"It's like you just lost interest in me," I tell him as we walk the grounds of the ranch. I can hear Lily whinnying in the paddock, missing our rides together. I feel a pang as I realize I haven't been giving her much attention.
"I'm terribly sorry," he says. He steps around a few mud patches but soon discovers it's a game he can't win, and he just steps right through them, destroys what is probably a costly pair of shoes.
“You’re sorry.”
"It's difficult to explain."
“Did you come all this way to break up with me?”
"No," he protests, reaching for my elbow.
I have my arms wound tightly across my chest, so there's no way he's going to hold my hands. The day is just starting to warm up, but there's a cold front between us.
“I just don’t get it,” I say half to him and half to myself as my eyes get lost on the horizon. “You still haven’t given me an answer. No tangible reason for ignoring me.”
We walk along the side of the barn, opening into a grassy field at the edge of the property. This is the spot I usually come to be in solitude. I didn't even consciously realize that I was steering us this way. The grass is tall, and when the wind blows, rolling green ocean waves cover the field. Farther east, it dips into a steep ravine with a stream at the bottom. I used to hike down there when I was mad at my brother or my parents and just spend a few hours alone.
“The answer is complicated. We needed to have this conversation in person,” he says.
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
"No, I think you're brilliant."
"Then tell me what's going on or just leave me alone, Ben. I don't want to play these games."
"Okay." He opens up, explaining why he's stopped texting and calling, and it's not what I thought. His words dissolve my fears that maybe he had found someone else or simply lost interest. But he honestly believes that if he keeps pursuing me, if we continue our relationship, I will have to give up on my dreams.
“Is that the truth?”
“Yes. And I’m sorry if it hurts.”
“It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as being ignored. I wish you had just talked to me about it directly. We could have worked something out. We could have talked through things. It was childish to avoid me.”
“I really messed up.” He bows his head.
“So, what are you going to do?” I uncross my arms and take his hands.
“I’m going to fight for you as long as it takes and do everything I can to make up for the pain that I caused you. I'd like to regain your trust and come up with a solution."
My thoughts drift back to our time together in Europe. Ben had a way of crushing my titanium walls and softening me, opening me. I can't stand to be mad at him. A cold breeze whips against us and cuts through my jacket, so I lean into Ben’s body for warmth. He wraps his arms around me tightly, and I listen to his heartbeat.
“Allie,” he says.
“Yes?”
“Do you forgive me?” He kisses the top of my head.
“I forgive you,” I say into his chest. “But you have a lot of catching up to do.”
I have to reach up to kiss him because he’s so much taller than me. At first, we explore gently, a light kiss to jolt our memories of each other, what we taste like, and what we feel like. I am reserved at first, but being in his arms again gives me a new energy that I haven't felt since I've been home. A tingling goes through my legs and shoots up my body. Our kiss deepens and is infused with the passion we had for each other when we first spent the night together on the yacht.
I'm glad the barn is blocking us from view. No one can see us here except the birds and the animals in the trees. The grass whips in the wind. I can feel him hard in his pants, pressing against me. He's been aching for me this whole time.
A part of me is still mad at him. But I’m glad I stuffed my phone down in my drawer and ignored whatever he sent me because if I hadn’t, he may not have gotten on the next redeye to the United States. My body surrenders to my lust, and I feel myself filling with love. My hands slither inside his jacket and stroke his hard, muscular physique. He presses me closer to him, and we can't control ourselves any longer.
The grass makes a soft bed. He pulls me down on top of him, and we are hidden in the tall grass. His hands caress the length of my body, grazing over my chest and sending a lightning bolt of arousal into my pelvis. I squeeze his body with my legs. I feel myself get wet, and he knows that I want him. It's been too long since I've been ravished by his love.
My hands slide up his shirt and caress his chest. He mirrors my movements, and soon we are ripping off clothes in heated thrash of urgency. He pulls my thong and slides it down my legs.
Then he kisses me up my thigh, running his hands up my smooth legs to my stomach and my chest. I spread myself wide for him. His tongue reaches me between my legs and tastes me gently, teasingly. I lay my head back on the grass and listen to the wind moaning over our naked bodies. It’s a crisp fall wind, but I'm not cold for long. My body is heating up, and he is climbing on top of me.
He kisses his way up to my chest and lingers on my breasts, caressing and squeezing me in remembrance of what he nearly lost. He holds me so tightly as if I might blow away in the wind if he lets go. I can feel his hard shaft against my leg, swollen and smooth and eager for me.
He finally kisses my lips with the same passion as when we first met in Ibiza, maybe even more. He lurches forward, and he enters me in one long, smooth stroke. I let out a little yelp of satisfaction, and I hear one of the horses in the barn neighing back to us.
Ben plunges in and out of me like he’s making up for lost time. He is slow and tender at first, making the most of every second that our bodies are fused together. His fingers are wrapped in the coils of my tangled hair, the heat of his skin giving warmth to my slight frame. I squeeze him with my legs, my ankles hooked behind his back as he quickens his rhythm to a steady beat. As he's thrusting, he's kissing me on my neck, my lips, my cheeks, as if trying to satisfy some sort of burning hunger. His breath makes my knees weak, and my arms falter to my sides. I feel like I’ve been slain in the most satisfactory way. My heart beats with the pangs of love. True love. I want to be with him forever.
Even as we finish, we lay wrapped in each other’s limbs, a tangled mess of laughing bodies, hidden by the veil of grass.
“I can’t believe I almost let you go,” he says.
Chapter Six
Ben
She leads me by the hand up to the front door of the house, and I feel like a cow being led to the slaughterhouse. I don't think her brother will ever warm up to me, and I can’t figure her father out. I fear that he'll take one look at me and know that I just made love with his daughter in the grass.
At the sight of Allie, the black dog on the porch barks and spins around in circles. He’s drooling, and he’s about the size of a small pony.
"That's Tractor," she says, scratching him behind the ears. “He looks scary, but he’s like the cowardly lion.”
He gingerly sniffs my hand, testing me out. I don't have much experience with animals unless you count the time my mum brought home a chihuahua smaller than my foot. It barked incessantly, and I had to look out for it under my feet. Tucker always called it the rat. But Tractor seems to like me.
"Dogs always know if you're a good person or a bad person. It looks like you're a good person."
“At least I have someone’s approval.”
I can see why Allie loves this place so much. It's quiet and far from the commotion of the busy city life. The air smells fresh. The house is old but taken care of and well-maintained—the perfect home for a family. The porch boards creak as we walk up the steps. There's a blanket tossed over a swing and a cheery welcome mat by the door.
I hear dishes clattering inside.
I can tell Allie is nervous about bringing me inside. I think everyone knows our story, or at least part of it.
“Allie,” says Eric without even lo
oking at me. “You promised you’d go for a ride with me today. We won’t be able to once you start your new job.”
"New job?" I ask, trying to sound excited for her.
"Nothing is for certain yet," she assures me. "I've applied to a bunch of places, and I've had a couple of phone interviews. Haven’t heard anything back.”
“But you will,” says Eric. “Come on, Al. Let’s go.”
“Hold your horses,” she says. “I have to introduce Ben to Mom.”
“Why is he still here? I thought you would send his ass down the road and across the pond, back to Europe.”
“No, Eric. We’re still together.”
Eric rolls his eyes and huffs. “Let him introduce himself, then.”
Allie turns to me. “I’m so sorry,” she says. “He’s not usually like this.”
“Yes I am.”
“Eric,” she hisses. “Grow up.”
“Never.”
“You must be Ben,” says a beautiful woman who saunters into the room. She looks exactly like Allie, only twenty-five years older, maybe less. She looks stunning in a flannel shirt and jeans. “I’m Jolene.”
I take her hand in mine. "Jolene, it's a pleasure to meet you. I can see where Allie gets her good looks."
She laughs. I honestly wasn't sure if she was going to find it flattering. She seems so light-hearted. I don't know where Allie gets her anxious worrying from. Both of her parents seem calm and relaxed, whereas Allie and Eric are a little high-strung.
Eric grimaces at me. But Allie gives me one of her nervous, deep-in-thought looks.
"Hey, Ben," she says. "Why don't I go riding with Eric, so he gets off my case, and you stay here and help my mom with some of her chores around the ranch.”
I'm a little nervous at this proposal, but I don't think I need to be.
"You like shoveling manure, Ben?" Jolene asks, a twinkle in her eye.
“Can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure.”
Eric bursts out into a roiling laugh, and I feel like I've earned myself a point with him. If I have to dive head-first into a pile of manure to receive her family's blessing, then so be it.
Chapter Seven
Allie
I feel a little guilty about throwing Ben into a manure-shoveling expedition, but I forget all about it as soon as I'm in the saddle and galloping into the wild with Eric. I forget all about my gloomy days sitting on the porch staring at my phone waiting for Ben's messages. I forget all about my broken heart. I should have been doing this all along.
I feel the pounding of hooves on the ground, and the powerful body gripped between my legs. It's almost as exhilarating as having Ben between my legs, his body pounding against mine. It's a different kind of fun.
I feel like myself again. This is who I am and where I was born to be. Here in the mountains of Wyoming, on land that's been untainted by the clutches of civilization.
We reach the top of a crest, and Eric slows down. I come to a stop beside him. We listen to the vast silence, nothing but a whisper of a breeze through the trees, and then silence again. The landscape goes on forever in tandem with the sky, and I know now that I could never leave this. I’ve applied to so many jobs, most of them in Yellowstone and a few in Glacier, Montana. I don't know if I can see myself living anywhere else.
And then I feel the pangs of heartbreak again. Ben would never want to live here. He would never enjoy this life. He wants to travel the world, never in the same spot twice. I now know that it's just never going to work. Maybe he was right before he came here. Perhaps he would be a burden to me after all. I don't think I could forgive myself if I committed to Ben but then gave up on my dreams.
“Al,” says Eric. He looks at me while the horses rest with heavy breaths.
I look back at him, and it's like looking into my own eyes. I can tell he has something important to say. He may be just a teenager, but he's wiser than I was when I was his age.
“Al, are you in love with this guy?”
"Yes," I say without hesitation. "Yes, I'm in love with him. The question is, what do I love more? Him, or all of this?"
“I’m not going to let him take you away from us.”
“You don’t really have a say in what I choose to do,” I tell him as gently as possible. I know he likes to think that he’s in control of everything that happens in our family. But he’s going to have to learn to let go sooner or later.
“But I know you. And I know that you’d never be happy in some fancy pants place like England.” He says England with the most sarcastic mock accent I’ve ever heard from him.
“That’s a little offensive. I mean, you’ve never been there.”
“Sorry.”
"Eric, I'm twenty-two years old. I get to make my own decisions."
“Well, if he can keep up with Mom shoveling horseshit, I’ll at least give him a little credit. But I don’t think I’ll ever fully come around.”
“I’m sure you’d change your mind.”
“My mind is already made up.”
But I know that with time, as hard-headed as he is, Eric will get softer and more accepting. But there may be no point in arguing, anyway. Ben and I…we might not work out. I feel myself start to tear up just thinking about what the future holds, and I don't want my brother to see my cry. I turn Lily around and tap her in the belly with my heel. "I'll race you home," I say, speeding off down the trail, escaping from having to finish that conversation.
Chapter Eight
Ben
I don't remember the last time I did manual labor, but it's not the same as pumping iron at the gym or going for a jog. I have a bandana tied around my face so I don't breathe in the particles, and I’m dripping with sweat. Greg gave me a pair of boots to borrow, as my shoes were already caked in mud and ruined. Anything for the woman I love.
I have a difficult time keeping up with Jolene. She's slender but strong as an ox. I see her glancing over her shoulder at me, and I think she's laughing at my clumsiness and lack of athleticism. She explains to me that this manure will become fertilizer for her gardens, and I'm trying to do an acceptable job. But even the horses are looking at me with judgment, and their whinnies are the sound of laughter.
“So,” she says sharply, which I can tell is preceding a rather serious conversation. “What is it about Allie that brought you all the way to Wyoming?"
"Your daughter is the most genuine person I've ever met,” I say between heavy breaths of air. “She’s always true to herself, and she doesn’t say something unless she means it. I’ve been in business for myself for a long time, and that kind of honesty is hard to come by in people.”
“What about you? Are you an honest person?”
“I try to be,” I wheeze after I dump a massive shovelful into a wheelbarrow. I'm trying to appear in shape and tough, but it's becoming more difficult. “I’m honest about my feelings for Allie. I do love her.”
“That’s a strong word. I think you’re a nice guy, but I don’t want you toying with my daughter’s heart.”
"I don't fool around with games. Your daughter's heart is not a toy." I dig down into the pocket of my jeans and pull out a black box. Jolene's eyes widen as I pop it open and reveal the diamond ring inside.
"Oh my goodness," she gasps. "Is that real?"
“Five carats. A real ring for a real woman. I’d like to ask her to marry me tonight. With yours and Greg’s blessing, of course.”
She looks at me with wise and understanding eyes. I imagine that Allie has that exact same look when we’ve been married for twenty-five years. “You have my blessing, Ben. But it’s Allie’s that you really need. She was just starting to get over you when you showed up at the door. I think you have some lost time to make up for.”
“You’re absolutely right.”
Chapter Nine
Allie
I ride straight into the open barn doors where I see Ben, totally shirtless and dripping sweat, talking to my mother and leaning on the handle of a sho
vel. My mother looks like she's enjoying his ripped half-naked body a little too much by the look in her eye.
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
“How’s the manure going?” I ask.
“It’s a delight,” says Ben with a very forced smile on his face.
“Allie, I think Ben might want to take you out for dinner tonight.”
Eric comes riding in right behind me. “Well, look who’s totally full of shit,” he says with a sinister grin on his face.
“Eric, be nice.”
“Well, it’s true,” says Ben, looking himself up and down.
Lunch is awkward but not as uncomfortable as it could be. My parents don't say much, but they are watchful. I think they might be the only people in my life who trust me to make a decision for myself. They keep looking at Ben and me like they're trying to read us. My dad is always very reserved. He rarely reveals what he thinks.
Eric, on the other hand, is still glaring suspiciously. However, I think he was satisfied to see the Ben was willing to put in some real effort to get to know the family and be a part of this ranch.
I sit beside Ben, reaching for one of the sandwiches my dad prepared for lunch. He injured his back a few years ago, so now he does most of the household chores while my mom handles most of the outdoor tasks with Eric. He still likes to go outside and walk the ranch, but I think he's relieved that his heavy lifting days are over.
Sweet Home Wyoming Page 2