by Stone, C. L.
What he spoke of baffled me. “Me?”
He nodded. “You gave Ryuu one look and touch, and he was negotiating on your behalf all the way here.” He motioned to the sleeping Ryuu next to us. “He gave up a lot to get here with you, to make sure you arrived safely. Shima was willing to take us to the city, but he stayed for you. Then when you were here, they were both on your side, negotiating with Mrs. Satsu on the chance they’d stay with you. Not a lot of people can earn someone’s loyalty so quickly, and without training. And you can’t buy a loyalty like that.”
My heart exploded into tiny fireworks, my breath rapid. “I...,” I said, unable to finish. He was flattering me. I didn’t think that was me at all. “I did nothing. I did what I was supposed to.”
His touch seemed to warm at my cheek. “That makes you vulnerable to danger, too,” he said quietly. “Beauty is a powerful asset to have. And it’ll be my job to make sure you get through this. However, if you’ll trust me, there’s no way the emperor will pass you up.”
The thought of danger scared me. There were thousands of people on the way to the city right now. Some of them had already registered. There would be more people like the ones in the bath, who would do anything to knock down anyone in their path. If I was seen as a clear danger to them, I had to rely on Sota and the others for help.
“I must need to know other things,” I said. “If I’m going to stand out, I can’t just paint my face and wear a pretty ornament. There are lots of beautiful people who will register.”
“You’re pretty brave,” he said. He shifted the blanket, encouraging me to get comfortable. I did, and he tucked me in a little before lying on his back on top of the blanket, his head on a pillow, looking up at the ceiling. “You managed to get those ghost oxen under control. You weren’t even shaken up by it.”
“I didn’t think I needed to be,” I said. “I mean, at the time I was worried, but the worst I had to do was climb around while the cart was moving. It wasn’t that dangerous.”
“It was, though. Which shows you’ve got a mind to focus on the moment, assessing a situation quickly and handling it.”
“But Mrs. Satsu didn’t know that when she picked me.” I settled deep into the futon until I was covered up to my neck by the blanket. Afraid to look at Sota, I kept my eyes on the ceiling like he did. “I don’t even know what I’m qualified to do. I’m not an advisor. Or a minister. Or a general. This secret position—what does it involve?”
“You wouldn’t have been chosen unless you had the natural gifts needed to fulfill it.”
“Pretty looks?” I asked. I thought about the woman who had left earlier in a pretty kimono, and how I was a frog compared to her. Apricot was going to be an empress one day. A farm girl was no match for beauty like that. I had no idea how to behave in a court, or what to do. “Why does it matter? Prettiness serves few people. Am I to bed with someone? Is that why I’ll be wanted?”
He was silent for a long moment. “She asked you questions, didn’t she? When she found you?”
“She asked about my parents.”
“She had you help her?”
I tried to remember. “I held a candle for her, got her things she requested.”
“There was more to it as well,” he said. “I know it seems like it was sudden, but she was looking for qualities far beyond a face. Otherwise she would have said yes to you without questioning anything. There wouldn’t be a need for any training.” He turned over, propping his head up on his arm before continuing. “Only I’m not sure what she saw in you. I can’t speak for her. I only see what I see. And what I see is the emperor would be sorely at a loss if he didn’t select you for his court. And I don’t mean your looks, I mean your genuineness and your willingness to jump in, and so much more.”
“Wouldn’t anyone do the same?”
“No. There are people who just want the taels and the power for themselves. But you’ve aligned yourself with people who would turn it all down if you aren’t chosen.” He motioned to Ryuu and then placed a palm over his heart. “Myself included.”
I considered what he said, about how Ryuu was going to register and said he’d return for me in the village. Sota believed in me, that somehow I’d be able to make it through. Shima was taking a chance, but there was nothing to keep him here with Mrs. Satsu except me.
Perhaps Sota meant to make me feel better, but it made me nervous that I was the one it seemed they were depending on.
It meant I couldn’t make a mistake, and I wondered if I already had, sending that letter on, with Sota’s name and with the others by my side.
APRICOT
FOR TWO DAYS, RYUU, Shima and I saw nothing except the inside of our room.
Sota brought us books from the library, fed me and Shima double what Ryuu got at every meal, and taught us how to behave like royalty. I felt Sota wanted me and Shima to gain weight, but I couldn’t imagine it working within a couple of weeks. We had been starving for years.
We practiced everything, from sitting and bowing to how to address everyone from the emperor down to the lowest of servants. We learned of ranks I hadn’t been aware of, even with the number of books I had read.
Mostly Sota taught us how to speak our minds in ways which were polite, even to the emperor.
“It’s important to be honest,” he said. “Omitting the truth is as bad in his eyes as flat-out lying to him, which is inexcusable.”
I couldn’t imagine what I would say if I ever met the emperor, and secretly I hoped this would all make sense if I was chosen.
Not that I held much hope. The guys tried to tell me I needed more confidence, but it was hard to feel confident when every day in the hallways, I saw beautiful young women and men practicing their dance and politics, leagues ahead of us in terms of practiced sophistication.
But we practiced. Sota pretended to be commoners and royalty, speaking to us as if he were them. He spoke to me for hours and hours, and I recited greetings and farewells and practiced delivering news both good and terrible.
On the third morning, I woke to Ryuu snoring in my ear.
I rose, rubbing my eyes. Sota and Shima were gone, and Ryuu was on his back, an arm over my chest as if it were a pillow, deeply asleep. His hair had been cut in a style more becoming of his sharp nose and wide jawline. If I had thought him handsome before, his features seemed more distinguished now, except for that ridiculous curl of his lip that made him always seem like he was on the cusp of telling a joke.
I eased his arm off me, and he rolled over onto his side and continued to sleep.
It was early, with the sun just beginning to rise. I went to the window and let the restless Taka out. He took off, doing a loop in the air, filling the day with song.
I hummed with him, mimicking his tune. I didn’t know many to teach him, but I remembered an old folk song from my childhood, something I’d learned at school from Dr. Aoi.
The bird sang it right back to me, repeating it without prompting. He learned quickly. Afterward, he flew off, possibly in search of mice in the streets for breakfast. I didn’t know what he did all morning, but he was usually back by the afternoon, usually to nap and then repeat things he heard the rest of us saying.
I re-dressed in the blue kimono before Sota returned. Shima was behind him, carrying a tray laden with rice porridge, dried fish and fresh plums.
I was delighted by the sight of the plums, something I hadn’t had in years. He placed the tray on the table, shifting the bowls to split between us.
“I found the plums this morning on my way to check on the oxen,” Shima said.
“Are they doing well?” I asked.
“They are restless,” he said. His eyes avoided meeting mine. “To be honest, I’m considering taking them back to the farm.”
“But you’ll miss registration.”
“It’ll be better than them escaping. They need to be controlled. I can’t do it from inside the city while learning to bow and talk to people I may never meet.”
Suddenly, our room door snapped open, loud enough to wake Ryuu.
Apricot stood in the doorway. She wore a blue kimono similar to ours and no makeup, but she was still measures beyond beautiful. She looked at the guys and then at me, motioning to me with a curl of her finger. “I need to speak with you. Now.”
I rose, lopsided and sloppy in my haste. She was a future empress, and I tried not to look directly at her face, but I couldn’t help but be in awe of her beauty and curious about her intent.
Sota immediately got up, too.
Apricot waved dismissively at him with a delicate hand. “No, not you. I just need her.”
Sota paused in his steps and frowned, clearly displeased. But as she outranked him, there was no discussion.
I tried not to show her I was trembling. What could a swan possibly want with a sow? I followed quickly.
She brought me to her room. Her escort wasn’t with her and didn’t join us.
Apricot had the biggest room in Mrs. Satsu’s house. Her futon was still unmade on the floor, and there was a new kimono hanging on a dressing dummy in the corner. Its delicate silks were in vibrant oranges and browns, rich like the turning leaves of autumn.
She rolled her bedroom door closed and then went to a small stool near a mirror. On a table in front of her was an array of small bowls and jars and brushes.
“Mother insisted I show you how to apply makeup,” she said. “So I’m going to show you by making you apply mine. I’ll walk you through it.” She motioned to the various clay pots in front of her.
Mother? “Mrs. Satsu?” I asked.
“Who else?” she said, rolling her eyes. “Please, just focus. I don’t want to be here all day.”
“Where is your escort?”
“I dismissed him for this so I could walk you through this myself.”
I didn’t feel comfortable without an escort around, especially without Sota to tell me what was or was not appropriate to say. I wasn’t fully confident in my ability to address people. How exactly did you express thoughts to a future empress who was currently wearing common clothing?
I stood behind Apricot, looking at her in the mirror instead of directly.
She showed me her collection of makeup and what each item was used for. First, she had me apply a special lotion to her cheeks and forehead.
“A dot is enough for a patch of skin,” she said, having me dot my fingers with the bottle of white liquid.
I did as she instructed and applied the lotion, along with rubbing wax along her face to smooth her skin as she asked.
I kept looking at the door, expecting her escort or Sota to walk in at any moment. Her intense gazes left me uncomfortable, like she found me a pesky little sister.
She grew annoyed. “Do you want to learn this or not?”
“I’m very sorry,” I said quietly, lowering my eyes. “Please forgive me.”
“Don’t be sorry, just do what I tell you!” She opened a jar of white clay and showed it to me. “Smell this.”
I took the jar and held it to my nose.
“What does it smell like?” she asked.
“Like flour,” I said. “And a little sweet.”
“Yes,” she said, a smile finally lighting up her eyes. “Very good. The smell will tell you if it is right. If it smells bitter, throw it away. It has gone stale.” She showed me a brush and taught me how to apply it to her face. “You must coat my face like a mask, but leave a thin line around my hairline. We want it obvious it’s a mask.”
I did as she instructed, using broad brush strokes across her forehead and cheeks and neck and smaller ones around her eyes and nose. When I was done, she appeared to me like I pictured a human ghost would look like.
She approved of my work, looking silently into the mirror for a long time. Then she said, “I bet you’re wondering how the daughter of a former royal dresser ended up a soon-to-be empress.”
I nodded, afraid to ask all the questions in my head. She wasn’t an empress yet, but still she outranked me, a lowly peasant from a fishing village.
“It is not official, yet, that I will marry him,” she said with a sigh, gazing dreamily at herself in the mirror. “I have a final inspection of my own to go through. This time, I will be presented to the emperor himself and given my rank among the other women selected to be his wives.”
“Did he not select you as a wife?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “His ministers picked for him, much like your upcoming registration. It is only by his new decree that he is now allowed to even rank the wives chosen for his bed.” A sadness crossed her delicate features. “And if he had his way, he might even dismiss us all before it becomes official. He’s incredibly picky.”
“That seems unfair,” I said.
“I was selected out of thousands of women, like you, who qualified based on their rank and beauty. I’ve passed all inspections up until this point. Despite my rank, my beauty and training have brought me this far, but it still may not be enough.” She looked up, turning her head to look my way. “I’m surprised you weren’t asked to be part of that. Didn’t your local government tell you about a chance to become an emperor’s wife or concubine?”
“No,” I said. “I must have missed it.” I couldn’t imagine being summoned for it and actually gong. I was too busy trying to garden and stay alive. “I lived remotely. Some may not have even known I was still alive.”
“It’s too bad,” she said. “You would have passed inspection in a heartbeat, I think. They were strict about the level of beauty required, and you would have surpassed many I saw accepted as concubines, even some of the wives.”
Her compliment of my appearance gave me pause. “Your beauty is far superior,” I said.
“Would you want to be a wife?” she asked.
I hesitated at her question. I didn’t want to lie to her, as Sota had said I should never do, but it still felt a little strange to be so honest with someone I barely knew. “If you had asked me a few weeks ago, I would have done anything not to see another winter. But today, I wonder if starving in the cold might be less risky than competing for any position with the emperor. But also, I find it very sad that the emperor may be married to many women and perhaps none of them will truly love him. As an emperor, we all love him, but will he ever find true happiness?”
Apricot was quiet for a long moment, her white-painted face blinking her lovely dark eyes several times as if to hold back tears. “I shouldn’t tell you this,” she said, “but I feel I can talk to you. The only reason I bothered with you is because of Mother, but the other girls, I need to be careful around, too. Because the wedding isn’t yet complete, they could turn on me. Some of them were rejected during the same selection process.”
My eyes widened and I lowered the makeup brush. “They were rejected? And now continue to compete for a new position?”
“They know full well the influence my mother has with the emperor, and some now hope to win my favor, but you are the first person who seems to have her own opinions. Count yourself lucky not to be so jaded, but also watch your back.”
She then showed me how she burned a piece of thin wood to make charcoal and paint her eyebrows. Next, she chose a thick red paste and spread it over her lips and cheeks.
She did this herself with her hands and brushes, showing me how steadily she transformed herself into a living piece of art.
When she was finished, she had me dress her in her kimono, folding it around her body, and showed me how to tie a formal obi and even how to set her hair into place with ornaments. I wasn’t the best at it, but her instruction taught me how complicated it was, and why she needed someone else to dress her.
“If you are selected for a high position,” she said, “this is how you will look every day. And your escort will dress you as you’ve dressed me. I feel it is good to know exactly what your escort will have to go through, and how to do it yourself if you need to teach a new one, or if you are ever forced to do it y
ourself.”
“Because Mrs. Satsu was a royal dresser?” I asked. “She knows this may be important?”
She nodded.
“There’s something I don’t understand,” I said. “If she is your mother, and you’re about to be selected as a wife for the emperor, why does she need us?”
Apricot’s gaze fell on my face. She tucked a hand under my chin and raised it until my eyes rose to meet her dead-on, in a way I had been taught not to do.
“I could still fail,” she said. “He can reject me. We have modest means, but Mrs. Satsu believes in what the emperor is doing. There has been corruption in the courts for a long time. It benefits us all if good people are selected for his courts.”
I trembled at her delicate touch. “Your heart is good,” I said. “And with your beauty, if the emperor doesn’t select you...”
She traced a thumb over my mouth until I silenced.
“Don’t say it,” she said. “There are some things even we can never say.”
I hadn’t meant to sound treasonous, but I was glad she had stopped me. If the emperor rejected her good nature because he found her beauty not suited to him, then I wasn’t sure I wanted to serve him, and risk my own life. It was a very dishonorable thought, something I could never say out loud, not to anyone.
She released me and did a turn in her kimono, and the delicate leaves on the silk seemed to dance as if blown in a breeze. She was truly beautiful. I couldn’t believe she thought I could be remotely suited for a position as a wife when the emperor had girls like her to select from.
There was a knock at the door, and Apricot told me to go and see who it was.
A maid stood in the hallway and looked at me, and then beyond me to Apricot. She passed me a slip of paper and then hurried away, running off before I could even ask her a question or thank her for her delivery.
Apricot shared a look with me, and it was clear she had caught the same feeling. The maid feared our reaction to what she’d delivered.