by Vernor Vinge
* [hld] I’d use direct sequence spread spectrum pseudo-noise coding to have more than one set co-exist. Need a carrier >= 1GHz if it’s an EM device. Range would be a few kilometers. Slightly better than line of sight - some diffraction around rocks. Metal will block/reflect, eg copper clad roofs
* QU Do you think the games I play here with he/she references to Tyra (as the pack drifts between Tyra and Flenser domination) are okay, or are they just too confusing to the reader?
* PRB INCON should try to make it clear how Flenser is different from villainous brood-kenners of the past
* NÆH : ID in presenting ambush-rape, might actually show Steel going after a singleton in his den
* [vsv] CHK decide on italicizing “radio”
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Note 900
* [vsv] CHK INCON where does Tyrathect get permission to learn Samnorsk?
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Note 901
* [vsv] CHK all the places where you say this
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Note 902
* [vsv] Gold must be awfully rare if that’s all? CHK
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Note 903
* NO : QU how about having Jefri’s speech really be in Samnorsk?
* QU INCON what became of the walkie-talkies from the refugee ship?
* [vsv] You’ve pretty much covered this by having him destroy the matching commset, but maybe you should say more somewhere
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Note 904
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 CHK how many cloaks have they made here? June 14, 1991 Must be at least 8 at this point, so three here unused. Or maybe several of Amdi were going to go under one
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Note 905
* [vsv] Decide on consistent use of term “soul” INCON
* [vsv] IMP to do some grep’ing for “soul”
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 Okay, I take “soul” to be as nearly as possible as what an average USAn would mean: Heart of self-awareness, what makes me me. Thus it is something that can survive the passing of at least some members (how many is one of the central philosophical questions). I believe I have made usage consistent with that now June 14, 1991
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Note 906
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 Previous sentence is INCON with later
June 14, 1991 But at least now not attributed to Flenser
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Note 907
* small PRB : The number to use, radio v radios
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Note 908
* IDEA 15Mar89 thirdworlder who became educated from just watching educational television
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Note 909
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 CHK precise meaning of “articulate” June 14, 1991 “having many joints”
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Note 910
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 Note Amdi’s use of the word “Lord”. If you do this carefully enough, I suppose it could be consistent. My goal is that Amdi use “Mr” when he is speaking Samnorsk or is thinking. The word actually means “Lord” though, and that should be what he uses as here, when he is speaking in Tinish. (as of June 14, 1991, I have casually checked that the usage of “Mr.” is consistent with this)
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Note 911
* QU Note that there are other ways of playing this transition: It could be done from the viewpoint of one of the other observers You could actually cut to a wholly different scene, or even the Johanna plotline. Any recommendations?
* NÆH : PRB RETRO write that the inside of the jackets are transducers.
* NÆH : PRB INCON IMP Seems unrealistic that there isn’t more testing. Praps in your original suspicion discussion between Ravna and Pham, there could be comment that this jumpstart aid in a way has less long-term usefulness than conventional technical help. In fact, it ought to be possible to put boobytraps into these gifts. This could also come up in Woodcarver’s analysis of Flenser, after Vendacious is unmasked, just before the final battle.
* [vsv] IMP following might help with pacing (Lost Time) aboard OOB CHRON : ID for realism, could have final production design for the wideband radios done on the OOB
* [MG] ID think about small things Ravna could do to help Flenser tech (cf Frankowski) June 14, 1991 NO TIME
* [vsv] For instance, telescopes! I can see Flenser and Farscout using such; the main PRB is exactly where to comment on the plethora of small inventions (and it might be plausible that there were no such, that Ravna and Pham concentrated on hard biggies). If this is a conscious choice, it might be remarked upon in the jumpstart scenes on the OOB.
* [MG] ID there should be other items of conventional Tines military technology that are weird
* [vsv] How about steamed-powered whistles [heh heh, “mind blowers”] ID IMP
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Note 912
* [vsv] BKG “grass” is allowed in this other region of Tines’ World.
* [vsv] Paragraph is not quite parallel February 24, 1991
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Note 913
* ID chapter TITLE : Flame Out
* SEQ QU PRB Solicit suggestions (and think about it yourself) how to pace this story with the sequels on Tines’ World … finally leading to the events behind “The Blabber”.
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Note 914
* PRB Several things must eventually be addressed: How many simultaneous radio packs are to be allowed? If more than 1, then multiplexing must be considered (FDM, I think) (See hld’s suggestion above.)What are line of sight problems with the frequencies used
Affected by highest FDM band — affects at least the terminology
* [vsv] This comes up later when they talk about the difficulty of making more cloaks. SOL … but see how I have Steel use these interference effects as a means of killing a radio pack remotely. What are the power/range constraints? — miles
* [ur] TINES PRB Have to be careful with “looked at” “glanced at” terminology when describing tines behavior
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Note 915
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 INCON with c37 in the castle with Tyra?
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Note 916
* ID They should have a generalization of parallax view. Seems to me that this sort of radio is in many ways not as useful as walkie-talkies for this sort of conflict (unless it were available in great numbers) This fact might be noted by Steel at some later point.
* Small INCON . Earlier you say there were hoardings. Somehow (perhaps with retrowrite) make it clear that where Tyra ends up is not covered by hoardings
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Note 917
* [vsv] [ur] You may presage this too much QU
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Note 918
* [vsv] ? CHK 0.3mi June 15, 1991 Note that you say the castle yard is still less than 12 acres. This is nearly in conflict with what you say in the paragraph and the prediction (by Tyrathect in c13) that ultimately the fortress on Starship Hill may be as big as the fortification on Hidden Island
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Note 919
* [vsv] June 4, 1991 Probably should replace “Tyra” diminutive with “Tyrathect”
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Note 920
* [vsv] CHKd sp Shreck verify elsewhere INCON
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Note 921
* QU Is this transition to Flenser too abrupt? NO 21Jan91
* QU small problem in the last sentence, since there is two of him on the parapets
* CHK the term parapet and review other terminology for use here
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Note 922
* QU What should the viewpoint be here? Choices are: Johanna, Peregrine, Woodcarver. I opt for Johanna even though she was where I had the viewpoint the last time I was in this subplot. Hmm, choosing Johanna also makes it a little harder to follow dialog — but a little easier to sho
w wildlife.
* PRB research numbers in following descriptions
* QU PRB Is Vendacious’ success (in his true role) implausible? Is he too easily accepted?
* PRB work on getting a feeling of time passing onboard the OOB, too
* [vsv] Possible relation to Lost Time (time not narrated but simply alluded to later)
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 Contamine, p146 speaks of 29 iron connons for an English expedition on France in 1372 p147 His table implies a range of 700m would be considered very good in 1530
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Note 923
* NÆH : CHK Look up the Norwegian for “dayaround”
* Seem to me that they really would have a notion of “children”, though the individual members of a newby would normally not all be puppies This will cause a retro change in terminology
* [vsv] I think I’ve DONE this back in an amdi/steel conversation: the word for child means “pack of pups”
* IMP retrowrite: there should be lots of small innovations that Peregrine and Woodcarver make using the dataset June 14, 1991 NO TIME
* ID sea’mals statt seals or sea mammals? YES BKG SEQ
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Note 924
* [vsv] CHK INCON development rate compared to humans (it’s been ~60d since the puppies were born) and compare with puppies. These two had just opened their eyes a couple of days earlier, just after they left Woodcarvers city.
* [vsv] June 6, 1991 AWK ward and misleading:
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Note 925
* QU Is “worthy of me” too jarring? or is it the proper character/Tines touch?
* IDEA 17Mar89 “I don’t want to risk others’ politeness or rudeness by boring them”
* [vsv] TINES BKG about suckling
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Note 926
* [vsv] June 6, 1991 IMP INCON in c37, at least, he appears to have 2 puppies
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Note 927
* CHK the timing here for INCON
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Note 928
* QU PRB Decide precisely how big this army is. Compare with human history. Also check for consistency
* BKG A little further up, you say 1000 packs and 30 cannon
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Note 929
* [vsv] [ur] June 15, 1991 Here’s a place where you might put in something about explosive shells.
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Note 930
* ID one place where the wideband radio would be helpful would be for a gunner/FAO. In fact, the radio itself would protect the gunner from some of the noise.
* [jrf] “eschewed the use of”
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Note 931
* [vsv] [ur] QU Is this segue too abrupt?
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Note 932
* [vsv] BKG IMP no bees, very small “mammals”
* SEQ I don’t think this outlaws the possibility of shell-based small critters
BKG There ARE things I can call birds, though
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Note 933
* [vsv] [ur] June 15, 1991 what she didn’t get to say is that the road coming back is very fast (this to partly get me back on schedule)
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Note 934
* [vsv] June 15, 1991 : am I using too much of this masked irony?
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Note 935
* [vsv] [ur] June 15, 1991 AWK
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Note 936
* ?Arghh! PRB Where are we going?
* FRAG : The ground above might have been carpeted with them.
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Note 937
* PRB It’s implausible that Johanna would be better at seeing what’s going on in the woods here — though the noise might be a confusing element. If this is what accounts for their poor perception, you should say so somewhere.
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Note 938
* [vsv] I realize this is PoV Johanna, but I’m assuming she’s a little into the meaning of their naming there, so I use the following name, complete with the “translation” of “scar”:
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Note 939
* [vsv] March 30, 1991 “he” versus “it” again :-(
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Note 940
* [jrf2] JRFmark as of 29Mar91 c31 p481)
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Note 941
* NÆH : ID Somewhere should liken the wolves to the Helper. Is it too much similar? — not sure there is any character in a position to make the connection
* SEQ short story about a wood cutter deep in a forest who has a truce, almost a cooperation, with a nest of wolves. There would be all sorts of ways to play this: like a fairy tale, or perverse, or the story of a human child outcast from the small human settlement that follows this novel.
* IDEA 23Mar89 With almost current pc-tech could do vocabulary analysis of a previously analyzed speaker and determine who they had recently been influenced by (“Let me share this [idea] with you”) IDEA 23Mar89 for comp.risks: metarisk of legislation about risks
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Note 942
* [vsv] [ur] June 14, 1991 Some AWK at the end of this paragraph, and it doesn’t quite fit the hospital situation of c35:
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Note 943
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 FRAG (not consistent with c35): After this meeting, the fragments would depart with one or two packs who were wounded but whole, for the south.
* [vsv] NO , though that’s a clear excuse: In connection with flamethrowers, could comment that they couldn’t be used in many places this summer because threat of starting fires
* [vsv] NÆH : Maybe have to substitute the fire for the wolves attack? In which case, might have more info early on about the forest critters? But then how to get this stuff about Scrupilo and Johanna?
* 1988: ID QU Maybe Ravna is from Sjandra Kei! Allows me to show a nonstatist situationAllows me to put the Straumli war in perspectiveStill have coincidence problemCertainly fall of Sjandra Kei have a bigger emotional impact on her. Maybe too big?
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Note 944
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 IMP BKG stuff said clearly in this paragraph:
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Note 945
* PRB below with the name “Wickwrackscar” (but actually the problem already existed, I think.) FIXED , I think, though perhaps the sentence is awkward:
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Note 946
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 PRB small fossil of the “war plot”: FIXED
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Note 947
* [vsv] There was previously a reference to “the Eye in the U” here
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Note 948
* [vsv] NÆH :
* ID Retrowrite earlier interactions with Scrupilo, not favorable ones. Possibly you could have him shoo her away from the cannon test.
* NO ID Hey, if Johanna lives, perhaps she could be smitten by Pham — who doesn’t really notice her?
* PRB work out the size of this conclave and decide whether you have to say something about Woodcarver talking loudly
* ID Maybe could have Steel destroy one of the two walkie-talkies from the ship when Amdijefri play the joke on him. YES!
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Note 949
* [vsv] Might want to go back and sharpen the original prickliness of Scrupilo NO
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Note 950
* PRB If it was really more than a day from the battle till the awards, it seems to me that Johanna would have learned more about the situation and the awards than she did
* [jrf] Not if she was kept busy; maybe she helped nurse casualties
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 mARK
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 IMP CHRON INCON this 9Jul15989 and the hospital incident isn’t till 2
0Jul15989. So why is she talking about the starting off for the climb up the north wall???
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Note 951
* [vsv] [ur] June 10, 1991 “month” problem
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Note 952
* [jrf] preceding paragraph nice.
* [vsv] ID At climax of story, Woodcarver could be a little dopey because she is now almost 7 — probably they have ways of handling this, so if you don’t get to doing it, no big deal
* QU IMP Ug. Where does menarch fit in all this? Probably be best if you could put it before the story starts?
* [jrf] Yes.
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Note 953
* [vsv] June 14, 1991 IMP CHRON INCON I thought they were closer???
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Note 954
* NO ID maybe have it be that Johanna’s mother was really the force engineering the flight from High Lab
* [ur] QU does this scene go on too long, get too drifty?