by Jessica Jung
“Okay, Mina, your turn,” Heejin says, typing my weight into her iPad.
Mina steps onto the scale, sucking her breath in. A number pops up and her face falls.
Heejin purses her lips. “One pound over last week’s weight,” she says, her voice scathing. “Is this also a mistake, Mina?”
“I…” Mina looks down at her toes. “I’m sorry.”
“Tell me.” Heejin’s tone is low and scary. “Tell me everything you ate since the last weigh-in.”
Damn. A whole food interrogation. I would feel sorry for her if she weren’t Mina.
“I had a Greek salad, the smoothies you recommended, and…” Mina trails off. When she speaks again, her voice is small. “A pizza.”
“How many slices?”
“Three.”
I let out a low whistle as if to say, Wow. Three pizza slices. Mina glares at me from the corner of her eye, and I feel a split second of shame before remembering all the times Mina has tried to ruin my life—and that’s just over the past few weeks.
Heejin shakes her head. “No self-control,” she yells. “Absolutely none. If you don’t want to do this, just leave. Walk out right now. Do you want to quit? Huh? Do you? Because it seems like you already have.”
Mina looks down at the floor in shame. “No. I’m sorry. I don’t want to quit.” She bites her lip. “I’ll do better next week.”
“I certainly hope so. Otherwise I’ll have to tell your father that his daughter is getting too heavy to be a K-pop star,” Heejin says. “If you don’t want to disappoint him, I’d stop gorging on those pizzas.”
Mina’s face goes gray at the mention of her father. She’s always bragging about how he and Mr. Noh are such good friends, how her dad hosts parties and dinners for all the trainers and execs at DB, and how she knows them all so well, but she doesn’t look too happy about that connection right now.
Mina straightens up, rolling her shoulders back. “There’s no need to tell him anything. I won’t gain any more weight. I promise.”
Heejin grimaces, typing a quick note. Her eyes flick to Mina’s legs. “Also, if the dieting doesn’t work, we should consider plastic surgery for those daikon legs. All your weight goes straight to your calves.”
Damn. I should take lessons from Heejin on how to burn Mina. Heejin flips her iPad case closed and walks swiftly out of the room. Mina steps off the scale, and I smile brightly at her.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” I say.
She scowls and pushes past my shoulder, storming away to grab her clothes.
* * *
By the afternoon I’m back in my favorite Adidas sweats for dance practice. Mina’s been ignoring me since the weigh-in, which honestly, is fine by me. If only we could figure out a way to get through these next few months without having to speak at all.…
As we walk down the hall, I hear a familiar singing voice. “Start again!” someone says. “You still don’t have enough control on the high notes.”
Mina and I turn the corner, and I see Akari doing a wall sit outside one of the vocal lesson rooms, her trainer standing over her with her arms crossed. Akari starts the verse again, sweat beading on her forehead.
“From the diaphragm!” the trainer yells.
Akari’s legs are starting to tremble, but she keeps singing. Suddenly, her voice cracks on the high note and the trainer bends over, slapping her hard in the gut. Akari winces through the blow but doesn’t stop singing.
The wall sit is one of the roughest punishments the trainers dole out, forcing us to sing while we sit against a wall, our knees bent at a ninety-degree angle. The continual slaps to the stomach are supposed to strengthen our diaphragm, but mostly they just hurt.
My body aches as I watch Akari’s face turn redder by the second; she is clearly struggling to hold in her tears.
The trainer hits her again. Harder. “You’re weak. If you can’t even get through this, how will you get through anything else? Start again!”
Poor Akari. I sigh and glance over at Mina, but—wait? Where did she go? I look at my watch.
Shit. I’m late for dance practice.
I try to slip in as discreetly as possible, but as soon as Mina sees me, she stares pointedly at the clock on the wall. “Wow, Rachel. Three minutes late, I see.” She turns to the trainers, shaking her head. “She clearly doesn’t understand how important your time is.”
“That’s enough, Mina,” Yujin snaps at her. I almost smile, but Yujin quickly turns to me, eyes narrowed. “Now that you’re both here, let’s get started on the dance number, shall we?”
She shoots me another look, and I bow my head in apology to all the trainers. There are three execs sitting in the back room today, all with iPads glued to their hands.
Fuck, I need to get it together. And fast.
Mina and I take our spots in the middle of the room. The music starts just as Yujin flips on the video camera. Mina shoots me a smug smile, and suddenly the red light from the camera feels like a mosquito that’s been launched directly into my brain. But then something unexpected happens. Akari’s face—desperate and determined as she pushed out those high notes in the hallway—flashes in my mind. The buzzing doesn’t stop, but it gets quieter as I focus on her face and try to ignore the camera that’s five feet in front of me.
The song we’re singing with Jason is called “Summer Heat,” and it’s pure energy and fun. An upbeat, catchy pop song about being young, careless, and carefree in the summer.
Ha.
I make it through the first verse, nailing the complicated footwork as Mina and I slide into the chorus. But I start to tense up as we head into the second verse. Even though Leah’s been drilling me all week, I just can’t seem to get the dance moves down.
I keep my eyes fixed on the mirror. Come on, Rachel. You can do this.
I land the first step okay, but as we move into the second, my body is telling me to spin one way while my head insists on going the other way, and I end up missing the beat altogether. Mina, on the other hand, looks flawless. Even I have to admit she’s nailing every move. I’m watching her out of the corner of my eye, marveling at the way her legs seem to fly her around the room, when I realize I completely missed the next step.
Shit. I quickly find my rhythm again, but my body temperature is skyrocketing and my head is filled with the noise of a thousand mosquitoes all hungry for their first meal of the summer. I don’t know where to look. Yujin? The camera? The execs?
I struggle through the last verse, grateful when the music finally comes to an end.
A second later, the door to the practice room flies open and Jason saunters in, holding a Lotteria takeout bag in one hand and a half-eaten chicken burger in the other. He flashes a smile to the execs, and Ms. Shin’s eyes light up as she waves back, the other two execs jumping to their feet to shake his hand. Typical. Jason walks into practice late, eating a freaking chicken burger no less, and the execs are still drooling all over themselves.
“All right,” Yujin says. “Now let’s hear some singing. We need to decide which one of you girls will sing which parts, so let’s have each of you run through it once on your own. Mina, we’ll start with you.”
I slide my sweaty body into a chair as the instrumentals start up and Mina begins to sing. Even without a microphone I wouldn’t be surprised if they could hear her on the roof. Jason scoots into the chair next to me, holding out the Lotteria takeout bag.
“French fry?” he whispers.
I ignore him, trying to focus on Mina’s singing.
“More emotion, Mina,” Ms. Shim calls out. “You sound good, but I’m not feeling anything from you.”
Jason presses the bag closer to my face. “I promise there are no secret cheese sausages in it. Go ahead. Have one.”
I continue to ignore him, but I can’t help myself as the corners of my lips quirk up in a smile. I quickly drop it, but it’s too late. He grins.
Damn my own lips for betraying me.
“H
ow cool is it that we can sing this song together?” he says.
“Uh, pretty cool, I guess.” I keep my eyes fixed on Mina’s performance.
“Mina, your face looks like someone killed your puppy! Is that what being a DB star means to you? Smile!” another exec shouts. I can see the tension in her neck at each of his comments.
“I know I’m excited. You know why, right?” Jason leans in so close I can smell the french fries on his breath. Mmmm… it’s not a bad smell, actually. I can’t even remember the last time I ate a french fry.
I don’t respond. He waits expectantly, his big puppy-dog brown eyes staring at me, and I sigh.
“Okay, I give in. Why are you s—”
“Rachel!” a sharp voice hisses. One of the trainers is glaring at me, putting a finger to her lips. “Pay attention. Do you have no manners?”
I flush. Across the room Yujin covers her forehead, looking absolutely mortified. I swivel away from Jason and focus on the song, but inside I’m seething. Why am I being called out when Jason was the one talking to me?
After a beat, he leans in to whisper again. “You didn’t get to hear my answer.”
I stare straight ahead, ignoring him. I’m in enough trouble today as it is.
“It’s a good one, I promise.”
He puts his head on my shoulder and I shrug my shoulders to shake him off.
“You really don’t want to know?”
Enough is enough. I whip my head around to face him, ready to tell him off, but his closeness catches me off guard. We’re nearly nose to nose, and his eyes are fixed on mine.
“Huh,” he says, his voice hushed low enough that only I can hear him. “I always thought your eyes were brown, but up close they’re really brown with gold flecks in them. I bet most people miss that about you.” He smiles. “Too bad. They’re beautiful. But then again, I kinda like being one of the few who know.”
I gape at him, completely speechless. Mina finally finishes the song, and Jason glances at the clock.
“Sorry, everybody,” he says, addressing the whole room now. He stands, balling up the Lotteria bag in his hands. “I have a meeting with Mr. Noh to discuss some ah… important business. I hate to duck out early, but when Mr. Noh calls…”
He gives everyone a knowing glance, and all the trainers and execs chuckle. With one last toothy grin at me, he walks out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him.
Ten
I’m back in the practice room with Jason, but this time it’s only the two of us. He has this huge bag of greasy, delicious-smelling french fries, and we sit against the mirrored wall, eating them and laughing. All of a sudden he turns to me and stares deep into my eyes. “I always thought your eyes were brown, but up close I can see gold flecks in them. I kinda like being one of the f—”
“EARTH TO RACHEL! WAKE UP, RACHEL!”
Huh?
My eyes fly open, and I see Juhyun’s and Hyeri’s matching dark-brown ones staring down at me from above.
“Oh my god, are you okay, Rachel?” Kyungmi says, her face popping into view between the twins’. “You totally got clobbered by that tennis ball!”
Am I in gym class?
When I put my palms down on the clay court and gingerly sit up, I hear a weird click, click sound that seems like it’s coming from inside my head.
Oh my god, do I have permanent brain damage?
I turn around to see Coach Sloat grabbing Kyungmi’s phone out of her hands. “Get out of here, Kyungmi. Five laps around the court!” She leans down to inspect the bump on my forehead and clucks her tongue. “You need to pay more attention on the courts, Rachel. You should go see the nurse.”
“I can take her!” Kyungmi says, still hovering in the distance.
“Kyungmi! Laps! Now!” the coach yells over to her.
“No, it’s okay.” Juhyun stands protectively by my side. “We can take her.”
Hyeri puts an arm around my shoulders and I follow the twins off the courts.
“Thanks, guys,” I say as they lead me through the locker room. I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors. Oof. My eyes look glassy and unfocused and my forehead is a deep, bright-red color. This better not leave a bruise. I can only imagine Mina’s delight when I show up at training with a purple forehead.
“Can you guys believe I just wiped out in gym class?” I say, shaking my head slowly.
Juhyun and Hyeri exchange glances. “Actually… we can,” Hyeri says. “You’ve been out of it all week.”
“Like in botany on Monday when you were singing while trimming your bonsai tree, but then you got so distracted trying to remember the lyrics that there was nothing left to trim,” Juhyun says.
“Or remember in the cafeteria when you were practicing dance moves in line and knocked Daeho’s mandu ramyun right out of his hands? He smelled like pork dumplings all day.” Hyeri smiles but quickly wipes it off her face and looks at me, concerned.
“Or in drama class when—”
“All right, all right,” I say. “I get it. There’s just been a lot on my mind these days. You know, training stuff.”
And Jason stuff, I think, my mind flashing back to the tennis-ball-to-the-forehead-induced dream I was just having. But I don’t mention that part.
“Well, lucky for you we have that school break coming up. You can recharge, relax, refine your bonsai trimming techniques.” Hyeri is teasing me, but I barely hear her.
A break. Umma won’t let me train on a weekday, even if there is no school, but I don’t care this time. This is exactly what I need. No school, no training, no commitments. I can’t wait to spend an entire day at home doing absolutely nothing.
* * *
“Unni, wake up!” I feel a finger poke against my cheek.
It’s a week later and school is officially on break at last. I had big plans to sleep in, eat some fried chicken with Juhyun and Hyeri, then maybe binge My Only Love Song on Netflix for the rest of the day.
Another poke.
I groan and open my eyes just a crack. Leah’s standing there in a plaid skirt and an oversize cream-colored sweater that looks suspiciously like the one I bought last month. She climbs into my bed and sits on top of me.
“Leah, oh my god, no talking, okay? Just sleeping. Shhh,” I say as I close my eyes again.
“Unni, wake up please—it’s important!”
“Leah, nothing is more important than sleeping in on your day off. Except maybe your little sister bringing you breakfast in bed in exactly three hours.” I smile without opening my eyes and roll over, already dozing off again.
“Okay, Unni, I’ll see you later.” I can feel Leah moving off the bed, but something in her voice niggles at my heart.
I open my eyes and prop myself up onto my elbows. “All right, what’s so important?”
Please say it’s a Her Private Life marathon.…
“Welllll…” Leah bites her lip. “I won a contest. To go somewhere. With you.”
“You did? But you never said anything—”
“I meant to tell you earlier, but you’ve just been so busy with training and school and…” She trails off, and I sigh as the guilt winds its way around my heart. I open my eyes wide and put on my silliest smile. “Well, that’s why this is officially Kim Sister Day! We can do anything you want!” Leah grins, and I grab her feet, tickling her as she tries to squirm away. “Well, don’t leave me in suspense! Where are you taking me?!”
“I entered the lottery for the exclusive NEXT BOYZ fan signing and WON!” She gasps as I continue to tickle her. “Can you believe it? We’re going to the fan signing! Today!”
My hands (and my whole body, really) are frozen, and I stare at her, waiting for her to say she’s joking. Instead, she jumps off the bed squealing and dancing around my room. Oh god. She’s serious. Of course she’s serious. This is Leah we’re talking about. The future Mrs. Jason Lee.
“No,” I say. “No way. Nope. We are not doing that.”
Leah stops
twirling. “Why not? You said we can do anything I wanted!”
I shake my head. “Anything except that. Come on, Leah. I can’t go to a NEXT BOYZ fan signing!”
“Why not?”
I can think of a million reasons why not, reason number one being that I’m not so sure I want to see Jason any more than I have to. I get a weird swoopy feeling in my stomach every time he’s around, and the more I see him, the more that feeling might come back. Or even worse, the more it might grow. I don’t want to risk it. Not now—not when I’m so close to debuting. Jason already takes up way more of my brain space than I care to admit. If anything, I need to go on a Jason cleanse. But there’s no way I can admit any of this to Leah. I’m already feeling guilty enough. I can’t add “crush stealer” to the list of ways I’ve disappointed her recently.
“It’s embarrassing,” I say finally. “I’m supposed to be Jason’s singing partner, not his fangirl.”
“Yes, I thought you might say that,” Leah says solemnly. The corners of her lips rise in a mischievous smile. “But did I mention that the fan signing is at Style Dome?”
Holy shit.
Style Dome is Seoul’s newest by-invitation-only clothing store. It only opened last year and there’s already a yearlong wait list to shop there. I heard even Kang Jina had to wait two weeks just to get an appointment. The clothes are supposedly a mix of haute couture, high fashion, and vintage, with stuff at every price range and fashions for every style. Even the thought of stepping foot inside the store makes my fingers itch for a doodling napkin.
“I mean, if you don’t want to go, I’ll just give our spots to someone else…,” Leah says, stepping back toward my bed with a mischievous grin on her face.
“Don’t even think about it, you demon!” I yell, grabbing her and pulling her back into bed with me. “I guess… we can go to the fan signing. But it’s only because I’m the best sister in the world, understood?”
Leah screams, throwing her arms around me. “Yes, yes, yes, you are the best! I can’t believe I’m going to meet Jason!”
And I can’t believe I’m going to Style Dome!