by Lisa Bain
“Grandfather? All this time you’ve been Jasper?”
Through the tears, Libby willed Michie to appear.
Michie was mid-greeting when she saw him, and cried out, “Ryunosuke!” She ran into his open arms. “It’s you! I’ve looked for you for so long. Beloved, is it really you?”
“Yes, my Queen. It is really me.”
She stepped out of his embrace and turned to Libby. “Thank you. Thank you,” she said dropping to her knees. Libby knew that it was an honor to receive such a deep bow from an elder, and returned it, even though the river rocks cut into her knees.
Michie and Ryunosuke fell into each other’s arms once more and disappeared.
“Goodbye. I’ll miss you.” They were gone by the time the words had left her mouth.
“Alone again,” Libby sighed as she got back to her feet and turned toward the taxi stand. She was spent. The gorgeous view no longer held her attention. She wondered if the ryokan had any Japanese whiskey on hand that she could enjoy while taking a long hot soak in the natural hot spring, or onsen, that the ryokan was built on. “What a day, Libby. What a day.”
Her task completed, Libby returned to Europe on the next available flight out of Tokyo. Her arm felt naked every time her eyes caught a glimpse of bare skin. Like a weird tan line, there was a faint outline of where Jasper had been. Life without him was strangely quiet, but not sad. She felt lighter without his weight, but also lonely again. Knowing that she’d played a small role in Michie and Ryunosuke’s love story made her smile. At least one of them got a happy ending. It gave Libby hope. She knew that she’d be reunited with Dale again someday but didn’t want to wait til she died to find happiness again. She realized that Scarlett had been right, that day on the banks of the lake. Her heart was large enough to accommodate as much love as she wanted. She was surprised to realize that she was ready to try again. She was ready to get back to living her life. A whole life.
Libby made her way back to the man she’d left behind when she decided to take Jasper to Asia. She’d missed Redman, and he’d been waiting for her. They quickly settled back into their comfortable routine. It was peaceful and quiet, and she loved it. They’d go for walks, talk for hours, and she was content to just snuggle up with him in silence in front of the fire. Life with him was the opposite of adventure. More than any place she’d ever been outside her palace, he felt like home.
One morning, she woke up and realized that she had nothing left to learn about herself by traveling, and that while she had people she cared deeply about here, she missed home.
“Dale, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I think I’m ready. I’ve made peace with being alone and found beauty in the loneliness. I’ve found love and happiness despite that. I’m ready to come home. I’m ready to be King. All by myself. And not because it’s my duty, but because I want to. It’s who I was born to be. It’s who I am. It’s the real me.”
She paused, waiting for a response. When she didn’t get one, she sighed and rolled out of bed to start making arrangements for her return, careful not to wake the man sleeping next to her. The one she had to leave behind, for good this time. It was time. Despite her penchant for leaving when things got too serious, she’d never stopped loving him. Even though he loved her too, Redman didn’t know who she really was. She knew him well enough to know he’d never be able to accept that magic was real or love her as King Libby. She decided that was okay, and that she was grateful for what they’d shared. She wanted the best for him, even if it wasn’t her. It was time to go home.
She was in the middle of booking her train tickets online when her phone rang, causing her to jump. The ring startled her since she rarely received phone calls on the road. She picked it up when she realized it was John.
“Hey, John. What’s up, my friend?”
“Hey Libby, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“Okay. Ugh, this makes me really uncomfortable. You know how I am about this stuff. I just can’t take it anymore.”
“John Leonard Morgan, what the hell is going on?”
“Okay, I know this is crazy. It’s Dale. I’ve been dreaming about him. Same dream every night. I’m fucking exhausted, so taking a chance I’m not actually losing my mind. I’m supposed to call you and tell you that, and I quote, ‘He’s a good guy and loves you and I know you love him, but it’s not right and you know it. The right one will know the real you. Don’t settle.”
Libby was silent.
“Are you still there? Libs, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do.”
John couldn’t see her shaking her head, but he was relieved when she started laughing. “It’s okay, buddy. Thanks for delivering the message. If it makes you feel better, even though I wish it weren’t true, I already knew. Just so you know, Dale likes you and it’s a compliment that he visited you with this.”
“Sweet Jaysus, that’s a relief. Well, the part where you already knew. I don’t need him to like me or ever visit me again. You’ll have to fill me in later on the details, which will include discussing why I didn’t know about this mystery dude in the first place, but Dale’s right. Don’t fucking settle. You’re a goddamned diamond Libs, no settling.” “Love you, John, I’ll talk to you later. I’m on my way home.”
“Love you too, Libby.”
She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Well, Dale, I guess if that’s your reply that it’s time to go home, I’ll take it. For fuck’s sake, next time don’t make me go through the whole relationship process before waiting for me to figure out he’s not for me. It would save me a lot of heartache and tears, and I think I’ve cried enough of them for one lifetime.”
Later that morning she told Redman that she needed to return home to her responsibilities there and wouldn’t be back. Ever. He wasn’t one to show his emotions, so she wasn’t sure he even cared that she was leaving. No, that wasn’t fair. She knew he was disappointed, but they’d had a unique on and off again relationship. This was par for the course. Libby knew it was permanent this time, even if he didn’t fully believe it yet.
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
~Alfred Tennyson, “In Memoriam”
Libby opened her eyes to find the sun streaming through the window. She stretched out like a cat until she realized it was moving day and the smile faded from her face. Travel days were always sad for her. She hated goodbyes and the longer she stayed anywhere the harder it was. She loved meeting people, so it wasn’t hard to make friends wherever she went. Anything longer than a week and she’d have favorite pubs and cafés and people that it hurt to leave. She’d already been here far too long. She rolled over and hugged the empty pillow, fighting back the tears. She knew this was necessary, but damn, why did it have to hurt so much? Redman had left the day before on business, so there was no awkward goodbye, just a last look at the cozy house they shared when she was in town. It was the closest she’d gotten to feeling like a home since she’d left the palace almost a year ago. It was hard to leave.
She laughed to herself and wondered what the afternoon talk shows would say about her abandonment issues. “On today’s Dr. Phil, the Warrior Queen who defeated a dragon but has anxiety attacks when she says good-bye, so runs away before she forms strong attachments to people despite her overwhelming loneliness. News flash: She sucks at it and falls in love with everyone in her life. Back with this Catch-22 after this word from our sponsors.”
She sometimes wondered if her new friends knew how quickly they took up residence in her still-fragile heart, and how important they became to her. While she never showed it, those good-byes almost always ended in private tears when she was alone. She wanted so desperately to stay with them. Tennyson said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. She’d met other grieving widows along the way who railed against that theory, but she believed it and worked hard to keep her heart open no matter how much it hurt to lose agai
n.
She’d said her goodbyes to the people who mattered the night before, so a few hours later she was watching the world speed by outside the window. Once the train got out of the city, she felt her heart pang with wistfulness at how beautiful the countryside was. She’d miss the windmills and tulips and forests, but it was time to begin the trek towards home.
Who knows? she thought, trying to cheer herself up. Maybe someday life will bring me back this way again.
An American girl
Whiskey in the jar
Watches the world go by in an Irish bar.
An American girl
A Gibson guitar
Watches the world go by from an Irish bar.
And I know she’ll be gone
Yeah, I know she’ll be gone
At the end of this song.
An American girl
Chases a star
Watches the world go by in an Irish bar.
An American girl
The road is long
To watch the sunset
She made me write a song.
And I know she’ll be gone
Yeah, I know she’ll be gone
At the end of this song.
~Rohan Fitzpatrick, “An American Girl”
Libby was apprehensive about going home. For the first time since they’d become friends, she didn’t tell Dee she was coming back to Belfast. Instead, she immediately made her way up to Cavehill, to the opening in the barrier discreetly tucked away. She could have easily taken the emergency portal behind the Duke of York, but she needed to get Hoss, and wanted to meander back across her Kingdom. It gave her time to savor the landscape and really prepare herself for how much her life was going to change. She stepped up to the edge of the rock face and ran her hands over the wall.
She hesitated a moment. This was it. She was really going back. Home.
“Aisling Elisabeth McGregor, you grew yourself a new heart, defeated a freaking dragon, and broke a centuries old curse. You can do this. Put your big girl panties on and pull yourself together woman,” she whispered to herself. “It’s time to go home.”
She fought the urge to run to Dee’s. The barrier shimmered, and with a deep breath she stepped through, back to her Kingdom for the first time in a year. She wasn’t the same person she was when she left. She wondered how much the Kingdom had changed. She wondered if it would be weird.
Chapter
Homecoming
Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come, but I ain’t the same
Mama, I’m coming home
~Ozzy Osbourne, “Mama I’m Coming Home”
Her first stop after crossing the force field was the farm where she’d left Hoss. He’d heard her walking up the gravel path before he saw her and came galloping over to greet her. Prancing with happiness but also voicing his displeasure at being left behind.
“Hey, old boy. I’ve missed you,” she said and buried her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around him. “I know, you’ve missed me too. You’ve put on some weight. Farm life making you lazy?”
He snorted in response and tried to bite her hair. She was prepared for it, and nimbly stepped out of the way.
“Nice try, buddy. I’m only kidding. You’re as beautiful as I remember. Like the hair? Now we match, although I’ll never look as beautiful as you. Are you ready to go home?”
Hoss stopped and sniffed at her arm, giving her a questioning look.
“Yes. He’s gone. See?” She raised the sleeve of her dark green sweater so he could see her Jasper-free arm.
He nuzzled her arm a bit and then raised his head to smile at her. This was excellent news. And yes, he was ready to go home.
The mistress of the farm had seen her approaching on foot and quickly got to steaming Libby’s cloak and getting her travel pack ready. By the time Libby reached the front porch, Ruby Jane Gallagher was waiting with a single malt and a hug.
“It’s so good to see you again, Libby. Will you be staying with us awhile?”
“Thank you. No, Hoss and I will be heading home immediately.”
Ruby looked her over like she would one of her kids or grandkids. Libby looked good. Fit. Relaxed. Younger? The Queen’s time out on her own had done her good. She’d come in to her own. After the pain and suffering she’d endured, it made Ruby happy to see her Queen so well. She’d known Libby for years, since she and her daughter, Harley, had become friends at University. They were both so grown up now, but not so much that Ruby Jane couldn’t still feed and nurture them, at least as much as they’d let her.
“Food first. Come on in, the table is set. You’ve a long journey ahead.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Libby laughed, allowing Ruby Jane to guide her in, arm about her waist.
After their hearty late morning meal, Libby went for a walk in the nearby woods. She’d grown to love these woods years ago. There was something magical about them. She was sure the tree spirits liked having her visit, because the woods felt happy every time she was there. This visit, however, was different. For the first time she could see the energy of the trees. Everything shimmered green and gold. Grinning, she hugged as many trees as she could. She could feel them call to her and she obliged. She breathed in the sweet smell of the woods and listened to the birds sing and the wind rustle through the treetops. She felt Dale fall in beside her and looked up at him.
“Hi,” she said. “I was wondering if I’d see you again.”
“Hey, Babe.” He looked at her and smiled. “You did it, Ash. I’m so proud of you. I know it’s been so hard, and you’ve wanted to quit. You’ve faced your fears head on and come out on top. You finally know what the rest of us do, that you are a total badass. You are a survivor. Beyond that, you’ve thrived. I’ve loved watching you grow, even though I’ve had to do it from afar. Nothing brings me more joy than to see you happy again.”
“I never wanted you to be alone. I know that taking a chance on love has been the hardest fear for you to face, but you did it, even when it didn’t work out. The thing about love is that it has to be freely given with nothing expected in return. I promise you the right guy is out there looking for you.” Dale grinned at her before continuing. “He’s looking for you right now. The one who will love the real you.” He continued as she rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t give up. And don’t you dare set those wards on your heart again. Promise me you won’t.”
“I won’t,” she promised, although her heart still ached for the embrace of the man she’d left behind in the Normal world.
“Babe, I know you’re scared to go home, but it’s time. You’ve accomplished what you wanted and needed to do. The Kingdom needs you, and you need to remember that the old you and the new you are still you. You’ve grown, and you’ve changed, but you’re still Queen Aisling Elisabeth McGregor. It’s time to be the whole you. I love you so much, and will never leave you, but it’s time for you to go live life without me.”
He stopped walking and as she turned around, she could see him smiling at her. She was surprised she didn’t feel sad as he faded out. She knew he was right. She smiled, wondering how heavy two crowns would be as she walked back to the farmhouse to get Hoss and head home.
“Thanks again, Ruby Jane. For everything. Feel free to send word that I’m on my way. I know your daughter has probably already ordered you to do it anyway.”
Ruby Jane laughed. “That girl can’t tell me what to do. But Harley would never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t, so thanks for the blessing to do so.”
After riding a few hours, Libby left the grassy plains and slowly crossed into the high desert country. She pulled Hoss to a stop so she could breathe in the grandeur of the mountains in the distance, still capped by snow, wrapping around the hot sand glittering across the valley below. The desert valley was separated by a narrow band of sagebrush and the blue green of the river snaking its way to the sea–to home.
She’d forgotten how beautiful it was. It was rugged. Diff
erent from the beauty of Scotland or Romania, but just as strong. It was the kind of ruggedness that dared you to make it your own. It still felt untouched by humans. Wild.
Hoss turned to look at her, wondering how long they were going to stay here. She leaned forward in the saddle and stroked his mane. “Hoss, old boy, did you ever think we’d see this view again? I didn’t. Truth be told, I didn’t really want to. But we’re nearly home, and I’m ready. What do you say, keep going?” Hoss started down the trail into the valley. They still had another day of riding if the weather cooperated. His rider may not care about the rain, but he refused to walk in it unless he had to.
The next morning, they were up with the sun. Tonight, they’d be sleeping in their own beds, and both were excited to get started.
The valley gave way to rolling green hills. The sagebrush was left behind and the green pines that took their place grew taller as they made their way further west. As Libby and Hoss climbed the last of the hills, they could begin to smell the salt air of the sea. The sea! It made her giddy to think about it.
Off in the distance she could make out the seaside city surrounded by crystal blue water. She could see waves crashing on the dark gray rocks, and boats coming and going from the harbor. Up on the far hill was the palace surrounded by a grove of ash trees, royal pennants billowing in the wind. Home. She looked down from the top of the hill and for a moment wanted to turn around and run away again. Hoss could sense it and turned his head and snorted at her. He was ready to be home. She was too. She’d probably already been spotted by the knights. She leaned over to hug Hoss. “Thanks, Buddy. Thank you for waiting for me, for being so brave, and always protecting me. It’s been scary and sad and fun and happy. But you’re right, it’s time to go home. Want to run for a bit?” she asked.
He’d already started at full gallop before the last word had left her lips.
That’s what the knights on duty saw from their Tower: Libby and Hoss flying down the side of the hill at full gallop, long red hair flying out behind them. At first glance it would have been easy to mistake them for a centaur, since Libby’s new hair color wasn’t too different from Hoss’s red mane and tail. Libby was wearing her emerald green cloak, though and they’d have known it was her, even without Mrs. Gallagher’s phone call. They’d been on the lookout for the last two days. From the top of the Knights’ Tower the call went out, “She’s back!” By the time she’d reached the outskirts of the forest just outside of town, they were waiting for her. All of them: her knights and Ladies-in-Waiting, her friends.