by Mark Twain
(Translation.)
THE ATHENIAN AND THE FROG.(1)
An Athenian once fell in with a Boeotian who was sitting by theroad-side looking at a frog. Seeing the other approach, the Boeotiansaid his was a remarkable frog, and asked if he would agree to start acontest of frogs, on condition that he whose frog jumped farthest shouldreceive a large sum of money. The Athenian replied that he would if theother would fetch him a frog, for the lake was near. To this he agreed,and when he was gone the Athenian took the frog, and, opening its mouth,poured some stones into its stomach, so that it did not indeed seemlarger than before, but could not jump. The Boeotian soon returnedwith the other frog, and the contest began. The second frog first waspinched, and jumped moderately; then they pinched the Boeotian frog. Andhe gathered himself for a leap, and used the utmost effort, but he couldnot move his body the least. So the Athenian departed with the money.When he was gone the Boeotian, wondering what was the matter with thefrog, lifted him up and examined him. And being turned upside down, heopened his mouth and vomited out the stones.
And here is the way it happened in California:
FROM 'THE CELEBRATED JUMPING FROG OF CALAVERAS COUNTY'
Well, thish-yer Smiley had rat-tarriers and chicken cocks, and tom-cats,and all of them kind of things, till you couldn't rest, and you couldn'tfetch nothing for him to bet on but he'd match you. He ketched a frogone day, and took him home, and said he cal'lated to educate him; andso he never done nothing for three months but set in his back yard andlearn that frog to jump. And you bet you he did learn him, too. He'dgive him a little punch behind, and the next minute you'd see that frogwhirling in the air like a doughnut--see him turn one summerset, ormaybe a couple if he got a good start, and come down flat-footed and allright, like a cat. He got him up so in the matter of ketching flies, andkep'him in practice so constant, that he'd nail a fly every time as furas he could see him. Smiley said all a frog wanted was education, and hecould do 'most anything--and I believe him. Why, I've seen him setDan'l Webster down here on this flor--Dan'l Webster was the name of thefrog--and sing out, 'Flies, Dan'l, flies!' and quicker'n you could winkhe'd spring straight up and snake a fly off'n the counter there, andflop down on the floor ag'in as solid as a gob of mud, and fall toscratching the side of his head with his hind foot as indifferent asif he hadn't no idea he'd been doin' any more'n any frog might do. Younever see a frog so modest and straightfor'ard as he was, for all he wasso gifted. And when it come to fair and square jumping on a dead level,he could get over more ground at one straddle than any animal of hisbreed you ever see. Jumping on a dead level was his strong suit, youunderstand; and when it came to that, Smiley would ante up money on himas long as he had a red. Smiley was monstrous proud of his frog, andwell he might be, for fellers that had travelled and been everywheresall said he laid over any frog that ever they see.
Well, Smiley kep' the beast in a little lattice box, and he used tofetch him down-town sometimes and lay for a bet. One day a feller--astranger in the camp, he was--come acrost him with his box, and says:
'What might it be that you've got in the box?'
And Smiley says, sorter indifferent-like, 'It might be a parrot, or itmight be a canary, maybe, but it's ain't--it's only just a frog.'
And the feller took it, and looked at it careful, and turned it roundthis way and that, and says, 'H'm--so 'tis. Well, what's he good for?'
'Well,' Smiley says, easy and careless, 'he's good enough for one thing,I should judge--he can outjump any frog in Calaveras County.'
The feller took the box again and took another long, particular look,and give it back to Smiley, and says, very deliberate, 'Well,' he says,'I don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any otherfrog.'
'Maybe you don't,' Smiley says. 'Maybe you understand frogs and maybeyou don't understand 'em; maybe you've had experience, and maybe youain't only a amature, as it were. Anyways, I've got my opinion, and I'llresk forty dollars that he can outjump any frog in Calaveras County.'
And the feller studies a minute, and then says, kinder sad like, 'Well,I'm only a stranger here, and I ain't got no frog, but if I had a frogI'd bet you.'
And then Smiley says: 'That's all right--that's all right; if you'llhold my box a minute, I'll go and get you a frog.' And so the fellertook the box and put up his forty dollars along with Smiley's and setdown to wait.
So he set there a good while thinking and thinking to hisself, and thenhe got the frog out and prized his mouth open and took a teaspoonand filled him full of quail shot--filled him pretty near up to hischin--and set him on the floor. Smiley he went to the swamp and sloppedaround in the mud for a long time, and finally he ketched a frog andfetched him in and give him to this feller, and says:
'Now, if you're ready, set him alongside of Dan'l, with his fore-pawsjust even with Dan'l's, and I'll give the word.' Then he says,'One--two--three--git!' and him and the feller touched up the frogs frombehind, and the new frog hopped off lively; but Dan'l give a heave, andhysted up his shoulders--so--like a Frenchman, but it warn't no use--hecouldn't budge; he was planted as solid as a church, and he couldn't nomore stir than if he was anchored out. Smiley was a good deal surprised,and he was disgusted, too, but he didn't have no idea what the matterwas, of course.
The feller took the money and started away; and when he was going out atthe door he sorter jerked his thumb over his shoulder--so--at Dan'l,and says again, very deliberate: 'Well,' he says, 'I don't see no p'intsabout that frog that's any better'n any other frog.'
Smiley he stood scratching his head and looking down at Dan'l a longtime, and at last he says, 'I do wonder what in the nation that frogthrow'd off for--I wonder if there ain't something the matter withhim--he 'pears to look mighty baggy, somehow.' And he ketched Dan'l bythe nape of the neck, and hefted him, and says, 'Why, blame my cats ifhe don't weigh five pound!' and turned him upside down, and he belchedout a double handful of shot. And then he see how it was, and he was themaddest man--he set the frog down and took out after that feeler, but henever ketched him.
The resemblances are deliciously exact. There you have the wily Boeotainand the wily Jim Smiley waiting--two thousand years apart--and waiting,each equipped with his frog and 'laying' for the stranger. A contestis proposed--for money. The Athenian would take a chance 'if the otherwould fetch him a frog'; the Yankee says: 'I'm only a stranger here, andI ain't got a frog; but if I had a frog I'd bet you.' The wily Boeotianand the wily Californian, with that vast gulf of two thousand yearsbetween, retire eagerly and go frogging in the marsh; the Athenianand the Yankee remain behind and work a best advantage, the one withpebbles, the other with shot. Presently the contest began. In the onecase 'they pinched the Boeotian frog'; in the other, 'him and the fellertouched up the frogs from behind.' The Boeotian frog 'gathered himselffor a leap' (you can just see him!), but 'could not move his body inthe least'; the Californian frog 'give a heave, but it warn't no use--hecouldn't budge.' In both the ancient and the modern cases the strangersdeparted with the money. The Boeotian and the Californian wonder what isthe matter with their frogs; they lift them and examine; they turn themupside down and out spills the informing ballast.
Yes, the resemblances are curiously exact. I used to tell the story ofthe 'Jumping Frog' in San Francisco, and presently Artemus Ward camealong and wanted it to help fill out a little book which he was about topublish; so I wrote it out and sent it to his publisher, Carleton; butCarleton thought the book had enough matter in it, so he gave the storyto Henry Clapp as a present, and Clapp put it in his 'Saturday Press,'and it killed that paper with a suddenness that was beyond praise. Atleast the paper died with that issue, and none but envious peoplehave ever tried to rob me of the honour and credit of killing it. The'Jumping Frog' was the first piece of writing of mine that spread itselfthrough the newspapers and brought me into public notice. Consequently,the 'Saturday Press' was a cocoon and I the worm in it; also, I was thegay-coloured literary moth which its death set free. This simile hasbeen used before.
Early in '66 the 'Jumping Frog' was issued in book form, with othersketches of mine. A year or two later Madame Blanc translated it intoFrench and published it in the 'Revue des Deux Mondes,' but the resultwas not what should have been expected, for the 'Revue' struggled alongand pulled through, and is alive yet. I think the fault must have beenin the translation. I ought to have translated it myself. I think sobecause I examined into the matter and finally retranslated the sketchfrom the French back into English, to see what the trouble was; that is,to see just what sort of a focus the French people got upon it. Then themystery was explained. In French the story is too confused and chaoticand unreposeful and ungrammatical and insane; consequently it couldonly cause grief and sickness--it could not kill. A glance at myretranslation will show the reader that this must be true.