarily true.”
We all know this game is far from “wrapped up.” We’re unbeaten for the season, but so is the Wilson team. We both beat Marshall, but Wilson beat them by seven points and we had to go into overtime to get our win.
We change into our uniforms and go out onto the court. Latoya and Stacy are already doing warm-ups. Jasmine’s talking with Coach Nicholson. Krystal’s sitting on the bench, talking on her cell phone. It’s kind of a joke, how Krystal’s practically married to her cell phone. The first thing she does when class is over is turn on her cell. Even if it’s just for a seven-minute passing period.
“Shut it off!” Nikki says, motioning to Krystal to stash the phone.
Krystal nods okay and goes right on talking. Coach starts walking toward Krystal, who shuts off the phone and puts it in her gym bag.
The whole team is on the floor thirty minutes before game time and we do some easy warm-up drills. Nothing to show our real strength in front of the Wilson team, though. They’re doing the same thing—easy warm up drills.
During a short break, Shantell nods toward the front middle section of the stands and asks, “Where’s Casper?”
I glance over at the spot where Dad and Grams and Casper always sit, the Grant section, coach Nicholson calls it, and see that they’ve not shown up yet.
“My dad had to sign some papers for our new house,” I say. “They should be here any time.”
“I hope so. I think Casper’s our luck!”
At five minutes before game time we sprint back to the locker rooms where Nikki gives us our pre-game pep talk and reminds us how good we are. As we head back out to the court, I get a side view glimpse of myself in the mirror. Gad! It’s pretty easy to disguise my belly with tops that hang down over my waist, but suddenly my changing form is pretty obvious in my volleyball jersey. Is it my imagination, or is everyone staring at me?
I start as middle blocker and Danni’s to my left as outside hitter. Stacy takes the first serve, low and with a top spin that’s tough to return. We take the first point, and then the next one. The Wilson team will figure out soon enough how to deal with Stacy’s serve, but it’s good to start out in the lead. I finger the smooth stone tucked into my pocket, hoping our luck will hold.
We take a short break after the first game, and I’m surprised to see that the Grant section of the bleachers is still vacant. I guess Grams was right about no meeting with the real estate guy ever taking less than an hour.
Coach starts me again in the second game, next to Danni. We’ve played together so long we practically read each other’s minds. Even so, we’re only a few minutes into the game when I miss a dig and lose a point for us. Nikki puts Krystal in my place and motions me to the bench.
“Great job! Take a breather and give Krystal a chance.”
Nikki never says anything critical during a game, but she and I both know I’m a little off balance on some of the digs.
Hamilton and Wilson stay within one or two points of each other until the very end, when Stacy delivers three perfect top-spin power serves that win the game for us. We all jump around, high-fiving and shouting. We calm down enough to do a cheer for Wilson and shake hands with all of the players, then we head back to the locker room, laughing and joking around.
I step out of the shower, careful to keep my boobs and belly covered with the towel. Standing close, facing the locker, I quick get into my bra and big, loose sweatshirt. I’m just stepping into my jeans when Nikki walks up beside me.
“As soon as you’re finished dressing, come to my office,” she says.
My heart gets all fluttery. She’s noticed. I know she has.
“We’re going to Barb and Edie’s,” Danni says.
“I’ll see you there,” I tell her, opening the door to Coach Nicholson’s office. “Order me a garbageburger, will you?”
“No problem.”
Nikki and two sheriffs, a man and a woman, are standing in the little room, looking grim. Sheriffs? Because I’m pregnant??
“Have a seat,” Nikki says, motioning to one of the chairs opposite her desk. She sits down next to me. The sheriffs both lean against Nikki’s desk, facing us.
It’s totally quiet for what seems like a long time. Then the lady sheriff, Gail Stern according to her name badge, says to me, “There’s been a terrible accident.”
That’s how I’ve been thinking about my pregnancy all along, a terrible accident, but. . .
“Accident?” I say.
She nods.
“Your father and grandmother . . .” Nikki starts, reaching over and taking my hand.
“What?? WHAT???”
Nikki’s eyes fill with tears and both of the sheriffs are looking at the floor. I know before they tell me that this is really, really bad.
The guy sheriff, Daniel Ontiveros, looks up.
“I’m very sorry,” he says. He takes a long, deep breath. “Your father’s car was hit by a gravel truck at the intersection of Live Oak and Spruce. Your father and grandmother were killed instantly.”
I don’t know what I’m hearing. The words don’t make sense to me.
“Who?”
“Your dad, and your grandmother,” Nikki says.
“An accident?”
“A gravel truck lost its brakes,” the sheriff says. “Demolished the car.”
“My dad and my grandmother?”
The sheriff glances at his clipboard.
“Timothy Edward Grant. Martha May Grant. 1273 North Camellia?”
I don’t get it. They were here just a few hours ago. They were supposed to come back. Dad said he’d be back for the game. He never lies to me. He never . . . I hug my arms across my chest and try to get a breath. My words come out choked and whispery.
“You’re sure?”
“We’re sure.”
Nikki puts her arms around me and I lean my face into the crook of her neck, trying to shut out light, and sound, and time. A cold numbness creeps out from my heart, up through my brain and down to my toes. So numb. So cold. Nikki pulls away, gently.
“Autumn . . . Autumn . . . The sheriff needs some information.”
I force myself to look up. Sheriff Gail drags Nikki’s desk chair around and sits close in front of me.
“We need to notify other next of kin,” she says. “Can you help us with that?”
I shake my head. “It’s just us,” I say, unable to believe what I’ve just heard—to think that it’s now just me.
“Are they in the hospital?” I say.
“They were dead on arrival.”
“When?”
“Approximately 5:50 p.m.”
God! I played through a whole volleyball game not even knowing my family was dead! And I was worried about being pregnant?
“Did your grandmother have any other children? Or any brothers or sisters?”
“What about Casper?” I ask.
“Casper?” Sheriff Daniel says.
“The grandmother’s guide dog,” Nikki says.
“Oh, yes. It was killed, too.”
The image of Casper on duty, sitting so straight and tall next to Grams in the back seat of the car cuts through the numbness of my mind and reaches my heart. I gasp at the vision, then give in to waves of heaving sobs.
Nikki pulls a bunch of tissue from the box on her desk and hands them to me.
“Autumn, is there anyone we should call to come get you?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“It’s just us,” I say. “It was just us.”
I rub my thumb back and forth across the little coin pocket of my jeans, feeling the outline of my heart-rock.
“No other next of kin?” Sheriff Daniel asks.
“Just us. That’s all . . . Are they in the hospital?” I ask again.
Sheriff Gail looks at me with sad eyes. She speaks softly.
“They were taken to the hospital where they were both pronounced dea
d on arrival. Their bodies are in the hospital morgue for now, until other arrangements are made.”
“I want to see them.”
“Not a good idea,” Sheriff Daniel says.
“But I want to.”
“Their bodies are . . . wouldn’t recognize them.”
“I want to see them anyway.” I turn to Nikki, “Will you take me to see them?”
“How old are you?” Sheriff Daniel asks.
“Seventeen.”
“You’ll need permission from your guardian to view the bodies.”
“I don’t have a guardian.”
“We’ll take you to the county home. You can stay there until they find a foster home for you.”
“Foster home? Why?” I ask.
“Well, you don’t have a guardian, or any other close relatives, and you need a safe place to stay.”
“No! I want to go home!”
I close my eyes and lean my head down over my knees.
Sheriff Gail says the county home is a nice place, with nice people. I put my hands over my ears. Nikki leans her face down next to mine and gently pulls my hands away from my ears.
“Come on, Autumn, you can come home with me tonight.”
“I’m sorry.” Sheriff Gail says. “Without an official guardian, Autumn is now automatically a ward of the court. We have to . . .”
“I’ll be Autumn’s guardian for now,” Nikki says. She pulls a folder from under a messy stack of papers on her desk and shuffles through it.
“Here,” she says, handing a paper to Sheriff Gail. “I’ve got release papers in my file for everyone on the team. In the absence of parents or guardian, I become the acting guardian.”
Sheriff Gail reads the form and passes it to Sheriff Daniel.
“The last thing Autumn needs tonight is to be with strangers in a strange place.”
Sheriff Daniel hands the form back to Nikki.
“Gail?” he says, motioning for her to follow him. They’re back within minutes.
“Autumn, you can go home with your coach tonight, but we’ll need to see you at the station before noon tomorrow,” Sheriff Daniel says.
He hands Nikki his card. “Anytime between eight in the morning and noon. Okay?”
“Sure,” Nikki says.
She guides me out the door and waits for the two sheriffs to follow.
Unhooking the giant ring of school keys from her belt, she locks the door behind them, then speed dials the custodian on her school-issue cell.
“Hey, Mack. There’s been an emergency here and I need to leave. Will you double check to be sure everything’s locked up? Thanks.”
We walk to the parking lot and get into Nikki’s Subaru. She takes the car keys from her bag, then fishes around in it some more until she finds her regular cell phone.
“Penny? I’m bringing someone home with me.”
“The game? Oh, yeah. It was great! We won by three points, but listen, there’s been an accident. . .”
“No, I’m fine . . . No . . . Just listen for a minute. Autumn’s coming home with me and she’s going to need something to help her get to sleep. Would you call Dr. Phelps and have him call in a prescription? And would you please pick it up so we’ll have it when we get home?”
Nikki puts the key in the ignition.
“Yeah. Just tell him it’s an emergency. He’ll understand.”
She starts the car.
“I’ll tell you all about it when we get there,” she says, driving slowly out of the now empty parking lot.
“I want to see them,” I tell Nikki.
“Oh, Autumn. I don’t think so.”
“They’re my family!”
I start crying again.
“Let’s wait until morning. They’ll still be there.”
“I want to see where it happened!”
Nikki sighs, checks her mirrors, and makes a “U” turn. We drive about five miles to the intersection of Live Oak and Spruce. Everything’s cleared away, like nothing ever happened.
We turn around and go back the way we came. Twenty minutes later we pull into the driveway of Coach Nicholson’s house in San Remo. A woman about Nikki’s age, but lots bigger, rushes out the door to meet us.
“Is everyone okay?”
“Penny, this is Autumn Grant.”
“Oh, yes,” she says, smiling. “I saw you play last Saturday. You were awesome!”
Awesome . . . Awesome Autumn . . . It’s like everything in my head is jumbled, echoing. Awesome Autumn. What will those words mean now, without my dad to say them?
Nikki leads me to a chair and sort of eases me into it.
“Is there anything we can do for you?”
I sit there, numb.
“Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?” Penny asks.
I shake my head.
“Nikki?”
“Yeah, I’ll have a cup of tea. I can fix it though.”
“I’ve already got the kettle on,” Penny says.
Nikki and I follow Penny into the kitchen. A big, grey tabby cat is stretched out on the kitchen chair closest to me. Penny gives it a playful poke. “Scoot, you big blob.”
The cat jumps down and slinks off into another room.
“That’s Elvis,” Nikki says.
Penny wipes at the chair with the palm of her hand.
“Sit down, Honey,” she says to me.
I sit down, not knowing what else to do.
“Did you call Dr. Phelps?” Nikki asks.
“Right here,” Penny says, holding up a prescription bottle.
Nikki takes the bottle and reads the directions.
Penny looks back and forth between me and Nikki, then says softly, “Tell me what happened?”
Nikki pulls her chair up beside me and puts her arm around my shoulder, pulling me close.
“A bad accident,” she tells Penny. “Autumn’s father and grandmother . . .”
I cover my ears with my hands, not wanting to hear the news again.
“Oh, no!” Penny says.
She sits next to me, close, on the other side.
“Should we call someone for you?” Penny asks.
I shake my head.
The three of us sit for a long time, not talking.
Finally Nikki asks, “Autumn, would you like a hot bath before you go to bed?”
“I don’t think so.”
She fills a glass of water.
“Come on, then. Let me show you where you’re going to sleep.”
I follow Nikki down the hallway.
“I made up the sofa-bed in the den,” Penny calls after us.
“Autumn needs a real bed,” Nikki says, opening the door at the end of the hall. I go into the room and sit down on the bed, suddenly so tired I can hardly move. Nikki sits beside me.
“Is there anything at all I can do?”
I shake my head.
“I feel so helpless! I’m so, so sorry this happened,” she says. “They were such nice people!”
After sitting for a long time in silence, Nikki leaves the room, then comes back with the glass of water and the pills.
“Take one of these,” Nikki says. “It won’t hurt you and it’ll help you get some sleep.”
I take a pill from her and wash it down with a big gulp of water. She walks over to the dresser and turns a switch on a little speakerlike thing.
“I’m turning the monitor on so all you have to do is call me if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, call. You don’t even have to get out of bed. I’ll hear you.”
She sits down next to me again.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. “So, so, sorry . . . Remember, if you need anything at all . . .”
She gestures toward the monitor, then leaves the room.
I take off my shoes and lie back on the bed, thinking how less than six hours ago my dad and my grams and Casper were alive, and now, all of a sudden, they’re not. What if we’d talked just two more
minutes longer in the parking lot? Would the gravel truck have already gone through?
There’s a soft knock on the door.
I know I should say something, but I can’t.
Nikki opens the door.
“Here’s a big T-shirt for you to sleep in, if you want,” she says, putting the folded shirt on the chair near the door.
I turn away from her, back to my thoughts of what if. What if Danni hadn’t come up at exactly the time she did? If they’d left a minute earlier, would they have been out of the intersection before the truck came through? I pull the covers over me, over my head, trying to warm the hollow, empty space that used to be me.
Chapter
5
I awaken slowly, opening my eyes to sunlight filtered through pink curtains, to teddy bears piled high in a crib on the other side of the room. Framed pictures from Disney movies—“Cinderella,” “The Lion King,” “Aladdin,” “The Little Mermaid,” look down on me from every wall. A moment of quiet peace—then shock. Memory and loss pulse through me. They are gone. They are dead. I close my eyes, longing for sleep. I’d take another one of those pills, more maybe, but I see that only the water glass is on the bedside table, no pill bottle.
Voices reach me through that thing on the dresser. What did Nikki call it? A monitor?
“But she’s in our baby’s room,” Penny is saying.
“We don’t have a baby, Penny, and it’s senseless to keep it set up like some kind of weird shrine.”
There’s some shuffling around and then I hear Nikki saying, “Shhhh. Don’t cry. I’m sorry. Shhhh.”
“I just . . . I just need time.”
“Shhhh. I know.”
“I feel so selfish. That poor girl who’s lost everything . . .”
There’s more shuffling and the voices fade.
I get up to find the bathroom and when I come back to the bedroom Nikki is waiting for me.
“Did you sleep?”
“Yes.”
“How are you doing?”
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say, or how to say
it.
“Well . . . Here’s a never-been-used toothbrush, and a fresh towel and washcloth . . .”
Shuffling sounds and then Penny’s voice comes over the monitor, “Scoot, you big blob, so I can make the bed.”
Nikki looks up, surprised.
No More Sad Goodbyes Page 4